My Family Needs Major Good Vibes

ugaimes · Mar 30, 2005

Hi everyone,
Well, it has been a ROUGH 2 days for my family. Yesterday, my mom called and asked me if I was sitting down. I knew that was a bad sign. She then told me that the son of my cousin Peggy (she was actually my grandma's cousin; she is in her late 80's now and just an absolute joy to be around; she's one of those wonderful people that you wish no harm to come to) committed suicide yesterday. Now, I've never met Jerry (he lived in Ohio), but I spend every Christmas with Peggy in FL and know how much she loves her son. She is obviously devastated and I don't know how this will affect her health. I am just crying buckets for her

; this is really rough on our family. So that was yesterday.
But wait, there's more.
A couple of days ago, my mom called me to tell me that my little brother was getting some big award (we don't know what it's for yet) from his college and will be presented with it during Parent's Weekend, which is coming up. Well, since my parents had a particularly bad divorce, they take turns each year going up for Parent's Weekend and this was my dad's year to go. But, as soon as mom found out that Jeff was being awarded, and since they want parental participation in the ceremony, mom immediately made plans to go up for this, too. Well, I just found out from my dad that since mom is going, he is no longer going. He said, "I just don't think your mom and I can be in the same room yet." ::censor::censor::censor::
Come on! They divorced 3 years ago, they are both GROWN ADULTS, and they do not need to sit near or speak to one another. Mom doesn't care if Dad is there; she knows how important it is for my little brother to have BOTH parents there. But Dad is far too selfish and now he is not going. I feel SO horrible for my little brother and do not think I can ever forgive my father

So, needless to say, my family could use some major good vibes right now. Thanks for listening to me vent y'all, I appreciate it

kiwideus · Mar 30, 2005

Oh I am so sorry!

I know that suicide is hard to take in, especially when it is a loved one.

And as for your parents, I really hope that they can put aside their differences for one day for the sake of their son's big day.

You and your family are definitely in my thoughts

kellyyfaber · Mar 30, 2005

Aw Amy, i'm sorry. I'll send some major "CHILL OUT" vibes to your parents. I know kinda how you feel. My parents divorced when I was in 5th grade and still hate each other. I hope everything starts getting better for all of your family. We're here anytime you need to vent!

pat · Mar 30, 2005

I am so very sorry...I wish your gram's cousin strength, and know that the support she'll have from you and your mom and other's in your family will mean everything.

Maybe by the time of the ceremony, your father will have taken a deep breath, and pulled himself together enough to do this for his son.

flisssweetpea · Mar 30, 2005

Sending lots of good vibes for your family

and hoping that your parents get together and sort this out for your little brother's sake.

rapunzel47 · Mar 30, 2005

Originally Posted by Pat & Alix

I am so very sorry...I wish your gram's cousin strength, and know that the support she'll have from you and your mom and other's in your family will mean everything.

Maybe by the time of the ceremony, your father will have taken a deep breath, and pulled himself together enough to do this for his son.

One can hope.

ugaimes · Mar 30, 2005

Thanks for your good vibes everyone

My mom is perfectly fine with dad coming up; it is my father who is being selfish and immature.

I am so upset with him I can't see straight.

KittenKrazy · Mar 30, 2005

{{HUGS}} and {STRENGTH}} vibes from here, oh and some {{grow up and be an adult}}vibes for your dad too~

kiwideus · Mar 30, 2005

Have you tried telling your dad how you feel and how his attitude affects you and Jeff?

captiva · Mar 30, 2005

Yes, I think he needs to know how you feel. I've heard of estranged parents not attending weddings even years later. It's so sad. You are right. They are adults and should put their differences aside for your brothers sake, IMO

Sending *hugs*

ugaimes · Mar 30, 2005

Thanks Cindy

Kellye, in answer to your question, I have tried so many times to talk to my dad about how I feel about him and how he has treated my little (and big) brothers throughout our lives. When I was in middle school, I saw a counselor specifically because of the issues I had with my father. The counselor wanted very badly for my dad to attend a few meetings with me, so we could work on things, but he wouldn't. He is the perfect example of someone with schizoid personality disorder and nothing- not even his own family- comes before his selfishness and b.s.

dawnofsierra · Mar 30, 2005

Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry. What a trying time for you and your family! I pray that your cousin will feel peace during this painful time of grief. I certainly hope your Father can see that Jeff is the only one who will be hurt if he should choose not to attend his own son's special ceremony. I know being in the middle puts you and Jeff both in a difficult position.

marge · Mar 30, 2005

Ohhh, so sorry. My parents had a bad divorce too, they both went to my sisters graduation and it was tense. But your Dad may change his mind.

