UGH! Unbearable co-worker! Need some brainy help!

Whoa that's all pretty major. I worked with a lady once, who started out lovely and then as time went by got increasingly more like your Mildred. She had some personal problems and just wasn't coping very well at all, and really, it was past time for her to retire. But, underneath it all, I did like her a lot and was sad for her, despite how difficult it got to work with her.

One day she muttered something to herself in the kitchen that I overheard, that really got under my skin and was kind of like the straw that broke the donkey's back. I just lost it with her and told her exactly what I thought of her behaviour.

She resigned the next day. Although we were on absolutely fine terms after that and she left with no hard feelings and it was the right thing for her to do, I just can't help but feel responsible for her sudden decision, and badly that I might have hurt her feelings.

Sometimes frustrations can build to the point where you just don't care anymore, but it really is very important for you to sort this out so that you don't get to the stage that I did and just lose your temper and really upset this woman. I think approaching your boss is the best avenue - you say they pay you to sort things out on your own, but part of owning/running/directing/managing a company is looking after its staff and being responsible for everyone's wellbeing. The onus is really on your boss now to sort this out because you shouldn't be suffering from this much stress in your workplace - particularly if it is affecting your job performance, which is highly unfair to you.

I like how i have a couple of you calling her "Milly" already!!

Try that on her Elizabeth because sometimes shortening people names can gripe them

Mildred sounds like a text book nightmare in the office. The only thing missing is perpetually lingering B.O. -not like you don't have enough suggestions, but maybe you could bring up the subject to your boss in a sublte way. You could ask her when the "temporary" transition for Mildred will be over. Whatever her response is can be followed by you commenting that you're really looking forward to things "getting back to normal" or "things getting quieter" or something like that... something that will lead to your boss asking for more details of what you're talking about. Giving her those ideas may get her to ask the right kind of questions if she is concerned.

I beg your pardon! That just happens to be a stuffed little wizard and dragon that some company gave out as promo gifts. Thought you'd enjoy that

Originally Posted by sashacat421

<GASP!!!> Is that....is that a beanie baby?????? oh no!

Also, Kellye, see you and Stephanie are so so so sweet. I don't think I got that amount of sweetness when it got doled out! I am so glad you can't hear her....you'll retain more brain cells.

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I work in a similar environment. I do bookkeeping, which is a very detail oriented job. And it takes concentration. When you make 1 mistake, it could take hours to fix it, depending on what you were doing. And there is this one lady in this office that is constantly interrupting me!!!! I keep my door closed because its freezing here, and I have a heater I keep on during the day (kinda like Bob Crathet in a Christmas Carol) and she will open my door maybe 1 million times a day. And they are stupid interruptions. Like "What is the abbreviation for Massachusetts???" I am like, you are 54 years old!!! I think she opens the door because shes nosy. Well, as soon as you have opened that door, you have interrupted me. I have been over her Scarlett O' Hara-someone-pour-me-a-drink-I-am-so-helpless syndrome, that I could scream. Its women like her that make it very difficult for women to establish themselves in the workplace, because shes whiny, she cries at the least provocation, and ok, some people are SENSITIVE. I get it. But when theres an issue with a sales order she turned in, and you cant approach her, so you go to the boss, she gets all bent of shape. I really could just scream!!!!!!!! She takes the dumb blonde routine to the max, and then when references are made gets upset about it. I am like BUT YOU DO THAT!!!!
And you cant go to the boss about her, because then you are picking on her. No, not picking. I just want to do the job you hired me to do efficiently and accurately. Now, if she comes in because, I dont know, theres a message on her computer that says "Update available, Please install now so windows can update your system" and is crying "I dont know what it wants" (well, it wants you to make an independent decision.) istead of feeling like this , I tell her very calmly, "I am not the IT person. I cant do anything with your computer. Go talk to the boss. Let him sort it out." And I look like this . LOL. I really do feel sorry for you. I think the best approach is to talk to your boss and tell her that you cant efficiently and accurately do your job if Mildred is going to constantly chatter incessantly on the telephone (Gossiping no doubt), re-apply an already bowl-you-down fragrance, on schedule, 3 times a day, and read her emails outloud, and rudely interrupt your work for ridiculous things. Tell her you take your job seriously, and you are very committed, however, the womans spraying is starting to cause an eye twitch, which could very soon lead to an aneuyrism. But seriously. You cant work if you have a migraine. I know that certain things that people spray here, (I secretly call them the daytime skunks) really do bother me, and cause my eyes to burn, in addition to my nose which does lead to an excruciating headache. Virginia is also a will to work state. They have the right to hire and fire for any reason. But you do have rights as an employee, period. And one of those rights is to work in an healthy environment. Not happening if the woman is spraying things all day long. And besides, what employer wants to pay someone who isnt even working???? At least my problem co-worker works!!!!
Good luck. And keep us posted!!!

