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Cute email I got today. Had to share with you all :)

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
Rules for Cats to Live By

Always accompany humans to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.

If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a humans bare foot.

If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering:"

1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and
then picked up and comforted.

2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book unless you can lie across the book itself.

3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.

4) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.

5) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap across arms,
hampering typing in progress.

As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the
dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with
love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.

Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget guests!
post #2 of 11
This is great-I have to pass it on!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #3 of 11
It's fantastic. Before we had Lily I wouldn't have identified with it, as our other 3 cats are much more independent. But Lily on the other hand.....it describes her perfectly
post #4 of 11
Hey, I think Conner wrote that!!!! Especially the butt in the face part,,well,,nevermind, it all fits him so well!!!
post #5 of 11
post #6 of 11
I like it, that's great!
post #7 of 11
I loved it!!! SO true!!! Hmmm.. I wonder where Dinah stashed this list of rules??? I swear, she lives by darn near every one of them!!
post #8 of 11
post #9 of 11
Thread Starter 
Ok. Emmett did one of the rules last night. I was in the bath. Usually I just take him in the bathroom with me so he won't be scratching on the door and everything. But last night he didn't want to come in, so I got in the tub and what does he do? Starts scratching up a storm, so I get out of the tub and open the door. He stands half way in and looks around, with me standing there dripping wet and freezing. Then he didn't even come in. I shut the door on him and went back in the tub to hear more scratching. I just ignored him and he finally stopped. I gotta find that rule book he is hiding and burn it!!!
post #10 of 11
this is so funny! (lol) i swear this is excactly like our cats!! espeicly Zeus, when we are reading he jumps up and puts his butt in our faces, and our cats get kitty litter everywhere! lol. anyway this is great!
post #11 of 11
I have tears rolling down my cheekks with laughter!!!

That was spot on
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