Is this rude, or am I being oversensitive?

It's not right that he did that, but he may have thought he was just being sweet. I know that before my hubby and I got married, but were engaged, people would call me Mrs. ???.

I doubt he actually did it to be rude, although it is bad form.

You guys seems to be about evenly split on this question, which is sort of how I feel about it internally. You know my conclusion? It's not worth thinking so much about. This guy is my bf's oldest friend (they grew up next door to each other and the friend still lives next door to my future m-i-l). I love him to death. If he wants to refer to me by my bf's last name, so be it. It's still not something I would do, but, eh, who cares. Like Abby7625 said, I'll just throw away the envelope and be done with it.

Just for info, here in Canada in the Province of Quebec, women are not allowed to take their husband's last name. They must keep their maiden name.

Originally Posted by Yosemite

Just for info, here in Canada in the Province of Quebec, women are not allowed to take their husband's last name. They must keep their maiden name.

Click to expand...

Really? Wow, that's interesting! You know I think there may be states here with old laws still on the books (but unenforced) that a woman MUST take her husband's last name.

I believe the main reason for this is that Quebec is trying to maintain their French heritage and wants to keep french names intact.

In my opinon, changing your last name to your husbands, makes it look like he "owns" you. I don't go for it. Maybe HE sould think about changing HIS last name to be your last name. I would have been insulted, but not because I would have thought the person was being rude, just ignorant.

Originally Posted by HopeHacker

In my opinon, changing your last name to your husbands, makes it look like he "owns" you. I don't go for it. Maybe HE sould think about changing HIS last name to be your last name. I would have been insulted, but not because I would have thought the person was being rude, just ignorant.

Click to expand...

I'm happy to have my hubby's last name. And Hope, you Mrs. Paul Stanley, girl you!

Yosemite,

When children are born of a marriage - which last name do the children have?

The children take the father's name unless the couple are not legally married in which case the child would take the mother's name and the father would have to complete official adoption practices.

My brother-in-law and his wife combined their names and they both go by the combined name. (I personally think this is rather silly but it's their choice.) Their children go by his name only.

Originally Posted by HopeHacker

In my opinon, changing your last name to your husbands, makes it look like he "owns" you. I don't go for it. Maybe HE sould think about changing HIS last name to be your last name. I would have been insulted, but not because I would have thought the person was being rude, just ignorant.

Click to expand...

Well, I don't feel quite as vehement about it as you do. I mean, there is part of me that feels like it would be nice for us to have the same name after we're married, because it's a recognizable symbol that we are a family. So I'm not really insulted by it. I just felt weird that the assumption was made that I would change my name, which I probably won't--bottom line is, I've had my last name for 30 years, my degrees are in my last name, and so on. I can definitely see both sides. I guess I just didn't love it that someone was making a presumption for me, especially when we're not even married yet.

I used to feel strongly about keeping my last name, or some form of it (hyphenating my name to his name). This is the way I did it with my first husband.

But honestly, I'm happy to have my current husbands last name. I don't think it means he owns me at all -- to me it just means we have united as one family.

If children are born out of wedlock, they do NOT have to take the mother's last name. It really depends on quite a few things. If dad and mom are together but not married, the child can take either last name (if both parents are on the birth cert). If the father is not present or on the child birth cert by affidavit, it takes the mother's last name. And adoption isn't the only way to change a child's last name -- that's one way. Legal name change is another. It may vary from state to state, but I know this is true in NY and Pennsylvania. My cousins were both born out of wedlock but have their father's last name.

Well I definitely think it's very presumptuous of him - I'd think so even if you were married, too - he should only address you with your SO's name if he knows for a fact you've decided to take it, he shouldn't just assume that you have - this is 2004, after all, not 1954; many women do not take their husband's name. Besides, why are surnames needed if you're friends, anyway (I'd understand if it was some type of business relationship)? Does he think you'd assume it was addressed to some other _______ (insert SO's first name) and Stefanie?!