a few vibes would be appreciated

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kev

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Well, last night Carol asked if I was coming to bed and I told her I would be up soon. I came up about an hour later and she was on her side, facing away from where I would have been and was deep asleep. I stood there in the half light watching her and my heart broke for her and for whatever I have done - I turned off the light in the silence and walked away and slept on the spare bed. twas the longest night in years and I actually wept in bed which I never do. Yesterday, I even went to the place where Clive's ashes are but I did not feel any prescence of him at all, so I cried in the wind, the rain and the snow.
Dont think I have been as low as this for a while.
Today, things have been stagnant - not a lot said - we have been shopping for the month which I think may be good.
I have tried to hold my self back with chris, when he was acting up, I did not say anything. Just how is a 5 year old supposed to act.
Its all as normal here - just there is something between us that aint nice. She swears its no one else - so thats something.
What a weekend.
K
fighting for his marriage....
 

george'smom

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Hi, Kev. I'm just as shocked as everyone else here to learn this. The few posts I've read in the past, I was a bit jealous of your wife (to have such a great guy for a husband). It sounds like she's reached a mid life crisis of sorts. Is she approaching a significant age (30, 40, 50)? Is she making drastic changes in her appearance (losing weight for example)? I was married for 12.5 years when my husband went through a mid-life crisis. He just turned 30. He wasn't himself for a year and then suddenly left me for another woman. He tried to blame me for our break up. I sought counseling to cope. I tried to keep the marriage together, but after a while realized that I was better off without him. Aside from grieving from my father's sudden death, I have never experience so much emotional pain and turmoil and hope to never experience it again! Life does go on. You are not alone. Good luck to you.
 

george'smom

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Originally Posted by kev

I have tried to hold my self back with chris, when he was acting up, I did not say anything. Just how is a 5 year old supposed to act.
Its all as normal here - just there is something between us that aint nice.
My heart aches for you.
My son was 4. My daughter was 10. Trust me, they know that something isn't right between mom and dad. They can pick up the vibes. My son went through his own crisis during our break up. He suffers from an anxiety disorder and our break up brought it out. He's 17 and is still on medication and under the care of a psychiatrist. My daughter (now 22) is still fixated on the pain and anquish that "we" caused her. She has a B.S. in psycology and has researched/written papers on the effects of divorce on children.

If you cannot get your wife to join you in counseling, then go by yourself. And get one for your son as well.
 

pat

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Originally Posted by George'smom

My heart aches for you.
My son was 4. My daughter was 10. Trust me, they know that something isn't right between mom and dad. They can pick up the vibes. <snip>
If you cannot get your wife to join you in counseling, then go by yourself. And get one for your son as well.
My parents went through their divorce when I was 3-4, I have too many memories I wish I didn't have, as I prefer the happier ones of my later years, when I was able to understand. At that age, I did not, I simply loved both my parents deeply and didn't want to lose either one.
 

jugen

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Kev, My heart aches for you.
I'm so sorry and really have no advice for you. just a
to help you get thru this. You're not alone. We are all here for you!
 

kathryn41

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Originally Posted by catherine

Oh my, I'm so sorry for you. I know that it came as a complete shock to you as I've read some of your posts and you speak so highly of Carol. I know that you are 100% in love with your wife and I do hope that things work out.

You asked for advice so this is what I can offer from a woman's point of view: 1) give her the room she has asked for but let her know that you are still in love with her 2) ask her to go to counsleing with you after an agreed upon time of separation 3) write all of your feeling towards her down in a letter along with any appologies you may have - sometimes it's easier to write it down when you are alone than trying to explain them in person.

I will keep you in my thoughts.........I do hope everything works out.

Kev,

I am so very sorry.

I would agree with Catherine on this, especially the first. I ended my 9 year relationship with a man whom I loved because he wasn't able to give me the space I needed to gain some objectivity about what was happening in our relationship. The more I tried to get that space, the tighter he held on and I became stifled. Instead of being able to determine what I really wanted and needed, I had to break it off once and for all. If he had been able to give me the space I needed, I don't really know what would have happened, but I would have been a lot more receptive to seeking counselling and considering a reconciliation when he asked.

I hope that you and Carol are able to work things out between you, and I am sorry that you are going through such a painful time right now. ((((((Kev)))))).

And yes, if she won't go with you to counselling right now, do go by yourself.

Kathryn
 

flisssweetpea

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Kevin - I have just seen this and am so shocked. I am so very sorry that you and Carol have hit this bad patch. I hope that you can both sort this out. Be open to her and remain receptive. Whatever the outcome - my thoughts are with you during this tough time. Stay strong and know that we are all here for you
 

eva-loves-cats

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Aww Kev, I am so sorry
I wish i knew the right words to say but I have no idea what to say apart from i am thinking of you and if you need anyone to talk too just give me a shout.


Also sorry I didn't see this post earlier,

Take care and give your cat lots of cuddles

Eva x
 
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kev

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Its strange the positions you find yourself in aint it? Carol is up in bed, asked me again if I would be long, now shes flat asleep and I dont know whether to get in next to her or hit the spare room again. Its all dilemma after dilemma. If I do the wrong thing, then I risk making a bad situation worse, yet, how do I know if I do the right thing?
K
Off to a bed someplace in the house - no idea which of the three???
 

pat

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Kev,
Just ask her what she wants, tell her you want to respect what she needs and wants, but your choice is sleeping next to her...so what would she like?
 

flisssweetpea

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Kev - yes ask her by all means and tell her your choice. But - Carol is asking you to share the same bed - it sounds like she wants you there. Do you think she's feeling confused? It certainly seems like a mixed message that you're getting.
 

mom of franz

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So sorry Kev, this must feel like an eathquake, totally unexpected. Counseling is a great idea, I hope she agrees to it, if not you should go just to find a way to cope during this horrific time. If you both go, look at it this way, either it will work, or it won't..you have nothing to lose, give it a try. Good luck, I'll be thinking of you both.
 

pinkdaisy226

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Originally Posted by flisssweetpea

Kev - yes ask her by all means and tell her your choice. But - Carol is asking you to share the same bed - it sounds like she wants you there. Do you think she's feeling confused? It certainly seems like a mixed message that you're getting.
I agree that it sounds like you're getting mixed messages. BUT if it sounds like she wants you to sleep in the same bed as you, then that's a good sign, right?

Good luck with everything... so sorry you're going through this.
 

tigger

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I agree with the mixed signals, but also agree that it must mean that Carol still wants you there next to her. Give her some time, and hopefully she will come around and talk.
I get weird vibes from my husband still .... Last week, I was talking to him and told him if he'd just give me a chance, it would work out .. his response " I dont want a relationship .. I want to be on my own.... Maybe in 2 years" Oh, and my response then was, "In 2 years it may be a little too late"
Everyone I have talked to, has told me he sounds confused. Yet tonight he calls .. he calls out of the blue for silly little reasons ... I asked if he gets lonely by himself and he said sometimes. When I say goodbye, he sounds down. But guess what .... I dont.

Anyways, Kev, I really hope it works out between you and your wife. All of the posts I have read, it seems like your marriage is so solid. Dont give up without a fight, though ... And, counseling would be a great idea, imo. If you want to chat, feel free to pm me ...
 
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