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If we only had the money - Page 2

post #31 of 40

Okay. I don't know you Ashley. I don't know your situation, and from what I pick up from this..you have it pretty tough for a 17 year old. I am not going to scold and lecture you like most of these previous posts..but I am going to wish you luck.

I don't want you to get lost like I did when I was 17..and it is easy to be lost and hopeless when you are 17, so maybe something, anything any of these caring people have said will help you find your way a little bit, but the truth is, no one can find your way for you, and I hope that you find what path you want to take, and that when you do, it is a healthy decision.

If ever you need someone to talk to,to help out, or to vent on, you can always private message me, and I will gladly listen, and I don't give up..it's not in my life style.

I wish you luck, and my prayers are with you.
post #32 of 40
Ashley, I don't know why you dropped out of school, or whether you have any possibility of going back and getting your high school diploma. I'm a teacher, and I do know that the most important thing for you right now is to get at least that GED. Do it! Otherwise, you'll be on here 10 or 20 years from now, complaining about no job (or a menial one), no house, and no future. I've got 30 years on you, have made my share of mistakes, and seen others do so, too. I take no pleasure in seeing somebody your age, who has it in her hands to turn her life around, headed on a path of destruction. You're probably angry that those of us responding here haven't shown the sympathy you expected. Well, what we're expressing is concern for you, and we're all trying to help you. Life doesn't owe you anything. The sooner you accept that, the better you'll be able to deal with adversities. You're most probably not going to win millions in the lottery, marry an oil sheik, become the object of Prince William's affections, or the next Julia Roberts. In other words, you've got to "get real". Instead of envying others for the material security they have, look at how they achieved it. If you don't have the qualifications for a decent job, you have to get them.
post #33 of 40
You cant get a decent Job anywhere. Finding one is hard especially when you dont even know the language 100% in a country so youre stuck, you cant even do baby sitting unless you are around english people. its hard to find a job even in big cities. SO please dont think that your little town is worse.

But you confuse us you know, by stating that
You have no money for emergency, to feed your pets
and then buy more pets to make the matters worse,
Ashley if i were in the social services, i wouldnt let all of this crap happen to you, But if i were your neighbour and found out YOUR REAL SITUATION!
And if it were to descibe this... i dont want to go there.

Ashley you prove us wrong to say that you are mature.
Im embarrased to read your comments and youre like as old as i am.
If you were forced to grow up, you wouldnt even make half of these mistakes. (noone is really forced to grow up, if you are "there" mentally you are able to take on the extra responsability)
You will keep on making mistakes.
But we have tried to help you and give you ideas.
Infact you havent replied to any of us except for being angry at hissy.

When you feel up to it. You can pm me

Infact you can even Pm your most favourite member of tcs and have a talk to him/her they will be there for you no matter what!
post #34 of 40
What you have on your hands is contact dermatitis. I have battled it for years, eight of them working in restaurants. You need to make sure you keep a moisturizer on your hands, as having them in water a lot dries up your skin's natural oils. Another very good reason to get your education so that you don't spend your life working in jobs that aggravate the condition. A doctor or dermatologist can give you a prescription to keep it under control.

