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post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
[begin rant]
I know this has nothing to do with cats, but I'm so upset...I don't think my fiance and I will work out..we've been together for 4 1/2 years and have been engaged for 1 year...ever since March we've argued.. a lot...I'm so tired of crying and arguing... [end rant]

post #2 of 15
Well, let me tell u something...

i have been with my fiance' for... it will be 4 years in March.. and, we have been engaged since May, and i think that we have been falling apart ever since that really, actually about a month after the engagement.. We started to just fight like it was nothing.. and I cry, all the time. He doesnt care. But, maybe it is just how things go?
post #3 of 15
i think that maybe you both need to sit down with your partners and have a real good talk before anything happens.
I hope everything will be okay!

And its ok you can rant all you want on here
post #4 of 15
Thread Starter 
We've talked and talked...I dont' know what else I can do..except give my ring back to him..
post #5 of 15

i havent been engaged so i cant really give you any advice but i know that every relationship has a tough spot

Do you really want to give back that ring?
post #6 of 15
Thread Starter 
god no I don't...that boy is my life...I just don't know what to do anymore..
post #7 of 15
i was in that situation also i felt as if i didnt get along with my bf anymore but then he chnaged and we got along heaps more.
I think because of the stress levels were eased.
post #8 of 15
Thread Starter 
Yeah. I would REALLY like for that to happen with Jeremy and me. I love his sooo much and he loves's just that we seem like we hate each other at times..
post #9 of 15
Do you spend all day together?

when we argue i stop talking and have Peed off look and this can last upto an hour or so. how about when you are about to argue you go into another room and cool off a bit.
Or maybe start going to places with you both like so it eases down the arguements.

My bf gets even more angry when i cry because he doesnt like it, but he also doesnt like it when i dont speak tohim and be angry at him
post #10 of 15
Perhaps, if your fiance feels as you do and you both want the relationship to work but just don't see how it can right now, the two of you can visit a relationship or marriage consellor. If you are this unhappy before the marriage, the issues aren't going to disappear by getting married. If you can find out what the 'real' issues are that are causing your problems, you may also be able to find out how to deal with them. Often we carry unconcious expectations about our partners -and ourselves -which rear their ugly heads in intimate relationshps. Many times what we argue about are not the real issues but smoke screens that are 'easier' to see and address. Sometimes having a knowledgeable, impartial and sympathetic third person to sit down with and mediate or even just listen to both of you can help you discover what the real issues are and if there are solutions that you both can accept. A counsellor can help you to see if you really are compatible and can make a marriage 'work', or to recognize that it is better to go your separate ways. You and your partner are both too close to the issue right now to have any objectivity so I do think seeking some type of counselling might help you with your decision.

Good luck with everything. Relationships are hard work, but with the right person, that 'work' is very much worth it.

post #11 of 15
Without knowing more about the situation (ie. what the arguments are all about), I'm not sure what is good advice, but I would definitely say that you should sit down with him and really talk about whatever the problems are and if they can be solved before anything drastic like a breakup. Kathryn's suggestion of counselling is also a good one.

And while I'm sure you don't want to hear this now and that it's no consolation at all right now, if things can't be solved, you WILL be okay. I just got out of a relationship this past fall that was a lot like you described, good for awhile, but then degenerated into constant arguing, with someone I deeply loved, and when it ended I absolutely thought I would die, literally, but a few months later - I'm okay. It still does hurt sometimes, but I'm also MUCH happier than I was back when I was in the relationship, fighting all the time.

But I hope that you'll be able to work things out, and that you won't need that advice. Good luck!
post #12 of 15
I've been engaged for a little over a year. It will be five years on St Patrick's day that we have been together.

And once getting engaged, we fought, and we fought bitterly. Why?

Increased stress levels on both parts. The unknown of what to do after I finished my studies. I was giving up two jobs to go finish studying so it was a massive cut to our income. We have a car loan to pay.

What did we do?

Made time for ourselves. A time to spend time together without the mention of everyday things. We went out on dates, long drives, and even stargazing one night.

Life isn't a fairytale and sometimes things get hard and it is possible to work through it when you put you're determined.

Whatever the situation is, talk to each other rather than the whole world. Only the two of you can discuss what is the problem and act accordingly. Leaving things unsaid in a relationship is one of the worst things you can do.

And counselling can help. A friend of mine told me that she was actually more willing to listen to an outsider tell her something that her husband had told her millions of times.
post #13 of 15
You know Mags is right. Life isn't a bed of roses... if you want roses, you have to take the thorns with them I'm afraid. I've been in your situation and in my case, I ended the relationship - or rather, he did when he raised his hands - I just threw him out. Sometimes I do wonder if councelling would have helped us, but in retrospect, we were both far too stubborn to even have considered such a course of action. Sometimes listening to an outside third party will do the world of good - but you'll never know that until you try. If you really want this relationship to work out, then I suggest you explore as many avenues as you possibly can together (N.B. key word - together). As long as you can talk to eachother, you are communicating and therefore have a better chance of coming through the rough times. In my case, our engagement went under - and no, I didn't give the ring back - simply because I was so angry. I threw it in the river. After he left, I knew that if he asked for it, the chances were really high that it would appear on some other girl's left hand. Not only that, but it was probably the most ugly thing I'd ever seen. I didn't get to choose my ring - I've always only wanted something simple... (a delicate, understated little solitaire) and he KNEW that. So when I was presented with a sapphire and diamond eternity ring that was three sizes too big... you can imagine I was a little on the disappointed side. But hey, you can't win them all.

I'll just say that you've got to stay strong... but if it gets too much and you really have done all you can to make it work... don't hang on to it for the sake of hanging on. Call it a day and then you'll have a chance of staying on good terms with eachother too. You don't want to be left bitter over it. It's probably the worst feeling inthe world and it does haunt. We're all here though beb, you can always come and talk to us.
post #14 of 15
Planning a wedding can cause a LOT of tension. It's been a month since our wedding and Jason and I are just getting back to our usual personalities, I think. We had some tension when we started to plan our wedding, and it was mostly gone during the honeymoon.. and then it was back, and now we're finally clear again. getting engaged incites a great deal of change in the way you live, you're bound to be irritable and out of sorts for a little while. I am only just getting used to having half of everything, now, and Jason is just getting used to the idea that if he plans for himself without me, he's directly affecting my life in that plan. See if you can't try to see what the root of the problem is. If it's the stress of the wedding, or the changes in your life going from single to married- that's just the way with it. If it's a problem, talk, calmly about it..that usually helps.
post #15 of 15
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys so much! We actually have a date tonight. We're meeting each other at Books-A-Million (our favorite bookstore). I requested to him last night while we were on the phone that when he came over to visit Friday that we would just make some "us" time. talking on the phone just seems to make things worse so from now on we need to have our "serious" discussions in person..much easier.
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