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post #1 of 42
Thread Starter 
Last night I went to see our son - quite unexpectedly. Anyway, whilst there - she told me that I have been hassling her - I have been sending her sms messages, a note through the post etc - as I said - when you are holding onto a straw whilst floating in the sea - its all you can hold on to is a hope, thats what I was doing - anyway, last night she told me that due to this hassling - well - would you not chase something if you wanted it bad enough, she has now began proceedings to file for a divorce on the grounds of irreconcileable differences... I thought reconcile - the word meant that you tried to work things out - well she has no intention of doing this and has filed for divorce. I will get the initial letter next week advising of this.
Well - things went from bad to worse and have done - and there is me spending each day on my own away from everyone and in tears and struggling to survive.
Another knock down for me......
post #2 of 42
Oh no! Kev I'm so sorry! I'm sorry that I don't have any words that can make you feel better, I'm not sure if anything can, but we're all here for you... and you're in my thoughts and prayers.
post #3 of 42
Oh Kev...I am so so so sorry that you are going through this. I know that I dont have words to make you feel better, but I will offer up my thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

post #4 of 42
why is she acting like this, you have to go to your lawyer and tell them that she hasnt even tried to resolve this problem
to me it sounds very weird that all of a sudden she comes up and says thats it get out leave me alone :S
post #5 of 42
God Kev, I don't know anything to tell you. I can only imagine the pain that you're in right now, so all I can tell you is that I'm praying for you my friend, and if you need to talk, just let me know, ok? {{{HUGS}}}
post #6 of 42
I'm sorry to hear this Kevin, but as you know from her later statements I suspected the Carol's mind was already made up on this one.

I'm really happy that you got to see your son. It's a shame that this was the outcome. Enjoy the times you have with him - as I'm sure you will.

Make sure you get some advice now to sort out what is going to be in the best interests of you and your son and so that you get your property sorted out. You have rights here too and you need to find out what they are as soon as possible.

Keep your chin up Kevin and make sure that now you start to take action to move yourself forward on this one. I'm thinking of you in this really tough time for you
post #7 of 42
This is an awful time for you, and I hope you get through it OK. Just stay calm, don't make rush decisions, and don't sign away any rights in the interests of a quiet life. At the same time, show yourself ready to talk and try to stay rational. It is hard I know, I've been there, but think now mostly of your son and his needs. I am so sorry it has come to this.
post #8 of 42
Oh Kev, I'm sorry to hear of the latest news! You have our support here at TCS, don't forget that!
post #9 of 42
i am sorry things have gone this way, and i know its hard, but you need to start moving on, i know it seems silly because it so soon afterwards, but you need to start looking forward for you and your son.
Try to keep ya chin up
post #10 of 42
i'm so sorry kev, this is so hard but your going to get through this. we are all here to help and support you as much as we can.
post #11 of 42
Oh, Kev,
Divorce is so sad. I know it feels like a death. I'm not going to go on about when it happened to me, but I do want you to know that it is not the end of your world even though it feels like it. Kev, BE a survivor for your child and YOURSELF. I know that the joys you felt with Carol don't make you happy anymore...sunshine, birds sing, all that. It's still there and you WILL enjoy it again.
I thought I would never be happy again, but I am. My prayers are with you.
post #12 of 42
Oh dear! I'm sorry that you are going through such tough times, Kev. Be strong and if you need support, you know you can get it over here in TCS. Do keep us updated and dun be a stranger... will keep you in my prayers...
post #13 of 42
Oh, no, Kev. This all seems to be happening so quickly, and I can imagine that you feel rather overwhelmed. My sympathies, and a reminder that you'll always find an open ear here. Hang in there.
post #14 of 42
My heart goes out to you Kev. You have always spoken so highly of your family, and how much you love them. I wish things could be different for you now. I pray you will stay strong throughout this sad ordeal.
post #15 of 42
So sorry to hear that Kev, my best wishes for you...
post #16 of 42
Originally Posted by fwan
why is she acting like this, you have to go to your lawyer and tell them that she hasnt even tried to resolve this problem
to me it sounds very weird that all of a sudden she comes up and says thats it get out leave me alone :S
Why the sudden change? Sounds too weird.
post #17 of 42
Kev, I'm so sorry to hear this. Irreconcilable differences? Hard to imagine how whatever "differences" Carol is referring to are "irreconcilable", when there's barely been time, nevermind effort, to reconcile, and she seems disinclined to even try.

Be that as it may, you need to look out for yourself and your son. Make sure you get legal representation, so that you don't overlook anything you should be tending. This needn't be adversarial, but if it turns that way, you don't want any nasty surprises.