And yes, I see the low self esteem issue with you a mile away. Bottom line is, too, you should be working to help yourself be independent and not depending on Robert to support you and keep you afloat. In all honesty, you're 17 and the chances of this relationship lasting long term are against you. I don't know the entire back story of your life either, but if mom's house is good enough to go to and be on the internet all the time, then the relationship can't be beyond repair. The last thing you want is to look back when you are 30 and be in exactly the same boat as you are now. The advice and words given here by people are from those older and wiser than you are.
post #35 of 40
All I see are excuses. Have you actually gone out and hit the pavement? Gone into every place that has a help wanted sign and applied (by yourself!)? Have you gone into places without signs and asked to fill out applications (again, by yourself)? Have you done interviews of people at companies that hold jobs you're interested in to find out what you have to do or have to get such a job? Once you've been allowed to interview or fill out an application have you given the company or people involved thank you cards? Have you followed up a couple weeks later (by phone or in person) to see if they've made a decision and if they haven't to let them know how excited you are to work for them? Fwan said it first, jobs are hard to find EVERYWHERE. I'm currently working a job that's $12,000/year under what I was being paid in Chicago and that's even $4,000/year under what I was being paid 4 years ago at the SAME COMPANY! We're barely squeaking by! But I'll be damned if I'm going to let DH support me when we have so little. If he were making enough I could stay at home and take care of our sons, I would, but he can't and I don't. Oh, something else, volunteer. Volunteer at a hospital, animal shelter, wherever. If they need training tell them you're willing to go through their training classes. Many times you can work your way into a job because they've trained you and thus find you valuable! That's how you get 3 months experience, hon, it doesn't have to be paid, it can be volunteer work. Just think, volunteer today and by the time you have your GED you'll have the 3 months experience and you're home free on getting a job! Have you been going to any job training? Searching it out on the internet? The East County Employment Center here in San Diego has a lot of good information like the above on finding a job. Many government agencies have such free training. I got a customer service certification for free from them. Look for such things. If you're not making the money you might as well be getting the training for free.

As for the rubber gloves, I'm allergic to latex so I need to put on cotton gloves in between my hands and the latex. It's a little warm, but the cotton wicks away the sweat and protects my hands from the rash causing latex and the latex protects my hands from everything else (you can also use hotter water because you've got insulation *wink*). Try it.
post #36 of 40
Ashley, I lashed out at you in frustration, and I am sorry. I was trying to prevent a train wreck, but it didn't work. You are so young, you could get proactive with your life, like start to lose weight, study for the GED, and talk to the high school guidance counselors. They do still have those don't they? I think the reality of the situation is, I haven't given up on you, you have given up on yourself and that makes me sad. I do wish you luck-
post #37 of 40
Not that I know much about your situation, just parts of what I've read here.

I understand that finding jobs in smal towns is hard. I live in one, and our economy sucks. I was lucky though, when I moved back here, I got offered a job by a woman I used to work for. I took it (even though the only three people who spoke english were my bosses and me). I worked it, until my mom went into a coma. I stayed home to help take care of her, they said she was dying. She came out of the coma, and came home (allergy to med, or overdose) I got a job at a petstore, luckily I had worked at a petstore before. The owner was also a fried from Jr High. So I was in. I worked there until I got fired (long story). I needed a job bad, we had no electricity or gas. NO hot water, we were taking showers at my inlaws. I got a job as a waitress. I made good money... Why? Because I did my best to always smile. I make it a point to try to make everyone I come in contact with smile, or laugh. I try to make people who look down smile. I try to brighten other's moods. I found that people like that. People started liking me. The truth wasn't THEM, it was me. I started liking me. I quit my waitressing job because of a stupid 19 yr old hick that thought women were sex toys. I will leave it at that. My hubby heard a comment he made to me while we were in the kitchen. Hubby was sitting at a table on the opposite side of building. I walked out, and he was walking in. He told my boss I quit, because she said that it was okay what he had said. She is Korean. She thinks that men can do or say what they want. So hubby quit me. He didn't want me working with that. I was out of work for a little bit, by this time we had electricity.. it was only a year ago. One year ago I lived in a basement.

The job I have now I got only because my friend was managing, so I got hired. I have stayed, even though I have an itchy rash on my arm, and have had it for a long while now. I just put lotion on it. I am allergic to the rinse stuff. We have rubber gloves there, but I just deal with it. I've stayed there even though people have lied to get others fired. People can be rude. People can be mean. It gets really hot. It gets really stressful. When I was younger I quit a waitressing job because it was too stressful. The lady said when I told her that I would have trouble finding and keeping a job. She was right, but I didn't care. I had people who supported me. It wasn't until I was married and living away from everyone that suddenly it was all up to me. If I work more hours, and get more money, I can have more stuff. If I take more time off to play and have fun, I don't have as much to show for it.

My mom passed away in 2001. The shockwave from that grew me up really quick. Suddenly the one person in the world that would always take me in and love me was gone. I still have people like that, but she was my angel. I was sad, I was depressed, I was hating life. I let my situation get the better of me. I went to work, worked few hours, and earned low wages. We lost my mom's house. We almost lost everything we owned, if not for good friends that we had made by helping them when they needed it, we would not beliving in a nice place now. We even have a library and a fireplace! That excites me and makes me happy.

