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Some unfortunate turns of phrase!

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
These have been compiled from a local Housing Association....

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

I request your permisson to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

I have had the Works Superintendant down on the floor 6 times, but still have no satisfaction.

Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

I wish to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning his c0ck (you needed to see this word to understand why it was funny - obviously you don't refer to male chickens this way in America ) wakes me up and it's getting too much. It's alright when my husband is on day-shift, but on night-shifts I get it several times a week from Mr Docherty next door and at my age it's just too much.


News paper headlines that really shouldn't have been printed...

Enraged cow injures farmer with axe.

Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years.

Deer kill 17,000

red tape holds up new bridge

HOspitals are sued by 7 foot doctors


And of course... the church.

The sermon this morning "Jesus walks on water."
The sermon this evening "Searching for Jesus"

The associate Minister unveiled the church's new charity campaign slogan last Sunday "I upped my pledge - up yours"

Mrs Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

Low Self-Esteem group will meen on thursday at 7pm - please use the back door.

PLease place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seenin the basement on Friday afternoon.

and finally....

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be re-cycles. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
post #2 of 8

Very good Emma!!
post #3 of 8
post #4 of 8
Oh, Emma, I'm still laughing so hard I've got tears in my eyes! That's hillarious!
post #5 of 8
LOL! Terrific!
post #6 of 8
That is just too funny!!
post #7 of 8
Someone needs to learn to proofread. Those are hilarious!
post #8 of 8
Those are funny
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