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How do/did you all handle it?

post #1 of 35
Thread Starter 
Well, I just made a complete fool of myself..........

I was sitting here doing my work and this song came on the radio that Dad and I danced to at my wedding in 2000. Butterfly kisses. Well, at the end, it said, You have to let her go, and to my surprise, tears started rolling like buckets out of my eyes. I was sitting here trying to regain my composure before anyone noticed. Of course, Neil, my boss, walks up and asks me a question, see's I'm a mess, and asks me if I'm ok. That just makes it worse. All I could do is wave my hand and head on out to the bathroom.

I don't know about you, but it's hard to let our parents "go" like the song suggested. I guess that's what really got me. It's been almost 2 years since he passed......I know the love never goes away, and the pain does lessen, but everyone now and just gets to you, ya know?

Ok, enough downers here.......thanks for listening.
post #2 of 35
to me 2000 wasnt long ago at all! it only seems to be last year!
I dont relate to songs in that way, i am more of an image person.
I know how upset you would have been
I suppose i would have reacted that way too and not be embarrased because after all you were remembering someone you loved so much
post #3 of 35
Aw Beb I know how you feel. I really relate to music in a big way and even if I don't have a reason to cry, I do. Sometimes we just need to let loose our emotions like that - it's nothing to be ashamed of at all. I think it's an admirable thing that some people do just that... some forget all too quickly. A person is never truly gone from our lives until we forget them. I still cry at "blue velvet", for my friend Jamsie... even though it's been over ten years now. I think you should hold your head up with pride I don't know what it's like to lose a parent, but I know how it feels to lose a loved one. Never be ashamed of your tears.
post #4 of 35
Thread Starter 
Thanks Emma and Fwan........
post #5 of 35
post #6 of 35
It doesn't matter how long ago it was, the song picks up more meaning when your loved one passes! It is completely understandable that you would get emotional. That happens to me at the weirdest times when I think about my grandfather!
post #7 of 35
post #8 of 35
Oh goodness...I cry every time I hear that song! There's just a couple that do that to me every time I hear them, no matter what is going on around me. And yes, I really hate it when that happens at work...

Susie, all I can tell you is that while there will always be things that will remind you of your father, the more time that passes the less tears that come uncontrollably. It's been five years now (this month) since my mother passed, and now most of the time the things that make me think of her make me smile as I remember the great things about her and fond memories. It isn't that I miss her any less, I think it's just more of an acceptance.
post #9 of 35
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone for the kinds for the kind words and hugs......
post #10 of 35
Susie - there are just some things you will never get over, and in tribute to your parents, should you really get over them?

I've lost both parents and there are things that always trigger an emotional response, even though Dad has been gone since 1986 and mom since 2000. And its usually what you might consider the mundane things that trigger it - songs, movies, special dates.

I learned a lot from my dad's passing that helped me accept my mom's (I was a LOT closer to mom than dad). I celebrate their lives and the influence they had on mine, even when I'm crying for them, but it has taken me a long time to be able to do that.

*hugs* to you girl!!
post #11 of 35
All sad music makes me cry at the moment and I'm in tears reading this thread!

Susie, I can't say how you are feeling but seeing as I lost my Grandfather last November I know how you are feeling to some extent - I have a picture of him on my stereo and when I wake up every morning it's the first thing I see and I always shed a few tears. Also on Sunday, the family & I went out for a meal and there was an extra seat - we all knew it was for Grandad. Little things like that get me hard. Everytime we have a glass of wine we pour one for him, he loved his wine.

Big hugs Susie!
post #12 of 35
Susie, I know exactly how you feel. My "big" brother passed away in 1991, and sometimes I still feel lost without him. He was a big Elton John and Queen fan, and I think of him whenever I hear their music. Ditto the "Alien" films. He loved "Lord of the Rings", and I haven't been able to watch any of them, because I know he would've loved them, and I picture him dragging me to see them. Every day I find reminders of him. The acute pain lessens, but the melancholy really doesn't. I find it unreal that I'm now 10 years older than he was when he died. The little reminders hurt, but life would be worse without them. Does that make sense? As Heidi put it, with time comes acceptance.
post #13 of 35
Awwww Susie My dads been gone now for 20 years and i still remember him as if i saw him yesterday!