Please don't give up on everyone here. They just want you to stop and think. I didn't pull my head out until a year and a half ago. I didn't start trying to better my situation until then.

I've been where you are, but I've got one thing on you. I've been alive a while longer. I sat on my behind and watched a few years pass me by. I knew my mom was going to die early. I spent a long time mourning for her coming death. Maybe 7 or 8 years. I just let all that time pass me by while I watched, and waited, and let that control my life. Now I wish I had occupied my time with learning. Even if not from school, on the net. There is sooooo much info available.

To get degrees and stuff you need to pay, but you can still learn. I've been looking up lots of stuff. Not that you have a lot of time on the net.

Things do get better. You can sit and wait for it to just happen. Sometimes it will, but it's not definate. You could sit a week, to 100 years. OR... you can get up and MAKE things happen. First thing, you have to find value in yourself.

Who cares if the whole world, and everyone on the net gives up on you. The ONLY person who really matters is YOU! The only person that will be with you always without fail, is YOU! The only person who will always be there when you need someone, no questions asked... YOU! I learned that. If you can believe in yourself, you can make ANYTHING happen. You just have to WANT it hard enough.

Humans are fickle. They come, and they go. Some will stab you in the back. Some will offer you a shoulder when you need it. Some will be there always and love you more then you will ever understand. Stop worrying about the world, and think of yourself.

What is important to YOU? You are worth more then you think. It's so hard to learn that. It doesn't feel like anyone even tries, or cares to understand. A few of us have been in similar spots.

Sorry, I've said everything you've heard a million times. One day you will believe. It may come when you hit 18. It may come when you hit 21. It may come when you hit 30. The sooner it comes, the more life you will have to enjoy it.
post #38 of 40
Usually the people who tell you what you don't want to hear are the ones that care the most and if you really don't want to do something then it's usually the one thing you need to do the most. I know you're probably going to just wrinkle your nose at that, but when you're older you'll realize that the people here are right and by then it will be too late to say thank you or anything else. But since your fiance is abusive to you and the animals I'm just praying you'll have the chance to get older. You've still earned that right, no matter what you do, say, or think.
post #39 of 40
I can only agree with what other people have posted. I do have an example, though.

We had a young woman from the local high school do a co-op placement with us in the store where I work. They have a program for students who need real life skills to get school credit by "working" in a business that suits their interest. Then, they have some experience for finding work.

This young woman arrived for her interview, wearing shabby old clothes that were obviously from a thrift shop, she had cut her hair herself, she was wearing lip rings, and nose rings, and we wondered what we were going to do with her. Then she told us that she had to leave early every day to pick up her son from day care. She was 17. She sounded like a walking disaster.

So, her story, she left home at age 13, to get away from a dysfunctional family. She ran away with a guy who was 24, and a coke dealer. A year later , on drugs, she ended up pregnant. And that is what saved her life. She knew that her baby would have a better life than she had, so she moved to our city (where she knew a few people, and closer to her parents who had by now split up). She applied to go back to high school. She put out a restraining order for the boyfriend, to keep him out of her life. She applied for student welfare, so she could go back to school full time and get her HS graduation. She had her son in day care, and all of the school staff did everything they could to help her out, even taking her grocery shopping sometimes.

After she graduated, she used her experience from working with us to write a business plan for her own business. She found someone to finance her, she worked in restaurants for living expenses, and now she has a business she owns, making cosmetics, that she runs out of her own home. And her son is a lovely child, with a happy home life.

The lesson here is, she admitted that she needed help, she wasn't too proud to do anything to get help, and she had a goal, which was to provide a stable home life for her child. And it was amazing, as soon as she admitted that she needed help, in finishing her HS courses, everyone bent over backwards to make sure she succeeded.
post #40 of 40
Wow, that is an amazing story. I am always so glad to hear of people taking charge of their lives and making something of themselves through the rubble of 'bad childhoods'. Anything is totally possible when someone puts their mind to it.
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