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Chain Emails

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
This a funny email I just got. I am ALWAYS getting the kind of emails this things is talking about. I get so tired of them. (Usually just delete them.)

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send
me your chain letters over the past year. Thank you for making me
feel safe, secure, blessed, lucky and wealthy.

Because of your concern, I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the
rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls
to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain
will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me and St Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. (Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!

I will now return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at least
1,200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will
crap on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas of thousand
camels will infest your armpits.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a
friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin twice removed.

Happy 2005!!!!!!
post #2 of 8
Yup I sent that message to my email buddies who are so fond of chain letters. I hope they got the hint! I hate those things!
post #3 of 8
That was good for a laugh!
post #4 of 8
Believe I received every one of them!
post #5 of 8
lol, i dont anymore because i threatened my own friends that i would block them if they kept at it
post #6 of 8
I LOVE the ending! I think I'll change the ending of all the chain emails I receive to this one and hit "reply" about 20 times!

I should have thought of chain emails when I responded to the "pet peeves" thread.
post #7 of 8
post #8 of 8
I've seen this before but it cracked me up again!
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