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A bit sad today...

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
Even though I knew it was coming and it's the right thing to do, I just jointly filed for divorce with my husband today and it has made me feel sad.

We did not have a very happy marriage about half the time (although sometimes it was fantastic), we have been separated for a year, and we are both seeing other people and extremely happy. I am very in love with my partner and he is perfect for me, but I just think that divorce is sad and it's not nice to have to admit, in a way, that you failed at something so important.

I am still friends with my ex-husband, though really only via email we don't see each other much at all, and even though it was totally not working and made us both unhappy, it is hard to say goodbye to a seven-year relationship for good.
post #2 of 17
Some things, no matter how "right" they are, will never be "happy" events. My hat's off to you, though, for recognizing that the marriage was not "fixable", while you could still come away from it with a friendship -- even a casual one. That's no small thing. And don't be too quick to call what happened "failure", either. People change, they grow in different directions sometimes, and just because you can be friendly with a person doesn't mean you can live with him. It's great that you have both found new partners and are happy with them.

I'm sorry you're feeling a little blue just now. Be gentle with yourself, eh?
post #3 of 17
Thread Starter 
Aw, thank you Fran. Our marriage actually didn't end that happily - my husband had an affair and is still seeing the same girl, a year later. I was angry and hurt at first, but I did recognise that he would never have done it unless he was unhappy and unfulfilled, too, which is why I wanted us to stay friends. I can't judge him too harshly for something I might well have ended up doing myself given our situation. And obviously he met someone he is happy with, as it wasn't just a fling that hasn't lasted, an I have too, so I guess it was a blessing in disguise.
post #4 of 17
funny how when you first get married and its so great, you have those feelings of it lasting forever. Then the those feelings slowly erode like a pothole in the road that never really gets repaired correctly, keeps getting larger and larger until it swallows you up. Then after the fact you on one hand feel good because the marriage was failing and it was good to get out, while on the other you feel like maybe you could have tried harder, made it work. I'm from the school where it either works or it don't, you shouldn't have to work that hard at it. It's like forcing something that wasn't meant to be. Finally as the months pass you realize you did the right thing, you aren't a failure you were just in a relationship that failed. Life is good...again
post #5 of 17
If you are lucky, and open and self-aware, you learn something from each failure, and don't make the same mistakes twice. It sounds as if both you and your ex are good people, who were simply wrong for each other, and it is good that you can be friends, and maybe share some memories from time to time. I still remember my first husband with affection, though we drifted apart after being post-divorce friends for years, but my second husband simply refuses any contact, and I only know of him through our daughter. I find that sad, as we shared so much, but are happier apart. Good luck for the future.
post #6 of 17
I'm so sorry you are going through this divorce right now, Sarah. Sometimes nomatter how logical something may be and how right you know it is, it is still painful to actually do. Please don't feel that you have failed in anyway, the relationship simply was not meant to be. Hopefully, you have learned from the experience, and you have surely been made stronger in the process. It's wonderful that you and your ex have remained friends. I pray this will get easier for you with time.
post #7 of 17
Sarah i've been married now for 25 years and i left my husband 7 years ago, so in a way i know how you feel

No matter how long you've spent with someone your bound to still have feelings for them in many ways(unless you've been abused of course!)

I can't keep in touch with my husband by any means because i know it'll give him false hope?!, but thats lovely that you both can, even if it's via an e-mail.
post #8 of 17
Sarah I am sorry that you are going throught his right now. Know that we are here for you...anytime you need to talk or a hug! It is a statement about you both, though, that you can still be friends after all of this. Being that he was an important part of your life for some time, at least you have not lost the friendship.
post #9 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by rapunzel47
Some things, no matter how "right" they are, will never be "happy" events. My hat's off to you, though, for recognizing that the marriage was not "fixable", while you could still come away from it with a friendship -- even a casual one. That's no small thing. And don't be too quick to call what happened "failure", either. People change, they grow in different directions sometimes, and just because you can be friendly with a person doesn't mean you can live with him.

I'm sorry you're feeling a little blue just now. Be gentle with yourself, eh?
Yeah, what she said. (I'd have an icon here if I could get my 'puter to cooperate)

Sarah, I've been there - I still have contact with my ex and his family, but we were not meant to be married. I still remember the day he moved, I went to pick up a couple things and say goodbye and it was so strange seeing him pulling away in a moving van after we'd made so many moves together (he is military - we moved A LOT) I was very, well, just off that weekend. It had been about seven years for us as well.
The best advice I received came from my best friend, who was also divorced: allow yourself the time to grieve. I needed to be reminded because I thought I was already over that part, but it will come back to you again too. I hope that you get through the sadness. Know that we are here for you!
post #10 of 17
I couldn't agree more with what you've just said on allowing yourselve to grieve!.

Although it was my idea to leave i was still upset and i remember telling a close friend that it felt like he had died?!, and she actually said it was very similar and that i was greiving
post #11 of 17
Oh I'm sorry. I would definitely feel sad if I were going through what you are. I'm sorry that you're going through this and if you need anything - I'm always here!
post #12 of 17
There's rarely anything happy about a divorce, but sometimes it's for the best. It was for Dave and I, although I didn't know that at first! He and I stayed friends and I'm glad you can too.
post #13 of 17
I've had 2 divorces. Although the first one was a bad marriage and I wanted out, the finality of it is sad. The second marriage was a good one for a number of years. The ending was even sadder. It gets better, though.

My BF and I are VERY happy together. We are friends with my ex from my second marriage. As a matter of fact, last week he came over and had his visitation with Oliver. Its kind of bittersweet...

I hope you feel better soon. Hugs!
post #14 of 17
Hugs to you!!!! I can relate me and my (I call him ex) have been seperated for 14 years we are best friends just can not live with him he is such a negitive person and I can not deal with that
post #15 of 17
How bittersweet for you both. Death is never easy and a failed relationship is like a death in many ways--except you can still talk to the other person! Try to remember the good times, and I'm glad you both can still communicate as friends.
post #16 of 17
I`m sorry to hear that Sarah, my best wishes for you..., don`t give it up!
post #17 of 17
I am sorry you are going through such a sad time right now.
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