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Secret Cat Diary

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
Secret Cat Diary


DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair...must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
post #2 of 8
post #3 of 8
post #4 of 8
Dere secret cat, why do you hate the humans? You just need to train them, that's all...of course I DO see your point about the dog...but maybe if you train them correctly you can "make" them get rid of it. yur secret friend....
post #5 of 8
post #6 of 8
Dear Secret Cat:

My captor is also unaware of my plots to escape. Where did you find the mouse? There aren't any in my apartment....

I beg and beg to be released but it never works. She holds me here against my will while I long to be free and to catch mice across the street. She pretends it is for my own safety. Ha! She says cats are killed crossing the street. She underestimates my intelligence. The other cats here are dopes. She's got them convinced that the outside world is inhabited by fearful cats that fight, dogs, and people that do unimaginable things to cats. I'm not afraid. I was outside the first eight months of my life and I can be outside again.

One cat here gained his freedom. He did it by making a nuisance of himself by meowing every twenty minutes all night long. Now he lives with the outside cats. I can't make such a fool of myself. I admit it, when my captor gets unhappy, I worry about her.

I think I have Stockholm Syndrome.

Good luck with your plans.

post #7 of 8
that is TOO funny
post #8 of 8
Originally Posted by katie=^..^=
I think I have Stockholm Syndrome.
Ah, nice touch!
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