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OK - here goes. We're adopting a daughter and she needs prayers. - Page 7

post #181 of 414
Originally Posted by LDG
SHE DOES NOT HAVE AIDS, SHE IS NOT H.I.V. POSITIVE - and she doesn't even show any signs of Hep-C (which she was diagnosed with in the past)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


How can Gary, Naomi and I thank you enough for all your incredible good will and good wishes?

Oh - when we hadn't heard from her by 10:00 last night, I told Gary that I thought she wasn't going to come if we let her get away with it - that she's just too scared to get the results. He agreed, and we were prepared to hit the car and roll into the City again. Which is, of course, what happened. At 1:30am she called to say she didn't think she was going to make the last bus out here, she'd just catch an early bus in the morning. Gary said, "Honey, the last bus left half an hour ago. dWe know you're really scared, and we know that on some level you really don't want the test results. But we're going to get this behind us so we can do what needs to be done, whatever that is. We all need to put this behind us. So we're leaving right now, we are driving into the city to pick you up, so this time you're going to tell us where to pick you up. It will take us no more than one hour, so just to be absolutely sure we are there waiting for you, where do you want to meet us at 3:00?" (3:00 am!) Go Dad Go!

We checked into the hotel at 5:30am, Naomi and I slept until 10:00, and we got it together and headed to the Docs. She was rigid like a stone, walking like a zombie, and staring off into never-never land. It snowed here - we were on time, and the Doctor was late! We had to wait for about 25 minutes, and each minute was complete excruciating agony. Doc waived us in - and we asked Naomi if she wanted us to be with her. She said no, she really wanted to do it alone, but she really, really appreciated our making her do it and being there for her (Gary managed not to cry until she disappeared into the examining room).

It seemed like they were in there forever - though it was only about two minutes before the door opened and Doc popped out for something. Gary and I walked over to the exam room door and peered in - and she had almost a smile - and I said to Gary - "I think she's smiling - " - and she lit up like the Fourth of July and said "I'm OK!" - We glanced at Doc - and she was beaming and gave us both thumbs up. We were whooping and crying and we were all hugging - it was insane. But she had more stuff to go over with her, so we got coffee for everyone, and they did take like half an hour.

When they were done, Doc came out and said - I don't know how you guys do it, but you've got an amazing kid on your hands.

And Naomi confirmed that she wants us to legally adopt her. And we went back to the hotel, discussed the creation of the Homeless Assistance Network for a couple of hours, and then passed out.

She feels like she's been given a new lease on life, and she doesn't want to waste it.

We told her let's do things one step at a time - we've got to get her healthy first, and as she's been through (state-run) detox several times, she knows that this news is really the hardest news of all, and she just went through the easiest part of it.

She kept thanking us for being there for her, over and over again. We keep telling her she does not have to keep thanking us - and it finally hit me.

I don't know who wrote or said this - or if I just made it up. I have no idea. But I told her that thanking us for "being there for her" is like thanking the sun for shining, or thanking the wind for blowing. So instead of continuing to tell her to stop thanking us, every time she thanked us, we were going to thank her for being.

Now - the hard part begins. We had to let her go again. She did not come out prepared to head straight to detox, though she said again, she is committed to doing this. I told Gary - I think she's really going to. He said - let's just see. When you're in the curve, it is so clear that you want to quit - but when you're coming down, it's a completely different story.

So anyway, we went out to dinner with her friends, and then we drove her back into the city. She says she's going to call the clinic Thursday or Friday to make the commitment to go in, and she's going to say good-bye to her friends - because, as she puts it, if she wants to do this right, she can't see them again for a long, long, time and that by the time she's probably ready to see them, she won't know how to be with them because all they really have in common is the high.

So - one day at a time. Oh thank God she's OK! She really is our Sunshine, and boy do I hope we can help that little beacon of light shine.

