OK - here goes. We're adopting a daughter and she needs prayers.

She looks tons better already, Laurie!! I absolutely love the pic of her and her dad. More prayers for continued success...

I read this entire thread last night for the first time and I had the strangest dream that my husband and I adopted a teenager and it was hell! Funny how your subconscious plays into your dreams...

Naomi does look a lot better, healthier. Amazing since she is getting over the flu!

As always, continued love being sent to all of you.

Originally Posted by bathory

BTW Jews are NOT forbidden to have tattoos.

http://www.bmezine.com/news/guest/20040819.html

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Sorry - I'm not familiar with the publication to which you provided a link. I am not a Jew and am unfamiliar with the traditions and laws. Gary is Jewish, and was a member of the Israeli army, on active duty for 6 1/2 years and on reserve, living in Israel for an additional three. He fought active combat during the Lebanon war, and had to sign documents that he understood he could not be buried in a Jewish cemetary nor inside the wall unless he was willing to have the limbs with tatoos on them cut off. I don't know the laws in Israel now, and they may have changed, but tatoo parlors were illegal. Gary knew two other Jews with Tatoos, and they got those tatoos while on duty at an airshow in Germany. I do know that the friend who had the same tatoo as Naomi was buried outside of the wall in a non-jewish cemetary, despite giving his life for the country.

Obviously there must be different interpretations of what is "legal" and "illegal" in the different interpretations of judaism.

Originally Posted by bathory

....I do have one question though, why take out her piercings for the photo?

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Actually, she didn't remove them for the photo. For some reason, she removes them before she goes to see the Doctor. She must have put them back in at the pharmacy. I hadn't noticed!

I am not Jewish either, but it was my understanding as well, from Jewish friends, that Jewish law did not permit anyone with a tattoo to be buried in a Jewish cemetary.

I've been debating all day whether I should post or not, because I don't want to jeopardize Naomi's chances, but I also don't want you and Gary to have to face the dark plunge into darkest disappointment and despair. You've described how the cats totally accepted Naomi, which, superficially, is very positive. Unfortunately, it reminded me of somebody whom I was very close to from the age of 11 to 23. I had a friend, a classmate of my older brother, and the older brother of one of my classmates, who was a heroin addict. Jerry was an absolute doll, and therefore there were several incidents where I (or my brother) found him out on the streets and took him home, and our parents welcomed him. Our house was literally a zoo, and all the animals loved him - heroin addicts are rather passive when they're high, and thus non-threatening, so pets seem to accept them wholeheartedly. Don't read too much into that acceptance. Jerry did try to kick his habit, and was successful for short periods, but OD'd at the age of 26. He had a lot of (emotional and financial) support from family and friends, but it obviously wasn't enough. Be careful, for your own sakes. I know what you're trying to do involves a lot of emotional investment, but please keep in mind that wanting something with every fiber of your being isn't a guarantee of success, and that you'll have to deal with the aftermath.

Today's update is a simple one. We're number three on a waiting list at the Sunrise House. They expect 7 or 8 departures - perhaps as early as tomorrow.

For now, she's medicated and mostly just sleeping. She's drinking lots of tea, juice and water, eating fruits and veges (she's a vegetarian) and Gary's wonderful omelettes (sp?) - and again, mostly just sleeping.

Originally Posted by LDG

For now, she's medicated and mostly just sleeping. She's drinking lots of tea, juice and water, eating fruits and veges (she's a vegetarian) and Gary's wonderful omelettes (sp?) - and again, mostly just sleeping.

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Not to nag, but since she's a vegetarian, make sure she gets enough protein. She's going to need a balanced diet to stay healthy.

Important question. At some point in the future, Naomi will probably at least visit TCS, if not become a member.

What do I do about this thread?

Gary and I have not "hidden" anything from her, though I haven't mentioned that this particular thread of "prayers" for her, and updates about her is going on.

I'd love for her to know what a caring, wonderful place TCS is, and that's it's filled with so many wonderful people that were cheering for her and helping to talk me/us through this - whether with concern or support (or both). But I also feel that it may make her feel inhibited about being a member, know that so many people know so many details about her and her background. I feel like it should be up to her to share these things if she wants to.

When she is ready to participate in TCS, should I delete this thread?

