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This gave me a laugh

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we
see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci Bag we assume that you
are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that
you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturday and Sunday.

LUNCH BREAKS:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they
can look healthy.
Normal-size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
other people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to
drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.
There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category.

SURGERY:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not
consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed,
constitutes a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive
employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, irritations,
aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation,
consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week!
post #2 of 20
LOL!
post #3 of 20
Believe that's hanging on the wall at my company's home office!
post #4 of 20
Did the military write that??
post #5 of 20
Oh my gosh that is just too funny! Especially the part about "Chronic Offender(s)." Thanks for this!
post #6 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by dawnofsierra
Believe that's hanging on the wall at my company's home office!

I agree!!!
post #7 of 20
We have that up at work. My place of employment just implemented a stricter dress code, including strongly recommending ties for *all* male employees. I think the joke has really hit a nerve here.
post #8 of 20
That was funny!
post #9 of 20
This sounds like a company I worked for before - I LEFT!!!! On our time sheet we had to record the time spent in the toilet
post #10 of 20
Funny!
post #11 of 20
post #12 of 20
That was pretty good.
post #13 of 20
Gee, I think I just left that job!
post #14 of 20

This is cute!
post #15 of 20
This definitely fits my place of employment!
post #16 of 20
lol!
post #17 of 20
Oy! Sometimes it feels like that is truth!
post #18 of 20
post #19 of 20
Only 15 minutes for lunch for "normal" people? You're kidding, right?
I'm skinny & 30 minutes isn't enough!
post #20 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by hissy
RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.
There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category.
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