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Having an angry moment

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
My little bro (Dd) and his girlfriend (K) moved into a flat of their own about three months ago. All is well and good. Both of them were working and money wasn't hard to find. Unfortunately, K broke her arm and as a result was given an unfair dismissal form her work placement (which she is currently taking them through the courts for) and now Dd is supporting them both - paying for food, the bills, rent and council tax and anything else unforseen. Now, even though he earns enough to be able to do that, it's really tight for them and K is feeling really bad about not being able to find work. Jobs up here are very few and far between. My father had said to them that if they ever needed help, all they had to do was ask. So Dd did what I've had to do on several occasions, which is swallow pride and ask for the help. All he wanted was help with the council tax, because it comes out of his account on the 25th but he woudln't get paid until the 28th. the intention was that he would borrow the money from dad and pay it back from the wages he'd get on the 28th. three days that dad wouldn't have that money. Dad threw it back in his face and launched into a lecture about how kids were ungrateful for money etc, etc. I've no qualms what he does to me... I've been a failure ever since I left high school a year early and I've kind of gotten used to being treated like that, but my little bro is doing something with his life... he's not made any of the mistakes that I have in my life and it's not like dad would never see that money back. He made me so angry and for once in my life I stood up to him and I told him exactly what I thought of him treating Dd like that. I told him that I didn't care what he did to me, but if he didn't keep my little bro safe then by God, I would. It just makes me so mad that he can make an offer and then throw it back at him like that. He since gave in and has agreed to help him out - I mean, it' snot like he can't afford to - but a father shoudln't really need to be persuaded to help out their own child. Sorry about the rant... but it felt good to get that off my chest.
post #2 of 9
Originally Posted by LilleKat
. My father had said to them that if they ever needed help, all they had to do was ask.
Your father was obviously lying. That is sad.
Anyway, I think you did the right thing in standing up for your brother.
post #3 of 9
My grandfather was very much like your father--he would offer help to my dad or uncle and then held it over their heads literally for the rest of his life. I don't feel that parents have an "obligation" to help their adult children, but if they choose to do so, they should do so freely and without judgment. Help should be just that--help--not an opportunity to lecture and berate. I'm glad you stood up for your brother. Your father was being hypocritical and unkind. Good for you for taking a stand.

One other thing--please don't call yourself a failure. Look, I obviously don't know you or all the things that have happened in your life, but it seems to me from what I "know" of you on this forum that you are thoughtful and caring, and a good person. That doesn't sound like a failure to me, and don't let anyone--your father or anyone else--convince you any different.
post #4 of 9
I am so sorry. My grandfather was just like this too and it caused SO MANY troubles with all his kids and his 3 marriages.

To this day my mom, 60 this month; has not had one healthy relationship with a man.

My grandfather actually refused to help my uncle years ago with the funeral expenses of his new born baby. He had to come back from being stationed in Germany for this death and he got no support whatsoever.

It was aweful. This from a man that would readily help strangers and was worth a lot of money.

Good for you to stand up for him. I would simply from this day forward not expect a thing from your dad and not readily accept anything since there sounds like there would be strings attached.
post #5 of 9
Good for you for standing up for your brother!! sorry your dad was being a jerk.
post #6 of 9
It works the other way round too - my parents have always helped us out, through thick and thin and been there for us in whatever way was necessary. It is one of the things that makes me so mad about the way my SIL treated them over CHristmas. My parents shelled out over £7000 to my SIL 2 years ago so she could go private over a hip operation she needed. They also paid my brother's mortgage and the school fees for a year when he was made redundant. And they will never ask for that money back, though now he is working again. And my SIL refused to invite them to her house over Christmas because she wanted the festivities just to be her own immediate family. They are only 10 minutes away - it was not as if they would have stayed for days. That is my own little family rant.
post #7 of 9
I could write a book about problems with fathers ...

I am so glad you stood up to him, I recently (finally) stood up to mine, its such a weight off the shoulders

I really don't know you well, but I know what I have read when you shared about your life... The things you have been through, and pulled yourself through, all the while raising that sweet little guy of yours, trust me, all of that makes you very very far from a failure!

post #8 of 9
that was so selfless of you to stick up for you little bro like that...hes lucky to have a great big sis like you...it was wrong of your dad to do that...Johns mom is exactly the same way...she insists on helping but then throws it back in ur faces...its a horrible feeling

also on a side not...I dont think your a screwup...you are obviously a selfless, loving and comaptionate person who help the people she cares about without thought to herself.....I dont think anyone could call anyone like that a screw up....goood luck to you and your brother
post #9 of 9
You and i are on the same boat emma.
My dad even doesnt want to support me i am moving out i think tomororw night but it hurts so badly that he doesnt want to pay.

IM so happy that you stuck up for your brother.
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