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Inside a Cats Mind

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
I don't know if you've already seen this but I thought I would share anyway.


Inside a Cat's mind

Doors: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

Chairs and Rugs: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

Bathrooms: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare.

Hampering: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering".

Following are the rules for "hampering":

When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.

For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim - to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.

When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

Walking: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their co-ordination skills.

Bedtime: Always sleep on the human at night so they cannot move around.
post #2 of 23
LOL Sounds very very familiar!
post #3 of 23
That is so funny and so true!
post #4 of 23
It's as if you already knew Eponine and Cosette I need to make sure they're not moonlighting as authors...
post #5 of 23
brilliant, and so true
post #6 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ugaimes
It's as if you already knew Eponine and Cosette I need to make sure they're not moonlighting as authors...
I think my crew must have joined Eponine and Cossette when writing this. The only thing that doesn't fit my cats is if they have to vomit they usually head straight for my bed or if it's in the middle of the night they will make sure they position it right when my bare feet land when I get out of bed. All I have to say is vomit between your toes is not the way to start the day!!!
post #7 of 23
That was just too funny! Reminded me a lot of Waffle!! It also reminded me of the cats we had when I was growing up that were indoor/outdoor kitties. We'd go to let them out and they'd ALWAYS do that "hang out in the door" thing! I always found myself saying, "Ok kitty it's either in or out! Make up your mind!" I think that only made them linger longer though.
post #8 of 23
!
post #9 of 23

That was good! It's SOOO Zoe!!!
post #10 of 23
Or, for those of you that prefer a visual:

http://www.xmission.com/~emailbox/mapping.htm
post #11 of 23
Great one Deb!
Love your signature too!
post #12 of 23
LOL, that was good.
post #13 of 23
LOL, that was funny Deb!
post #14 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by yayi
Great one Deb!
Love your signature too!
Thanks!
post #15 of 23
That was cute! Hit the spot on most of it, too! Except when CJ and Billy throw up, they make sure they throw up on what color it blends with the most.

That reminded me of something I found before. Click HERE to see it! You should get a kick out of this one, too!
post #16 of 23
'After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.'

True!
post #17 of 23
This same thing was posted about a month or so ago,,loved it them, loved it now!!!
post #18 of 23
haha that's cute and soo true
post #19 of 23
Wow isn't medical technology wondererful...just think, they found all that out with one Cat Scan!
post #20 of 23
How cute!
post #21 of 23
post #22 of 23
Thank you!
post #23 of 23
Yes i saw my two in there as well!
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