bummer

Lately I have been posting about how my parents have been acting like children, especially my mother. It's 2 weeks away from Thanksgiving. I plan on having a quiet Thanksgiving with just my husband and the cats! I don't know what to say if my dad or mom calls asking us to come over. I don't feel like I should go, nor should be I be expected to go after the way I have gotten yelled at, and being guilt-tripped and threatened. X-Mas I can see is going to be hell. We are going to Flagstaff to spend it with his parents, after they asked us a while back. I can just imagine how my parents, espcecially my mom will react. What's even more, is my b-day is Dec. 11th. It doesn't really bother me, it is just kinda in the back of my head. Hubby was saying (and he did make a point) on how my dad is taking this: You know how some of those Lifetime movies are? There is an issue in the family, and usually the father of the house just pretends everthing is great?! Well, that is how my dad is acting, and I think hubby had a point about that. Either my dad is too much of a wuss, or doesn't want to get in the middle of it.

I know you are all getting tired of me posting, and I can understand that...... I just needed to post.:tounge2:

Poor Tig!!! Im sorry its still a pain a in the butt for you love, I wish I had some good suggestions for you but I don't!!! Sorry!! I don't mind listening to you vent though dear!!! Vent away!!!

TIG, say this"I don't feel like I should go, nor should be I be expected to go after the way I have gotten yelled at, and being guilt-tripped and threatened" This is how you feel, so tell them that. I hope everything works out for you I really do!

Tigger,

I can relate to how you feel. It's like fighting a losing battle. My battle was with my stepmonster. Her children always came first. It hurt very much that my father didn't stand up to her. But he was the one who had to live with her and I know she could make his life miserable. Holidays my daughter and I were always an after thought. I could never had any time alone with my father to just shoot the breeze with. Barbie always had to be there. If my father and I got into a discussion, she'd always turn it around and make the discussion about HER and HER CHILDREN. Finally I had to start meeting my Dad on the sly for lunch after his golf game to have some time with him. I looked forward to it. When Barbie got sick, Dad was there 24/7 on top of working part-time. It took it's toll on him. When Barbie died, her ashes sat in his broom closet for two year!!! That's how much her children cared about her.

I had two years alone with Dad. But it was no picnic. It was alot of work and took a major toll on my sanity caring for an elderly, alcoholic parent. But I cherish those two years. We talked about anything and everything. I tried to get him to AA but he didn't want any of it. So, I accepted him as he was and loved him with all my heart.

Donna

Tigger write your mom a letter, pour out your heart and soul, get it all out on paper and then take the letter and burn it. Trust me, it is a release like you wouldn't believe. You need to go on with your life in the immediate, with your husband your cats, your friends, people who accept you and love you for who you are. You may find if you don't cut off the cord that you will have this big lump of bitterness inside of your heart and it will sour your life. I am going through much the same struggle as you are and have decided that if I spend the time caring about what my mother thinks of me, that is all I will have in this life. Well, I want more, much more so to heck with her and I will concentrate on the love I have for my husband and my animals and friends. Stay strong, and I wish you were just a rare instance but your struggle is so common among so many mothers and daughters.

Tigger - I know everyone has suggestions and me too! You are an adult and do not have to answer to your parents any longer. Have your quiet holidays if that is what makes you happy and do not be so concerned with what 'they' think. Life is too short to spend it on people who do not want to be loved back. I have watched by husband try for over 20+ years be a part of his family to no avail. Fianlly after much anguish, he had to give up and you know what? He is happier and more content that I have ever seen him. Good luck to you in your decisions.

Tigger, I am so sorry to hear that things are not any better. It is especially hard around the holidays. You don't deserve to be treated like this, and I will say a prayer for you. And don't ever worry about venting, we are here to listen, because we care about you.