Thank you all so, so, so, so, so much!
I am kind of new here and I just now found this thread but I wanted to say "BLESS YOU" ! We all make mistakes in our lives and all of us need people like you and Gary to help! She is ONE LUCKY girl to have the two of you!
post #182 of 414
Dear Laurie and Gary...when I read your posts I become speechless..they are so beautiful...the phrase that comes to mind...My Cup Runneth Over
post #183 of 414
I just read the updates... I hope everying it still going on the right track. Sending tons of hoping your way, to help.
post #184 of 414
Good luck with everything, I wish you all the best.
post #185 of 414
I hope she calls! Come on Naomi!!! Life will be soooooooooooooooo much better when you do!
post #186 of 414
L and G---I follow this thread with interest. I agree with all of the cautionary notes that have been placed in this thread, and I also know that you already have your hearts in this and cannot pull back or be cautious now. I figure it's better to give wholeheartedly and try, even if you get your hearts broken, than not to follow your hearts. I continue to wish you the very best of luck. The hardest part is that Naomi, although she truly does want to be with you and change her live, is still controlled by the drug to which she is addicted. That drug will continue to make her decisions for her until she really kicks it for good, if she can do that. Let's just hope and pray that the intervention may be enough stronger that she can continue to take steps toward health and sanity. My thoughts are with you.......
post #187 of 414
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by D'Elle and Beau
L and G---I follow this thread with interest. I agree with all of the cautionary notes that have been placed in this thread, and I also know that you already have your hearts in this and cannot pull back or be cautious now. I figure it's better to give wholeheartedly and try, even if you get your hearts broken, than not to follow your hearts. I continue to wish you the very best of luck. The hardest part is that Naomi, although she truly does want to be with you and change her live, is still controlled by the drug to which she is addicted. That drug will continue to make her decisions for her until she really kicks it for good, if she can do that. Let's just hope and pray that the intervention may be enough stronger that she can continue to take steps toward health and sanity. My thoughts are with you.......
Boy did you hit the nail on the head! She is controlled by the drug, and she did not find the strength to make the call. Push did NOT come to shove.

She did not show up at pick-up time. But this time we didn't "pander," and he left a message on her cellphone that he was there, waited, and understood the message she was sending, so when she's ready to come home, she should call and we'll figure out where to go from there, but that he was going home.

She called at around 11:30 or so - and said "Dad, I'm out of control." "What do you want me to do, Naomi? Do you want to come home?" "Not yet. Rabbit's [i]the friend that she was in town to see[i] not leaving until Sunday, so I'll come home then. But I don't want you to worry, I just wanted you to know I'm OK." "But you're not OK, you just said you're out of control, and our agreement was that you were coming home today." "Dad, I'm not used to being told what to do or when." "Noami, I'm not used to being a dad, and what I'm hearing is a desperate junkie asking her dad to put his foot down and insist on coming in to pick you up. The only problem with that is that you technically are an adult, you do have to make your own decisions - of course, you've expressed over and over again that you're not happy with the results of those decisions, and we can't do this for you. I'm assuming you didn't call Chris today." "No dad, I didn't." (Now crying). "Dad, I don't want you to come get me. I'll call you tomorrow." "Naomi, this is your home now whether or not you're ready now, tomorrow, next week, or next month for detox. Please do not let shame prevent you from coming home. We'll work this out Sunshine - in the meantime, we need to find you a new specialty - one that doesn't involve torturing me!" Now she's laughing. "But dad, it's so easy to torture you! I'm OK, really. I'm going to hang with Rabbit, and I'll call you tomorrow. I love you dad, and please tell mom I love her too." click. Call ended.

So.... there you have it. She did call today and wanted to come home. So Gary drove in to have dinner with her and Rabbit (a 22-year-old traveler - an artist who lives in the drifter community - they have a whole network and communicate with each other online). I stayed home because of the storm - if there were any problems, someone needed to be here. Rabbit was leaving Sunday - just at 2:45am. So they've dropped him at the train station, and they're on their way home now. At a crawl. It is blizzard conditions in the city.

In the meantime, I've loaded up on "Parenting the Hurt Child," "Adopting the hurt Child," "Recovery Options: The Complete Guide," "The Truth about Addiction and Recovery," etc. and I've been boning up on how to deal with this - "downloading" information at a greater rate than you can get with one hour sessions with a therapist. For Naomi, as a heroin addict, therapy isn't all that helpful. We need it as a "family," because we all have to learn how to be one. But what Gary and I additionally need is to find a therapist with experience in older adoptions and addiction to act as a guidance counselor.

And, I think we might actually have just been handed the way to find one. I'd called so many detox programs - and one of the hospitals called back today. They have a waiting list a mile long (which doesn't matter now because we've chosen the people and the program, and she's got until Feb 4 to make the call [i]though she doesn't know that[i] before she has to wait to get into this one). Anyway, one of the hospitals called back, and they work with a "rehab counselor" (not detox) who is familiar with all of the rehab programs in the area and the psychiatrists who specialize in opiate addiction around here, and what he does is meet with the family, and match the addict to the program and/or psychiatrist for post-detox. Of course, we should be able to prevail upon his knowledge of the local psych community to find someone who can really help walk us through how to handle Naomi, because while we're getting therapy, we're not getting much useful information on how to deal with her as an addict, which is now clearly what we need since she's obviously not ready to go to detox.

