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Went to the doctor and found out something :-(

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 

As some of you may know, On the 3rd March I lost my 4th baby and someone nicely posted for me. Well anyway I went to the doctors today because I knew I wasn't ready to get pregnant again so wanted some protection. This is something I never thought I would be doing but I know I have to because I am such a mess right now and I know I couldn't cope loosing another baby.

Anyway, I got my test results from a few months ago and most were fine except one. It bassically said that I was ovulating (well at least not that month). That got me confused as I was pregnant at that point (not that I had found out by then). After talking to the doctor we had worked out that I must of been pregnant around end of December. Which means my baby was a few months older than I thought. Also when I sadly lost my baby, the doctors told me from the tests that night that my baby had died a while before I lost her. So all of this would make sense.

I am feeling so upset and worse than before, I know that probably makes no sense but knowing that my baby had been dead inside me for longer than we thought ( we thought a week at most but obviously now it could of been longer) and that my baby was older than I thought.

*all grief is the same, no matter how long you carried your baby for but just finding out what I did is deverstating*

God, I am not making any sense. I think I am still in shock and feeling really upset. I had never really dealt with loosing my fourth baby...I had just pushed it to the back of my mind and ignored it but all this has really brought it back.

I am a complete mess, any hugs/support would be nice and sorry for having to ask yet again but I didn't know where else to turn.

Eva x
post #2 of 25
dont you ever be sorry for turning to us in your time of need.... we are all always here for you

I know nothing I can say will take any of this pain away, but I am so sorry Eva I know it doesnt seem enough to say though....

post #3 of 25
Oh Eva, you have come to the right place for support, caring, and hugs..... We're here anytime you need to talk.............
post #4 of 25
Originally Posted by huggles
dont you ever be sorry for turning to us in your time of need.... we are all always here for you

were always here for you , theres nothing i can say, but just know that

post #5 of 25
My mum carried my siblings through out the whole 9 months and they were dead for atleast 7 months (while i was a septuplet and i was the only surviving one)

But sweety
Youve just turned 18 why dont you wait 2 years or so? so your body can heal and when you are better then you can plan on having a baby.
post #6 of 25
Oh, Eva You know we are all always here for you! We have lots of hugs and thoughts to share!
post #7 of 25
Oh Eva I wish I could offer you more than these hugs right now, but you know you have ALL of us here for you to support you and talk to.
As I've never been in the situation, I cannot offer any substantial advice, as I am sure the pain you are going through is tremendous.
I am, however, a big advocate on the power of therapy, so maybe a professional could help you sort out your emotions in a healthy way so that you are feeling much better about things in general should you decide to try to have another baby.
Fran also makes a great point. You are 18 and trust me, as someone a few years older, you have all the time in the world Maybe take some time, get to know your body a little more, and then, if you choose, try again when the time feels right.
But I'm just yammering on. I'm here for you, along with everyone else. Feel free to vent and scream and cry (crying is very very good for you, releases all sorts of negative feelings) and we're here to listen and support you in any way we can
post #8 of 25
I'm so sorry for your loss, Eva. I understand it must be the hardest thing you've ever gone through. I'm so sorry. You're baby is in the best place possible... in Heaven, talking to Jesus. May that be a comfort to you in this time of grief and mourning. Prayers are being said over you.

With love,
post #9 of 25
Eva, you are in my prayers. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help!
post #10 of 25
I am sorry you are hurting so much right now. Here's a bunch of hugs from mr and my kitties.
post #11 of 25
I think the best advice has been given - let your body rest a while, a year or two. You have so much time and losing four babies by 18 must be a physical trauma as well as mentally devastating. This may sound insensitive, but we try to wait with our cats until they are older if they are to have kittens, and maybe your body is just not ready yet. Let yourselg recover slowly, get into a really good regime of food and exercise, and I am sure you will know eventuaslly when it is right. But I can understand the pain of knowing what you know. I hope it goes right in future.
post #12 of 25
Eva- you might want to ask the doctors to test your thyroid. Multiple miscarriages have been linked with thyroid problems.
post #13 of 25
Eva, I pray that God comforts and heals you.
post #14 of 25
Eva - that news must have been so hard to hear. I'm so sorry that you got more bad news on top of what you've had already. But there are positives - when you are ready to think about the whole issue of pregnancy again the doctors will have some thoughts as to what might be causing the problem. So, after giving yourself time to heal and your body to recover - they may be able to manage any pregnancy carefully.

I'm thinking of you Eva
post #15 of 25

You poor thing, you must be feeling so awful right now. I hope you feel better soon.
post #16 of 25
Thread Starter 
Thank you for all your replies and hugs...Its nice to know you are all hear for me and I have people that care about me.

Some of you mentioned that I am so young and have all the time in the wolrd to have a baby and that I should wait. I know you probably didn't mean it in a horrible way but that really upset me and wasn't what I needed to hear.

You have no idea how much D and I want a baby and its horrible as it is to be having a break for a few months. Doing this is already tearing me apart and breaking my heart even more. I have grown up a lot older than my age due to being long term ill so I don't class myself as being too young. And some of you mentioned that i should wait till i am better, well if I did that that would be never and many people have babies will a long term illness and they do fine. Its not like I am on my own, I have my fiance to support me and we thought through this a lot before making the decion to try for a baby.

