Boy does this confirm for me, once again, that everything happens for a reason or what?
Gary and I had been thinking we needed more space because of the cats. We hadn't traveled in the bus for several years, so we made an appointment to go look at homes.
We saw something like five homes in one day. We couldn't get into three of them because the key didn't work, and the last one was the one we live in now. Gary walked in the door and said "we'll take it!" I agreed. That felt meant to be.
Now, perhaps, I know why!
Just before Thanksgiving Gary helped out some homeless kids. It is a very long sad story, but we ended up becoming very involved with them, putting them up in a motel to get them off the street, hiring a lawyer to help straighten out some legal problems, etc. They were so reluctant at first, I mean, it was difficult to help them. But they want off the street and they're already working odd-jobs around with friends, we're helping them get an apartment....
But they have a friend who lives on the streets of New York City. They asked if they could have her out to visit them at the motel, and we agreed. We didn't meet her when she was first out.
Another long story shortened... it turns out she's a heroine addict. She just turned 19 (yesterday). She was abused as a child and fell in and out of the foster system and ended up in a half-way house at 14. She was abused there, and ran away. Her real parents have since died, and there were no siblings (that she knew of).
Gary has always been very intuitive, and knew "the minute" he met me he was in love with me and wanted to marry me (as we met in 1979 and got married in 1993, he had to wait while we both went our went our ways). Anyway, he met Naomi before I did, and came home and said - I don't know how to say this, but I think we have a daughter. He hadn't discussed adoption with her or anything at that point, he was just relating to me what he felt in his heart.
She's lived a horrible, terrible life, and it's amazing that she's alive. She was lost and forgotten by the system and has been on the streets of NY on her own since 14. She's 4' 11" tall and weighs 84 pounds. She has had to do unspeakable things to support her heroine habit, but after being assaulted several months ago, she's relied on panhandling only.
The person who assaulted her is someone she knew, and she subsequently found out that person has AIDS. We've gotten her to a Doctor, and we will find out the test results at the appointment we have this Wednesday. But our Doctor made it very clear that she is not well (duh), and that she believes that if this little girl doesn't kick heroine and now, no matter what any test results are, she wouldn't survive to Spring.
It's been an intense time for all of us, but we've built a relationship of trust quickly. She has agreed to go into detox (if she's negative or HIV positive, but not full-blown AIDS), and we've moved the Universe to get her a VERY precious bed at a private clinic - it's available to us through this Friday. If she has AIDS, we'll have to figure out what to do from there. As everyone we're working with on this says, just take it one day at a time.
But the bottom line is that Naomi has become our little ray of sunshine. I find it so difficult to imagine that this little girl who has been through so much in her life is still so sweet, so positive, and as incredibly caring about others as she is. She isn't living with us yet, but we do have to be there for the entire detox. We then enter three months of family therapy, and she has committed to a further nine months of individual therapy. We all have a lot of work ahead of us, and we all know that. (We have been through detox with Gary's sister, so we do know what's in store when it comes to that).
She's never been to a museum. She's never been swimming. She's doesn't remember shopping anywhere but little bodegas and army navy surplus stores. She is going to be very needy, and she desperately wants to be cared for, safe, and part of a family. She's been a total loner, and is amazingly well read. But she has no math skills, and her emotional development is that of about an 11-13 year old child.
Gary, who is almost a germophobe, with my help has slowly come around from his original idea of putting her up in an apartment close by after she completes detox to living in the RV next to the house - to turning what we think of as the cat room into her bedroom. Our lives are changing, that's for sure, and thank GOD we have to commit to family therapy, because we're going to need it!
So - I don't even know what to ask for prayers or positive vibes for. That she doesn't have AIDS or that she isn't even HIV positive. That she can survive to make it into detox. That she makes it into detox, and that she successfully survives and completes the program. That we can make good parents. That we can all learn to live together, as a family, and that the transition isn't horrible for her or us. That we won't break her heart. That she won't break ours. That she and the two original kids that introduced to her forgive us, because she is not allowed contact with ANY former friends after she leaves detox (part of the rules of the program).
Like I mentioned earlier, we are following the best advice, which is to take everything one day at a time.
But yesterday was her birthday, and she came out to be with us. We didn't want to overwhelm her, so we just bought a few small things. She said this was the first birthday she's celebrated ever since being on her own, and that it was the only "happy" birthday she can ever remember having.
She's still wearing everything she owns, and insists on heading back to the city every day (she has to in order to support her habit. Docs all say no point in trying to stop this as she's going into a program with support to detox this week). She smells like a homeless person, she looks like a ghost, and she has "Live Free" tatooed across her knuckles. We've had long discussions about just what "living free" really means.
But even though it's not officially legal yet (that'll take nine months to a year unless we can get it expedited), she already owns our hearts, she's already our daughter, and we've made a commitment to her, to be there for her no matter what happens, no matter what the test results - and Gary is terrified that he isn't strong enough to deal with anything other than good news. We are sleep-deprived beyond anything, and with the amount of crying he's done over the past few weeks (not too much of it in front of Naomi), he could fill rivers with his tears.
She (and we) could really use your prayers and positive vibes.
She did let us take one pic. She "prettied herself" up, and removed all of her many, many piercings for it. The pic makes her look SO MUCH better than she actually does - fatter, fuller - but believe me, she is the very definition of "waif."
