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divorce - Page 2

post #31 of 47
I'm sorry for you. I went through a divorce about 6 years ago but it was my doing. Thank dog I didn't have any kids. My brother left his wife and two babies on New Years day as well and my family is pretty upset about it. They just had their second child two months ago and thier oldest is 2 1/2 years old. He is being selfish and is just thinking of himself and there is nothing any of us can do as he goes on the defense immediatley. I hope you two can work things out.
post #32 of 47
Thread Starter 
What is ARS and where do I find it?
post #33 of 47
While he does not want to go therapy (most men don't) Get yourself to a therapist, to help you cope better in this diffucult time. I believe this number is nationwide...1 800-Therapist. Good luck and warm wishes.

post #34 of 47
Sorry to hear that. If you know that you can fix the problem then give it a shot.
post #35 of 47
Originally Posted by Tigger
What is ARS and where do I find it?
Arizona Revised Statutes. Title 25 is Domestic and Marital Relations:


scroll down and click Article 7 - Conciliation.

Better yet, read as much of this section, as is applicable. You never know what you might need.

Good luck.
post #36 of 47
Ah, the nefarious 7 year itch. Ask him if he'll consider going to marital therapy with you first. If he does then you know you definitely have a chance. Good luck!
post #37 of 47
I was going to say the same thing! So few people know about the 7 year itch as there are so few marrages that last that long! lol Basically the man hits his mid years and gets scaired. What is he doing with his life? why isn't he where he wants to be in his career? Will women still find him attractive???(That is the real biggie)

If I were you I would change my hair style and color, buy some sexy lingerie, rent a motel room and invite him over for a candle lit dinner!

Role play, or get a sexy game from an adult store. It may shock him into looking at you in a different light and maybe he will find the spice just enough to keep him with you. Some times couples get lazy when it comes to meeting each others needs and a little something new can go a long way! It couldn't hurt.
post #38 of 47
Just wondered how things were going Tigger? Keep your chin up - Kev
post #39 of 47
Thread Starter 
Oh, he isnt coming back. He called me on Thursday. We talked and there is no use. I asked if he missed me, and he said for the last week he has not thought about me or the cats, that he is not in love with me and does not love with me, and has completely moved on. AND, with that, ALL I have to say right now, despite what he says, or what anyone else thinks or says (here or in life), he has someone, and I firmly belive that. He had a "good" female friend he has known for a year or so now from work .. Well, Since October, he would mention "S this, or S did this, or S that" Im not going to go into the whole thing .. He spilled his guts to her about us in November or so, and supposedly she offered him advice and then he said she opened his eyes up and he was working on becoming a better husband for me (this was a week after my b-day, which was 12/11) ... The signs are there ... 99.9% of the time when someone tells you that, there is someone. I dont care what anyone says .. So, now, I am more *$#)# off and angry than anything .. I didnt cry last night, and maybe for a second tonight, but that was all.. I didnt think of him today. Its just too bad he wont work things out .. Plus, on Tuesday, I have the great luck of picking up the papers .. Supposedly, I have 20 days to pick them up, if I dont then I get served and then have to go to court or some BS about it. And, I also believe this chick (10 years older than him) has A LOT to do with it. The day he opened his mouth to her, is the day it started, I think. NOT once, have I ever shared my history with my husband to a guy.
post #40 of 47
awe, i am sorry to hear about the problems that you are having... i hope that everything works out for you.. i dont have any experiece in this..
my parents were divorced when i was 4.. and then were back together b4 their divorce was finial..
post #41 of 47
I have nothing really to add...you've received good advice. What I would like to say is that if you can, try seeing a counselor on your own. It may not save the marriage, but it might help you through the rougher times. And they can get downright rough. It cannot hurt to learn how to cope better through this.

As for him, if he disrespects you enough to go and have an affair, then he isn't worth you, your time, your love, and your attention. Fat lot of good that does right now, but there will come a point where you will realize this. You're going to hurt - a whole lot - but I promise you it will get better. You will survive this, you will make it through this.

Hugs to you.

post #42 of 47
Thread Starter 
I go see a counselor on Wednesday, actually. I almost feel like asking him next time we talk, if he is still attracted to me. I dont think it is a sexual affair with this girl, I think it might be another type, or atleast Id like to hope. Its funny .. on my b-day, he bought me my first birthday cake, and he said I was worth it, and he should have done it sooner. Also, he bought me a really nice white gold necklace, and a white gold diamond ring. So, I wonder if he was feeling guilty like they say. I asked him that one day, and he said he bought because he said it was to make me happy, and that the probably said the things (about being a better person) subconciously. Not to mention, he showed his "friend" the stuff he bought me at the mall, and oh, he went with her to the cell phone store @ lunch when her phone wasnt working ..... I even told him not to go with her.
I just wish he knew ........
post #43 of 47
I'm sad to say, Tigger, that I think your assessment of the situation is dead-on accurate. Either he is involved with this woman, or will be in time. The other sad part is that it probably won't last, but that may be months or years away, and by then it will be too late. What seems to be certain is that he is involved with her on an emotional level, which is what caused him to kick you to the curb so abruptly. It's so much easier to walk away when someone is waiting in the wings. In my experience, though, he allowed that friendship to evolve because he wasn't happy to begin with, but instead of acknowledging it or working on it with you, he just let it happen. It really is very telling of the 7-year itch type of thing. What the majority of people don't understand is that a good, healthy marriage takes a lot of work and effort. It doesn't just occur.

I'm gald you are seeing a counselor. It will take time to pick up the pieces and move on for you. After all, you aren't the one who has someone new as a distraction. Good luck, and I am sorry that you have to go through this.
post #44 of 47
I hate to agree but I have to. When I was separating from my first husband, there was a guy at work who was very sympathetic and I ended up telling him everything. Then, a year later, he was going through the same thing, and guess what? We ended up together and he became my second husband, though we divorced 17 years later. These kinds of friendships don't usually start unless the parties are at least attracted to each other.
post #45 of 47
Originally Posted by jennyranson
These kinds of friendships don't usually start unless the parties are at least attracted to each other.
And, often, the attraction isn't there unless there is some type of disillusionment in the regular situation. I am far from pointing a finger and saying that anyone is at fault, but when everything is just dandy, you don't respond to the stimulus even when it is thrown in your path.
post #46 of 47
Good luck, Tigger. If he's got that attitude, maybe you're better off without him. My ex got involved with an old friend of ours and left me, for her. There were a lot of other issues, too. After being totally devastated and beating myself up, asking "why?", I decided to get on with the business of life. He tried his best to turn me into a total basket case but, I'd be d****d if I'd let him win or have that kind of control over me. Thank goodness, for my family and my REAL friends.

If its any consolation, there IS some justice in the world: less than a year after leaving, Numbnuts had to have double-bypass surgery and, because of that, the doctor cut off his Viagra prescription!

Just remember - living well is the best revenge!

Check those statutes and make sure that your marital rights are safeguarded, though.
post #47 of 47
i hope all the best for you
he sounds like a total loser!
You are most probably better off with out him.
I know how angry you are because it would *&^% me off too if there was some other B**** involved!
just hang in there you will get through it
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