I approve of Frans idea. Go eat three or four hot dogs heavy on sauerkraut. You will have Milly out of there in no time.

My mom had a good friend that was asthmatic and not realizing the effect on her, mom would wear perfume (good stuff, not the cheap kind). Her friend had an asthma attack in front of my mom once, and once mom realized the physical effect of her perfume, she went home and threw it out. If Milly is thoughtful at all, there are easy ways to broach that subject with her. If you don't want to do it, ask your boss to have that discussion with her. Offices are all smoke free these days, and should also be perfume free (IMO).

For the partition, it may muffle the noise but it doesn't eliminate it. I just moved offices and the guy over the partition from me has a loud voice that carries - to the point that if we are on conference calls together, his voice causes feedback thru my phone if it isn't muted. If I want to get any real work done, I now have to do it from home (fortunately I have that option). They do have noise muffling headphones - ask your boss to buy you a pair of those. If Milly sees you wear them, perhaps she might realize that she is distracting folks around her.

I'm an eternal optimist and I like to think that most people want to do good things. Milly doesn't sound spiteful, just clueless. I'm hoping she just needs to have her eyes opened.

How about one of those hepa filters - great for getting the smell out, plus if you get the right one, it will make a lot of "white noise" and drown things out.

I was thinking that perhaps getting an ionic breeze put between you might be something that will at the very least reduce your susceptability to smells... I'm concerned though, as I always see you as the eternal fountain of "everything s wonderful!"If she's getting your goat.. then she's got to be awful, of unintentionally so.

Originally Posted by yoviher

I approve of Frans idea. Go eat three or four hot dogs heavy on sauerkraut. You will have Milly out of there in no time.

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You got it - was just waiting for the right recipe to do so!

Originally Posted by turtlecat

I was thinking that perhaps getting an ionic breeze put between you might be something that will at the very least reduce your susceptability to smells... I'm concerned though, as I always see you as the eternal fountain of "everything s wonderful!"If she's getting your goat.. then she's got to be awful, of unintentionally so.

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oh Denise LOL! You've got to be kidding! I have more crap (can I say this online?) and stuff in my life that's just pork pork pork.....gotta cut it out. But thank you for the roundabout compliment. I AM a dork, a dunce, and clueless myself at times, but I will tell you that if something really makes me mad there's usually a lot of principle behind it or I've really tried to be fair and decent, too. I've learned in my own way to pick battles very carefully so when you have to be heard, you are. It's a pretty unbearable situation.

Ryan: yeah, I asked about 11 months ago, "Would it be possible to know when this temporary arrrangment might be over? It's been very challenging in my area to work." And I am glad that some of our guys read this and gave me some good feeback, because it's not a woman's issue. I don't see it as that, and I thank you!

You know that scene in Fried Green Tomatoes? TAWANDA!

Don't go the "allergy" route. You'll just sound like a whiner, and she'll start to complain about her "right" to stink up the place.

Think of it like training a pet, come up with a simple set of responses that make it clear you are not happy with something she just did, and do them. If you really want to get rid of her, also develop some irritating personal habits.

This is what I would do if I really wanted to piss off a co-worker:

1: get two powerful/loud desk fans (such as those sold under the brand name "vornado"). put a label on each one "Stink Protection #1/#2), put them in plain view. Every time she sprays, turn them on for a few minutes. once they come up to speed, say (loud enough to be heard) "ah, much better..."

2: learn to burp by swallowing air. any teenage boy should be able to teach you. Do it loudly and often, particularly after she complains or announces something.

3: fart. The original poster meant it as a joke, but if you are serious about getting rid of her, this will help.

4: get a broken pair of really big headphones or the ear protectors you see at construction sites and gun ranges/cop movies (you're just looking for the visual effect, so the headphones don't need to work.) Every time she starts to talk to you about something unimportant, without turning around or looking at her, calmly put the headphones on and ignore her. Yes, you'll still be able to hear her, but act like you can't. If someone else comes by and says something, make it clear that you can hear them. Pretend they are magic "can't hear Mildred" headphones.

