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When do parents let go?

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
This is a question for all you first child's who have moved out.
And this is for the elders who have their kids that have left.
Pretty much everyone?
WHen did your parents start to let the idea of you leaving home be okay?
My parents have just come and visited me tonight for 30 mins.
apparently we were supposed to meet them at the casino but we were out and didnt get their fax.
My mum has just settled into the idea of me that im okay in my house and that its finished and that it looks nice.
My dad complained saying that "the lawyer said you werent allowed to move out"
My dad wouldnt even have a cup of coffee
and as my mum drank half of her tea it was time for them to go.. it was late anyway and my dad has to work tomorrow but still...

They do find it rather spokey in our appartment because it looks old on the stairway and its so noisy! it was built in 1903 after all. and it still didnt go down during the war!
I just hope that my dad gets over it soon that i am having my own little life
post #2 of 29
My parents were perfectly happy, when I got my own life. I'm sure that they worried about me but, they wouldn't interfere. They DID offer help, when I needed it.

Naturally, I worry about my son, Mark. He is an adult and doesn't need "Mommy" any longer. At times, I disagree with the things that he does but, I don't push him. If he asks my opinion or advice, I give it to him. Whether he takes it or not, is up to him.
post #3 of 29
It will take them a while. When I started calling Cleveland home (after having been here several years), my Dad got a little upset. He's good with it now and jokes how he's looking forward to me getting a home so he'll have a guest bedroom to stay in instead of getting a hotel room. The way I looked at it is that my Dad had care of me for 20-some years and that wasn't going to go away right away. Give your Dad time, he'll come to realize you have your own life now.
post #4 of 29
Parents NEVER let go - they just eventually get used to the fact they can't boss you around as much.
Mine still have power over me even though I've been married for 15 years and live 600 miles away!
post #5 of 29
Thread Starter 
really?
well my dad is supportingish me with money.
He still doesnt like the idea that ive left.
i supose i would be real sad when my children will leave
My mum writes to me every day to make sure that im okay
post #6 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emma's Friend
Parents NEVER let go - they just eventually get used to the fact they can't boss you around as much.
Mine still have power over me even though I've been married for 15 years and live 600 miles away!
post #7 of 29
Thread Starter 
lol i hate being bossed around!!
post #8 of 29
I don't think they ever get over it. My Grandma used to still bug my Mom saying things like, "I don't like how your husband treats you." And when I was already 24 I lived about a half hour from my parents and if I didn't visit them on the weekends they used to come up and get me! Finally I moved to San Diego (half a continent away) and now it's phone calls all the time. Just remember that it means they love you. And Dads are usually the worst because they don't like to think of their baby girls doing the tango, if you know what I mean. My Dad still ignores it even though I just had a baby so obviously something's happened.
post #9 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emma's Friend
Parents NEVER let go - they just eventually get used to the fact they can't boss you around as much.
I'm 23 years old... My father kicked me out of my house 3 months ago and when he saw that I wasnt begging to come back and I was trying to make a life for myself he got frustrated and begged me to come home... Now, that I'm home he's trying to tell me that I can stay as long as I want and when I tell him I'm leaving as soon as I get a job and save up just enough money to leave, he gets mad... So it's like "You kicked me out and now you dont want me to leave???" My father is a serious control freak, tho.... So, it's no wonder he's so bipolar! LoL
post #10 of 29
I agree - they will always be your parents no matter what your age. They might not worry as much but at least mine will tell you what to do even if you didn't ask. BTW - I've been out on my own 25 yrs
post #11 of 29
Thread Starter 
yes... the tango. at my parents place we slept in 2 different beds and my dad would get up at any time of the night to check up on us. (which i respect)
we werent even allowed to sit on the same chouch to watch tv because he thought the tango was going to happen.

I dont know what he expected when he came here but i suppose he did look around to see if there was another bed?

I suppose that dad's just think that we ate a seed and a watermelon grew in our tummies
post #12 of 29
Thread Starter 
Liz
That happened to me back in july my dad kicked me out so i left for a week.
then i had to go home coz i had nowhere to go and he didnt want me in!
and then he doesnt wnt me to move out?
post #13 of 29
Parent's are very confusing and I was never the type to rebel against what they wanted but I've gotten to a point where I'm tired of being told what to do... I'm old enough to live my own life and make my own decisions and if they happen to be bad ones I'm old enough to accept the consequences and learn from the situation...

I was with my ex-boyfriend for 4 years so my parents knew we were sleeping together but they didn't want us sleeping in the same room in their houses... I understood but my ex didnt... sometimes you just have to appease them....

The most embarrasing thing to me is that my father doesnt believe me when I tell him that Adrian and I aren't sleeping together... and I keep saying "I never lied to you about the other guys I slept with, why would I lie now??" He has a sixth sense for being able to tell if I've slept with a guy... When he met my manager when I worked at the supermarket... he saw us standing together talking and when I got home he goes "So, what's the deal with you and the short ****" I was like "Huh???" He goes "you're sleeping with him arent you??" I was mortified... I couldnt figure out how he knew but I didnt deny it either... that's why I dont understand why he doesnt believe me about Adrian... Oh well... not his business, either way...
post #14 of 29
Thread Starter 
the thing is i would never talk about sex to my parents.
My bf blurted everything to my mum and then she became open with me but i dont talk to her about it alone only when bf is there.
i get so embarrased.
and with my dad its out of the question!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #15 of 29
Fran,

