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Losing My Mind with Grief

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
Piper, my beautiful kitty, died last week. She was four. Her death was sudden, I had a healthy cat one minute and then forty minutes later I was telling the vet to stop trying to resuscitate her. She had a blood clod that dislodged and went to her heart. There was no chance of getting her back. Since then I have been crying myself to sleep, wearing the last thing she touched (my bathrobe) and sleeping with her blankie and her bed. I pick her fur off my clothes and hold them in my hands, I can't pick up her toys, I can't throw her litter out and I can't wash her food dish. I'm crying right now as I write this and I think I am going nuts. I need to hear that I am not nuts, that this pain will stop eventually and that I am not alone with these feelings. Friends and family are helpful, but they don't get it. They don't understand the bond we had, the tough times we overcame together, how we knew each ohter inside and out. She even screened my dates! It was funny, if she came up to them, I would have a good time. If she ran away or hid, they were generally jerks. (Now I'm laughing, see, I am going mad!) I don't understand how or why bad people in this world are living, or people who hurt animals have their pets still, and all I have are pieces of fur on clothes and pictures. (Although I swear I hear her at night sometimes) Anyway, I am rambling. It was nice to get this out and see my thoughts on paper. Thanks, guys.
post #2 of 23
Loops. I'm so sorry for your loss... I know just how you feel because I lost my Charley after 19 years just last Friday... I think I'm going crazy sometimes too and I'm crying now as I write this because I understand how raw your pain is but this site is really helping me. I hope it can help you too...

RIP Piper
post #3 of 23
Oh, I'm just so very sorry you lost your precious baby. Tears are running down my cheeks as I type this. I dare not even imagine how very difficult this much be for you. Your heart must be shattered to pieces. If only there were words to say to that would take away your pain. Piper is so happy and healthy now, playing joyfully with her new friends as she watches over you, looking forward to the glorious day when the two of you are reunited. She knows exactly how much you love her, and she loves you so much! I pray that you will feel peace in your heart to replace the pain and comfort to fill the emptiness. As I said, I'm here for you any time at all whenever you feel like talking.hugs:
post #4 of 23
Loops,

Sadly what you are going through is perfectly normal and experienced by many a cat lover after they lose their wonderful cat. Those who do not understand what you are going through are the portion of society that have never been touched by what wonderful creatures cats really are.

It gets better, it truly does. Sudden loss is shattering, and it sounds like your cat had a genetic problem that wouldn't show up except for special testing.

Rest assured that Piper exited this world understanding your love and you will meet again someday in the future.

Perhaps this website will help you -

http://www.endingpain.info
post #5 of 23
Awww, how sad I wish I had some magic words to make your pain go away. Losing a beloved furbaby is such a shock especially when it happens so suddeny. That happened with our cat Lucy. She was fine one minute than went into convulsions and was gone the next minute... it's been about 5 uears ago and I still don't understand it.
The pain does ease with time. Will keep you in my thoughts


RIP Piper
post #6 of 23
I am so sorry for your loss. I am sitting here with a lump in my throat because I know how you feel. You are not mad. We are blessed with a bond with our furbabies that never goes away. The pain will lessen with time but you will always have to memories of your beloved Piper.

Tricia
post #7 of 23
Yes, I understand what you are going through. It's like having a broken wine glass in your heart - if your heart is still, the pain smooths over, and then, rip! some reminder loosens a shard & it starts all over again. And I know that the future seems dark & empty without Piper - but the beautiful love that you two shared will continue on & on until you are together again over the Bridge. Maybe later on someone close to you can help you gather her things and hold a memorial service. And thank you for sharing so completely what you are going through - that took great courage, the same courage that you showed when you loved Piper enough to let her go. She was a special cat for you, a soulmate & that's the hardest kind to lose....Hugs, Susan
post #8 of 23
I am sad for your loss and your pain. Having recently lost Elmer and before that BooBoo Kitty I understand what your feeling. And everyone is right, other people just "dont get it" if they have not been touched in a special way by a furry feline friend. They become such a part of our lives it is so hard to let them go especially without warning as you have had to do. Cherish the fond memories, know that you were loved and Piper was not only loved in return but knew that he was loved and will never suffer again. I am fairly sure, as much as it hurts right now, you would never give up all that you had with Piper to get rid of the pain... at least that is what I tell myself and I am so glad I got to share my life with my friends for as long as I had them. God bless and best wishes in your time of grief.
post #9 of 23
I am so sorry! I too know the grief you are talking about! I lost my Minnie 2 years ago and my grief would not stop. I moved to a new house and it still gripped me - untill Kotton's owners were about to have her PTS! I adopted her and she has been such a comfort ever since.

