Need to vent -- Sorry

One ?..
Have you asked... well more like told... him that if he refuses to do anything for you that you will be leaving him?

I only say this because thats what I had to do, mine never realized how much it bothered me, and he thought that I was "just nagging" him... now he does the little things I ask and we couldn't be happier.
But if he still ignores everything then, yes, dump the loser

I want to add a couple of things...first, deadhead here too

Second..I was raised to believe that relationships take a lot of work. Well, yea, the first one did and it about killed me. I dealt with a lot of the issues you are talking about here and with 4 kids, it was so draining, I tried to kill myself 3 times. This was a marriage to a Christian man, supposedly a man who wanted a family and a lasting marriage and it was aweful.

I finally knew it was either me and the kids being away from his draining personality, or my life.

I went through a lot to get him out and finally met the person that is my other half. In 5 years we have never had the need to fight and he constantly supports me and the kids in everyway. I still have a hard time; at time understanding and accepting his love...because, I never knew what LOVE really was until this relationship. What I had been brought up to believe was a lie.

As women; not only are we brought up to put ourselves last, we are brought up to think marriage can be ohh soo consuming of our energy. When in fact, marriage should be two people walking together supporting each other in everything they do.

I wish more girls and women would wake up to emotional abuse because in our society it is an epidemic and we are blind to it.

A healthy relationship is not draining nor one sided. It should be two minds joined as one and be a a strength, not a hinderance.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do...again, You deserve better and standing on your own feet is an amazing feeling.

Aw sweetie, I know precisely how you feel. You're right, I really don't know you all that well - but we do all care about your troubles. I've been there - unfortunately though, I had a kid to deal with as well. I was 18 at the time and living with the father of my son. He worked from 9 to 5 four days a week. Housework was a no go area I'm afraid. We had no washing machine, and only the two rings on the top of the cooker that worked. It made laundry and cooking pretty laborious. My son was only a month old or so too. I had a part time job every evening and I'd work from 6pm until 11pm - 5 days a week. This man would come home and ask where his dinner was, why his shirts weren't clean, and he would ask why the house wasn't spotless - not only that, but if Alex cried in the night - he wouldn't get up to help me out, he'd wake me up and kick me out of bed. I don't think I ever really slept. ONce I was done seeing to Alex, nine times in ten he would kick me out again and tell me to wash a shirt for the morning. I'd be washing a shirt in the kitchen sink at 3am most nights. the only reason I didn't really complain about it was because I was terrified of him. He lifted his hands once... and that was it. I thew him out. It was the most miserable time of my life, and believe me, I'm soooooo much better off without him! I would really, REALLY hate to see anyone going through the things I did... so perhaps if you're losing your love for him, you really ought to get rid of him. If he doesn't have the good grace to as least appreciate what you do and help you out a little bit, he really isn't deserving of your time. There are men out there who will bend over backwards to show you how much they love what you do for them and who will go out of their way to make sure you get a rest and treat you nice. My new man does It's the best feeling in the world. Truth is, you never really know HOW miserable you are until things get better. Kick him out girlie, you've got a cat - and we all know that they're so much more entertaining and cuddly and lovable (sorry guys )

Can I add my 2 cents worth here AS A MAN, Cindy amd I both work the same hours
I do not expect her to go home and and do all the house work.
I do most all the cooking and dish washing and help with what I can do besides
the kitchen.
Most men think I am dumb to do "womens jobs" but what are "mens jobs & Womens
jobs"?

Take this as a sign of how he'll be when you get married. Getting a total stranger as a roommate isn't bad at all. I roomed with a stranger for a year. I ended up with a history professor from CU-Boulder who was very interesting and learned a lot about Vietnam (I'm in the age group where we didn't study this in school). If I had to do it again, I would. It's easier to room with a stranger than it is with a friend.

Originally Posted by ash_bct

Have you asked... well more like told... him that if he refuses to do anything for you that you will be leaving him?

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My hubby is not one to take the lead on housework but he will happily take on chores that I suggest. If you've asked and he still won't help out - don't waste any more of your life one him. If you must move home until you can strike out on your own again then do it. You'll be happy you did - I promise

People here have given you great advices.
I can only send you my vibes.

My bf is slack too haha, but he will do the washing when i tell him i dont know how to and he will cook but he hates cleaning.
Right now he is going on abut that he had ADD because he is reading this website and he has 9/10 symptoms.
WEll i guess this is why he can be so crazy at times.

That man isnt right for you, and im sure that ther eis one out there to get you in place and will be fair

Originally Posted by GratefulBear629

Sorry. I know none of you really know me and probably couldn't care less about my problems but if I don't vent *SOMEWHERE* I think I will explode!

And I have no where else to go. So if you read this, my apologies in advance.

I just have no idea what to do. On top of working usually a 45 hour week (this week it's more like 55) I do everything. Take care of the bills, do the laundry, wash the dishes, clean the house, etc. etc. And I feel as though I get no appreciation for it whatsoever.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, works 25, maybe, 30 hours a week. And he does (I bet you guessed it..) ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Seeing as my work days are usually double (sometimes triple!) his you would think he would chip in and help out more. Of course not.

I just cannot keep up with everything. Something always needs to be done. Like right now I'm in the middle of taking down the Christmas tree. By myself.
And after having a horrible day at work this isn't helping any.

His actions are making me love him less and less. He doesn't seem to think what I do has any significance as he doesn't care if things are clean or not. I'm not asking for everything to be spotless but helping out once in awhile ***will not*** kill him.

I feel that I'm stuck. I do not want to move back home but can't afford to live on my own. I'm currently looking for a roommate on rent.com but I'm leary of moving in with a complete stranger and don't know anyone personally who needs a roommate.

I just have no idea what to do.

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I think you know that we care. And I think you know what you should do, but it's hard. All you need to figure out is how. You said you love him less and less.

As far as the roomate thing goes, I always knew my roomate or at least knew him/her as a friend of a friend. Please make sure you check out any potentials. With that said, my favorite roomate (other than my boyfriend, of course) was when I was single. It was a guy my age. Here's the advantage: I could date all his friends and he could date mine!

My ex husband is a real nice guy, but he too did NOTHING around the house. Part of that was MY fault. In the beginning I just took it upon my self to everything and he got used to it.

My boyfriend is absolutely WONDERFUL. He helps every day. He always asks me what I need help with. If he doesn't work on Saturday, he cleans the house while I go to the laundrymat and grocery shop. I know most relationships are more like 70-30 than 50-50, and that's ok, but don't settle for someone who doesn't appreciate you!

Can't he just be neutered?

lol well it seems everyone here is giving you great advice but my mum and i have this problem also, when he is in a good mood try to talk to him. if you have a problem with him leaving stuff of his own around try this: where ever he likes his stuff clean like his dresser ext. leave all his messes on or in his dresser cans, dishes ext put it all there then eventually he might get the point that he needs to help out. or even he is a clean person with his own stuff you can try not cleaning at all and see if he gets that point that your not going to do anything if you dont get help. well thats really all i can say i dont know what everyone all said because i really didnt want to read all three pages hehe sorry if this is not much help but im sending good vibes your way.