How I hate that girl

My friend Brian has a new Girlfriend, and god do i hate her...........
Background...........
Brian has been a friend of our for almost 6 years now. He has had a his share of ups and downs. He was heavy into drugs...(cocaine, extacy, acid, heroin)..really bad stuff. We tried to get him back on track, but our efforts just pushed him a way so we parted ways for a bit, and prayed to god that he got it together. Well about a year ago we got back in touch, and Brian was a changed man. He bacame very spiritual, started eating right, quit the drugs,quit cigs and begain working out 3 times a week...nothing short of a miracle I must say.
We were so happy to get our friend Brian back....But there is a problem, Brian is a hopeless romantic, and he was on the search for the girl of his dreams.
Well a few weeks ago he met her (or at least he thinks so) an 18 year old girl named Ashley. (Brian is almost 23)
Ashley is a mystery, she walks around in designer clothes, spends money like its toilet paper, and walks around with a prada bag, and all she talks about is spending money...Ok heres the real kicker...she lives in the homeless shealter...How freeking bizzare huh????. She walks around like a socialite, and mooches a bed away from some poor person who really needs it. This definitly was the first thing that rubbed me the wrong way...... but i didnt want to judge so quickly, we all have issues, who am I to judge hers
Next she smokes weed like shes in a perpetual woodstock, now dont get me wrong I used to smoke when i was 18 as well, this really isnt the issue...The issue is that shes getting Brian to get it for her, ya know the recovering drug addict...and yes now he is smoking weed too.....and smoking cigs again
Next Brian is really good with money, he always pays his bills on time, well he came over on friday. We play cards on that night everyweek, he showed up 3 hours late then only had 50 cents to his name, then he bumed gas money off of us, which through the grapevine we found out he spent on weed for her, and then complained about how he doesnt have his car insurence money and that its a week late...this is not like him at all........
Next he doesnt come over anymore, and i know thats kinda petty. Were not 16 anymore, we dontneed to hang out everyday, but fridays is our night, but when he comes over he spends most of the time on the phone with her, and when he does come over with her, she just talks about spending money, talks on her cell phone, and then demands brian leaves to bring her some where...
I am so freeking ..but i guess what makes me the most is that i really cant do anything about it, he is 23 he is a grown boy, i just worry about his safety we all do. She is completly vile, but shes not someone we would ever hang out with, and really looking at this maturly this isnt really her fault shes just 18 (though i might add i was never like that).....but in the end this is a problem with him.......and i am scared for him............
Please please please send prayer and good vibes for him to straighten out...Hes come so far, he found strength where most people cant, I could bare to see that faulter now.......
Thanks

Wow she sounds like a right bum. I don't endorse drugs for recreation in any way shape or form, save alcohol and even then, only in moderation. I don't understand why someone would want to deliberately get wrecked - to have a good time? You don't have to forget everything that's gone on around you just to ahve a good time. Mostly I spend my nights out having a good laugh at those people too drunk to stand and thinking "by goodness they're going to suffer tomorrow morning and well deserved it is too." It's sort of vindictive, but hey, when you're rolling around on the floor unable to tell which way is up, you've got to expect that someone is laughing at you somewhere. Usually it's me.

This girl sounds just foul - and she seems to have Brian wrapped around all of her fingers, not just the little one. If she is old enough to make the decision to do drugs, then she should be old enough to go buy it herself and take the consequences for it. If she's got all this money to flash around, why is Brian having to cough up for things not for himself? If she's living in the homeless shelter, why on earth has she got all this money? She could afford to rent a place! That makes me really mad - people like her do people like me out of money that is really desperately needed. Out here, druggies and alcoholics will get £125 a week to spend on drink or drugs - because their bills and rent and food are all paid for them. Me with a child, I live at the moment, on £80 per week... for bills, for tax, for food, for clothes and shoes, for Alex's playgroup and any travel expenses I have. Now that woman just makes me plain mad. I think someone should have a serious word with Brian... but it's got to be done carefully. He'll see it as you being jealous, or that you simply don't want him to be with her, when really you're concerned for his welfare. He's done so well to get so far.... so why is he throwing it all away just for her? I'm sorry, but I see something really wrong with the picture. If you made it clear that you don't like the girl, I think it's likely that she'll coerce him into not seeing you at all... she seems like an incredibly manipulative character. This is a really tough one, but someone's got to give him the wake-up call. Now if only you could catch her with another guy......

I'm sure you'll think of something though... just try not to get too angry for his sake. Otherwise you could find yourself losing him altogether, and that would be such an incredible shame. He's obviously got good friends in you lot, he just needs to appreciate that a little more.

Originally Posted by LilleKat

Now if only you could catch her with another guy......
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LMAO..i was totally thinking the same thing yeaterday......

