Why does he do these things he knows makes me angry?

Why does my husband do things that he knows makes me angry? It is almost gleefully he does the things. He is a sweet and wonderfull man otherwise and I love him - just sometimes I don't like him.

He doesn't do anything really bad - just plain annoying. One example, he will take his wedding ring off and toss it in the air, or other times pretend to toss it in the air. He sometimes will put it on his right hand. We he does this, it bothers me - makes me feel as if he is being cavalier about our 7 year marriage. I tell him this, and he laughs it off..... but he still does it.

Tracey, the ring doesn't make the marriage, you and hubby do. Mike hasn't worn his ring in over 7 years. I took mine off several years ago as well. Does it mean I have fallen out of love? No, it means that this symbol of our affection should be treasured and kept from horse manure, hay, and all the other things it comes in contact with in my day. He works with his machines in the shop and so he took his ring off to save his finger from being munched on the grinder.

Mike does things all the time that irritate me. But recently, after "almost" losing him. I realized that he is a bigger part of me than even I realized, and the little things like leaving socks in the middle of the floor, or chomping gum don't mean anything anymore.

I understand that the ring doesn't make the marriage, he is a big part of me. The ring, the pretending to be on the phone calling the looney bin, or the guys on th TV show, or to report a"crime" of some sort of another. He knows that irritates me, he does it anyway. And pratically giggles when he does it!

I've tried to ignore him when he does these things - and then HE gets mad. Telling me that He's not doing anything wrong - that it is all in my head.

I've even just taken a sleeping pill. It is starting to affect me - but still not calmed down enough to sleep. (just make spelling mistakes!)

I think his behavior is passive agressive. Does he usually suck in his worries or anger? You might be just as easy target because you are there. Ever have someone tickle you until it hurt, and even when you pleaded with them to stop, they continued? That's a classic example of passive agressive behavior.

Originally Posted by Mom of Franz

I think his behavior is passive agressive. Does he usually suck in his worries or anger? You might be just as easy target because you are there. Ever have someone tickle you until it hurt, and even when you pleaded with them to stop, they continued? That's a classic example of passive agressive behavior.

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That is exactly what I was thinking...!

Never had to deal with a passive aggressive, only a sadistic aggressive. Mike clowns around a lot with me. A practical joker (I dread April 1st!) But they are harmless pranks and he does it out of love, and because it is his nature. Like one time in Alaska while on the boat, making me a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich! He didn't let me eat it though! LOL

Maybe he's purposely trying to make you mad because he just thinks you're cute when you're angry. Some guys do that. Think about it.

Originally Posted by georgiagirl8

Maybe he's purposely trying to make you mad because he just thinks you're cute when you're angry. Some guys do that. Think about it.

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Good point here, as well as I truly agree with Hissy, too...... BUT, if it's big enough to anger you or cause so much strife, then it's big enough to talk about. That much I've learned before it's too late. My intuition is sensing that it might just be an issue of control. He gets a charge from seeing you lurch, or become upset at a small gesture such as the ring toss...and if he feels a lack of control in other areas of his life -- or even with you over different issues -- then he might just be acting out....strong hunch here when I read your post. Ask him gently to level with you over what's truly eating at him and why he needs to obtain happiness from upsetting you so. But so pick your battles carefully. Not everything is an "issue".

Oh Trac........why do men do the things they do? If there was a definitive answer for that, life would be so much easier!! Take all the advice your given here............know he loves you and some guys just like to play and tease.....part of the little boy that never grew up.

Well at least he wears the ring!! Mine is lucky if he puts it on once a year.

Tracey,
Maybe your husband just does these things without thinking that they TRULY bother you (men can be dense sometimes)....BUT (and I do not wish to sound like an alarmist or offend you in any way), if he is doing things that he KNOWS causes you distress, you have addressed the issue with him and he continues to do it.... that IS a form of emotional neglect.
I've worked as a domestic violence victim advocate for the past couple of years, so I do have some professional knowledge of the subject. Emotional abuse is not as well-publicized as physical abuse because, well, that just doesn't make for exciting journalism. It can, however, leave scars on us that last longer than the physical ones can (trust me on this one, I went through it for 2 years with an ex).
Like I said, I do not wish to be an alarmist and I do not know anything about your relationship other than what you have posted, so I do not have the right to make any assumptions. But if you ever want to talk, please feel free to send me a private message. I'm here to help if I ever can. Please take care.
Amy

Talon, I know how that feels. My dad is a lot like that with me, and, as an adult, I had a lot of trouble reconcilling my feelings about him. On one had, I love him and he obviously loves me. He's a good guy. BUT he, to this day, will intentionally do things specifically to make me upset (he freely admits this) and finds it hilarious. He'll just laugh and laugh while I feel incredibly frustrated or angry. I hope you can find a way to work this out with your husband, but I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you're feeling.
Feel free to pm if you need to talk.

I dated a guy for 13 months who was like that with me. He would do stuff to upset me, then laugh about it. One time I got so upset, I broke, and lost my cool. He then became abusive. I'm not saying your hubby will, afterall, you two have been together way longer then me and that guy were.

My hubby and I have been together for 7 years, married almost 6. He lost his wedding ring at work (I always made him take it off before work, and he wanted to take it to show it to a coworker). I lost mine a few months later. I have since gotten mine back. Neither one of us wear our rings.

My hubby now does not intentionaly irritate me. There is this one thing that he does to his mouth and nose, they twitch kinda like a bunny face, and it drives me up the wall. I can't look at him while he is doing it. Kinda like Shazbot (Merri n Pip's pappy), he wiggles his ears at me, and that drives me up the wall. Then there is this guy I work with, he can flex his pecks, so he's got his 'boob's' bouncing up and down at me, and saying 'What??? I'm not doing anything' Each of them will stop when someone else looks at them (while we are working) and say I am insain. But they've each been caught doing it. They do it because I look away, and fuss about it. They think it's funny. It doesn't make me mad though. I just can't handle when things on a persons body moves when it's doesn't normally move...

Please forgive me, some people are right, it can be a slight form of abuse. Its not right for someone to get joy out of making someone angry. It's a way that they can control you. Not dissing your hubby, even the greatest man can have his downfalls. I hope he will take your emotional well being more seriously in the future. If he gets angry when you ignore it, that is a little bit of a warning sign. I would (if I were in the situation) do my absolute best to ignore it (to the point of bottling my frusterations), then let it out when he isn't around.

As long as he can get you riled up over it, he is in control. As soon as you take the control away from him... it's no fun.

There was this chic (who is the sis of my 13month relationship looser) who got so mad everytime she saw me. One day I was simply at the park with my ferrets, and she and her daughter were there. She saw me, and immediately her dimeanor(SP?) changed. She went from having fun with her girl, to the world being horrible. They always left shortly after seeing me. I laughed every time. I was at a party once, and she was having a great time, until she saw me, then her whole night was ruined, and she left. Another time she was laughing and joking with some friends at a resturant (I worked at). As soon as she saw me (In mid laugh) Her laughter stopped short. Suddenly all 4 girls (Her and her three friends) were no longer smiling. They were all upset, only 3 of them didn't know why. I had complete control over her for a few years, without trying. I always thought it was funny that just seeing me would ruin her day. One day, she smiled at me, and tipped me pretty good. She had finally grown up! (after her 3rd kid, I think she was about 21 or so by then. Her oldest daughter was 6, or 7 and her middle daughter I think was 5). Took her a long time to grow up.