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My best friend is mad at me...

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
Last night, I went out with my best friend, Nikki... Her sister-in-law's sister was having a party at her house for the girls and they invited me to go so, I went... When I got there, everything was fine... I had spoken to Nikki earlier when she called me to complain about her boyfriend being a jerk to her... So, when I got to the party we joked about how we both needed a drink and to forget about the guys for one night... There was a tarot card reader at the party doing readings.. So, Nikki went in for her reading and when she came out she was all red in the face... I'm like 'what'd she say?'... So, she proceeded to tell all of us that they lady said she's with a guy right now who's been burned in the past and he's being a jerk but that it will all work out fine... then she told us some of the other things that the lady said... but she went back to the thing about her boyfriend... Our other friend was sitting there and was like "No, it wont, not if I can help it cuz he's a (jerk)" So, I started to laugh and I was like "Oh, what did he do to you"... so the girl told me and I said "well, at least he didnt tell you to go F yourself over a french fry"... So Nikki got mad and was like "well what would you do if someone you just met stuck their fingers in your food???" I'm like "Nik, that wasnt the first time I met him, I'm not a stranger, I'm your best friend and besides you were both sharing the fries... I dont think I deserved to be told to go F myself over a fry!!" she's like " well, I know him better than you and i'm tired of you bashing him to me, he's a good guy.. blah blah blah... and YOU are the last one to talk about guys and how they treat me!" So.. instead of arguing with her any further in front of a room full of girls that I didnt know... I took my purse and left... I told her sister in law to tell her to call me whenever and I left...

Now, here's where I'm really angry about this... She's tired of me bashing him to her but what am I supposed to do when she calls me hysterical crying telling me that he treats her like garbage??? How can you sit there and tell me he's a good guy right now when an hour ago you were telling me that he was fat and ugly and a jerk!? She's mad at me for bashing him to her but yet she can bash Adrian all she wants and say that he's a loser and this and that but meanwhile... Adrian has never treated me with anything less than respect from day one... he's never led me on in any way.. he's never purposefully hurt me... I'm so mad and hurt right now I dont even know what more to say!... I tried calling her last night and she didnt answer me... I called her a little while ago and she's still not answering me and I know she's sitting right by the phone because her phone was Busy in Direct Connect and when I tried again it went through so she just wasnt answering me... Plus, I tried to call her phone and she sent me to voicemail.. so, I'm at a loss right now... I dont understand why she got so angry with me... I love her to death and I never want to hurt her... I just want her to see that this guy is a jerk and he doesnt deserve her... In a way, I know she knows that but she's just blinding herself to it... ugh, I dont know what to say anymore! I just can't believe she'd let this guy get in between a 12 year friendship....
post #2 of 11
I hope she gets over it. If she's a real friend, she will. I think I've learned, the hard way, myself that even though someone bashes their husband/boyfriend/brother/sister or any member of their family, they feel it's alright for them to bash, but just don't let someone else do it. So, I now basically keep my mouth closed on opinions I have about things like that.
post #3 of 11
Hopefully she will come around and finally realises how this guy treats her. It sounds like your being a good friend.
post #4 of 11
I have a friend Andrea who doesn't like one of our friends(Lyndsay) boyfriends, yes he is a waste of space, and he's knocked her confidence because she's not the bubbly Lyndsay that we all know anymore, but Andrea made the big mistake of telling her how much she hates him and doesn't know why she's staying with him?!.

It's got to the point now where Lyndsay doesn't tell Andrea anything about him anymore because all she does is put him down, and although Lyndsay has bad mouthed him herself, at the end of the day it's her choice to be with him!.

Andreas already lost another friend of ours because she voiced her opinions too much but she still doesn't understand when to keep quiet.

Andrea once said to me if she found someone that she would hope i would tell her if i thought he was no good for her, but i said i wouldn't because she's old enough to make her own choices because i would be annoyed if someone told me they didn't like my partner.

Leave it for the dust to settle then give her a call, but tell her in future that you don't want to hear anything bad that she has to say about him from now on then that way you wont say anything that will make you both fall out again.

Losing a friendship over a man is just not worth it.
post #5 of 11
Thread Starter 
Susan, you are absolutely right... I should keep my mouth shut about him because, in the end, it is her decision to be with him, not mine and I dont have to deal with him because he's not my boyfriend... but, I dont know what else to say to her when she calls me complaining about him or crying about how he treats her... she's my best friend and we've always had the relationship that if one of us is hurting then the other is there to be supportive and give advice, etc... What bothers me is that she's bad-mouthed Adrian to me a number of times and I've never fought with her over it... I've never yelled at her or gotten angry with her... I've defended him when I saw it necessary or I just let it go... but for her to blow up at me over this guy, when an hour before we went out she called me crying about him, is ridiculous... I called her already and she's not answering me so, I guess I'll just have to wait for her to call me...
post #6 of 11
If she starts going on about him just listen to her and nod, that way your not saying anything against him because she's doing it for you both.

Give her until tomorrow when things have calmed down and she will come round
post #7 of 11
I think the tarot reader said something to her about you this is why she blasted.
but im only assuming this from your post
post #8 of 11
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by fwan
I think the tarot reader said something to her about you this is why she blasted.
but im only assuming this from your post
you know something.... she did say that the lady said something about someone trying to hurt her and that a guy would come to her defense.... but, I'm the last person that would hurt her and if she believes that the person the lady is talking about is me then she doesnt truly know me at all... and that would be very surprising after 12 years... so, I dont know...
post #9 of 11
Send her an e-mail and tell her you're sorry for upsetting her. Let her know you won't discuss her boyfriend anymore, and that you care for her very much.

Try not to think about what she's done to you. It's hard, I know, but as a true friend, you can't let twelve years go down the drain over a french fry and a jerk.

Love will win out in the end. And the jerk will lose. She'll see that eventually...
post #10 of 11
Thread Starter 
Okay, so she finally emailed me today and totally attacked me about Adrian... She yelled at me for bashing her boyfriend in front of everyone at the party and then she proceeded to bash Adrian, calling him a leech and other things that I can't say here.... I'm so aggravated right now because she has no right to say any of the things that she's said about Adrian, especially after yelling at me for saying that her boyfriend is a jerk... I'm so tired of having to defend Adrian to everyone... My relationship with him is my own business and even when she voices her opinion, I NEVER yell at her for it because it's her opinion... She's still not answering my calls so I wrote her an email telling her what I think of everything she said and the funny thing is no matter how mean she was in her email and in everything she's ever said, I still cant bring myself to be as mean to her... I just want this to blow over because this idiot she's dating is not worth arguing over... I just can't wait for her to realize he's a loser... grrr...
post #11 of 11
Honey she is attacking you about Adrian because she is angry and hurt. Both feelings are valid to her, well, because she is feeling them. Nothing can change that but time. You are VERY right! This loser is nothing compared to 12 years of friendship. You are proving yourself a true friend by NOT jumping right in and saying "mean" things right back. Let her blow off her steam, and when she does tell her that you hope she doesn't mean what she said about Adrian, and also say that she is too important to you for ANY guy to come between you. At that, no more boyfriend talk!
If she continues to come to you with her troubles, keep it simple, tell her she knows how you feel about this guy and that you are there for her but you are not going to keep getting into it. She may be mad but it will be better than a fight about him~
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