I don't want to be a bother but I really need to vent...

yoviher

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 24, 2004
Messages
1,414
Purraise
1
Location
Puerto Rico... land of rice and beans.
A short while ago I got into an acrimonious fight with my father (again).... just the usual. The most colorful words in the dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy, insults, screaming around... oh, the works. Mostly on his side, while I am trying to ride it out and hold my sanity together until its over. This is all very common. Mostly its caused by the fact that both of my parents, are 99% of the time angry enough to be one step away from a tantrum. So I can upset any one of the two with anything, provided they are in the mood.
Perhaps the worst fights are between each other.


The main problem with it, is that for years, for as long as I can remember I dare say, their marriage has been so sour, its dead in everything but some legal paperwork, which I honestly wonder how on earth is it that it hasn't happened long ago. They are in the state of hating each other and actually avoiding each other even inside the house most of the time. Don't get me wrong about them. I love them, and I know far too well how much they love me, and truth is, I owe to them more than what most people owe their parents. But at the same time, they are the type of parents, where the best way to keep the relationship a loving one, is to be living in separate countries, and be meeting only when everyone is feeling alright, if you understand what I mean.

Now, I wouldn't be so mindful about this all, if it wasn't its always been the chief cause of my old depression,
and the main reason that the only thing that keeps me stable are the anti depressants I've been taking for like four and a half months. The truth, its a living nightmare most of the time (Anyone here who ever wondered why I keep so many, many things a secret from my parents and talk to them about as little as possible of my life has got his answer here). The medication has done wonders (in fact, I haven't ever had thoughts of suicide or any similar stuff in all that time), but still it doesn't feel like enough....

After it was over, I just kinda locked myself, and cried a while. Afterwards, I started thinking... angry, heavy duty angry, but just thinking in a very reflective mood. A thought came to me.... I have two options here: I can just sit down crying like I've been and hope that some miracle is going to happen thats gonna make things all better.... or actually try to do something about it. Thats when I started to just sit and think... indeed. It doesn't feel like enough because it is not.... thats whats missing here.... some extra determination, and thats something I have to spare.


Thats when I just sit thinking like "Okay, if my parents constant fighting accounts for like nine tenths of my problems, then what do I need to do to stop being with them 24/7.... okay, thats easy, finish my studies as soon as possible, and keep on with my plans to study out of the country." In the meantime, I really need to apply myself a tad more in the studies so as to finish them as quickly as possible. And prioritize. I can't save a marriage that is already six feet under. I can save my sanity, though.

My thoughts went through a bit of the first meeting of my psychiatrist over four months ago who at that meeting already suggested the idea of hospitalization. I rejected it point blank and told him that if he dared mention that again, I was changing for another doctor. But I was still angry, and ended up smashing a glass in which I was drinking water in a rage of thinking along the lines of "I will show everyone.... I'm going to get through this mess, and outlive anyone who dared to think I was going to die an early death by attempting something stupid - starting by my psychiatrist."

This is the first time I had been feeling like this -not only depressed, but angry in a determination to get it better-. And experience tells me I might forget this feeling in quite a while. I even got to sit down and write all those thoughts into my computer in a similar fashion to a resolution. And right now, while I feel calmer I am feeling like its one of those promises that its gonna stick around in my heart for a while. Heck, I don't even know if I am thinking straight right now. I feel the urgent need for advice... thats what I am writing for mostly, because I really do not know what to do, or if I am doing the right thing.
 

KittenKrazy

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 24, 2003
Messages
4,465
Purraise
13
Location
Double Springs, Alabama
Phew! That's a lot on one person, buddy, especially on a teenager! I don't have any advice for you, except to tell you to be sure to keep taking those pills, 'cause they do help, more than we realise sometimes. You're in my prayers, that you can figure out, and do, what needs to be done.....
hey, want to come help Charlie with his bakery?
 

rockcat

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 6, 2002
Messages
6,665
Purraise
18
Location
The Spacecoast
Victor,
So sorry you are going through this. Take a deep breath. Pet your kitties. Take it one step at a time. You're on the right track already. You're planning your future. Love your parents, but don't allow them to consume you with their anger. Take another deep breath. Pet your kitties again. Close your eyes and think of how wonderful your future will be. Focus on the positive. Pet your kitties again. Think calm. You're going to be ok. You're sensitive, but you're tough. Pet your kitties. Smile.
 

