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Giving a pill to kitty- it's a joke kids!

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
How to give a cat a pill:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding
a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right
hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth and allow cat to close
mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count to ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of
water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove
blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in
cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth
open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus
jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly
to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push
pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head
vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while
doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right
eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Phone the vet and arrange to bring cat over later on for pill administration, while you're waiting in the lobby,

How to give a dog a pill:

1) Wrap it in bacon.


post #2 of 10
Oh how some of those bring back memories
post #3 of 10
LOL Reminds me of a similar writing I read in a book written by a vet about how to give a cat a bath, which ended with "apply iodine to scratches and call spouse to help you with the ones that just won't stop bleeding".

I am sooooooooo lucky and grateful to have my lovely Beau. I can give him a bath, give him a pill, do anything at all with that boy and he never struggles or hurts me. Not ever.
post #4 of 10
I swear to God I laughed sooo sooooo hard while I read this. I still am laughing and have tears coming down. This was the greatest joke I've ever read I think. Thanks so much. I needed it.

Excuse me, while I go blow my nose and wipe my eyes.
post #5 of 10
that was nearly the reenactment of the first time I tried to give a pill to roxygo.. i can't believe i got out of there alive, and only wasted 2 pills hehe.
post #6 of 10
Yep.... that's CJ!!!

That such a funny story! Very cute!
post #7 of 10
post #8 of 10
post #9 of 10

That is what I did this morning with Andy!
post #10 of 10
Joke? what are you talking about?
That's what I got through everytime I have to give Rocket a pill. Normally he's the most loving cat in the world, but just try to give him a bath or a pill and he becomes possessed with a demon! He howls and cries and scratches and bites! It's horrible. I have to wait until Brad is home to help me do either.
The others aren't so bad, I can pill them by myself, Now bathes I can't do. It breaks my heart to hear them cry, so I leave that up to the mean daddy man!!! LOL!
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