I will never stop trying for a baby because its more important to me than you'll ever know. yes I am on a break now but its not going to be for long and then I'll get back to trying again. I am having even more tests going on and hopefully we'll be able to find the problem and sort it out. Some of you said we have all the time in the world, but we don't as my fiance is a buit older than I am and the more years for him the less chances we have.

I am sorry if some of you don't agree that i should be trying for a baby but its what we want to do and if we didn't try for a baby it would kill us. Its what we want more than anything and we are not going to stop...we are just on a short break.

Sorry about that, but hearing he 'Im to young' and 'you should wait till your better' and 'you have all the time in th world' is really the last thing I need to hear.

I am still very upset and am a complete mess. Thanks so much for the support and hugs because I need them more than anything right now. I have no idea how I am going to get through this but today has taught me that I need to deal with what has happened and nopt ignore it and hide it deep inside me because it only makes it worse.

Eva xxx
post #17 of 25
There is always adoption. I know your pain well as I have shared with you. But what you are trying to do takes quite a toll on your mind, body and spirit. Just try and remember that as you go about your quest.

And upsetting or not, you need to rest and try later, much later to have a child. When your body is ready.

I see clearly your mind and heart are ready but sometimes that is not enough. I do not know how old your fiancee is, but if he is that old, you can always get him to a sperm bank to preserve the legacy you want to have.

You are young- I was 21 when my total hysterectomy was performed. As long as you have a chance to rest and recoop, please take it. And don't get upset and pop off at all the caring people here trying to help you. At least they aren't telling you to go take a hike-
post #18 of 25
Oh Eva.... I have tears briming my eyes right now, just thinking about what you must be going through. You never have to be sorry. We are always there for you. That's one of the things a forum is all about. We are a group of tightly knited friends..
I'm so sorry all of this has been happening to you...I know you want a baby so badly...Have you ever thought of adoption? In your case, I think it would be a good option. PM me if you even want to talk. I'll always be ready.
post #19 of 25
You shouldnt get upset of what we say, because I want a baby also but, i know i am young (and had to grow up very quickly in most cases), although i can support it mentally i couldnt financially.
Im not being rude, but what if your bf dies or looses his job? then you are stuck with a baby? you didnt even complete school and then how are you going to support it if you cant even turn to your family. (only saying this because you said he is alot older and he has a time limit)

I feel as if i have a time limit also in life and babies and i would like to get pregnant at the end of next year so then id be able to have a baby at 21.

Anyway all i can say is good luck
But dont ever be fooled and think that a baby coming into your world will bring you the best of happiness, because thats the most stressiest time in your whole life.

(dont hate me for what i said but its the complete truth)
post #20 of 25

I am very sorry for your loss, I know I am late to this thread, but please accept my sincere condolences.

I was very glad to see you are having testing done...my advice to you would be to get a genetic workup done, so they can see if there is a problem, and if there is, what can be done to counteract it. I'm sure they are also considering if issues such as an incompetent cervix are also at play.

I would like to **highly** recommend that you follow your doctor's orders as to when it would be safe for you to try and conceive again. Just doing it when you feel ready, is not the best way to go about this. Your body does need to heal, and you need to find out if there is a cause for these miscarriages, so you will be armed with the knowledge you need to hopefully prevent this from happening again. It takes it's toll - not just on your heart but your body as well.

Please consider getting this book - Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler - it is accurate, detailed, and blunt...if you get grossed out by your own body, it may not be appropriate for you...the photos are detailed/real as to how to check what stage of your cycle you are in. When I was trying very, very hard to conceive, this book was wonderful. I see since I bought it, she now has a homepage and a software program...I can't comment on that, but the book is worth it, and you may find her site (believe it has a chat board) helpful: Taking Charge of Your Fertility Site This is for when you know what, if anything is wrong and if so, what needs to be done, and for when you are cleared to try and conceive again.

I wish you all the best...please consider, taking a bit of time now, IS part of doing what you need to do, to ultimately have the child you both so want.
post #21 of 25
Eva, I am so very very sorry. I was reading every word you wrote and read it all again (could barely get through it ) and I sense that if the death ocurred earlier than thought, maybe you were just meant to shepherd it from one heaven to another. That's what I think, hon. Geez, there's nothing worse than how you feel right now, I am so so so sorry. I cannot have any children myself due to what my mother did to me at a very young age of which we will save that for a rainy day because this thread is about you, but I have always longed for a baby. So I have lots of fur instead. I will pray for you and I know that within time--let your body heal, you must-- it will all be good. Many, many hugs~~~~~

post #22 of 25
I am so sorry you are going through this rough time. I wish I had the words to make it better.
Only you and your fiance' know when the time is right to try to concieve, and I wish you all the best. I hope your body and spirit have healed enough to allow you to have a happy, healthy baby. There are many "too young" women that make wonderful mothers, and as much as you want it to be, I am sure you will be one of them.
You are lucky to have a partner that wants this as much as you do, and is supporting you in this difficult time. It must be terribly difficult for him as well. Please let him know both you have the good wishes and prayers from your friends at TCS.
post #23 of 25
Thread Starter 
Thank you everyone and I am sorry sorry if it seemed I was having a go at you but i wasn't.

I am going to go now as I am sitting here in complete tears, but thanks for everything.

Eva x
post #24 of 25
Oh, Eva.
post #25 of 25
Eva, I'm sorry. I don't have enough words to tell you how sorry I am. Just know You're in my thoughts and prayers.
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