It won't be for some time - rehab will be at least 28 days, and we probably won't start until tomorrow or sometime over the weekend. But I'd really love some input about how to handle this - something that could be a sticky situation. I really don't want her to feel "talked about," though sharing this with my "family" at TCS is part of who I am and what I would do.... such a quandry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Naomi is a beautiful woman inside and out...no wonder she is a perfect match for you and your husband! Carrier has an excellent reputation, my mom was there many, many years ago. All of you are in my thoughts, what a selfless act...I think you will be a wonderful family!

Originally Posted by jcat

I've been debating all day whether I should post or not, because I don't want to jeopardize Naomi's chances, but I also don't want you and Gary to have to face the dark plunge into darkest disappointment and despair. You've described how the cats totally accepted Naomi, which, superficially, is very positive. .... heroin addicts are rather passive when they're high, and thus non-threatening, so pets seem to accept them wholeheartedly. Don't read too much into that acceptance. Jerry did try to kick his habit, and was successful for short periods, but OD'd at the age of 26. He had a lot of (emotional and financial) support from family and friends, but it obviously wasn't enough. Be careful, for your own sakes. I know what you're trying to do involves a lot of emotional investment, but please keep in mind that wanting something with every fiber of your being isn't a guarantee of success, and that you'll have to deal with the aftermath.

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Tricia, I'm so glad you posted. Although at first we were completely blown away by the reaction of the cats, I must admit - especially Spooky - it did dawn on us that it really must be that sense of her being completely non-threatening. If it's just the heroine, then so be it, we'll deal with the next step down the road when she comes home from detox.

And we so know that there is no guarantee of success, and Gary and I have discussed it a little - not a lot. We knew in our hearts shortly after Christmas, quite frankly, that there was no turning back from this, and the only way to do it was to follow our hearts. Gary has warned me time and again just what you have - there is no guarantee of success, and she may return to heroine again. My response is that we'll deal with that when it happens. For now, she's committed to trying, and we're starting family therapy, and she'll have individual therapy on top of that. We can do no more than give it 100%. Just as if we were her biological parents, we will be there for her no matter what happens, and we'll deal with how to handle it when and if it happens - under the guidance of trained professionals. We may have our hearts ripped out of us, and we may have our home robbed blind (god forbid). But it just doesn't matter.

If we had rescued a feral that was terrified and sick, needing frequent medication but constantly hiding in fear, I would medicate that animal, sit in the room with her, and be there for her, no matter what I got in return, whether it was scratches, hisses and bites, destroyed fingers and a destroyed room. If she busted out of the window and ran away, we would search for her, and hopefully find her to bring her back home and try again. My heart would break if I were unable to nurse the animal to health, and my heart would cry if she never broke through her fear to know how loved she was and how wonderful life could be. Fortunately for Naomi, she has opened her heart, has made herself vulnerable, and has known, at least for a few days or a few weeks, unconditional love. The emotional risk to Gary and I is of little importance. We have already gotten so much back from this wonderful little girl, and to have had the opportunity to give this to her has been an incredible blessing.

Gary and I are fortunate enough to have the confidence in our love for each other and the strength of our relationship to deal with this, and no matter what happens, we will have each other. We will be able to survive the potential future pain, though at times, if it comes to that, I'm sure we might not feel like we want to. Thankfully remembrance is a strong part of the jewish tradition, and we have already promised Naomi that if anything happens to her - if she is unable, in the end, to kick the habit, we've warned her that the heroine will kill her. She knows it. And we've promised that if nothing else, we will be here to bury her and remember her.

Originally Posted by mamacat

Not to nag, but since she's a vegetarian, make sure she gets enough protein. She's going to need a balanced diet to stay healthy.

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Fortunately, she does eat fish. Gary did roll sushi last night. I do have some learning to do - it's been a long time since I was a vegetarian. Right now, we're more focussed on getting her into rehab and off the heroine. We have decided to head up to Canyon Ranch for 10 days after rehab, so I think that'll be the perfect time for all of us to focus on the other aspects of health and healing.

Originally Posted by LDG

Important question. At some point in the future, Naomi will probably at least visit TCS, if not become a member.

What do I do about this thread?

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This is such a difficult question. I think it depends a lot on her state when and if she does join us at TCS. If it is soon after rehab, it might be better to delete this thread, and let her tell us what she wants to tell us, if anything. For one thing, it will make her feel more in control of her relationships with people. For another, I would be concerned about some of the things that we have said here and how she might take them--for example, warnings to you about the possibility that she would rob you, or could be taking advantage of you. They were perfectly appropriate comments for us to make to you, but they may undermine her confidence in herself if she sees them too soon after rehab. I see nothing wrong with letting her know that you talked to others about your decision to bring her to your home--it will help her to understand that you are a person too who also needs the support of others. I just don't know that everything we have said to you is appropriate for her to see.

