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crossing to the other side

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
Hello to everyone my baby Pinki is very very sick she has Feline immunodeficiency virus and I only found out about it about a month ago, she is not the same beautiful girl anymore she is not eating, has no energy and she keeps to herself all of the time as before all she wanted was to be with me all the time, she has lost so much weight - but to my knowledge she doesnt seem to be in pain!

My question is when to let her go to heaven and it is so hard to make this decision as I dont want to let her go, how do I know when its time to make this decision I just dont know what to do for the best for her as I dont want to be selfish for myself!

I am hoping that someone can help me on this as I know its totally my decision and no one can make it for me and I know she is not going to get better as the cat aids has taken over her body over her body and she has had it, not to my knowledge for a number of years, and I thought that I would still have for a lot more years yet and this virus has caught me by total surprise and I am still trying to get my head around the whole thing!

I hope these questions can be answered!

Thank you!
post #2 of 24
I am so sorry for you and your little one - it is a decision we have all, as cat owners, had to make at some time. I would say as long as she is enjoying being with you and her quality of life is reasonable, then keep her with you. I think you will know when it is the right time, she wil tell you in all sorts of little ways. Make sure she does not get dehydrated or starved, and as long as she is comfortable then enjoy her company.
post #3 of 24
Hi, Marilyn, I'm so very sorry that your precious Pinky is so ill, this must have come as such a horrible shock. I dare to even imagine how painful this must be for you, and could not possibly tell you what you should do. I am glad you have educated yourself so well on her illness and are aware of her prognosis. Cats are so good at masking any pain or illness, but the symptoms you have mentioned, such as not eating or moving from her position and wanting to be alone instead of at your side as she has been for years could indicate that she may be experiencing discomfort. It must just break your heart to see her like this and be unable to help her feel better.
The decision of when to help her into Heaven is a decision only you can make, and I know you want what is best for your darling baby. It must be so agonizing for you to ever imagine life without your sweet Pinky. You know your baby better than anyone, and she will let you know when she is nolonger able to fight. Again, I'm just so sorry Pinky is ill, and for the burden that you are carrying in your heavy heart. Please know you can come here to talk to us or feel free to pm me any time at all.
post #4 of 24
Hi, I'm so sorry to hear that your Pinki is sick... poor thing. I can't imagine feeling that way - I've never had to deal with what you're dealing with, as Baylee is my first kitten. However, I think Baylee will let me know when it's her time to go. Either that, or whenever she's too weak to play, to have fun, or to do any of the necessary things she needs to do (eat, drink, use the litterbox)... as much as I love my cat, if she can't be a cat and I know that's she hurting and unhappy, that's when I'd have to say goodbye to her. But that's just my thoughts... yours could be completely different from mine, it's something you need to fully think about.

Good luck with your tough decision. If you need to vent or just to talk, we're here!
post #5 of 24
I'm very sorry. You must be so sad right now. You will know. Your vet can also help, but in the end you will know. She was very blessed to have you in her life.
post #6 of 24
I'm so sorry your Pinki is so sick I can't answer any of your questions, I wish I could. I let my Cleo go when I thought she was in to much pain and suffering.
post #7 of 24
Oh, My heart just broke reading this I am so sorry Marilyn.. My heart goes out to you and Sweet Pinky

I don't like to say that I know what other's are going through, because we are all different in how we feel and choose to act. However, I will say that I had to make the decision as to when to let my Trent go
When I heard that he was terminally ill with Cancer & Renal Failure, I just lost it I felt like my world collapsed on top of me. I knew for a while before then that my baby was getting sick. I refused to admit it to myself When I finally brought him for the full diagnosis, there was no more denial anymore. I knew that I was going to lose my angel. At first I thought I would just wait until I saw that "he was in pain". I, very soon, found out that these little ones don't always show that they are in pain. They want to stay strong for us. That's how magical these babies are
So, I figured, "okay, as long as he's eating, he is still feeling okay".. Again, I find out that, that is not always the case.
The doctor who diagnosed Trent wanted to put him down that day. I just about fell to the floor and refused. So, I took Trent home with me. I had him with me for the next week and a half. I spent every moment with him . I slept downstairs on the living room couch with him because he could no longer walk up the stairs easy. I read "Chicken Soup for the Animal Lover's Soul" to him. I fed him from my baby spoon.. I told him all about Kitty Heaven and The Rainbow Bridge.
Then there was a moment when I knew it was time to let Trent rest in peace. In that very moment, 8pm, is when I drove him to the vet. I held him the entire time. He died in my arms on the night of September 13, 2004. That is the time when My Trent became an Angel in Heaven, no longer suffering any pain.

The people at this site guided me through the whole way. From the very beginning to the end. I kept asking, "how will I know?" I just read the same response over and over, "You just will." It was true, I did.

