I am so saddened to hear of your pain and your Dad's lack of understanding and compassion as well as the abuse he inflicted. Like others, It sounds to me like you need a heart to heart talk with your Dad. Somewhere neutral, not associated with the past negative memories for either of you. I can't put words in your mouth, nor would I want to, whats said has to come from you but I do hope you find the strength to let him know exactly how he has hurt you and how that makes you feel as well as your hopes for the future and what you expect from him. Perhaps he will open his eyes and begin to understand just what his actions do to those around him. With understanding perhaps his heart will soften enough to let your love in and hopefully realize he himself has love in his heart to share with the both of you. Please, talk to him even if you have to let him know you did something your not proud of such as checking his email. I do not expect it to be easy, nor should you, but don't give up hope and take things one day at a time. I wish you all the best and that you are able to get through this situation or at least let go of it enough to get the peace you deserve until your able to deal with it in the future.