Love for all the wrong reasons

kittylover4ever · Mar 10, 2005

My friend here at work and I are talking about relationships. She just broke up with a guy that she admits she got involved with because she liked his car, he had a good job and he was helping her work on her house. She is being honest with herself now and realized she was wrong and they weren't made for eachother. In my much younger days, I did that once with a guy, but my only reason I hooked up with him is because I was lonely.......can't say I used him other than it was better than nothing. Have any of you ever experienced anything like that?

cheeseface · Mar 10, 2005

I often find that women love me only for my car and my job too. It's rough.

Seriously though, I've never dated someone I didn't really like just because I was lonely. I can see how it could happen though if you just don't know any better at the time.

kittylover4ever · Mar 10, 2005

Originally Posted by Hydroaxe

I often find that women love me only for my car and my job too. It's rough.

darkeyedgirl · Mar 10, 2005

Yup. Been there, done that. It sucked. Won't do it no-more.

ugaimes · Mar 10, 2005

I hear stories like that all of the time from my clients..."I fell in love with him because he showered me with gifts"....."he was so charming"... etc., etc.- not valid reasons to truly "love" someone and all ways that some people wind up in abusive relationships. Sad sad.
I tell clients that good relationships are based on mutual respect, trust, having similar goals, and great communication(and not because he has a ton of cash!). Without those basics, ya got a relationship going nowhere good...

cheeseface · Mar 10, 2005

Originally Posted by ugaimes

I hear stories like that all of the time from my clients..."I fell in love with him because he showered me with gifts"....."he was so charming"... etc., etc.- not valid reasons to truly "love" someone and all ways that some people wind up in abusive relationships. Sad sad.
I tell clients that good relationships are based on mutual respect, trust, having similar goals, and great communication(and not because he has a ton of cash!). Without those basics, ya got a relationship going nowhere good...

What about physical chemistry? I believe there has to be a significant element of that too. Otherwise, you simply have a friend.

ugaimes · Mar 10, 2005

Originally Posted by Hydroaxe

What about physical chemistry? I believe there has to be a significant element of that too. Otherwise, you simply have a friend.

I agree, but that draws a fine line. Physical chemistry makes your brain fire off all these endorphins and can make you so giddy-in-love that you overlook warning signs.

sashacat421 · Mar 10, 2005

Ryan is very saucy today.

oh YYUUUUKKK. I am so sorry, but do NOT get me started!! I hate that. I would rather be totally poor and disheveled but have the passion and love of my life than to be a mochin' twinkie!!!!!!!!!!!

But hey, we're all human. Eric had that same situation for himself and I'm not breaching any privacy in saying so. He fell for this girl at age 22. She had long blonde hair, big boobs, and red fingernails. She was rhymes-with-witch if there ever was one. He just couldn't get past her looks, I guess! She two-timed him for almost a year and treated him really bad. He kept coming back for more until something just woke him up. He even spent thousands on a ring she accepted and never returned (natch!). If you ask him about it now, he'll admit "I was with her for all the wrong reasons. Thank God we never married."

javern · Mar 10, 2005

I've had women want to go out with me because I have cats. Whatever happend to true attraction and wanting to be with someone because of the person?

cheeseface · Mar 10, 2005

Originally Posted by ugaimes

I agree, but that draws a fine line. Physical chemistry makes your brain fire off all these endorphins and can make you so giddy-in-love that you overlook warning signs.

Okay. That I can believe, but I wouldn't use the word giddy.

Originally Posted by sashacat421

Ryan is very saucy today.

oh YYUUUUKKK. I am so sorry, but do NOT get me started!! I hate that. I would rather be totally poor and disheveled but have the passion and love of my life than to be a mochin' twinkie!!!!!!!!!!!

But hey, we're all human. Eric had that same situation for himself and I'm not breaching any privacy in saying so. He fell for this girl at age 22. She had long blonde hair, big boobs, and red fingernails. She was rhymes-with-witch if there ever was one. He just couldn't get past her looks, I guess! She two-timed him for almost a year and treated him really bad. He kept coming back for more until something just woke him up. He even spent thousands on a ring she accepted and never returned (natch!). If you ask him about it now, he'll admit "I was with her for all the wrong reasons. Thank God we never married."

Saucy... I've never been called that before. I wonder what flavor I am. Is it spicy... or a fatty cream based sauce.

-And you should be thanking Ms. rhymes-with-witch for not being good enough! Otherwise, she'd be married to Eric and you'd never have him. But yeah, I know what you mean. When someone you love tells you about a past relationship that was hell it just makes you want to

sashacat421 · Mar 10, 2005

Originally Posted by Hydroaxe

......But yeah, I know what you mean. When someone you love tells you about a past relationship that was hell it just makes you want to

Oh you are so very right.