You'll just have to start taking a polaroid camera around with you everywhere... kinda like tourists do! From what I hear though, I wouldn't put it past her to have another guy on the go too - maybe that's me being judgemental because of all the other stuff I've read, but it's very easy to come to that conclusion when the odds are stacked against them. In regards her maturity, I dont' think she is - I was certainly never that way at 18 - mostly becuase I had a baby and I had to grow up really quickly. But to be honest, I can't say I missed anything. Sure, the freedom is a bit of an issue on the odd occasion, but I couldn't go out and get smashed every weekend - I wouldn't want to. I didn't then, and I don't now. I did something similar to a friend of mine - I'd dated him when we were about 14 or so... and he hooked up with a girl who was using him something rotten. And he just coudln't see it. Twice I saw her smoochin in the street with another man, and I did go and I told him exactly what IU'd seen. He didn't want to believe me, but one night, she got hammered and let everything slip. Regardless to say my mate was well hurt, but it's not something a little bit of a huggy from a friend couldn't help. We're still close even now... and some of my friend even bring their new boyfriends/girlfriends to meet me to get a seal of approval! Which does make me feel really honoured Brian is better off without her... but I think it's going to take some doing for him to see that. when he does though, he's really going to need you guys to help him stay clean and to help support him, because he will be hurt... and that's when it'll be most tempting for him to hit the drugs again.

The biggest problem with the whole thing is that there really isnt much i can do. Brian can be such a chaotic person, If we tell him how we feel we will never see him again, but i mean we really dont see him now...I dont know I dont like her, but i am mad at him...if that makes any sense

well, when all's said and done it's his decision... but I for one think he's in for a nasty shock. Maybe it's best to let him come to his own conclusion..... I don't think it'll last though....

Bridget, I can see why you dont' like this girl and hopefully he'll see through her someday!

Okay a few things here:
1. Brian is a grown man and unfortuntaly we grown men can't see the forest through the trees sometimes. Sure he made his advancements in life but there are good chances that he will slip back into the past life. Why? Because when you fall coming from a life like that you fall much harder and this girl isn't helping.
2. This girl is a welfare rockerfeller. I reconize these people because My brother is one. The best thing is to boot these people to the road so the ones who want a handup and not a handout to get it. We must preserve the system for those in need and not ones that have Prada bags. If she sells that bag she could survive a long time on the money.
3. Even if you caught this "LADY" messing arund and had pictures, videos and 200 eye witnesses to the act what makes anyone think Brian will dump her? Like I said before, Sometimes we men can't see the forest through the trees when it comes to some things.
4. You are a real friend here looking out for Brian...Never change, the world needs more people like you. However I wouldn't loan him any mor cash.
5. This is hard to say but really what can you do? You can only hope and pray he gets his head out of his arse and sees things for what it is. But it is hard to do that when you are stoned. You have done all you can do.

6.

I completely understand where you are coming from. My first thought was this.... USING! I somehow am not sure that HE is the one she will stay with forever. Being 18, she's young, and I doubt she is looking to settle down. Maybe she thinks she is, but she isn't showing the qualities of a person who will stay put long enough to actually be a family. From what I read, it really sounds like he's in a bad situation.

I'm so sorry. It's so hard to watch someone you care about crash and burn. Sometimes no matter how well WE can see what's wrong, the people involved are blind to it. They see it when it's all said and done.

My best friend was in and out of relationships. One of the worst, he was chatting with this girl over a phone party line thing. SHe called him collect all the time. They talked almost all day long, it was horrible. We finally got into a fight because I was sick of him being dragged around. He spent his savings to go see her, and they went out. She proceeded to hit on, and admire every guy they came in contact with, and he came home broke, and broken hearted. He didn't learn. He kept caling those party line things and meeting other girls. I tried to get him into online chatting, at least that is a bit less expensive.

He went here and there to meet this girl and that girl, and ended up meeting a girl that he married. They have a baby, and are happy. I don't particularly care for her a lot, but... She's wayWAY better then all that he liked before. She's got issues, but every girl does. She loves him, and I have no reason to think that she wants anything other then to be with him. That is afterall, what I wished for. A girl to love him as he loves her. Perhaps I should have gone into details about her personality when I wished.

Good luck, just hope for the best, and try to be as good as a friend (without enabling him)as you can. It's hard to watch people we care about destory their lives. Unfortunately sometimes we have to either watch, or turn our backs. I hope he gets wise to this girl before she hurts him. I also hope that we are all wrong and she's some kind of an undercover reporter trying to dig up some kind of story on (homeless)shelters or something? To me she sounds like she has little to no personality. Sounds also like she's got money coming from diferent places, not just your friends pocket.

This girl sounds just foul - and she seems to have Brian wrapped around all of her fingers, not just the little one. If she is old enough to make the decision to do drugs, then she should be old enough to go buy it herself and take the consequences for it. If she's got all this money to flash around, why is Brian having to cough up for things not for himself?

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She is a user who has found herself a sugar daddy. She's using him for his money and transportation.

BUT (and thats a big but) you cannot change his mind about her. No matter how much evidence you have against her, or conversations you have with him, he needs to see it for himself. And it will take her hurting him several times before he finally opens his eyes.

The only thing you can do is be there for him. If you try to bad mouth her, you'll loose him.