5: play AC/DC (or other music old ladies hate) at your desk.

it may take a while, but you'll bug her to the point that something changes... ;-)

Originally Posted by sashacat421

oh Denise LOL! You've got to be kidding! I have more crap (can I say this online?) and stuff in my life that's just pork pork pork.....gotta cut it out. But thank you for the roundabout compliment. I AM a dork, a dunce, and clueless myself at times, but I will tell you that if something really makes me mad there's usually a lot of principle behind it or I've really tried to be fair and decent, too. I've learned in my own way to pick battles very carefully so when you have to be heard, you are. It's a pretty unbearable situation.

Ryan: yeah, I asked about 11 months ago, "Would it be possible to know when this temporary arrrangment might be over? It's been very challenging in my area to work." And I am glad that some of our guys read this and gave me some good feeback, because it's not a woman's issue. I don't see it as that, and I thank you!

You know that scene in Fried Green Tomatoes? TAWANDA!

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I haven't seen that movie, but yeah, it makes sense that you would already have tried the subtle approach to your boss. Otherwise you wouldn't be at your wits end. Be sure to resurrect this thread when there's a turning point to the story.

Originally Posted by brianlojeck

Don't go the "allergy" route. You'll just sound like a whiner, and she'll start to complain about her "right" to stink up the place.

Think of it like training a pet, come up with a simple set of responses that make it clear you are not happy with something she just did, and do them. If you really want to get rid of her, also develop some irritating personal habits.

This is what I would do if I really wanted to piss off a co-worker:

1: get two powerful/loud desk fans (such as those sold under the brand name "vornado"). put a label on each one "Stink Protection #1/#2), put them in plain view. Every time she sprays, turn them on for a few minutes. once they come up to speed, say (loud enough to be heard) "ah, much better..."

2: learn to burp by swallowing air. any teenage boy should be able to teach you. Do it loudly and often, particularly after she complains or announces something.

3: fart. The original poster meant it as a joke, but if you are serious about getting rid of her, this will help.

4: get a broken pair of really big headphones or the ear protectors you see at construction sites and gun ranges/cop movies (you're just looking for the visual effect, so the headphones don't need to work.) Every time she starts to talk to you about something unimportant, without turning around or looking at her, calmly put the headphones on and ignore her. Yes, you'll still be able to hear her, but act like you can't. If someone else comes by and says something, make it clear that you can hear them. Pretend they are magic "can't hear Mildred" headphones.

5: play AC/DC (or other music old ladies hate) at your desk.

it may take a while, but you'll bug her to the point that something changes... ;-)

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okidoke - today was the day. I did it. I wrote a very objective but kind, solution oriented letter to my boss who is the CEO. She was on a flight so she had to read her handheld, no distractions, which is part of the issue as I can never get her to focus long enough. The letter was two paragraphs, the first outlining her spraying, her profanity, her reading everything out loud, her shrillness, and things like she gets her lunch and brings it back --then calls a friend and talks with her mouth full. Friday was the last straw. I received a call from a U.S. Senator for my boss about a topic and Mildred was reading her spam out loud. Her shrill voice was saying something about Viagra, and the Senator heard it. So in my email, I did include a sentence that this situation has really started to show my boss in a poor light to others.....
we shall see.........

Originally Posted by sashacat421

okidoke - today was the day. I did it. I wrote a very objective but kind, solution oriented letter to my boss who is the CEO. She was on a flight so she had to read her handheld, no distractions, which is part of the issue as I can never get her to focus long enough. The letter was two paragraphs, the first outlining her spraying, her profanity, her reading everything out loud, her shrillness, and things like she gets her lunch and brings it back --then calls a friend and talks with her mouth full. Friday was the last straw. I received a call from a U.S. Senator for my boss about a topic and Mildred was reading her spam out loud. Her shrill voice was saying something about Viagra, and the Senator heard it.

So in my email, I did include a sentence that this situation has really started to show my boss in a poor light to others.....
we shall see.........

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That thing of the U.S. Senator..... I am still in tears laughing.... Its so damn funny.... I am still wondering what was he thinking when that happened....

Ooh good luck Eddie! I hope it works out ok! You had a good, company-oriented reason to send the letter so hopefully the situation will be resolved and your work-life will be more bearable.

I had been wondering where things stood. I hope this leads to a quick resolution. And though I realize it wasn't a funny situation for you to be in, the Senator overhearing the viagra comment made me

I have the pleasure of addressing conservative senators at work every day.. yeah.. I can imagine the reaction.. and how that would make her company look!!!

kudos to you and I hope this gives old milly a kick in the pants.

E~ Milly eats when she's talking on the phone?!. Thats one of my biggest gripes!! I wouldn't have been able to stay quiet at that!.

And to read out her spam mail for all in sundry to hear?. If that doesn't get old Milly hauled over the coals then nothing will, especially when a senator was in ear shot!.

Bye bye Milly!