So sorry about the death too, always so hard to grasp even when they are older. We lost a close family friend recently who was 88 and it brought up the feelinsg of the loss of my Mom too. I kind of went into a tail spin after that.

fwan · Mar 30, 2005

Parents who ever will understand them!!
Sending you lots of positive vibes!!!!!!!

im sorry about your cousin commiting suicide.
My cousin he was only 19 and was killed by the mafia in sicily so i can understand how sad it is at this time.

ugaimes · Mar 30, 2005

Originally Posted by fwan

My cousin he was only 19 and was killed by the mafia in sicily so i can understand how sad it is at this time.

Oh my goodness Fran! How did your family come to terms with THAT????
Thank you everyone for your support. I really appreciate it

Yes, I would love for my dad to grow up and quit thinking about no one but himself. But, this is how he's been for the 25 years that I've known him, so the chances of him coming around are slim to none. I know this sounds bad, but I would be fine having nothing to do with him as long as I live. He provides no love, support, or emotional fulfillment to me, so why do I need all of his b.s. in my life??? Anyone else out there have daddy issues?

As for cousin Peggy....haven't heard any more today about her. She's in deep grieving, obviously. My aunt, who lives about half an hour away from her, is probably going to stay with Peggy tonight until she leaves for OH tomorrow. I just hope Peg makes it through this. She is one of the brightest souls in our family

.

ugaimes · Mar 30, 2005

Originally Posted by Marge

So sorry about the death too, always so hard to grasp even when they are older. We lost a close family friend recently who was 88 and it brought up the feelinsg of the loss of my Mom too. I kind of went into a tail spin after that.

I'm sorry about your recent loss Marge

Being in a tail spin is a great way to describe the reaction...

fwan · Mar 30, 2005

ugaimes said:
Oh my goodness Fran! How did your family come to terms with THAT????

Dont ask.. well i will tell you anyway

I was 9 back then and we had arrived in sicily the next day while we just went to the beach my dad came back to the beach house and rushed us to get some clothes and close up the house, we drove 4 hours to my aunts house. It was all over the news, the press was outside my aunts house, she couldnt cope she kept on collapsing and my uncle was crying (he is my dad's brother) he kept on saying that one day he was going to get them back.
Thing was in a few days it was my other cousins wedding and he was supposed to be the best man.
My aunty and uncle didnt go to the wedding they were too weak, and my cousin cried at his own wedding.
Anyway they showed his body along with other 2 men,(on the news) they were both shot in the head and then thrown into a car boot filled up with shoes, they didnt show their faces though. (they were in the car for a few days by the time they found them the bodies were completely black) he went missing early july and then found him mid july.

after that my dad had always claimed that we never had a mafia family untill end of last year he didnt say it properly but i think my dad has 2 other brothers that we dont know of and were in the mafia or it was my granpa's brothers.
My mum is scared that since im older now and im about to turn 19 that something like that is going to happen to me because he looked EXACTLY like me.

after 5 years when we went there in 2001 my aunty wouldnt let me out of the house unless i was with the family, I might be going this year to our beach house and i will go and visit them but i dont know if they are going to keep me inside!
They still cry everyday and miss him very much although its been 9 years that he is gone.
Loosing a son or daughter that way or through suicide is a big trauma for any parent.

back in 2001 we went to the cemetary to visit my cousin and my mum took picsof his grave, there are 3 pics but one was a little bit of orange at the bottom and then the next pic was all orange and then the next pic was only orange at the top. My mum can take pics pretty good but it was scary it looked like some orange thing was flying up?
If i ever get hold of the pics i will scan them but its just freaky.

ugaimes · Mar 30, 2005

Originally Posted by fwan

back in 2001 we went to the cemetary to visit my cousin and my mum took picsof his grave, there are 3 pics but one was a little bit of orange at the bottom and then the next pic was all orange and then the next pic was only orange at the top. My mum can take pics pretty good but it was scary it looked like some orange thing was flying up?
If i ever get hold of the pics i will scan them but its just freaky.

Oh Fran, that is too sad of a story

I am so sorry that your family had to go through that. Your poor aunt and uncle

I've worked with families that have lost members to gang violence and the after-effect is just horrible

That is freaky about the picture. Do you all think it may have been your cousin's spirit?

rockcat · Mar 30, 2005

Oh Amy, your family certianly has my prayers! There are no words to describe how bad I feel for Peggy. Since you are so close to her, it must be hard to think of anything else.

How is your brother taking the news about your parents? Sometimes as sisters we feel more intensity about problems involving our brothers than they do themselves. I know I do. I always want to protect them. Your dad is being immature. Some dads never change. From what you said, he seems to have a pattern. Don't let it ruin the event. You can't BE your dad, but sometimes moms and sisters have to help fill the dad's shoes. You're a strong woman and it sounds like your mom is too. You can pull it off.

BTW, Forgiveness is a good thing. I know you are very angry right now, with good reason, but try to forgive your dad. He appears to be weaker than you are.

rockcat · Mar 30, 2005

FWAN!!! That is so sad for you and your whole family!!!

My Family Needs Major Good Vibes

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