|he reason why some people think suicide is selfish (and please, don't attack me for saying this, it's just what I've been taught) is because it kind of is... thinking only of yourself, of your pain and that's it. Not really realizing or thinking that other people will be affected by your death. You know?
I am not going to attack you for this. You don't know what it's like - and I thank God for that.
Would you call someone who had an illness selfish? No, most people wouldn't. They would say wow, poor you...
What happens with people who have brain diseases is that we have an illness in our brain. Our brain does not produce the proper mix of chemicals to keep things going smoothly. If things aren't going smoothly, do you really believe that we can think smoothly? LOL, I wish that were so.
Instead, what goes through a suicide's head is a nightmare, a never-ending litany of failure, dispair, hopelessness, helplessness. And there comes a time when all we can think of is death will make this stop. Death will make it all go away. Death is the only answer, because I am a failure at everything else, a complete balls-up complete waste of oxygen and energy. I don't deserve any help, because I am horrible and worthless. I don't deserve anyone's attention, because why waste their compassion and advice on the likes of me? It doesn't matter if I die; no-one will miss me. Matter of fact, they'll be happy that I'm gone, because I am such a strain on them. When it's over, they may cry for a little bit, but they'll be relieved, too...they no longer have me as their cross to bear, I will no longer inadvertantly screw up their life, they can move on in peace. Yes, the answer is death.
It's thought processes like these which, day after day, constantly and incessantly, parade through your mind when you have clinical depression with suicide ideations.
It's not about selfishness...it hasn't much to do with that at all. It has everything to do with ending the mental pain which can be the most amazingly enormous thing anyone can ever deal with.
I'm not at all upset that you're articulating this, Ari...but also realize that we used to lock up mentally ill people in the basement or the attic, and pretend that they didn't exist...we've got a long way, as a society, to even begin to understand what happens in our brains, especially when one gets sick.