We've taken on a new cat - Tigger

My masters Tigger and Charlie felt the need to observe the world from the same place at the same time. Not unlike a crowd of attentive tennis fans watching the ball fly back and forth, they looked left, right and the entire front lawn from the vantage point of the desk in the office/computer room. They must have practiced in private since they coordinated their head movements so well. On the other hand, it may be a innate ability that my masters have. They have chosen to not communicate with me concerning this. I suspect they think I'm not capable as I am only a secondary slave.

Such is my life with them. Forced I am to do their bidding.

"Hey slave. Pick me up and pet me." (I was in the kitchen and Charlie slapped my leg as I did not pick up on his other cues)

Yes master.

----------insert about 10 seconds of petting-----------

"That's enough. I want down. NOW!"

so Charlie jumped down and walked/hopped away. No explaination as to why.

He just walked away.....................


and left me in the kitchen.

[S C R EEE EEE EEEE EEE CCCC HHH]

OHMAGAWD.... I stepped on my master. I'm sorry Tigger...

but he was a blur making a left turn out of the kitchen and down the hall. I quickly went after him and he was looking at me with a hurt look. I picked him up and gave him a lot of attention.

"That hurt." he announced

I'm sorry Tigger. Really I am. I didn't mean to step on you.

"Just give me some attention right now and I'll forgive you."

I checked him for broken somethings... and didn't find any. Thank goodness.

A while later, he wanted down, so I set him on the large stuffed ladybug (Annie) and he was content. He walked over to DW side of the bed and started bathing. (when in doubt, bath is a good axiom for cat people)

Later, I was walking in the kitchen, when:

"Pick me up slave."

Yes master. I picked him up and he promptly sat down on my hand/arm and received attention.

"Pet me."

Yes master.

"Oh.. that's enough I want to get on your shoulder. Don't move."

and he climbed up on my shoulder. I expected him to start standing on me with his front legs on my right and back legs on my left, but he surprised me.

He laid down. Draped over my front and back. This has NEVER happened before and I remarked as such to DW. She laughed when she saw the sight and I told her to get the camera. She did and hope we have a good picture of the event.

"Hey... what was that flash. I don't like that flash so I'm getting down."

and he did.

I was being held hostage on the bed by a tightly curled marmalade monster who was succeeding at looking cute and cuddly.

ah... that's cute DW remarked. I agreed.

Tigger opened one eye

"What are you two silly slaves talking about?"

Oh.. .nothing master. Just a light conversation.

"Well... you woke me up. I'm going to stretch and walkabout my domain."

Yes master

whereupon he stretched L O N G and hard and.........

slide through the space between my knees and was gently stopped by the bed.

"Did you like my slide? Do you want me to demonstrate this again?"

No master. It looked very..........uh.........comfortable.

"Yes it was. Now don't bother me."

Tigger stood up and shook a leg. (did it fall asleep master?) and walked away.

Several minutes laster Tigger came bounding into the bedroom and LEPT up to the bed and landed on my chest.

Ohhfffff! That's going to leave a mark master.

"All the better to see you by. Don't bother me I'm in flaky feline form right now."

Yes master.

and off he went. Zooom out the door and out of sight.

Minutes later he sauntered into the room. Climbed up onto the bed and stood on my left leg. Peering intently at me he remarked:

"What are you reading slave?"

It's about.........

"Oh don't bother. I'm not really interested. Pet me."

Yes master.

"Now I want water."

Yes master.

so I got up and went to the master watering station. I turned on the water.

and Tigger left.

"That was a test. If I were really thirsty I'd be drinking."

Yes master.

"I must now bother my primary slave. You may go."

Yes master.

My masters Tigger and Charlie Cat were standing by the door when I came in from working on the front lawn.

"Hey slave. Let me outside."

Have you become a dog? You know that's the only way I'm going to let you out.

"Sheesh... you're in a insulting mood right now."

No.. I'm not calling you a dog. I asked if you turned into a dog.

"You need more cat slave school time."

"You tell'em Tigger." Charlie said, as he looked out the full length door window.

"Hey... it's.........."

and he was gone like a shot. Down the hall he went.

Tigger looked at me and shook his head in disgust. He sauntered down the hall. He looked left into the bedroom. He looked right into the computer room/home office.

He walked in.

Curious, I went to investigate.

There I spied Charlie Cat and Tigger sitting on the front lawn observation station (a credenza beside the window to cat slaves)

"This is better than the Kitty TV in the dining room. Eh Tigger?" I overheard Charlie remark.

Both masters were sitting beside each other. Heads turning slightly left and right as if mesmerized by what they saw.

