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October 10, 1973

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
It seems like only yesterday that this date was here. I was 19 years old and still living at home. My Mom had finished her last round of chemotherapy and was home. She lost the sight in her right eye but seemed very upbeat. My mom and dad had gone to pick out plots at Rose Hill Cemetery. Mom made jokes about how the plots were very conveniently located close to the road. You could either stop by and say hi or, if you didn't have time, you could just drive by and throw the flowers out the car window. That is my favorite story that would usually make me laugh. Not today.

My Mom was very special. She was only 44 years old when she died. But she was very wise and was always there for me, no matter what. She was my best friend and all my friends loved to come over to my house and just hang with me and my mom. I remember once I belonged to Junior Achievement and was responsible for makng a banner to carry in the local parade. I took the easy way out, a sheet and a can of spray paint. It looked awful but was okay as far as I was concerned. I went to bed. My mom stayed up half the night making an awesome banner on the sewing machine. When I got up the next morning, she left it laying across the other bed in my room. That's what she was like. She was a young 44. The best.

I was never afraid of telling her anything. She told me I could always tell her anything and by golly, she was right.

Today is the 27th anniversary of my mom's passing. She was taken out of our house on an ambulance stretcher at 2 a.m. in a coma because her cancer had traveled to her brain. Never got to say goodbye, thank you or I love you.

So today I dedicate this thread to my mom, Joanne Ploss, who passed away 27 years ago. I miss her every single day of my life. My one wish would be to have even 5 minutes with her to tell her what I didn't get to tell her that cool morning in October.

I love you and miss you terribly Mom. See you, Dad and Tigger at the Bridge.

post #2 of 11
Oh Donna, my heart aches for you. I know what you're going through, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

I'm here for you.

post #3 of 11

Here's to your mother. I understand your feelings on this day.

It's been just 1 year since I lost my father, and especially in these times, I miss his wisdom immensely.

And Donna, don't worry about words you never had a chance to speak on that day.

She knows, then and now.

post #4 of 11
This verse came to mind when I read your post

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

As the years pass Donna, may you find comfort in the good memories and love in the laughter of friends around you. In the meantime, lean on those of us who truly do love you, and know that your mother is watching you with a kind smile and loving eyes.
post #5 of 11
Donna....Mom's are special people..and so are Dads. We don't appreciate that until it's too late. That's their job and their joy I guess..getting us ready to be independent. Sometimes they leave before we really get to know them as people..I lost my Dad when I was 14 and I still remember his strength and patience.

Sometimes they stay until we get a chance to try and repay them for not murdering us when we were little monsters. Mom is 80 now,her hearing is almost gone and her mind is slipping. Sometimes she tries my patience as I'm sure I did hers; but I love her and am very proud of her. Mom's great people.

Rest assured that your Mom has been with you every day and always will be...and she'll be waiting for you with open arms..and a dustbuster for the cat hairs on the clouds. She's proud of her daughter..be very sure of that!!!

Tell her Hi from the rest of us.
post #6 of 11

I know exactly how you feel. My mom died of cancer of August 21, 1984. She was 47, I was 19. She didn't get diagnosed until it was very far progressed. The doctors gave her the option of treatment which would keep her alive maybe 2 years of feeling miserable, or going home to get her life in order and enjoy the 8 months she had left. She went home. She had no pain or suffering (that she told us about anyway) until 3 days before she died.

This is my favorite poem for her, from W.H. Auden, which you might recognize from "Four Weddings and a Funeral". I know it was written for a man, but it caught the emotions so well, it said just what I felt better than I ever could.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone.
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone.
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead.
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Except that I think love does last forever . . .

My dad, oddly enough, died on Sept. 22, 1984 of his second heart attack. He was also 47. They had been divorced for 7 years, she was remarried and he had a steady girlfriend, but they died like an elderly couple where one somehow dies of a broken heart, just can't go on without the other. Next to his bed was a book of poems by Longfellow, with the corner turned down on one. I think it was his poem for her, but then I think he still loved her. I believe the poem was Evangeline, but all the versions I can find online are much longer than the one in that book, so perhaps not.

Anyway, see how this stuff sidetracks a person? I just wanted to say I understand.
post #7 of 11
Donna, thank you for sharing your mom's memory. I'm fortunate to have both my parents with me and during this pregnancy I am learning to get to know new aspects of my mom who is about to become a grandmother for the first time. For the past 4 years, since I move in with the man I share my life with, I guess in a way I turned away from my mom to find my own path in life. Now I realize how much I still need her guidance and support and I am grateful that she is here for me. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose your mom at such a young age and my eyes fill with tears thinking about your pain.
post #8 of 11
Donna, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I have both of my parents still, but I know someday the day will come when I have to say goodbye. I cry just thinking about it.
Just remember, you will see her again someday. She is waiting for you I am sure.
post #9 of 11
Donna - just from your words, I know your mom taught you well!
You had a great mom - but she also had a great daughter....
Thank you for making me think today of my mom and died, who are gone now.
post #10 of 11
My eyes welled up as I read your beautiful memorial to your Mom. She must have been a wonderful person...you have such wonderful memories to keep her spirit alive in you. She would surely be proud of you, and of the wonderful tribute you gave her.
post #11 of 11
Oh Donna, my heart goes out to you. I just now saw this thread, and I understand what you are going through. Your mother sounds like such a wonderful person, and I know she is waiting in heaven for you!

My father passed away a year ago last August 24th, and it is also my step-son's birthday, so it was difficult this year, when he turned 11, to try to celebrate and be happy, because I didn't want to be a downer on his birthday, but yet, it was in my mind all day that it had been a year ago.

Mom passed away 4 years ago. I never got a chance to tell her all the things I wanted to either, because she had had several strokes, and her mind had been gone for 10 years before she died.

It is a long hard road to trying to deal with a parent's death, and not something we get over, ever. But I think it helps me to know that they are in heaven, and dad is sitting down to a HUGE bowl of ice-cream (his favorite food) and I'll bet they have some awesome flavors up there! And mom is painting her pictures, just like she did before her mind went, and they are waiting for me.

I know your mom is waiting for you too, I'm sure they know each other very well now!
I love you Donna, take care during this difficult time, and I will say a prayer for you to help ease the pain.
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