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stuff to smile at

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
sorry i am posting so much stuff... i am cleaning out my mailbox and some of this stuff is cute and i just thought i would share... when you get sick of it, just tell me to shut up! i will not post much more....

The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God?
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He just doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy:
Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she must not have one!

I was in the Express Lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring
the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing
a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier
beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly,
So, which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great if that
happened more often?!

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the
aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her
father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews
responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her
father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card

Women & cats will do as they please, and men & dogs should get used to the

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I
have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning
me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man
then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me. What should
I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see
what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. "I spoke to your
wife...spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The
man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison

The South!
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens
The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.


In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in
a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.
Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store
.....do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is
plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to
use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying.
They can't understand you either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy.
Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way.
All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should
stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery
store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have
to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they
are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is
to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
post #2 of 7
hey merry christmas!
post #3 of 7
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by ~*ANGEL~*
hey merry christmas!
merry x-mas to you too!! welcome to the site! do you have any pictures of your kitty??
post #4 of 7
thank you...no i don't have pictures of Bibbs i am sorry
post #5 of 7
Thanks for sharing!
post #6 of 7
Thread Starter 

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the rosey-faced
youngster was doing, he asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied little Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor laughed and said condescendingly, "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Little Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your damned cat."
post #7 of 7
Hey y'all!!! I'm from way down south and I'd say 99.9% of it is true. Scary thought huh?
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