Introspective mood

talon

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I am having trouble sleeping, so I started contemplating "things" (yes, I know not very conductive to sleeping!) .. and I was thinking about friends - I have had one close friend in recent years (other than my best friend - my husband) and she has had some problems and cut herself off from me.

This led me to start thinking about past friendships. As a kid, I didn't have many. I was shy, embarassed to bring people home - as both parents were alcholics and I was always afraid of what they'd do next. Got kicked out of the house at 17, still went to college but beleiving even my alcholic family couldn't love me - my self confidence wasn't conductive to making friends - as I felt "not worthy". Well, many years later - I am worthy (thank goodness I have worked all of that out!), but still don't have close friends (except this one)... and I wonder why? Is it because I am used to be a "loner"? Is it just me? Or am I still afraid, and my self confidence is not where I think it is?

I think a little of both. Anyone else in the same "boat"?
 

gratefulbear629

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I have the same problem. My father is an alcoholic and my mother had me when she was very young. So, I was shipped from house to house/person to person and have gone to 7 different schools. I normally had good friends but for some reason or another I always grew apart from them and lost touch. And since I was moving every couple of years I guess I never allowed myself to get too close.

Now I don't really have any friends as pathetic as that sounds.
I hang out with my boyfriend and visit my family often. I wouldn't mind friends but I really don't go anywhere to meet new people. And even if I did it's hard for me to become close to people.

I would really like atleast one good friend to confide in and do things with.. just don't know where to find one.
 
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talon

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Hard for me to become close to people to - cats and birds make it so much easier.


We sound a great deal alike, and I bet there are going to be others like us popping up in this thread now and again.
 

pinkdaisy226

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Originally Posted by GratefulBear629

Now I don't really have any friends as pathetic as that sounds.
I hang out with my boyfriend and visit my family often. I wouldn't mind friends but I really don't go anywhere to meet new people. And even if I did it's hard for me to become close to people.

I would really like atleast one good friend to confide in and do things with.. just don't know where to find one.
I don't think it sounds pathetic... in fact that's me. I have my boyfriend yes, and I'm sociable at work... but I don't have many friends (outside of TCS). I don't really hang out with my parents, we weren't very close but as I get older, I find myself able to talk to them more easily (which I think freaks them out)... however I don't live in the same city as they do... something I did on purpose.

Just wanted to add... I didn't have a troubled childhood. Strict parents yes but nothing drastic.

Oh and I always have trouble sleeping. Glad to hear I'm not the only one.
 

gratefulbear629

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Originally Posted by pinkdaisy226

Oh and I always have trouble sleeping. Glad to hear I'm not the only one.
I have trouble sleeping a lot too. I find it really difficult to fall asleep at night -- I cannot get my mind to stop thinking!! And when I finally do I usually wake up many times during the night -- after which I have trouble falling asleep again. Even when I do get a "good nights sleep" I wake exhausted. I normally take a nap every day.

I have only joined TCS recently but I really do enjoy it here. I don't know anyone personally but it's nice to be able to feel some sense of belonging. And it's nice to chat with the same people (who are so very nice might I add) every day.
 

pinkdaisy226

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Originally Posted by GratefulBear629

I have trouble sleeping a lot too. I find it really difficult to fall asleep at night -- I cannot get my mind to stop thinking!! And when I finally do I usually wake up many times during the night -- after which I have trouble falling asleep again. Even when I do get a "good nights sleep" I wake exhausted. I normally take a nap every day.
Same here! My boyfriend literally falls asleep when his head hits the pillow and doesn't understand that it can take me up to an hour or more some nights, usually at least 30 minutes for me to fall asleep. And I wake up throughout the night, and often... I never wake up feeling refreshed and often struggle throughout the day.

He thinks I should get it looked into, to see if there's something wrong and something that could be done to help me. I always kind of wondered.. but was too scared to.
 

catherine

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I too, don't have many friends. Really, I only have 2 "true friends". And 3 or 4 fair weather friends. I just don't want to be bothered by people. In my experience, most people are either jealous of you, or want something from you. I go places and meet new people all of the time, but the people that I meet just aren't my type. I have a very low tollerance for "fake" people. I also, get tired of watching them do stupid financial things and then having to listen to them cry about not having money.
I guess to get to the point, I just can't stand people who can't be happy for me if something great comes my way. I'm always happy for my friends, even if they get something that I want. As a matter of fact, I'm usually more happy or them than I am for me.

I also have problems sleeping. Sometimes I lie in bed for 2 hours or more before falling asleep. I've thought about going to one of those sleeping clinics and getting all wired up so they could monitor me while I sleep. Have any of you thought of doing that or have done it?
 

kittylover4ever

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Tracey, always remember, you have a friend not only on here, but right up the street as well! We should do lunch sometime!
 

pinkdaisy226

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Originally Posted by catherine

I also have problems sleeping. Sometimes I lie in bed for 2 hours or more before falling asleep. I've thought about going to one of those sleeping clinics and getting all wired up so they could monitor me while I sleep. Have any of you thought of doing that or have done it?
I've thought about it but never seriously... I imagine it would cost quite a bit... and what if nothing was wrong with you after all that?
 

sar

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I don't have many friends either, I wonder if it is me? I arrived at uni and made a couple of friends, but when I changed course, I had nobody. Even now I am in the year below (believing things would be different) I feel so lonely as few will speak to me.

I have a best friend, but she lives miles away and as she works we rarely get to speak


I love TCS, but also wonder if people don't really want to be my friend here either


Sorry, just got a bit weepy thinking about it all
 

pinkdaisy226

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Originally Posted by Sar

I don't have many friends either, I wonder if it is me? I arrived at uni and made a couple of friends, but when I changed course, I had nobody. Even now I am in the year below (believing things would be different) I feel so lonely as few will speak to me.

I have a best friend, but she lives miles away and as she works we rarely get to speak


I love TCS, but also wonder if people don't really want to be my friend here either


Sorry, just got a bit weepy thinking about it all
Gasp Sarah what a horrible thing to say! You are one of my favorite friends on the site... sometimes you need to remember to respond to your PMs though... tsk tsk! Silly, thinking people don't want to be your friend... *I'M* your friend... proud of it and loving it!
 

jcat

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Don't you think it's mainly a matter of whether an individual is an introvert or an extrovert? And how many true, lifelong friends do most people have, particularly once they've reached adulthood and are very tied up with their jobs and families? I think there are all different kinds of friends, and many of them are more "good acquaintances", "work friends", or "fair-weather friends". Or maybe I should say there are varying degrees of friendship.
I have friends I grew up with whom I only hear from very occasionally, and others, one in particular, whom I'm still extremely close to, although we're thousands of miles apart. We're quite simply on the same wavelength, and probably always will be. A true friend goes through thick and thin with you, and that type of friend is rare. I guess what I want to say is that quality, not quantity, counts.
 

mrsd

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Good thoughts, jcat.

I think everyone feels lonely at times. I was born with a best friend, and my second best friend was born two years later. Plus, I have many good friends from church. I'm grateful for them!

I too have trouble sleeping, especially the older I get...

I think the best we can do is be ourselves. Go into life with the attitude that I'm worthy of love, I'm worthy of friendship, and I will give those qualities to others. It's hard when you've been scarred. You're scared to give of yourself, because rejection can happen. But keep giving anyhow. That's how friendship comes, not when you're looking for it, but when you give it. Just like you do on this message board.
 
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