At least she wasn't ready yesterday or today. But there's always tomorrow....

In the meantime, we'd better get prepared for having a daughter that's addicted to heroin, because neither one of us has any interest in turning back. Our hearts are in this, and what we have to figure out is how to be there for her, but not make it so easy for her to be an addict that she has no motivation to quit.

Thank you all so much for your support and good thoughts for her. I have no idea what we're going to do, I just know we're not giving up, and hopefully she won't either. Hopefully she'll pick up that phone tomorrow, once she's home and feeling safe, but out of her circuit, and isn't quite so high....
post #188 of 414
Laurie Gary Naomi

Continuing prayers, you guys.
post #189 of 414
Bless the 3 of you, may you find the support and strength you need, keeping the 3 of you in my thoughts and prayers,
post #190 of 414
Thread Starter 
SHE MADE THE CALL LAST NIGHT - and we didn't even know it! She didn't get Chris on the phone - got voicemail. But he called back today, and when she was in a state of mind to deal with it! Normally she'd have to get together with him before they would commit to a date, but because of the snowstorm, travel problems - and the fact that NYC is NOT a good place for her, Chris was willing to settle for an extended conference call alone with her.

After her chat with Chris, he spoke to Gary and I. They highly recommend a specific therapist and program in Gainesville, FL as rehab follow-up to this detox program, although they like our idea of visiting Canyon Ranch up in Mass right after - get out of the area, get away from access to people she knows, and have someone else responsible for getting us all back on a get-up-in-the-morning and go-to-sleep-at-night schedule. Plus the spas, massages and acupuncture would be really good for her - detox will get the heroine out of her system, but there's a lot of healing left to do, both physically and emotionally. I've had such great success with acupuncture for various things in the past, and she's really into the idea. We have a great acupuncturist in the city, but I think we've found one out here for further follow-up once we're back.

We'd like to spend two weeks in Gainesville, so hopefully we'll be able to schedule that tomorrow. Right now, detox is scheduled for Thursday.

Today she's more lucid than we've ever seen her. We've ordered course catalogs from all the community colleges around here, and some of them have started arriving. She is so excited about the idea of starting to take classes. She/we will be in therapy daily once we're back, but she's been working on planning out all of the things she'd like to do. Math tutor, writing class, guitar lessons, yoga, tai chi (all of us will be doing this one together) and acupuncture in addition to daily therapy to start. Individual two times a week, group twice a week, and family twice a week, each type with a different therapist. I think that sounds busy enough to start with. She will need time alone, and she does want to write.

Thank god we've got some angels to help us afford all of this.

Unfortunately, right now I've got a sinus infection and bronchitis. After her call with Chris, we zoomed over to the doc - and after dropping me off back home, Gary's keeping her mind occupied by shopping with her for a desk and typewriter, about which she is ecstatic. Gary's heading over with her to the cat shelter where they're volunteering tomorrow (all day), and she's at Narcotics Anonymous meetings each evening now. I think Wednesday we'll head out for a day trip - it's about a two hour drive to upstate NY to see the world's largest Kaleidoscope. Just keep her busy and distracted until it's time to go in - then the real work can begin.

The stress and crazy schedule is really starting to take its toll, so while they're still out, I'm off to catch a much needed nap. I am so, so pleased she made the call on her own, no prompting, and without even telling us until afterwards. I'm even more pleased she was able to follow up with it this morning - and, well - we'll see. There's still no guarantee, but it's looking darn hopeful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #191 of 414
yay! things are looking so good for all of you! thanks so much for keeping us informed.........I always check whenever there is a new development on this thread. I continue to send you my good luck wishes! (by the way, things like yoga and tai chi are truly excellent for those who are recovering from drug addiction. They work on other levels than just the physical. They also help to heal the spiritual level, emotional, and psychological levels, and they help to integrate all those things inside that get fractured and split up when a person is addicted to drugs. I know this may sound woo-woo, but it is not, I know this for a fact and from experience and a lot of observation. These practices are thousands of years old, and they really do work. I very highly recomend that you do your best to keep Naomi involved in taking classes of either or both of those. It will truly help.)
post #192 of 414
Laurie, that is just fabulous! That she called on her own, that it's finally really becoming concrete plans for all of you. I'm so happy for you!!!
post #193 of 414
She is beautiful! She is JUST my size, too. I am a teeny bit taller, and I weigh 84~
I am especially interested in this. I will PM you soon.
post #194 of 414
Laurie, that is wonderful news! It continues to boggle my mind how things are falling into place, and how well Naomi is responding to this big opportunity in her life. Obviously, it ain't over til it's over, and that's a long way off, but does it ever look hopeful. I'm glad to hear, too, that there are "angels" helping to make it possible. I've been feeling anxious for you at the financial implications, which could be staggering. Anyway, continued prayers and vibes for the three of you. You really are awesome!
post #195 of 414

I am SO happy to hear the good news! That is so wonderful.
Things are rolling now, it seems. I will continue to pray for you all!

post #196 of 414
Laurie - I am SO happy for you all!

