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Rules for Cats to live by

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
I got these in an email today and thought how much my boys do just that

BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a humans bare foot.

HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering:"

1. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

2. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

3. For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.

4. For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas cards, keep in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.

5. When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans
love to jump.

6. When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen
then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.

WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.
BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

LITTER BOX: When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.
ONE LAST THOUGHT: Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget guests.
post #2 of 20
Those are cute, as I was reading some came to mind and then I kept reading and I read them! *rofl* How do people know so much about my cats?! Whos watching me!?
post #3 of 20

Oh yeah, you forgot... Lay across the floor so that the humans have to step over you in order to pass and when they do jump up suddenly causing them to trip and fall in order to avoid stepping on you... While they are layin on the floor walk up to their face and bite their nose! They LOVE having their noses biten!
post #4 of 20

OMG.Those are hilarious and sooooo true.Thanks for sharing.
post #5 of 20
To true and too funny
post #6 of 20
That's hilarious - thanks for the laugh!
post #7 of 20
Ha ha... those are great!
post #8 of 20
That was so funny!!!
post #9 of 20
That was cute & creative. All my cats get an 'A' grade! Tonight, 6 mo.old Joey wanted an 'A+'- so he grabbed a TacoBell cupcarrier full of drinks and pulled it off the coffee table. The splash was spectacular - the other cats rated it a '10'! Not to be outdone, his littermate JC gave a great demostration on tossing ice cubes in the air, and had great fun attacking the towels I was using to mop up!
post #10 of 20
Jeter loves to give us "the butt"...
post #11 of 20
So cute and true!
post #12 of 20
post #13 of 20
So true!Obviously, our kitties got to this before we did!
post #14 of 20
Those are great and so accurate! Liza's is a good one too......lay in the middle of the floor so the humans have to step over you! I always say to mine when they do that, "No no....don't trouble yourself......I'll step over you." (especially when I'm trying to come in the door with an armload of groceries!)

Here's some more:

TABLES: Anytime you see something on a table, be sure to knock it off. It's especially effective if it's breakable or a glass full of liquid. Humans love for their tables to be free of any clutter.

COUNTER TOPS: Humans often leave food on the counter tops, so jump up there and eat it. If you can't eat it all, make enough of a hole in it so that the human knows you've been there so they will have to throw it away. Humans hate having leftovers, so you're helping them to keep the refrigerator clean. (then proceed to a chair or rug before you throw up)

GROOMING: Always groom yourself while your human is eating or has guests over. Be sure to get your legs really high in the air and get to all those hard to reach places.
post #15 of 20
post #16 of 20
That is GREAT! and oh so true!!
post #17 of 20
How true are they!!!
post #18 of 20
i love them!
post #19 of 20
Thank you for my morning laugh. All of those were so funny and yes, so very true. All I could do was picture my cats doing these things as they love to do. Marcellus was most annoying last night with his knocking things on the floor. I've learned to keep the breakables put away and definitely the little things he loves to knock on the floor, but last night it was even books. Knocking things down is his hobby. I think the food bowls were empty.
post #20 of 20
OH that was great!!!
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