I do wish Trent's thread was still here so you can read everything that went on those last 2 weeks. As heartbreaking as all of it was, there was some magic to all of it as well. I can not be more grateful to have had that time with my little baby. I was able to hold my little boy as his soul reached to Heaven.

My moments with Trent stay with me forever.

Trust me when I say, You Will Know..

So much love to you and your Pinky
post #8 of 24
It is a cat's survival technique to not show pain. They know when they do, being low on the food chain that their days are numbered. It is simply their instinct, and why quite often at the very last moment of intense pain, a cat will be purring. For they purr when they are in pain to comfort themselves as well as when they are happy.

As I just wrote to another member asking the same question, you need to look at the quality of life of the cat. Are the eyes bright? Or are they dull? Is the cat somewhat active? Interested in the surroundings, eating anything at all? Once a cat stops eating for 48 hours or longer there is a serious health issue that can arise called Hepatic Lipidosis. In essence it is a state of anorexia, where the body starts releasing chemicals and the body starts to feed on itself, and the cat isn't hungry, so doesn't eat, it is a vicious cycle and to break it you have to treat it early and aggressively.

So you have to take all of this in account and understand that sometimes, it is best to let them go no matter how much you think your life would be better off with them in it. Once you release them from their pain, that is when yours will begin-

Hugs to you during this difficult time- here is an article to read as well:

and this one
post #9 of 24
Thread Starter 
Hi to everyone and thank you very very much for your lovely words and advice I came home tonight and no pinki I looked frantically everywhere calling her name and no answer my heart was pounding and very worried I looked under my bed and there she was finally answering me with her lovely sweet voice I am unable to get her as she has positioned herself so I cannot reach her and the bed is so heavy to lift by myself I am hoping that she will eventually come out of her hiding place as she has never done this before, is it true that they hide and go away to die.

I am so worried now as I dont know how to get her out of under my bed!

Thank you one again
post #10 of 24
Dear Marilyn ,

Oh Hun, I know it must be scary to see her under the bed. Many cats do hide when they are very sick Is there anyone who can possibly help you move the bed, or anyway to lure her to come out so you can take her to the vet? Do you know of any vets that would make a house call, perhaps? Unfortunately, I don't know how to tell you to get her out, but I know there will be people here to give some advice for that. My heart is with you and Pinky right now. Try your best to stay calm, so that she won't feel afraid if she does want to come out. Maybe sit with her and talk to her a little. I wish I had more to offer you right now.
Sending all my love and best wishes to you and Pinky..
post #11 of 24
Thread Starter 
I have been talking to her and trying to offer her food as she is not interested in eating I rang my brother and he is coming over tomorrow and he is going to try to move the bed and we are going to take her to the vet I think I will have a talk to the vet and maybe I will send her to heaven as the aids is not going to improve she is only going to get sicker.

I rang a very dear friend of mine this evening and we discussed this and he gave me some advice and the advice from the vet so then it will help me make my decision.

I am still hoping that she is going to get better and its only a temporary thing that she has got and she will be back to the very attentive, loving, happy affectionate, social baby that was not sick like this 3 months ago it just seemed to hit all of a sudden and it has taken me by surprise I cant believe it
and it is hard to let her go very hard and I am not the only one that has and is experiencing this pending loss and loss to a very loving friend in my life for the last 12 to 10 years but to see her suffer no one can put a friend through this!

Once again thank you from my heart for all the help and support that I am receiving and Pinki thanks you too it will seem strange not to have her with me anymore.

I will let you know tommorow after the visit from the vet!

Love Marilyn
post #12 of 24
Dear Marilyn.. I want you to know that we are all here for you I understand the sadness and denial and all the other feelings that go along with this If you ever need to talk about anything, please remember that someone is always here to listen. You don't have to go through this alone
Also, feel free to pm me anytime you want. I am thinking of You and Pinky
Love Always, Lauren
post #13 of 24
So sorry to hear this... My thougths with Pinki
post #14 of 24

It is quite common for cats to hide when they are ill or in pain. They need a quiet, dark place to rest, and apparently she has found one. What you can do, or try to do, is give her what she needs in the room where she is hiding now. Find a large cardboard box, and turn it on its side. Load it with nice soft bedding, then sprinkle some catnip near it (to try and draw her out) Cover the box with a dark blanket, leaving only enough room for her to slide underneath the blanket and climb in the bedding. Dim the lights in your room- you are asking her to come out of her dark cave into a brightly lit room, and she wants no part of that right now. She needs dark and seculsion. Burn night lights, cover your windows, make the whole room into the dark cave she needs. She might come out then, she just might-
post #15 of 24

I'm so sorry about your baby. My oldest girl is only 6 and a half years old. I've never had a cat near 10 years, so I imagine you must be very close to her, and you must love her very much. I fear for one of my girls to get sick, and especially for them to pass.