A year ago I lost my beloved Poodle. He supposedly had cancer and I was given at least 3 months and maybe more. INstead he was suddenly unable to breathe or walk 1 and 1/2 months later. Time DID stop the pain from gripping me but I still miss him and still sleep with the cover of his mattress with me. AND I still see, from time to time, peices of his hair - which I collect in a plastic zip lock bag.

TAke care and please know my thoughts and sympathies are with you!
post #10 of 23
Loops, you're not crazy or going mad. We're all here for you. Grieve as long as you need to. The raw pain and shock you're feeling now will gradually subside, but it may take many weeks. I lost a beloved companion a year and a half ago and still think about here every day. I cried over her loss for months. It still hurts. It will always hurt. You just get used to it. . .
eventually.
post #11 of 23
I am so sorry for your loss...Having lost two best friends (Butterscotch and Mibby) in the last year I know how you feel.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.

JIL05
post #12 of 23
Loops,
I am VERY sorry for your loss. Some people don't realize that these cats that we have are OUR kids. We love them just as we'd love our children.
You are not crazy in any way for feeling this way. I'm sure that Piper knew how much you loved her.
I wish that there were words to make the pain go away but there is not anything that anybody can say or do to make you feel anybetter.
Please take care.
post #13 of 23
I'm so sorry. Several of us have been where you are right now. When my Toby died I brushed his hair off furniture and pulled it out of the cat brush and put it in a plastic baggy. I needed some part of him to hold, to feel. You are right, no one does understand exactly how you feel because each person's experience is different. There are many, many people here that have felt the anguish that you are feeling because of their losses. You must take comfort in knowing that there was no way of knowing what was going to happen and that you gave Piper the best care and most love that any person could. Hugs to you and feel free to send me a message if you need a shoulder.
post #14 of 23
Oh Loops my Heart goes out to you, What a hard time it is as many of us know everytime I read one of these it makes me cry, I am so sorry, there really are no words, you are in my thoughts
post #15 of 23
Thread Starter 
Thank you for all your support, thoughts and fuzzy lovin'. Today I laughed out loud and hard for the first time in a week. It felt good. REALLY good.
Piper and I both have (had) a wicked sense of humour (Yes, I put a U in humour...I'm Canadian!) and I think she is probably proud of me for finally laughing out loud. She and I were very alike, we would do the most ridiculous things to get a rise out of each other. (IE she used to hide in the shower curtain in the middle of the night and wait until I had to pee and then jump out at me.)
What I am trying to say is that without this site or the support from the people on here, I would not have laughed for a very long time. That would have made Piper upset. We were forever enjoying life, I look forward to exploring more of this site and hope to see many of you around.