If you are driving to Florida, you are more than welcome to stop by here in Western North Carolina
post #197 of 414
It sounds like you are all making great 1st steps towards healing and becoming a family. I am keeping all of you in my prayers and I hope that Laurie, you recover from your illness quickly!
post #198 of 414
That's great!!!!! What a surprise!!!!! I hope things keep going in that direction. Hope you get to feeling better too.
post #199 of 414
I'm so happy for you it's a great step in the right direction I hope with all my heart that it all works out for the 3 of you
post #200 of 414

Woo hoo!! So far so good! Hope you keep moving in the same direction! Lots of hugs to you all.
post #201 of 414
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by valanhb
Laurie, that is just fabulous! That she called on her own, that it's finally really becoming concrete plans for all of you. I'm so happy for you!!!
I'm pretty darn happy, too - but we're not in the door yet. We are definitely progressing in the right direction, one step at a time, but it has not been easy on or for any of us. Let's keep our fingers crossed that she's able to execute the plan. Gary's getting 2 - 3 hours of sleep a night - and we both know this can't continue, but he has so many problems sleeping to begin with. You can't force a heroin addict to sleep through the night, and we're constantly worried she's going to burn the place down with the cigarette dripping out of her fingers as she nods off..... If we didn't have it on the advice of actually two doctors now, I'd be so insane with worry that we're simply enabling her. But, knock wood, things do seem to be moving forward.

But now we're at the much harder "push comes to shove!" I don't want to minimize the importance of Naomi's making the call and setting the date, but I'm trying to pray for her without getting my expectations set.
post #202 of 414
Sounds like everything is going in the right direction. I hope Gary starts sleeping better soon and that Naomi keeps on the path of making good decisions. All three of you are in my thoughts in prayers.

post #203 of 414
Oh I'm so happy after reading your last update!
post #204 of 414
Laurie - it's so good to hear that things are progressing well. Fingers crossed that Naomi feels brave enough to take that next step. I'll keep sending strength and good wishes for you all as you work your way through this.
post #205 of 414
Laurie it sounds like you and Gary need a much needed hug ! I wish that some of us were alot closer so that we could hug in person. Remember we are one of your support groups. We are not here just for the story. But because we care
There are so many emotions you and Gary are going to go through like

Just think of us as your beerpals. even though I dont drink beer.
Now a good stiff Mudslide and I'm your gal.
You are in my prayers tonight!!!
I just want you to feel (PEACE) for tonight!!!!!
post #206 of 414
So glad about the call Laurie. We are with you. Hang in there.
post #207 of 414
so happy for you!!!! I am truly ecstatic to hear she made the call,,that just means she took one more small step in the right direction of a very long hard journey. Hang in there,,and tell Gary to get some sleep. It wont do any good to be sleeping in therapy!!!
post #208 of 414
Still thinking of you all, hope everything is still going well.
post #209 of 414
Here's hoping that Naomi actually went to detox today and that you and Gary can get some sleep and recover a bit. Keep us updated. Hugs and prayers.
post #210 of 414
Thread Starter 
Well, I'm not sure I'd be able to swear that the past week hasn't been a dream.

Here goes.

She'd scheduled to go in last Thursday. We showed up, and one of the counselors we'd met with (Chris) said that he'd meditated on the situation, and he felt very strongly that Naomi "needed" to go to their facility in Florida, not just detox up here. He felt she should make the journey herself - meaning get down there on her own to detox THERE, and then "relocate" there for at least several months. Well, this is a "loop" we were NOT planning on. We wanted to speak to the people in Florida, and we set up a call. So here we go again - just another false "start" that wasn't Naomi's fault. Poor thing, it is really getting frustrating.

But of course, everything happens for a reason.

In the meantime, she remembered she'd been arrested in NY for possession and had a court date on Feb 2! So we were in a scramble to get the information on that, and we couldn't leave for FL even if she wanted to, because she had to appear in court. She went to court with Gary yesterday, and they managed to get the felony (she had 2 grams of heroin on her, and anything over 1 is a felony) dropped to a misdemeanor, and she must voluntarily go into detox within the next 30 days and serve one day of community service in NY, and the whole thing will then be expunged from her record. If she doesn't do this, the original charge is reinstated, and she'll have to go back to court for sentencing. We have no idea what kind of jail time she'd get, but she would have to go to jail, and it would be on her record as a felony.