gailc

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
May 18, 2004
Messages
11,567
Purraise
13
Location
Wisconsin
I think you know what you need to do; it sounds like your head is screwed on correctly!! And that you realize you can't change your parents. I am thankful that my parents marriage is sound (50 yrs in august!!) and that you can come to this site to vent!!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #5

yoviher

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 24, 2004
Messages
1,414
Purraise
1
Location
Puerto Rico... land of rice and beans.
Hmm... Rockat you are smart indeed. You mentioned pet your kitties like three times.
I might just have my head screwed on right, and all I need is to follow it.
 

fwan

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 5, 2004
Messages
13,279
Purraise
2
Location
Australia
Victor - as i read your post i knew exactly what you mean.
My parents marrige is dead, it took me a while to realise untill i compared with other families and untill my dad told me he had depression last night.
its weird because all 3 of us have depression. Except my dad and i are still sane and havent Hit the bottle!
I used to go to a councillor, infact ive seen 3 of them and they all sent me away because i was too "mentally Strong" to be seen by them
this is why i havent gone to a psychologist in my late teens.
I cry alot too, Because of anger.
WHen i was in my early teens, i used to smash plates, cups, anything infront of me from being angry at my parents.
You know once i even smashed my favourite plate of dinner because my mum pissed me off so much!
In a certain way i love my parents so much but yet i feel so helpless.
Its too late now to save their marrige, so this is when my bf started to put me through..
I knew since i was 15 that i had to move out of home, but i felt so helpless, who was going to pay for me? who would give a job to such a young girl who would even support me? so i suffered with my parents.
Good things and bad things have happened in the past 3 years.
I met my bf who was able to make me sane, and to help me through life which i would have never thought of.
Im pretty glad that i dont live in america because i know that i wouldnt be alive anymore, especially since i know that guns are legal there if you get my drift.
I have never done anything to hurt my self in that way
I sometimes cry and cry untill my head is about to burst and i say "please god make me end, its too painful"
But there is something there to keep me going, i dont know what it is,
I dont have much in my life anymore, except for my cat and my bf.
Once i met my mums uncle, actually i met her family again just weeks before my grandmother passed away.
and he said "there is something about your eyes, We dont even have to stare into them, but they already tell a long story and its just filled with sadness.
These people didnt even know me! and they dont even have much contact with my mum. and they had no idea what was going on in our lives.
now i will get to the point.
My bf was living with us for a year and a bit. He had truly enough of my parents and finally got him self together and said thats it im leaving this house to get my own appartment to have my freedom and my peace.
I had 2 choices.
Stay with my parents or be free
As things got worse at home i jumped at the chance to be free.
Now we have a small appartment with my kitty and aquarium, we have some money coming in to keep us sane.
Moving out was the biggest step i had done, But i feel so relieved to have this big weight off my chest.
I know that if anything happens to my parents it would never be my fault, and i dont have to witness any dramatic horror, and live with the pain of witnessing it.

Things come along slowly and with time, you will have found a solution and be happy again.
just remember, just walk out of the house as soon as they are sour

If you need to talk pm me.
i dont know if what i said has made any sense or is useful in any way but i decided to put my worth into this thread.
 

pat

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 1, 2003
Messages
11,045
Purraise
58
Location
Pacific NW
Victor,

Just...I love reading that determination...it's called self-preservation, and realizing that taking care of what you need, doesn't mean you love your parents any less.

Fwiw, I'd get out of the house more with an afterschool job and or new activities (theater group, student newspaper..whatever options you have).
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #8

yoviher

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 24, 2004
Messages
1,414
Purraise
1
Location
Puerto Rico... land of rice and beans.
Originally Posted by fwan