I will be thinking of you. I will also send you some strength to help you through this. You will know in your heart if you are as bonded as I feel you are, you will know when it is time for her to go. You will reach a point where you just know.
post #16 of 24
Thread Starter 
Hi to everyone Pinki finally came out from under the bed last night and she wanted to come and sleep with me but she did not have enough energy to jump on the bed so I pick her up and I tried to hand feed her but she was not interested at all but I did manage to get her to drink some water!

I did not sleep last night as I was sobing, talking to her and patting her so I felt like death warmed up this morning when I woke up but I went to work!
I had a cry at work quietly by myself.

When I came home my brother was waiting for me and we took Pinki to the vet during the visit she was on the examination table and she was lying there with her chin resting on my hand purring, the vet said that he could be put in the hospital for a week, give her a blood transfusion put her on a drip give her antibiotics and take more blood tests but he cant garantee the she will feel better because she is so sick and there could be more wrong with her than the aids virus its like puting a bandad on something thats not going to get better and its just a matter of time before she goes to heaven anyway so I held her she was still purring and she was limp in my arms and I spent some time with her alone saying my goodbyes and telling her how much I love her and that she wont be suffering any more then the vet came in still quietly purring and the vet gave her the needle.

I came home seeing all her things and I just burst out crying and sobing I am going to feel so lonely now that my baby has gone I just dont know what to do I keep on wondering what she is doing in the next room and I go to call her then I have to realise she is not with me anymore it is so hard to come to terms with the whole thing and I dont know how long this greiving time is going to last I dont think I could handle to go through this again with any other cat I was so close to Pinki now that she is gone I kept asking the vet am I doing the right thing I felt so guilty while the needle was entering her body I hate feeling like this its horrible horrible horrible.

Thank all of you once again you cant imagine how much it has helped to cope with this upsetting time in my life now that my cpmpanion my friend my beautiful little girl has gone to heaven now!

With all my gratitude Marilyn
post #17 of 24
I am sorry you lost Pinki. although we know its the best thing it is very hard. Trust yourself to know that you did the right thing and Pinki is happy and fit at the Rainbow Bridge. Give yourself time for grief she was your friend and companian for many years.
My thoughts are with you at this saddest of times
post #18 of 24

There is no telling how long the grief will last, and it will hit you at the most inopportune times. Just go with it and know that there are lessons to be learned along the path. You will emerge on the other side a different person. I know some people who experienced a complete reversal of their life, after experiencing this type of grief.

Know that you did the right thing, the selfLess act of love for Pinki and she will always be grateful that you shared her life, gave her love, and in the end showed her what true responsible love you had for her-
post #19 of 24
I can't add to what others have said but I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for you and I hope you will somehow find comfort soon, in the knowledge that you did the right thing and she would thank you for it.
post #20 of 24
you are not guilty in any way. Just think if you were in that position and although you had loved ones you had so much pain and would like for it to go away.
You did the right thing Pinki was so ill and now she is restored to full health up in kitty heaven.

I lost my sneaky when i was 12 and somedays i still cry over her. It will be 6 years this march.
ALl ofmy cats have held a special place in my heart, and as many cats i have had none of them could ever replace each other.

post #21 of 24
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of Pinki - but know that you did the most unselfish act when you helped her pass over to the bridge Please dont feel guilty my friend - Pinki knows how much you loved her, how much you will love her forever and she is now at the bridge free of any pain and is running freely through the grass.
she will wait there until you meet again and until then will watch over you

RIP angel Pinki
post #22 of 24
Dear Marilyn

I am sending my love to you.. I just wanted to remind you that you are not alone..
post #23 of 24
I am so sorry you lost your Pinki. I know it is a very hard decision to make because my daughter and I had a little cat for fifteen years who had a cancerous tumor and we had to decide when to let her go.

You did the right thing for your little cat. The pain will be easier to bear as time goes by and you'll be able to remember all the things that she did that made you smile and laugh more often than the loss.

I will be sending you my prayers.
post #24 of 24
Thread Starter 
Hi its now been a week since my Pinki has gone to heaven and it feels so strange I still keep on thinking she is with me an Its such a strange feeling that I dont like it feels so lonely without her and the first week was the hardest I am not a cry baby but all I did last week was cry and angry for a couple of days and I could not control it at work my poor work collegues some could not understand as they dont and never has animals.

I went shopping at the mall on saturday and they have a pet shop and I saw a ginger kitten just like my baby and I nearly bought the kitten and then I stopped myself as I think I should get over Pinki first before I buy another one and I decided to move residence so I think I should wait for the right baby to come into my life? and not to buy a kitten for the sake of having one!

Thank you everyone for your very kind wishes, thoughts, and advice it was appreciated!
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