Naomi - you HAVE to make it! You HAVE to be OK!
Gary and I had been thinking we needed more space because of the cats. We hadn't traveled in the bus for several years, so we made an appointment to go look at homes.
We saw something like five homes in one day. We couldn't get into three of them because the key didn't work, and the last one was the one we live in now. Gary walked in the door and said "we'll take it!" I agreed. That felt meant to be.
Now, perhaps, I know why!
Just before Thanksgiving Gary helped out some homeless kids. It is a very long sad story, but we ended up becoming very involved with them, putting them up in a motel to get them off the street, hiring a lawyer to help straighten out some legal problems, etc. They were so reluctant at first, I mean, it was difficult to help them. But they want off the street and they're already working odd-jobs around with friends, we're helping them get an apartment....
But they have a friend who lives on the streets of New York City. They asked if they could have her out to visit them at the motel, and we agreed. We didn't meet her when she was first out.
Another long story shortened... it turns out she's a heroine addict. She just turned 19 (yesterday). She was abused as a child and fell in and out of the foster system and ended up in a half-way house at 14. She was abused there, and ran away. Her real parents have since died, and there were no siblings (that she knew of).
Gary has always been very intuitive, and knew "the minute" he met me he was in love with me and wanted to marry me (as we met in 1979 and got married in 1993, he had to wait while we both went our went our ways). Anyway, he met Naomi before I did, and came home and said - I don't know how to say this, but I think we have a daughter. He hadn't discussed adoption with her or anything at that point, he was just relating to me what he felt in his heart.
She's lived a horrible, terrible life, and it's amazing that she's alive. She was lost and forgotten by the system and has been on the streets of NY on her own since 14. She's 4' 11" tall and weighs 84 pounds. She has had to do unspeakable things to support her heroine habit, but after being assaulted several months ago, she's relied on panhandling only.
The person who assaulted her is someone she knew, and she subsequently found out that person has AIDS. We've gotten her to a Doctor, and we will find out the test results at the appointment we have this Wednesday. But our Doctor made it very clear that she is not well (duh), and that she believes that if this little girl doesn't kick heroine and now, no matter what any test results are, she wouldn't survive to Spring.
It's been an intense time for all of us, but we've built a relationship of trust quickly. She has agreed to go into detox (if she's negative or HIV positive, but not full-blown AIDS), and we've moved the Universe to get her a VERY precious bed at a private clinic - it's available to us through this Friday. If she has AIDS, we'll have to figure out what to do from there. As everyone we're working with on this says, just take it one day at a time.
But the bottom line is that Naomi has become our little ray of sunshine. I find it so difficult to imagine that this little girl who has been through so much in her life is still so sweet, so positive, and as incredibly caring about others as she is. She isn't living with us yet, but we do have to be there for the entire detox. We then enter three months of family therapy, and she has committed to a further nine months of individual therapy. We all have a lot of work ahead of us, and we all know that. (We have been through detox with Gary's sister, so we do know what's in store when it comes to that).
She's never been to a museum. She's never been swimming. She's doesn't remember shopping anywhere but little bodegas and army navy surplus stores. She is going to be very needy, and she desperately wants to be cared for, safe, and part of a family. She's been a total loner, and is amazingly well read. But she has no math skills, and her emotional development is that of about an 11-13 year old child.
Gary, who is almost a germophobe, with my help has slowly come around from his original idea of putting her up in an apartment close by after she completes detox to living in the RV next to the house - to turning what we think of as the cat room into her bedroom. Our lives are changing, that's for sure, and thank GOD we have to commit to family therapy, because we're going to need it!
So - I don't even know what to ask for prayers or positive vibes for. That she doesn't have AIDS or that she isn't even HIV positive. That she can survive to make it into detox. That she makes it into detox, and that she successfully survives and completes the program. That we can make good parents. That we can all learn to live together, as a family, and that the transition isn't horrible for her or us. That we won't break her heart. That she won't break ours. That she and the two original kids that introduced to her forgive us, because she is not allowed contact with ANY former friends after she leaves detox (part of the rules of the program).
Like I mentioned earlier, we are following the best advice, which is to take everything one day at a time.
But yesterday was her birthday, and she came out to be with us. We didn't want to overwhelm her, so we just bought a few small things. She said this was the first birthday she's celebrated ever since being on her own, and that it was the only "happy" birthday she can ever remember having.
She's still wearing everything she owns, and insists on heading back to the city every day (she has to in order to support her habit. Docs all say no point in trying to stop this as she's going into a program with support to detox this week). She smells like a homeless person, she looks like a ghost, and she has "Live Free" tatooed across her knuckles. We've had long discussions about just what "living free" really means.
But even though it's not officially legal yet (that'll take nine months to a year unless we can get it expedited), she already owns our hearts, she's already our daughter, and we've made a commitment to her, to be there for her no matter what happens, no matter what the test results - and Gary is terrified that he isn't strong enough to deal with anything other than good news. We are sleep-deprived beyond anything, and with the amount of crying he's done over the past few weeks (not too much of it in front of Naomi), he could fill rivers with his tears.
She (and we) could really use your prayers and positive vibes.
She did let us take one pic. She "prettied herself" up, and removed all of her many, many piercings for it. The pic makes her look SO MUCH better than she actually does - fatter, fuller - but believe me, she is the very definition of "waif."
Naomi - you HAVE to make it! You HAVE to be OK!