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This is making me feel bad...(sort of long)

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
I seem to venting a lot lately guys, I'm sorry. I'm just having a rough spot I think. But I really need to get this off my chest.

As some of you know, I haven't been working since May and am currently looking for a job. My bf and I are paying two mortgages right now, even though we're living together, because I haven't been able to sell my co-op apartment yet. Anyway, my mom's b-day is next week, and my dad's is next month. My dad called yesterday and said that I shouldn't get my mom or him anything for their birthdays, because I am not working and the two apartment situation. Instead, he said I should write something for my mother, that she would appreciate that so much more than a material thing (I've periodically written things for people in lieu of gifts when I've been broke). Here's the thing. First of all, we are not broke. We are fine. My bf has a good job and I saved money when I was working. I don't like my parents thinking we are having money trouble, for a lot of reasons, one of them being, if I don't give my parents gifts now because of this, I am going to feel guilty every time we spend money on something "unnecessary" for ourselves, like a nice dinner out or a weekend away.

But there's another issue that is bothering me more than the money thing, and that is this thing about writing something for my mom. I just don't feel equipped to do that in a genuine way right now. I am at a point in my life right now where I feel like I am struggling against everything that came before this point--including some things about how my parents and I relate to each other, and related to each other during my childhood. It's not that I hate my parents, or think they were terrible parents, or anything like that. But over the past year or so I've been really having to examine my life and look into myself, and I am trying to overcome a lot of deep-seated things in me, some of which obviously were instilled in me by my parents. I know that my parents did some great things for me when I was a kid, and taught me some good lessons, but I am having some trouble accessing those right now. It's making me feel really bad though to think I can't say good things about my mother, who I love dearly. I also know that she and my father probably discussed the fact that they would say this to me, and if I don't show up at her birthday with something I've written, she's going to feel hurt. I don't want that either. This is just making me feel so terrible.
post #2 of 7
Whoa--sounds like your brain is in overdrive! May I suggest getting your mother a beautiful birthday card along with a little present. It doesn't have to be much--and they shouldn't expect anything out of you--don't be so hard on yourself either!

post #3 of 7
Oh Stefanie........I understand what your going thru. Although I had/have a terrific relationship with my parents, some of my siblings had a harder time relating. I would just write something nice to make your mother happy, but also explain to them that your ok financially. For some people it's so hard to express feelings and emotions. Although my father loved all of us kids dearly, he had a hard time saying and showing it.
post #4 of 7
Stefanie a nice card with some lovely words from your heart and a small bunch of flowers would make her day i bet!
post #5 of 7
I think Caprice is right about being in over drive!
Maybe you could meditate for a while and write down your feelings about your Mother, then you could choose the bits that you like and want to say then work them together (almost like editing automatic writing) It could be worth a try?!
I hope you work it out!
post #6 of 7
Dear Stephanie,
Sounds to me that your family handles money very well since you saved money while you were working, and since your parents are in tune to your situation, i.e. they realize that even though you aren't broke, you're not working and therefore no longer adding to the savings. That is such a practical way to be! You should give seminars or something, since so many people have such huge debts!
It's nice that your parents prefer your writings to some material things that they will have to dispose of sooner or later. However, it sounds kinda like you've been given a homework assignment, with the due date being your mother's birthday. That's no help when you're already dealing with other emotional issues. Does your mom have a book that she enjoyed as a child, or perhaps there was a book that you both enjoyed? Or a movie? Then you could give her a copy, with a note that the book or movie reminds you of a good memory of her, or that you were going to write something, but saw whatever you buy her, and couldn't resist. If she has a sense of humor, you can say that she can leave it to you in her will, and you'll enjoy getting it, too. Please keep us updated on what happens! We really do care how it turns out for you! Susan
post #7 of 7
sending you some hugs. I really dont have any advice. But I have hugs for you. And i hope this comes to a plesant end. I am sure your mom will enjoy anything you have for her. It is after all the thought that counts.
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