Victor - as i read your post i knew exactly what you mean.
My parents marrige is dead, it took me a while to realise untill i compared with other families and untill my dad told me he had depression last night.
its weird because all 3 of us have depression. Except my dad and i are still sane and havent Hit the bottle!
I used to go to a councillor, infact ive seen 3 of them and they all sent me away because i was too "mentally Strong" to be seen by them
this is why i havent gone to a psychologist in my late teens.
I cry alot too, Because of anger.
WHen i was in my early teens, i used to smash plates, cups, anything infront of me from being angry at my parents.
You know once i even smashed my favourite plate of dinner because my mum pissed me off so much!
In a certain way i love my parents so much but yet i feel so helpless.
Its too late now to save their marrige, so this is when my bf started to put me through..
I knew since i was 15 that i had to move out of home, but i felt so helpless, who was going to pay for me? who would give a job to such a young girl who would even support me? so i suffered with my parents.
Good things and bad things have happened in the past 3 years.
I met my bf who was able to make me sane, and to help me through life which i would have never thought of.
Im pretty glad that i dont live in america because i know that i wouldnt be alive anymore, especially since i know that guns are legal there if you get my drift.
I have never done anything to hurt my self in that way
I sometimes cry and cry untill my head is about to burst and i say "please god make me end, its too painful"
But there is something there to keep me going, i dont know what it is,
I dont have much in my life anymore, except for my cat and my bf.
Once i met my mums uncle, actually i met her family again just weeks before my grandmother passed away.
and he said "there is something about your eyes, We dont even have to stare into them, but they already tell a long story and its just filled with sadness.
These people didnt even know me! and they dont even have much contact with my mum. and they had no idea what was going on in our lives.
now i will get to the point.
My bf was living with us for a year and a bit. He had truly enough of my parents and finally got him self together and said thats it im leaving this house to get my own appartment to have my freedom and my peace.
I had 2 choices.
Stay with my parents or be free
As things got worse at home i jumped at the chance to be free.
Now we have a small appartment with my kitty and aquarium, we have some money coming in to keep us sane.
Moving out was the biggest step i had done, But i feel so relieved to have this big weight off my chest.
I know that if anything happens to my parents it would never be my fault, and i dont have to witness any dramatic horror, and live with the pain of witnessing it.

Things come along slowly and with time, you will have found a solution and be happy again.
just remember, just walk out of the house as soon as they are sour

If you need to talk pm me.
i dont know if what i said has made any sense or is useful in any way but i decided to put my worth into this thread.
I am afraid I know what you mean far too well. Its also funny. People who know what it is being depressed often are capable of recognizing when someone else is depressed.... and I know well that both my parents are depressed. But neither of them will admit it. Heck, it was hard enough to get them into the idea I am depressed.

They can see a lot of sadness in your eyes, but I can see something else in your posts. I can see a lot of strenght of character. And that will get you through anything.
 

fwan

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 5, 2004
Messages
13,279
Purraise
2
Location
Australia
so do you!
i know you will make it through this.
DONT LET ANYONE HOSPITALISE YOU!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #10

yoviher

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 24, 2004
Messages
1,414
Purraise
1
Location
Puerto Rico... land of rice and beans.
Originally Posted by Pat & Alix

Victor,

Just...I love reading that determination...it's called self-preservation, and realizing that taking care of what you need, doesn't mean you love your parents any less.

Fwiw, I'd get out of the house more with an afterschool job and or new activities (theater group, student newspaper..whatever options you have).
You know.... I am not sure if its my not being a native speaker, but I had never heard that term of self-preservation. That has been precisely one of my struggling thoughts all along. I sometimes feel like I am acting more like someone who hates his parents... and I guess that is not the case.


As for your second parragraph, I guess, I had already being doing a lot of social life, just to be out of the house... you know, constantly going to movies with friends, going out with more friends and so on. I am going to get now my license, to see if I can get out of the house more without depending on my parents, and at the same time be able to go to the library to study when I have to. (I live in a city that is so sprawled and lacks buses so much that you can't get to anywhere important without a car)
 

mrsd

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jun 4, 2004
Messages
1,515
Purraise
1
Location
USA
Aw, it shouldn't have to be this way. Your parents are wrong for hurting you and one another. BUT all you can do is deal with it day by day, while planning for the future. You will get out of the house eventually. Just try to leave on the best terms possible. Your parents are probably miserable like you are, but they haven't admitted it to themselves. People make mistakes sometimes, in the people they choose to marry. But their union produced you, and that is a postitive! Vent on TCS and pet those cats.
 
Top