But let me tell you....I had long blonde hair, almost platinum! when Eric first met me. After being with him, I wanted him to love me for me....just a funny quirk I have, you know, wanting to be loved for your real self. So I let my hair go back to it's very dark color and what's even more neurotic is that I think he wants me back as a blonde! And I ask him all the time!

diane8704 · Mar 10, 2005

I can honestly say that I never dated anyone for my own personal gain. I have had people date me because they thought I was something that I am not. My nickname with my family is "saucy winch", and a few guys have dated me because they thought it was an "act". Uh, no. No, not an act. Really me. And I didnt sleep with ANY of them, so it wasnt like, a conquest. I dont know. By the time Jeremy and I got it right....I was really hesitant about relationships. But he accepted me for who I was. I paid a price being independent. I am an easy person to love, just hard understand...and I had to learn that before I could be happy in any relationship. I think everyone has had a relationship where they have been in it for all the wrong reasons...even if at the time it seemed like everything was right. I think it takes a great person to realize its wrong, and end it. Kudos for your friend.

cheeseface · Mar 10, 2005

Originally Posted by sashacat421

Oh you are so very right.

But let me tell you....I had long blonde hair, almost platinum! when Eric first met me. After being with him, I wanted him to love me for me....just a funny quirk I have, you know, wanting to be loved for your real self. So I let my hair go back to it's very dark color and what's even more neurotic is that I think he wants me back as a blonde! And I ask him all the time!

Ahhhh... the old bait-and-switch technique. Just kidding.

Hmmm... there must be other ways he lets you know that he loves the real you.

diane8704 · Mar 10, 2005

I dont think it is wrong of you to want to be loved for who you are, not what you like. I am sure Eric loves a lot about you...maybe blonde is just his thing! My husband is color blind, so, he doesnt REALLY know what color my hair is, or my eyes!! The truth is...I dont think my hair knows what color it is!!! It goes from a chesnut color, to a rich red, to a blonde...and I have never dyed it. Its a natural thing....and my eyes are constantly changing with my mood!!! They are brown with little hints of green and then they are green with hints of brown.

Sometimes, I wonder if my hair and eyes are having an identity crisis!!! But he loves the little things about me: the way I laugh...the way I smile when he screws up on something without meaning too....the way I look at him...it all those things that are part of being in a relationship. I am sure you could think of a few if you thought about it!!!

sashacat421 · Mar 10, 2005

Originally Posted by Hydroaxe

Ahhhh... the old bait-and-switch technique. Just kidding.

Hmmm... there must be other ways he lets you know that he loves the real you.

Ryan, you are too funny!!!

Bait and Switch!

No, the neurosis is all mine, I assure you!

He does like dark hair and when I let it go natural (slowly as to detour the Kelly Osbourne look) I was so adamant about it. It's just hair! Just hair color and I'm worth a heck of a lot more than that, I said!

and Diane, oh yeah! Eric and I are just fine. he does love me for me. Not complaining there. I was trying to make the point that sometimes women hear stories from their men of how they were so head-over-heels for a gal and the relationship was all wrong, just like Susie said. So instead of having faith in that...what do we do?? We try to make it the same way! ...the darker side of rational behavior.

(an entirely different thread, no doubt).

rosiemac · Mar 10, 2005

I've never. In fact mine was the total opposite!. I left my marriage where i had money and a big house but that was built up by both my husband and myself and left him for someone who had nothing!.

I do know people though who just have the Â£Â£Â£ signs in their eyes!.

diane8704 · Mar 10, 2005

Originally Posted by sashacat421

Ryan, you are too funny!!!

Bait and Switch!

No, the neurosis is all mine, I assure you!

He does like dark hair and when I let it go natural (slowly as to detour the Kelly Osbourne look) I was so adamant about it. It's just hair! Just hair color and I'm worth a heck of a lot more than that, I said!

and Diane, oh yeah! Eric and I are just fine. he does love me for me. Not complaining there. I was trying to make the point that sometimes women hear stories from their men of how they were so head-over-heels for a gal and the relationship was all wrong, just like Susie said. So instead of having faith in that...what do we do?? We try to make it the same way! ...the darker side of rational behavior.

(an entirely different thread, nou doubt).

I know it!!!

My husband thought this one actress or singer or whatever, was hot, because she was blonde and tan...and granted he wasnt in a relationship with her....but I am fair skinned...I do tan, but I dont like the way my skin looks...and I certainly dont have hair that blonde! Mine goes more of a golden/brown blonde. But I could've dyed my hair and tanned my body. Oops.

I was jealous, part of one. LOL!!!!

pat · Mar 10, 2005

Hmm....I sure made mistakes, but I never went for the sugar daddy as other gals I knew did in my time, never accepted less than what I wanted just so I'd have a date/relationship. I actually usually had to be the one interested first...if approached in college,nothing would make me back away faster than someone I didn't know offering me dinner anywhere I wanted to go, telling me how much they wanted to go out with me.

In fact, as I've mentioned before, I took almost 10 years off of dating after making poor choices. I didn't want to settle, and felt I had begun to, besides just making icky choices!!

I'm with Elizabeth, it has always for me, been about the person and the quality of the relationship, as they are worth far more to me, than any car, amount of income etc. Let me tell you, especially in these days, how much in gold do you think a committed and faithful, unconditionally loving husband is worth? Priceless

LOL...even in my younger days, I fell in love with a longhaired (hey, it was the 70's) guy who wore scruffy, torn jeans and shirts, and later found out how wealthy his family was, it just wasn't a big deal to me.

ilovecats · Mar 10, 2005

Yep! I went out with a guy because he seemed desperate, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

yosemite · Mar 10, 2005

Hey, I say marry for love the first time - money the second time!

Seriously, true love is all that matters - not looks, money or anything material. None of that keeps you warm at night and content during the day - only love can do that.

Love for all the wrong reasons

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