It would have been my 25th wedding anniversary last week and i still remember his last words to me before he and i left the house to go to the wedding car, "If anything happens, you know your bed is still here!"
post #14 of 35
Hun, that is a really good song. It is understandable that it made you tear up. My brother died in 1998 and I still think of him and cry eveytime I hear "Tell me I was Dreaming" by Travis Tritt. My mom gave me my brother's CDs. The CD with that song was the very first one he had placed in his case. It made me think of the time he told me that he really liked that song but it made him sad. My mom and sister were coming up with songs to play at his funeral, and of course I suggested that one. Now all the songs from his funeral make me want to cry, but that ones the worst. I also think of him whenever I hear something by Tim McGraw come on because he was his favorite artist. A lot of things remind me of him.

Things will get better with time. Sometimes I think we are meant to have these reminders. It's like them speaking to us in a way.

post #15 of 35
Thread Starter 
Thanks again's great to have friends who understand
post #16 of 35
There are umpteen pieces of music that remind me of Mum. She's been gone almost 17 years, and I still tear up, always will I'm sure. There are pieces that make me think of Dad, who's still with us, and they make me tear up, too. Anyone walks in on me mid-flood, I just grin sheepishly through the tears, say something like "Bittersweet...I'll be fine in a moment" and shrug.

Yeah, it can be a little embarrassing, but I'm always just grateful that it's nice memories that are bringing the tears, not bad ones. As others have said, it does get easier, but it never goes away.
post #17 of 35
Just sending you a hug, I know exactly how you feel
post #18 of 35
I went to an All Saints Day service a few years back and the young priest visualized grief in a way I've never forgotten. He said that grief was like a big hole in the floor. When it first hits you you fall into it every day, but as time passes you learn to walk around it and pretend it's not there. However, every now and then something'll happen and you'll fall into that hole again. It never goes away, we just learn to deal with it. Personally I have three "holes" in my life so far - my great-grandmother, my grandfather and my dear cat Katie. I've lost other loved ones but those are the three that I think I must grieve the most for. I'm sorry you've lost your parents. I can't even begin to imagine how much that must hurt.
post #19 of 35
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Emma's Friend
I went to an All Saints Day service a few years back and the young priest visualized grief in a way I've never forgotten. He said that grief was like a big hole in the floor. When it first hits you you fall into it every day, but as time passes you learn to walk around it and pretend it's not there. However, every now and then something'll happen and you'll fall into that hole again. It never goes away, we just learn to deal with it. Personally I have three "holes" in my life so far - my great-grandmother, my grandfather and my dear cat Katie. I've lost other loved ones but those are the three that I think I must grieve the most for. I'm sorry you've lost your parents. I can't even begin to imagine how much that must hurt.
Thanks Amie.....good analogy...... Actually, I haven't lost my parents, just my dad. Thank the Lord my mom is still with us and very healthy. My dad was and always will be my best friend and his death hit me like a ton of bricks........but as time is passing, (it'll be two years in March) I am learning to accept it more, but then one day I'll be sitting here and thinking, OH MY GOD, what I wouldn't give to see and talk to Dad. I know he's gone, but part of me thinks he's at home with my mom. One thing I know for sure, he's in my forever......
post #20 of 35
Oh Susie, what can I say... thanks for share this...
post #21 of 35
I know how you feel, the same thing happens to me. My mum passed away in January of 2002, and anything sappy about mothers and daughters (movies, books, commercials) always gets to me. It can just come out of the blue and be overwhelming. She passed away of breast cancer, and we always do the Komen walk in the spring. I'm on the verge of tears almost the whole time, but I know mum would be proud of us doing it and it feels good to remember her that way. I always try to turn it around and realize how lucky I was to have a mother that I loved so much. That usually helps make me feel better.
post #22 of 35
I can not even begin to imagine what the loss of my parents would bring. I'm very close to both mom and dad. There's a song, i think by Dire Straits, that has a line that goes,"...I wasn't there that morning when my father passed away........I didn't get to tell him all the things i wanted to say..." I can't even listen to that, I have to either switch the station or turn it down at that point. He lives down in So. California and I'm up here in Portland. But, I'm moving back down that way to continue school, so I'll be closer to him. He has told me in the past that he has lived a long and happy life and if something was to happen, he was ok with it. That was said when he started traveling more after mom and dad divorced. If I got "THE" phone call, I'd be a wreck for quite some time. Someone would have to come and get me. I just hope I don't lose it!!!

