Dear Dogs and Cats,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not
switch positions with each other so there are still
two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than
you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I
am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at
videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually
curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep
perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the
other end to maximize space used is nothing but
sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to
claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I
must exit through the same door I entered. In
addition, I have been using the bathroom for years -
canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
dogs or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not
switch positions with each other so there are still
two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than
you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I
am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at
videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually
curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep
perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the
other end to maximize space used is nothing but
sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to
claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I
must exit through the same door I entered. In
addition, I have been using the bathroom for years -
canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
dogs or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
