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The Purpose of Chain Letters!

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
Want to thank all of you who have taken the time & trouble to send me your chain letters over the past two years.

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern, I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from FedEx or UPS since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Singapore, Jamaica, Uganda, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no feathers or eyes. I no longer date the opposite sex becausethey will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 434,632 angels looking out for me and St Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (Geeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!) I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,427,623rd time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $25,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. Yes, I want to thank all of you sooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor!!!!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 12,000 people in the next 6 seconds, large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your privates. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin twice removed.

post #2 of 6

I'll email this to my sister. She keeps on sending me those damn things. She knows very well I never even bother reading them. Sheesh! Thanks, Sheryll!
post #3 of 6
Now I want to check some of these things at snopes.com.
post #4 of 6
THANK YOU for posting this. I know just the person who will love this...she hates those forwards even more than I do! (Which I thought was impossible.)
post #5 of 6
In all honesty, I was afraid to open this thread...I thought it might be one of YOU KNOW, THEM! PHEW, I'M RELIEVED!
post #6 of 6
I especially hate the ones that tell you your wish will be granted IF you send it to like a million people. What a crock!
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