My prayers to all that have lost a loved one recently....
post #23 of 35
Yes sweety, I do know, and so does anyone who has truly loved a parent or another being skin or furred. Hugs
post #24 of 35
I know exactly how you feel. My Mom passed away February of last year, and as the one year approaches I feel the gloom hang over my head. I'm finding it hard to listen to certain songs as they always remind me of her. Kathy Matea's "Where have you been" was her favorite.

After Mom passed away, I made a Mix CD of her favorite songs and songs that denoted how I felt (i.e.: The Calling "Can it be any harder") and sometimes listening to music can open up that blockage and allow you to cry.

Its very hard, especially when parents die young and you can't comprehend why. Mom was 43, I 23. I know the pain, and while it is still very fresh in my mind, know that your Dad is there, looking out for you! Always, they will be with us, never forget that.

*Hugs to you*
post #25 of 35
Oh my.
post #26 of 35
I'm sorry you were imbaresed you shouldn't be it's a very natral thing to cry when something tugs at the heart strings I would sugest that if you are worried about it you should just have a quick word with the person who interupted you and explain why you were upset some days hurt worse than others and memory trips can be very ruff so don't feel bad

I lost my Mother In Law nearly 3 years ago we were very close and there is and always will be a huge hole in my heart some days I feel like I have lost the other half of me I don't listen to much music now we used to listen and sing together but I'm lucky as to have had such a wounderful person touch my life and in my dark hours witch as everyone has said are getting fewer I try and rember that not all are as lucky as me as to have had someone so special that she could open up her heart and love me the way she did now I've done it I can't see the key's so I supose what I want to say is it will be ok and you should never be embarased because you cryed over a lost love one and anyone that has loved someone will understand I hope this has all made sence
post #27 of 35
I'm so sorry for your loss, I know how it feels to cry after hearing a song that is attached to you emotionally, I cry also whenever I hear that song. I lost my baby brother and although I was very young and cannot remember him we were very close and sometimes I miss him too much, I hope you feel better soon

post #28 of 35
Thread Starter 
Once again, thank you all for the wonderful words and are all so dear to me..
post #29 of 35
Just wanted to pop in and see how you were feeling If there's anything on this one planet that makes me cry, it has to be Aerosmith... don't wanna miss a thing. And I'm sure that there are plenty of little westlife ditties that do it to me too. The Westlife memories are happy ones though; tears don't necessarily have to be for sadness. I'm sure there are thousands of memories that will be conjured up from all sorts of sources... some things that make you cry, but an equal number that make you laugh... say "remember that time we all went fishing and dad fell in the lake?" or "Can you remember the look on dad's face when we got him xyz for his birthday?" Silly stuff... I don't think I'll ever forget the look on my dad's face after I had my first tattoo done - and then when my mother came home with one too!!! OH my, that really was worth it! If only I'd had a camera....

That analogy about the hole is a really good one.. but the way I see it... greif IS like a hole in the floor... but sometimes we don't need to walk around it. Sometimes we just need to learn to fill that void with happy memories.. then is ceases to be a hole in the floor. Then it becomes a bridge to help us get to the other side
post #30 of 35
My goodness, you have me in tears here too...I know what it's like, I can't listen to 'perfect day' any more as it holds too many sad memories. The trouble with sadness is that it never picks a time to strike you when you are alone, there's usually a witness, and you feel embarrassed. But really, we shouldn't worry about it, I bet everyone gets like this at some point in their lives and we do understand. No-one's going to think you're losing it at all.

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