I think you should tell him at least some of how you feel about the situation he has gotten himself in to and the changes you have noticed recently. Let him know what you let us know, you saw him change from a life of hard drugs to clean living and now he has slidden back into a life of drugs and being used. Let him know you are concerned for his well being and you will be there for him but you won't be able to loan him money or support his habits because you feel they are self destructive. If your afraid of loosing him for speaking whats in your heart weigh it against not saying anything and loosing him forever due to the drugs and bad situations he could be getting himself into. If nothing else, at least you know you made him aware of what others see happening and it's up to him to decide what he wants to do about it, if anything. But then again, that is just my opinion and having had similar people in my life, often times talking to them only works if they are drunk.. and does not last once they sober up.. then if you talk to them when they are sober.. it only lasts as long as it takes them to get that next drink.. so one again, it really comes down to the person with the problem wanting to change and not everyone around them who can see what is really going on wanting it for them. God bless and best of luck with him.

Bottom line is you can't change people no matter how hard you try. If Brian thinks he is in love with this girl, he will have to find out the hard way how bad she is. You telling him a bunch of negative things about her will only sever your relationship with him. If you value that relationship, I would back off. Sometimes people need to slide down the hill before they find their feet again. You also have to remember that the amount of drugs Brian has been on has messed with his head. He is not thinking straight because, quite likely he can't.

Sweetie, I am so sorry - I can feel all the frustration in your voice, too! UGH! What a piece of work she is.....but sadly, if your friend Brian has some deep pain (which I would bet is the case) then we tend to gravitate to what makes us feel better -- poor romantic choices notwithstanding. I tend to choose chocolate, what the heck, Brian chose a wingnut with a Prada bag and a poor sense of ethics.

You are a good friend! Stay supportive! But do know that it will pass and he needs to find his own way in life. Eric was engaged to a horrible girl many years ago. She was two-timing him, she never worked a day in her life and mooched off sugar daddies everywhere, and poor Eric was so in love with her he couldn't see straight. or didn't want to. So he asked her to marry him and spent every dime he had on a gorgeous $2,500 ring (at age 22). When it fell apart, and it did very quickly after that, she refused to give the ring back and to this day never has. She probably has a museum by now....

i know i can't step in....I need to wade this out...But she really makes me mad, and he does too.....Oh well Ill let you guys know when he comes to his sences....thanks for the advice you guys are great

OMG MG...my friend Sam just called me..The "happy" couple just left his house...He says he caught Ashley in the act of trying to steal his money...OMG...... Then she tried to play it off like she forgot it wasnt hers....Umm What???..... My friend Sam is a Mensa Memeber.... He has his Bacholors in robotics, and an IQ through the roof.......lmao.... Smooth move Ashley

I know that you are very frustrated about this Ashley girl. Obviously, she is bad news for Brian, but for some reason, he wants her. Now, I was raised that hating someone puts wrinkles in your face, so maybe you could try to understand why this girl is so shallow. She obviously "puts on the dog" (the old expression for someone who would skin their dog to wear its fur rather than admit they were too poor to own furs). Maybe her fancy stuff comes from the Salvation Army or some middle-aged, married sucker. Also, she is so shallow that she values material things - likely she grew up given cheap goodies as a substitution for love. She's learned to use people & drugs, which is often from fear of itimacy. But, she is a life, maybe like an enraged pit bull, but she is still a life; she may be a worthless piece of humanity, but there's potential. She acts like she has no sense of value; I pray that some one can reach into that potential and bring out the person she should be. Maybe even you!! I befriended one of my husband's public defense clients, who was the laughing stock of both counties. She acted & sounded alot like this Ashley. She had 3 kids by 3 different fathers, lost custody of all three & at 45, when I met her, she was on meth, in & out of jail. She even stole from my husband & me. When she got arrested, she called the office collect & I talked to her, told her we knew what she'd done, but then I forgave her. When she got out of jail, I invited her to go 4-wheeling with me (she was born & bred true blue city girl). I showed her the outdoors, and wildlife, & we got sudden thundershowers & a rainbow, then we came across some dumped off chickens next to a creek & I got her to help me catch them. and she had a change of heart that day, about 2 years after I'd first met her. She messed up again, & I wrote her letters in jail & went to visit her. I told her I missed her. Meanwhile, her oldest daughter got pregnant & had the baby in jail, but the foster system had no placement for a newborn, so the judge let my friend out to care for the baby for 1 month, as long as she lived with me. Yes, it was hard keeping an eye on her, but being a grandma was another epiphany for her. Also, my cats just loved her, even though she was afraid of cats at first. And she was brave, went to finish her sentence, then I talked her into going to rehab, even though it wasn't court ordered. A year & 1/2 later, she's been working since rehab, paying her own way, & has been given unsupervised overnight visitations with her youngest daughter!! The probation officer has told me that I'm a miracle worker, but I credit being introduced to cats & Mother Nature as what worked for my friend. After the last custody hearing, the judge told my husband's colleagues that hers is the best turn-around story he has ever witnessed in his career! So things may work out for Ashley; doubtful, but one can only hope. Hang in there! Susan

Originally Posted by catsknowme

...... Now, I was raised that hating someone puts wrinkles in your face,..........

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Wow. I sure do like THAT.