Originally Posted by mamacat

This is such a difficult question. I think it depends a lot on her state when and if she does join us at TCS. If it is soon after rehab, it might be better to delete this thread, and let her tell us what she wants to tell us, if anything. For one thing, it will make her feel more in control of her relationships with people. For another, I would be concerned about some of the things that we have said here and how she might take them--for example, warnings to you about the possibility that she would rob you, or could be taking advantage of you. They were perfectly appropriate comments for us to make to you, but they may undermine her confidence in herself if she sees them too soon after rehab. I see nothing wrong with letting her know that you talked to others about your decision to bring her to your home--it will help her to understand that you are a person too who also needs the support of others. I just don't know that everything we have said to you is appropriate for her to see.

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Wow - that really sums up so well the basis of my concern and question! I think you're really hit the nail on the head here, and I think you are absolutely right. Wow - what a great site! Wonderful AND wise people!

Originally Posted by LDG

Important question. At some point in the future, Naomi will probably at least visit TCS, if not become a member.

What do I do about this thread?

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I've thought about that too. I was wondering if you had told her about this thread or not. I know the answer now. I had also thought about how she may feel posting here, knowing that there was a thread about her.

You said she wanted to write a book about her experiences to help other girls in her situation. If that is the case, I would assume that her past would be nothing for her to hide, especially if she wants to use it to help others. Maybe there being a thread about her won't bug her in the least bit. On the other hand, she could be upset about it being shared with 'strangers' . I don't really have an answer to that, I wish I did. Perhaps as you get to know her you will find the answer.

I just want to say that I am glad things are still good. Be careful. It's hard to help a person do something so big like this without them trusting you. I've found it's kinda hard to get someone to trust you if you don't trust them. Others have stated how addicts have been, and I am sure you are aware. Follow your heart. I really want this to become one of those inspirational stories, that can give others hope. I also want to see a life saved. I love stories like that. Sending tons of positivity your way still.

Originally Posted by mamacat

This is such a difficult question. I think it depends a lot on her state when and if she does join us at TCS. If it is soon after rehab, it might be better to delete this thread, and let her tell us what she wants to tell us, if anything. For one thing, it will make her feel more in control of her relationships with people. For another, I would be concerned about some of the things that we have said here and how she might take them--for example, warnings to you about the possibility that she would rob you, or could be taking advantage of you. They were perfectly appropriate comments for us to make to you, but they may undermine her confidence in herself if she sees them too soon after rehab. I see nothing wrong with letting her know that you talked to others about your decision to bring her to your home--it will help her to understand that you are a person too who also needs the support of others. I just don't know that everything we have said to you is appropriate for her to see.

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very well put!

also if she does get on your computer, what if she stumbles across this thread? How much damage would that do to what you are trying to establish with this person?

Originally Posted by fesavdme

I have read this thread several times and I have learned to get the kleenex before I start now. I can relate to Naomi in a few ways. I was a drug addict until a wonderful family opened up their home and hearts to me. Although circumstances were different I would like to share one thing with you....Some of us go through life guarding ourselves, our hearts until one day someone stands beside us and loves us. They do not mind loving from a distance to allow us time to adjust to this new found treasure. That in itself is what draws us closer,...the ability to make our own decision. I love and respect my parents dearly for what they did for me (as they adopted me 18 years ago).
My hats off to you and your husband. The gift of love is the greatest gift you can give and the most costly. I wish you and your family all the best. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us!!!!

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Thank you so, so much for sharing this. I really do appreciate the concern and warnings from those with other experiences, and I understand they come from the heart as well. I am so glad that you had this opporunity in life, and it is so wonderful to know that dreams can come true.

Naomi told us last night that she always dreamed that her "real" parents (as opposed to her biological parents) would come to rescue her some day, and she had finally given up on that hope when she believed she might have AIDS. I am amazed at her ability to open her heart, become vulnerable and trust us the way she has. We've talked a lot about her fear of abandonment - it is much stronger than her fear of abuse, which is amazing given what she's been through. We never expected it to be "this easy" so soon - and believe me, I know it's temporary. I don't know what's in store. But your story is certainly an inspiration, and knowing that just demonstrating over and over again to Naomi that we're there for her will help is so encouraging.

Bless you and your parents!