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Important Information for Females of ALL Ages

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing.

3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5:00a.m. and 8:30a.m.

5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms.

6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: "I can't believe it is so cold out here", "we're in for a bad winter." Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.

11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP or STAY BACK ! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yell “I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY†and holding it out will be a deterrent.

13) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh – VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches.

Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it hurts.

14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!!

You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.
post #2 of 28
Great advice. Thanks for sharing these!
post #3 of 28
Thanks for the info, Cheryl.
post #4 of 28
Excellent advice! I remember learning in a self defense class that women should visualize being attacked by someone and run through how they would escape or fight back and to also practice using self-defense moves frequently so that their responses become second nature. Also, practice saying "NO!" in a very firm voice so that you get used to saying it and are able to say it when someone attacks.
post #5 of 28
If possible, take a self defense course as well guys. they do help, not only in case of an emergency like this, but in at least knowing you do have the power to do something in these situations.

Also, for you younger girls out there. Be aware of parties wher lots of drinking is involved.. about 25% of rape is someone you know or met at a party - and you not being in a state to handle the situation.

I personally have used self defense to fend off an attacker.. something they don't teach you? ggo for the parts, lift and twist, or just squuze really hard. Trust me.
post #6 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by turtlecat
I personally have used self defense to fend off an attacker.. something they don't teach you? ggo for the parts, lift and twist, or just squuze really hard. Trust me.
Lift Twist Squeeze Pull
Use any combination of the above and give it all you've got. It's quite effective indeed.

The groin, the eyes are two great points to go for; weaknesses are what your looking to exploit, don't be shy or hesitant. It's you or them, choose you.

Just remember, if you are attacked, somebody is going to get hurt. It's always better when it's not you.

Spotz
post #7 of 28
Thank you for the info and advice!
post #8 of 28
Thank you, Cheryl, I'm going to pass this great info. on to other women!
post #9 of 28
thanks for sharing. Date rape is something that really worries me, as I have a young daughter she is 13 and not dating yet but when she is I cant be thier to look after her. I just have to make her aware that she can say no and that it must mean no.
post #10 of 28
Very interesting read there, thanks for sharing. I've always taught my daughter if anyone ever got hold of her, to kick, scream, shout, punch, bite, scratch and do all she can to scare the attacker away, but I do hope by teaching her how to stay safe on a night out she'll never need to.
My rules are...

Never let strangers buy you a drink, just politely say thanks but no thanks.

Never leave a drink unattended.

Never walk home, I give her extra money to pay for a cab, and if she loses it i'd pay this end.

Never go home by yourself, either stay at a friends or a friend stays here.

Never get in a cab waiting outside a club, as alot are unregistered, always use our local cab office (we know the drivers there) ring them and give them your name, and let them call for you outside said club, also she will be familiar with the drivers.

She must tell me exactly where she is going, text me a few times during her night out, when she is leaving the club/pub and when she gets home (if staying at a friends)

Also I tell her not to get so intoxicated that she has no idea what is happening around her.

I don't want to spoil any fun for her, but in this world nowdays you have to unfortunatly take precautions.
post #11 of 28
when i lived in frankfurt, i lived in a poshed up snob area anyway it was right on the boarder of being on the bad side of frankfurt where all the brothels were and druggies. My friend used to live on the other side of that area which you had to go through and her area was just as bad.
I dont know how she handled it but i used to be scared going to her place and id always catch a taxi to get home although it was 5 mins away. (only if it got dark) I once took my bike as she had a small party there and as i waited at the traffic light outside the main station, i left my bag on the bike handle. anyway on the corner of my eye the man standing next to me was about to reach and i bolted so fast!! i was never scared that much in my life! since then i wouldnt even go to her place with my bike! She ended up buying a pepper spray, and so did i. But once as these idiots were yelling at me outside her place i dropped it but i sped off like an idiot.
I saw them picking the spray up and since then i havent been back because i was scared that they would hurt me. Her room mates ended up moving out earlier because they were scared they constantly had men following them and my friend was very glad to leave.
I dont let my bf out of my sight once it gets dark when we are out.
post #12 of 28
thanks for that cheryl
post #13 of 28
Thank you for the information. I commute from a metro in Washington DC suburbs and I try to be aware of my surroundings at all time. The world has changed so much from when I was a little girl. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure

Tricia
post #14 of 28
I can back up all of these things - but don't be deterred by not using keys... believe me when I say that if you get a clear swing with a set of house keys, it does a lot of damage. The guy who tried it on with me was unfortunate enough not to grab my wrists (as a precaution I ALWAYS spread my housekeys one between each pair of fingers - like a set of claws) and I ripped four gashes in his face. He needed stitches and I've not been bothered since. I didn't press charges simply because he was drunk, stupid and I think I dished out my own kind of justice. They did keep a very VERY close eye on the guy though. Take my advice and join a self-defense class - Tae Kwon do is incredibly useful to have. Thanks for sharing those points though stay safe
post #15 of 28
I wasn't quite that lucky to have the opportunity to fight.
My children were sleeping next to me in bed when "he" broke in
through a back window and pulled me out of a dead sleep into
another room.
He told me he would kill my son, (didn't see my daughter) if I didn't
do what he said.
Sometimes it is actually better to go along with the demands and just
try to live through it.
I did, I had no other option.
Thankfully he left with no visible wounds.
Only the kind you can't see.
post #16 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pjk5900
I wasn't quite that lucky to have the opportunity to fight.
My children were sleeping next to me in bed when "he" broke in
through a back window and pulled me out of a dead sleep into
another room.
He told me he would kill my son, (didn't see my daughter) if I didn't
do what he said.
Sometimes it is actually better to go along with the demands and just
try to live through it.
I did, I had no other option.
Thankfully he left with no visible wounds.
Only the kind you can't see.
OMG! How horrible! Are you ok? When did this happen? How is your son handling what he witnessed or heard, if he heard anything that is? You can PM me if you'd like. I am truly so sorry to bring up this horrible traumatic event.
post #17 of 28
I've been sleeping with a hunting knife in between my matress and box spring for a couple years now, Just in Case. Also we have a gun safe right next to the bed. Ladies, I have to say that owning and MORE IMPORTANTLY knowing how to properly operate a handgun or shotgun is important for woment to learn anymore. It's not safe, and sometimes there isn't anything you can do.
post #18 of 28
Wow, thanks for the article. And thank you everyone who have shared their personal stories. It's a great reminder to everyone to be more aware.

Something else that I have learned is that if someone puts their hand over your mouth, grab a hold of their pinky finger and pull it away from you. The pinky finger is very sensitive and wherever you pull it, the rest of the hand will follow.
post #19 of 28
I wish I hadn't been so stupid...By reading that no wonder I was an easy target. :'(
post #20 of 28
An important thing to remember...if you do get a chance to scream, don't yell help. Most people are afraid to go help. But if you yell FIRE people come running to see.
post #21 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweets
An important thing to remember...if you do get a chance to scream, don't yell help. Most people are afraid to go help. But if you yell FIRE people come running to see.
oh wow!! ill have to remember that!
post #22 of 28
great advice, I will pass this on.
post #23 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by ccoccocats
OMG! How horrible! Are you ok? When did this happen? How is your son handling what he witnessed or heard, if he heard anything that is? You can PM me if you'd like. I am truly so sorry to bring up this horrible traumatic event.

It was June or July 17, 1986, so it was almost 20 yrs. ago.

My son & daughter never knew anything. They were both asleep.

I was told by the investigator that I was lying and they never took any interest in finding the guy. He wore some sort of shirt over his face, so I never got a good description. Then I found out they did investigate me for prostitution. I had a new (used) car in the driveway and my house was furnished with things I couldn't have afforded on a part-time job that I had at the time. Wonder why I don't trust the local police dept??
post #24 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eva-loves-cats
I wish I hadn't been so stupid...By reading that no wonder I was an easy target. :'(
Are you, too, saying something happened to you!! OMG please tell me nothing serious, or that you're ok. You too can PM me if you want to share. I'm sorry whatever it was that happened to you.
post #25 of 28
There's a really excellent book I read years ago which I would recommend, for both men and women. It is called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

If someone/something doesn't feel "right", listen up. Your intuition/brain/whatever might be noticing more than you realize. This book talks about how one can recognize certain signals of violence and how to respond. It talks about being aware of one's environment and paying attention to what's going on around you. I found this to be a real eye-opener.
post #26 of 28
I generally find that steel-toed boots enable you to win most physical differences of opinion.
I'm not trying to be a smart aleck, believe me, and I do appreciate the advice. Such things are always useful.
The best defense, in my opinion, is to always be alert to your surroundings and don't be afraid of looking like an idiot if you go for help.
Women, as a group, are smaller, physically weaker and slower on the move than men, thanks to our lower percentage of muscle mass. So work on your strengths. Do your wear high heels? Those can be dangerous defensive weapons, as can be keys in the hand or anything else you are holding or can get ahold of quickly.
Granted, in an attack situation, there won't be a lot of time to react and think about what is going on. But don't be afraid to take an injury if it saves your life. You can grab a knife blade and cut your hand open, but it may keep something more vital from being cut. Just never leave with the attacker - do EVERYTHING you can to keep the situation where it begins. Chances are, if they take you somewhere, you won't survive the encounter.
I make it a point to have something that can be used as an offensive weapon on my person or in my vehicle wherever I am. I carry a four-inch knife with me everywhere and my truck holds an interesting arsenal of things to hit an attacker with. I don't look for trouble, but I pity the one who tries to take me on. I may not win, but he'll darned well know he ran up against me.
post #27 of 28
Thank you so much for posting that Cheryl! April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and it is important that everyone- men and women- be as educated as possible on the subject.
Another tip that I give to all of my clients (who are sexual assault and DV victims) is: if you are kidnapped and throw in the trunk of a car, KICK OUT THE TAILLIGHTS! If you can stick a hand or a foot out to show people that you are in there, even better. So many people have been saved by using this technique. STAY SAFE Y'ALL!!!
post #28 of 28
Just wanted to bump this back up because this is such an important thread that EVERYONE should read!
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