Crystal
post #16 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loops
Piper, my beautiful kitty, died last week. She was four. Her death was sudden, I had a healthy cat one minute and then forty minutes later I was telling the vet to stop trying to resuscitate her. She had a blood clod that dislodged and went to her heart. There was no chance of getting her back. Since then I have been crying myself to sleep, wearing the last thing she touched (my bathrobe) and sleeping with her blankie and her bed. I pick her fur off my clothes and hold them in my hands, I can't pick up her toys, I can't throw her litter out and I can't wash her food dish. I'm crying right now as I write this and I think I am going nuts. I need to hear that I am not nuts, that this pain will stop eventually and that I am not alone with these feelings. Friends and family are helpful, but they don't get it. They don't understand the bond we had, the tough times we overcame together, how we knew each ohter inside and out. She even screened my dates! It was funny, if she came up to them, I would have a good time. If she ran away or hid, they were generally jerks. (Now I'm laughing, see, I am going mad!) I don't understand how or why bad people in this world are living, or people who hurt animals have their pets still, and all I have are pieces of fur on clothes and pictures. (Although I swear I hear her at night sometimes) Anyway, I am rambling. It was nice to get this out and see my thoughts on paper. Thanks, guys.
I am so so sorry to hear that you lost your precious cat Piper. I understand totally how you feel because I felt the same way when I lost my Butch this last September 1st. You are NOT crazy, you are swinging between remembering the good times you had with her and then crashing back down as you realize that she is gone. I too think I hear Butch sometimes, or that I feel him brush against my legs while I am in the kitchen some nights prepairing dinner as he used to do and he has been gone in body since September. I will pray for you that God grants you peace about losing your fur baby. If you go to this site http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18094 this poem might help you, it helped me to deal somewhat with my grief, that, and kind friends on this forum and the fact that I had gotten Jasper a couple of months before I lost Butch. The main thing is that it takes time, and the stronger the bond, the more time it takes. The hurt lessens with time but it never goes away totally. The other thing that helps is to know that they are gone in body but their spirit lives on. I believe that Butch as well as other animal friends I have had in my life wait for me at the rainbow bridge and that someday I will be reunited with them. I hope this helps a little. My heart goes out to you in your time of grief and mourning. Hugs
post #17 of 23
Oh, I am so sorry! I know that you must be devastated! What can I say? I know nothing will help. I'm praying for you.

I wish I could be there to give a real hug. Bobbie
post #18 of 23
Sweetness, I understand how you must feel. It's IS like going out of your mind and heart with grief. It's just overwhelming, it weakens every fiber in your body, that's what it does. I am so so so sorry. No matter what, you will heal and it will take time. On your own time, too. You were obviously a fabulous mother. I lost my very first kitty as an adult with my own apartment just as suddenly as you, from a thyroid problem that wasn't checked in those days. She went in to the vet...and didn't come out. Piper is with you now, she heard you laugh out loud, as you said. She did. It was probably her happiness with you as her mom that came to the surface.
Love and best wishes for you~~~
Elizabeth
(RIP Freddie 11/9/03 SiSi, never forgotten, 2003)
post #19 of 23
Dear Loops my condolences, so sorry...
post #20 of 23
Hugs and prayers being sent! So sorry for your loss, RIP dear Piper! What a sad thing to deal with just remember she will always be in your thoughts and heart!Sweet memories!
post #21 of 23
We understand how you feel! All of us on this site have probably had to go through similar experiences, so we do understand what you're going through. Losing a cat is terrible, especially if you have a very strong bond with him or her. I too lost a cat to a blood clot (healthy one minute, dying the next). I covered 10 miles of twisty roads in 15 minutes flat to get her to the vet but it was no good. It was like a hammer blow when she died, and I was in shock. I'm glad you have been able to laugh, it will help. Maybe you could make a memory box for Piper - put some of her favourite toys in there, or any bits of fur you may find around the house? I collect whiskers when I find them, and I have Winnie's in her memory box. Also I put in some pictures, the diary I kept during the last year she was with me, that kind of thing. Every so often I get all the stuff out & look at it. Six years on it still has the power to reduce me to tears - but if you don't care you don't cry right?
Have you got any other cats? If not, I think you should get some! It won't be the same as having Piper, it won't be better or worse, just different. Think of all those homeless cats that are crying out for a good home - there's got to be one out there for you!
Thinking of you,

Sue
post #22 of 23
I forgot to say, I'm glad you say you think you can hear her - I had to have my horse put to sleep last year, and I have heard (and smelt) him many times since then. Now I know it's not just me, I'm not going mad hurrah!

Sue
post #23 of 23
Dear Crystal --

I'm so glad you were able to lol and that you are beginning to have memories of the good times you shared with Piper. That shows you are healing. It is good that you feel you have Piper's encouragement to heal.

It is hard to lose a beloved cat -- and probably only people who have been touched by a little cat can really understand. I lost two cats in my life and I still love both of them. It took a long time before I could think of them without crying and certain things will still cause the tears to come up.

I sending you prayers and good wishes. Good luck to you, sweetheart.
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