I love your siggy BTW! It made me laugh!
post #16 of 29
Thread Starter 
lol thanx!
I think i will have to get Cirque to make me some more
post #17 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
the thing is i would never talk about sex to my parents.
My bf blurted everything to my mum and then she became open with me but i dont talk to her about it alone only when bf is there.
i get so embarrased.
and with my dad its out of the question!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't actually discuss it with them because that would just be weird... but they obviously knew about Mike and I wasn't gonna bother denying the other one... The only reason I actually tell him Adrian and I arent sleeping together is because he insists that I wouldnt be fighting with him over Adrian if I wasnt sleeping with him... He just doesnt understand that I don't have to have sex with him for him to be important to me...
post #18 of 29
Thread Starter 
yes i mean we dont do the tango with our kitties
and they are super important to us!!!!!!!
post #19 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
yes i mean we dont do the tango with our kitties
and they are super important to us!!!!!!!
True!! Although Malakai was just licking my lips and I'm like "Uh! Do you wanna make out!?!" I guess he liked the flavor of my new lip gloss... It was rather funny until he bit my upper lip and made me bleed... Ouch
post #20 of 29
Thread Starter 
mine was licking my lips about 5 times this morning to get me up!
he knew there was something wrong with me because i slept for 15 hrs
and each time he woke me up i couldnt move :S
post #21 of 29
Each parent is different from each other parent. My mom never really ever got used to be being an adult, until I was 26(when she passed). My dad(step) was okay with it all. My biological dad, never really knew me. Doesn't really know me now. HE Just moved to town a few months ago, it's been... um... interesting! So he has no problems with me having my own life.


It happens eventually, or not at all. Just give time.
post #22 of 29
For me, it was different depending on the parent (they are still married to each other and my younger brother still lives near them). My dad let go once I was about 23, but I still call him for advice now and then, and let him know what's going on in my life. My mom, well, I guess I was about 26 and preparing to get married. She's not one of those old-fashioned people who thinks you need to be married to become an adult...more that she was worried about me living across the country "alone", i.e., without her being able to come in to save the day if I needed her. I think she would still prefer that I move closer to them. I talk to my parents once a week and that satisfies my mom's worries. If I don't get a chance to call and it's been more than 10 days since I've talked to her, then she starts to get worried and I get the famous Mom Guilt Trip.
post #23 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
really?
well my dad is supportingish me with money.
He still doesnt like the idea that ive left.
i supose i would be real sad when my children will leave
My mum writes to me every day to make sure that im okay
Well, I don't think that most parents ever really let go, but since your father is financially supporting you, that makes it tougher for them to believe that you have grown up.
post #24 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deb25
Well, I don't think that most parents ever really let go, but since your father is financially supporting you, that makes it tougher for them to believe that you have grown up.
That's actually very true... Even tho my father kicked me out, he's still supporting me financially because I dont have a job so, he's pretty much got me by the ****s LoL... My ultimate goal is to move out and get my own car so that he has NO say over anythign that I do because even if I move out, I still drive his car, technically because he paid for it...
post #25 of 29
I lived with my Grandmother and she was happy when I moved out. lol She had three sons and most of her life had another family member living in the house too. So she was happy to finally have the house to herself and to be able to get some piece and quiet.

We actually have a better relationship now that I have moved out. Just give your dad some time. I'm sure as a parent it's hard to see your little baby all grown up.
post #26 of 29
They never really let go and in the end I think we wouldn't want them to - it's all about how they express it. I left at 18 to go to college, but never really came home again to live full time. They accepted it when I was around 24, though still wanted to know everything. Now, my Mother is 90 and I am 60 and she still gives me advice constantly, whether I ask for it or not. But I do the same with her now too - so we have a generally good relationship. I try not to interfere with my daughter, but I find that she often asks my opinion on things, from boyfriend to clothes. Whether she acts on it or not is up to her!
post #27 of 29
Fwan, I know I'm not in the position of mother with grown-up kids - but I am the eldest of two kids and I moved out when I was 17. In a way, parents never really truly let go... you're still going to be their little girl no matter where you are, what you're doing or how old you are! It's just they learn to accept that you've got your own life to lead My parent's weren't happy about my moving out so young - but by that point I did have a child of my own and you can't be a parent while you're still being parented. It was just time that I had to strike out on my own. Of course they weren't happy because I was living with a psycho - but I was young and naive and too blimmin' stupid to see past the end of my own nose. It's all life-experience. It's done me no end of good! Parents will get over it - it must be kinda strange for them to come to terms with after having a house with kids in it and then to find themselves without. I woudln't really know, but I'm sure I'll find out one day! Still, it's nice to have someone to come and visit from time to time - if only just to prove to them you are doing ok!! Chin up!
post #28 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emma's Friend
Parents NEVER let go - they just eventually get used to the fact they can't boss you around as much.
Mine still have power over me even though I've been married for 15 years and live 600 miles away!

post #29 of 29
my parents are very difficult about the moving out thing. I think they are terrified to be alone.. They go to the point of offering money and cars in exchange for us staying. And then when my brother got married and moved out they built him a small house on their property so he wouldn't be far. I moved out once but moved back in to save to buy a house and they are crazy about me never leaving. And really it's not uncommon around here for women to stay at home until they're married but i'm starting to get a bit ripe i think and although my parents are lovely and don't interfere at all.. they even offered to build a guest wing with a kitchen and everything if my bf wanted to move in... but I would like a sense of ownership, like that I worked to accomplish this goal rather than being handed it. I understand what they are trying to do, but they don't realize that it's hurting rather than helping my progress. Their view is basically that after all they did for me how can i just walk out on them.. But now i'm really in a 50/50 situation with 50% of my time at my bf's place and 50% at my parents so I'm trying to wean them a bit. I think that it's not really me but that it's their fear of getting old.
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