Angry and could use some advice

I wanted to add that when I was going through the custody battle with my ex husband, my attorney advised me to have the teachers note the general mood of my son at school the first 2 days days after visitation, whether he was unruly, docile, happy, sad, angry, etc. so that it would be noted by an outside source how the visits were affecting him. I hope you are documenting all of this because it will come in handy-outside sources are best because they are for neither side of the conflict (neighbors, teachers, etc that have seen hands on what this guy is up to). They may also take your neice and nephew's testimony under advisement in court should they say they do not want to visit with their father anymore since they are older. I used to slip a tape recorder in my purse and would catch all of my ex's fits.

If it were me, I wouldn't let him see the kids anymore. Contempt or no contempt.

Thanks Abby, those are some good suggestions.

The only time he rants and makes threats is over the phone and it might not be legal to tape that.


Edited to add: My sister has noticed a change in my nieces behavior, she'll be in a real good mood all day and then after she talks to her dad on the phone it's a total mood change, she gets very angry and takes it out on her mom. Also her eating habits have change, she might be becoming anorexic, she never eats at home, but I can get her to eat when she's here.

It's legal here as long as one party knows the conversation is being recorded. There are special circumstances on admitting the tape into evidence, but I don't remember what they are off the top of my head. I don't know what the laws are in NJ. It might be something you could mention to an attorney.

Originally Posted by stormy

Thanks Abby, those are some good suggestions.

The only time he rants and makes threats is over the phone and it might not be legal to tape that.


Edited to add: My sister has noticed a change in my nieces behavior, she'll be in a real good mood all day and then after she talks to her dad on the phone it's a total mood change, she gets very angry and takes it out on her mom. Also her eating habits have change, she might be becoming anorexic, she never eats at home, but I can get her to eat when she's here.

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Not sure what your local rules are there, but it's typically not too complicated to get tapes into evidence (yes, there are special rules, but they are usually not that complex).

Is this going on in Jersey? If so, as of what age can the child decide he or she doesn't want to visit the non-custodial parent? Some states (PA) it's 13; in others (NE), it's 19.

Originally Posted by jcat

Is this going on in Jersey? If so, as of what age can the child decide he or she doesn't want to visit the non-custodial parent? Some states (PA) it's 13; in others (NE), it's 19.

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The kids live in NJ, the father lives in Pa.
I'm not sure of the age in Nj, but a few years ago when their father tried to get custody of my nephew, the judge let my nephew decide where he wanted to live and he chose to live here with me and my other sister. He was 14 at the time.

Have your sister get a lawyer NOW. She needs to get another restraining order for herself and her kids as he has made death threats. Visitation should be cut off immediatly until a court has made it's decision. The kids should be allowed to live away from both parents until things calm down and the father cannot track them down. A school friend or teacher? This way they can have some normal time with out the stress. The restraining order should be copied and given to their school to keep him from taking the children from school. Every effort should be made to keep the children safe. Every year children are killed by a parent who wants to get back at the other parent. Kids must come first and need a safe place to stay. Supervised visitation may be an answer AFTER he has delt with his anger problems and gets on medication for the emotional problems. The court can enforce this.
Lots of hugs to you and your family during this trying time. Remind the kids this isn't their fault and that you love them all.

Your family is in my thoughts Diane!

Your sister needs to go to the court house and get a copy of the papers and then go to the police department where he lives and ask them to uphold the papers. They will go and get the children and arrest him because what he has done is child abduction. The court will most likely listen to both kids at their ages to see where they want to live (they question them without either parent present). Your sister also needs to file an emergency order while she's at the court to suspend visitation until the court makes their new decision. Finally, if he consistently makes threats over the phone find out if NJ or PA laws apply to recording over the phone (the police can tell you this) and if they're one or two party states. One party means that just one person needs to know the call is being recorded (your sister) two party means that she has to inform him that she's recording the call. Even if it's a two party state I'd still get a recorder because he may just straighten up if he knows he's being recorded. Also, the exchanges should be done at a police station or sheriff's station. This way the officers are an uninterested 3rd party to any BS he may pull. You can also video tape the exchanges with a time and date stamp as long as he knows he's being video taped so you can either keep him civil or catch evidence of him being a jerk. And your sister needs to get herself a lawyer. There's lots of things she can be doing right now to defend her children.

Are the kids home yet?

Just bumping this up to ask if there's any news Stormy?

Hey guys, Stormy/Diane's computer went out so she asked me to post this update on her sister's kids so people wouldn't be worried:

My stupid comptuer's router is broke...so no computer for the last few days and right when I really needed it too

I'm using my brother's computer right now and mine might not get fixed until after Christmas.

After much stress the kids are finally back here! But my sister had to go through so much to get them back. She got a court order for her ex to return the kids and he still refused. He lives in a small town with only one cop and the cop refused to follow the court order and wouldn't let my sister either see my niece or even talk to her. My sister made a call to the court and then went to the police station and the cop told her that if she went near her ex husbands house that she would be arrested! So the court must have put a warrant out for him because after she retuned with just my nephew my niece called my house to see if her mom was here because she wanted to come home.

On the drive home my sister told me my niece said that her father took her to the police station eariler and made her tell them she didn't want to come home and some other lies about why she didn't want to come home

Today she's at the court again trying to get a new restraning order against him for her house and my house.

Hmm damn, THe only advice i could give you is that if the father is acting that way then the court has to decide that the mother has full custody an the father has nothing.

I am so happy to hear the kids are home again, safe and sound!

My computer is finally fixed, got a new router put in today...finally!

Stefanie, thanks for posting the update for me.

Thanks everyone for your good thoughts and advice, it is very much appreciated!

It's good to know that the kids are back home safe and sound - and in time for Christmas too.


Have a great Christmas and Happy New Year

Update:

My sister has a court date on Friday to try and get the visitation stopped. The kids don't want to see their father anymore and I definately can't blame them with all that he has put them through.

I would really appreciate some vibes sent their way for a good outcome, they really deserve it!

Thanks!

No good advice here, but good luck with the bad situation and hope things ease between everyone.
-stevie

Originally Posted by stormy

Update:

My sister has a court date on Friday to try and get the visitation stopped. The kids don't want to see their father anymore and I definately can't blame them with all that he has put them through.

I would really appreciate some vibes sent their way for a good outcome, they really deserve it!

Thanks!

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If the court won't stop the visitation, then remind your sister to push for supervised visitation. He has threatened to injure the children many times and threatened to kidnap them. Also, does the original court order allow him to take them out of state?? If not, he must visit them in NJ.