And practicalities aside, Kev, please be gentle with yourself. It's a rotten time for you, and you've had the most appalling run of tough stuff going on, but things have just got to get better! I'll be thinking of you.
post #18 of 42
Kev, each day will be a little better than the one before but not as good as the one coming up tomorrow. In other words, time DOES have a way of passing and it takes with it the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Don't try to hang on to something that was once valuable but is now worthless. Your mourning is not so much for what was, but for what should have been. Your freedom to build a better life is ahead of you, so don't make the same mistakes again, and look for someone who is TRULY compatible to help you. I know what you are feeling, for I have been there. I tried for 23 years and finally gave it up, and am looking forward to my next anniversary, the 27th, and it seems like such a short time ago that I found my TRUE mate. It will happen for you, but you have to work at it. It is not going to happen by itself. Best of luck,
post #19 of 42
Kev, you are a good hearted and kind man. I've read your posts and it was so easy to see how much you adored Carol. This is a hard time for you and please do NOT, try as hard as yu can, to NOT beat yourself up. People's drums don't always beat in time....in fact sometimes they get pretty far off beat after being in sync for quite awhile. I'm hoping that whatever it was to make her take such extreme action can be resolved. I am sending so many good prayers and faith to you.
post #20 of 42
Please be gentle with yourself, it's been such a tough time for you over the past year or so. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that you will get good representation for yourself, if this is going to procede, protect your relationship and rights with your son.
post #21 of 42
Oh gosh Kev, I'm so sorry. You will be in my thoughts at your most vumerable time... Any woman would be lucky to have a guy like you, what is wrong with her? is she goofy??? I'm sorry that was out of line. But I just don't get it, you seem like a fantastic person. Like a guy that every woman dreams of.

Please, please, take care of yourself, and be stong. We are all here for you, in your time of need. Please don't ever forget that.
post #22 of 42
Originally Posted by mrsd
Why the sudden change? Sounds too weird.
I don't know if Kev can even answer that. But like I said before, I am also as surprised.
Kev, I am sorry.
post #23 of 42
Kev, I am so sorry to hear about this. I wish I could say something wise and comforting, but I just don't have the words. Like other members here have already said, you always have our support.
post #24 of 42
I am sorry to hear you are so hurt...I shouldn't be talking because I just recently filed for divorce and it was final 9-15-05, like alot of people say..things happen for a reason, and I just hope you can find some happiness you need...we are all here for you though for support!
post #25 of 42
Kev, as another guy who is going through a divorce, I can only tell you this:
Does it hurt? Yep.
Is it going to get worse? Probably.
Will it ever end? Eventually.
Will you ever really understand why she's doing this? Probably not.

Having said all that, it's fair to say that if you let your Wife call the shots, chances are you'll end up worse off than you would have if you hadn't protected yourself.
Don't trust her because she's acting and will only act in her own self interest, you'll be just another casulity.
post #26 of 42
Kevin I ache for you. I've been through a divorce and it's not easy. After 8 years I met the love of my life and have been with him now 28 years. There is life after love. It seems to me (and I could be horribly wrong) that your wife has been planning this for awhile. Nobody just up and does something like that especially to a decent fellow like you.

She has either been less than truthful to you or has already set her sights on someone else. That may hurt, but that's what it sounds like to me.

I agree with the others - get yourself a good lawyer and do not allow her to take advantage of you. Split equally is fine - but don't get the short straw. When my first husband and I split, I had no idea how much money we had in the bank or anything - he pretty much got everything because I was so naive.

Please also take care of yourself for you and your son. Be firm and insist on fairness.

My best wishes and thoughts and prayers go out to you. You are too nice a man to be taken advantage of and as time passes you will find there is a woman out there who will appreciate you for your wonderful qualities.
post #27 of 42
So Sorry to hear you have to go through this.

She sounds like she just isn't who you thought she was.
Divorce brings out a completely new side of people.

You've got a lotta support here with your friends!!
Hang in there and take it 1 day at a time.
post #28 of 42
I can't say anymore that has not already been said. Just remember all your friends here at TCs are here for support. Take car of yourself.
post #29 of 42
I'm so sorry kevin You have been through so much lately and now this.. I will pray that you have the strength to get through this and just know that god's love will guide you to the right path no matter where it may be.
post #30 of 42
I am sorry that you have to go through this. Sometimes, people dont want to try. Obviously, your wife feels that way. I would say, maybe suggest counseling because it sounds to me like there are communication issues. But, maybe its too late for that. I think the best thing you can do now, is find out your rights, contact a lawyer, and protect yourself. Maybe get yourself into some counseling of your own to help you deal with the grief of a dissolving marriage. And also how to help you help your child through it all. Divorce isnt easy. But neither is staying in a marriage that isnt working anymore.
Just remember that we are all here to listen and help you through it. Please be strong. Dont let her ruin your self esteem. Or your relationship with everyone else.
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