So... in the meantime, we've talked to the people down in Florida, and we're all really getting the feeling that this is some kind of cult-like thing. Now Naomi's freaking out about what to do, because she's allergic to the drug they use in most programs to bring people down during detox, we originally really liked this detox potential, and now it's coming unglued.

Fortunately, I found this place called the Opiate Detoxification Institute, and it's a "rapid detox" program - designed, basically, for rich people like executives, sports people and movie stars. They put the addict on a morphine drip for 24 hours (in a hospital), then the person goes under general anesthesia while they administer some kind of opiate blocker/inhibitor that "washes" the heroin out of the brain and replaces it with an endorphine-like substance (part of the problem with opiate withdrawal is that the brain no longer produces endorphins on its own). This takes about an hour, and then the addict remains in the hospital for another 24 hours for observation. They'll feel like they have the flu for about two days (as the liver produces mass amounts of enzymes to "wash" the heroin out of the system), then they should be fine. They're under the care of both the doctor and a program psychiatrist for 3 to 6 months, and they're given medication for anxiety and sleep. Apparently getting sleep for heroin addicts who just detoxed is a real problem. Naomi is really not interested in this whole program because it is so drug oriented - but it's quick, there's no withdrawal symptoms, and she does have serious anxiety problems and has detoxed before and says sleep is a real problem afterwards. So Gary and I are interested in this for her, and now that she's really questioning this Florida program - and she needs to detox within 30 days or she goes to jail, I think she may do it. We've discussed with her that even though it's so "western" in it's style, and so drug dependent - which we're not totally into either - once she's detoxed, THEN she can concentrate on holistic healing. We've found a meditation class she's interested in that starts in March, Tai Chi that we all want to do that starts in April, we've found a psychiatrist that is ALSO an acupuncturist (is that a word?)... unfortunately, she'll miss Spring semester, because those classes start next week. But Penguin Publishing is in our building at work, and we've already talked to one of the execs there, and she's welcome to join (for free) one of their writing training classes. So apart from exercise and weekend travel, there's lots for her to do, and we're hoping that working on building structure and a schedule will help her find the courage to just go do this, western drug-heavy or not.

We've got an appointment to go meet the doctors tomorrow at this rapid detox to see if physically she even qualifies for the program.

But she's on an emotional roller-coaster right now, and although she's really cut down on the amount of heroin she shoots daily, she's really in an internal battle over her desire to quit versus her desire to shoot. Part of the problem is that she IS so sensitive to everything. She's obsessed with watching the news, and the orphans of the tsunami are a real focus for her right now. She likely really does need treatment for what would probably be clinically diagnosed as manic depression - but she's got to get clean before anyone can really tell what's up in her head.

So... we've had a few false starts, but we really expected those. We just thought they'd be false starts from Naomi, not the detox people! What a strange situation. Anyway, we're working on getting back to work, which with someone who sometimes is so sensitive to other people's needs and who at other times is so self-centered, it's really difficult. We know it's the heroin, but that's a fact of life we have to live with right now, and boy does it make scheduling just about anything really difficult.

I've delayed taking my exams for work, and they're being really understanding about it. We'd been hoping we'd already be in rehab - but now she's got the additional incentive of facing jail time if she doesn't find a detox solution she's willing and able to do. Actually, I should give her more credit than it just sounded like. She actually didn't balk about going Thursday, and we all thought she was going in for detox - and she was ready before, when we were waiting for beds at Sunrise or Carrier - but her allergy to Saboxone was also a problem.

And finally... the one other thing I like about this rapid detox program is that they provide follow up for 3 to six months, depending upon the needs of the addict. She has to see a doctor and a psychiatrist from the program at least weekly, and conference calls whenever she wants. Also, they administer a drug called... naltrone? I don't remember - something like that. It's an opiate antagonist - meaning - IF she gives in to the temptation to shoot up, she won't get high from it. So while the program may make it too quick, too easy (no withdrawal symptoms, etc.) - hopefully the follow-up combined with a "structured life" and no ability to get high from heroin will provide Naomi all the incentives she needs to kick this addiction for good.

And the BEST thing about this rapid detox program is that if we see them Friday and she wants to do it, they can start her treatment Monday. It's not an issue of having beds available or a wait-list or anything.

So I have no idea what will happen - I just know that Naomi hasn't been dragging her feet on this, and now there's an additional incentive to get detoxed.
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