I quietly walked up and looked out the window. The previous rain had brought out the worms and the Robin Red Breast sub culture of feathered friends were searching through the lawn. Three of them were apparently having discussions concerning the good pickings I had left them (I had mowed the lawn) while walking to and fro having a afternoon feast.

Nattering I heard from Charlie. Tigger just stared.

and I was ignored so I left.

I was getting dressed and while in the process of tying my tie, Tigger watched with great interest.

"What you you doing silly slave? You keep throwing that bright stuff around."

I tried to explain what a necktie is, but gave up. Explaining something to a master when they are absorbed with a dancing to and fro object is just too distracting.

"I'm tempted to walk up and bat that around and catch it with my claws."

Uh.. that would be a bad idea.

"I said I was tempted. Not that I was going to do so, silly slave."

Yes master.

Tigger did tilt his head somewhat to the right and I could tell he was not paying attention to me.

"You know something slave."

Yes master?

"Sometimes you do things that I just can't understand. This is one of them. Changing colors like that and flopping that end around is inviting me to catch it. It is only with great restraint that I don't attack."

Thank you. I need this tie.

"No you don't."

Be that as it may, I have to put this on now and again.

"You're silly slave. You don't unless I tell you that you have to do something. Like pet me and turn on the water."

That's a lot of cat hair you just gave me. Thank you.

No outfit is complete without some of my hair, silly slave."

Ah.. yes. I forgot. Thank you for reminding me.

"Where is my primary slave?"

DW went to visit her sister for a few days. She spends a couple of days once a year sewing and visiting with her. We told you that.

"I don't get all the proper attention when she's gone. You go away during the day and I'm left with another secondary slave."

You mean our son doesn't give you the proper respect? I asked.

"He has that other cat as his primary slave. I'm shoved out of the way - or so it seems."

Yes master. Shadow did express his great desire to have him as a primary slave when he selected our son. That was when he was a kitten about to be weaned. That was before you came to live with us.

"Drat... I'm going to bath."

When in doubt; bath is a law with your.......

"Oh don't bother me. I'm bathing."

Yes master.

--------------insert many hours and sleep-----------

"Hey slave. Stop moving around so much. I'm trying to sleep....I mean work upon you ."

You know I flop around to much when I'm sleeping and I can't be trusted to give you a stable platform to work.

"Arrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm going over there to work."

Yes master. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

------------insert two days--------------

"What was that!"

That was the garage door master.

"I know. I think primary slave has returned. Oh OH OH OH goody..."

DW walks through door.

"I'm going to ignore you slave. You left me to fend for myself."

purr purr purr purr...... head bonk head bonk.....

"I am now going to ignore you. Turn my back on you and have nothing to do with you."

but I noticed he was within 3 inches of DW. Back turned.....

and he stayed withing that distance throughout the house as DW had to walk around.

purr purr purr purr......

Still mad at her master?

"Yes... but don't bother me. I have to give the appearance that......."

Yes master. I hear and obey

For reasons known only to Tigger he decided that he had to go on a walkabout. A circle...

Step 1:Climb up to the bed on my side.

Step 2: Walk over me.

Step 3: Stop on his primary slave and look around.

Step 4: Walk to the other side of the bed

Step 5: Jump down to the floor

Step 6: walk around the bed

Goto step 1:

This happened at least 4 times.

"hah... I'm keeping you slaves guessing....heheheheheh"

That is pretty funny ... and soooo truuuuuuuue!!

I had just walked through the door, back from work, when:

"Pick me up slave! I want attention and I want it now!"

Yes master.

"Scritch my belly!"

Yes master.

I preceded to ratch his belly for at least 4 minutes. That is the longest that I recall he ever wanted this. His head would flop back and he received attention from his primary and secondary slave.

"Ah... this is as it should be. Attention from two slaves at once. Where is that third slave?"

Tigger "kinda" looks around for #1 son.

"Drat! He's not here. Heavy sigh............"

I know master. Life is sometimes hard to take.

"That's enough. I want up on your shoulder now."

and he climbs up and starts looking at the top of the refrigerator.

You can't get up there Tigger. There is not enough room, DW remarks.

"I can still look."

and he stays on my shoulder for at least 4 minutes. I know this because I looked at the stove clock and made remarks to DW.

Tigger does pretty much as he wants here. He is master... DW says.

and Tigger decides to get down.

"Hey slave. I want water. I want it now!"

Yes master. So I go to the masters watering station and turn it on.

"Ah... it's still the same water."

and he gets down. Judging from how's he running he wants to check the other watering station.

"Nope. I'm on the bed. Fooled you. heheheheh"

Yes master you did.

I go into the office and get online to check email.

Charlie comes walking in (I can tell because he has a bell and rabies tag that clank) and gets up on the masters primary front yard observation station. He than astounds me.

Charlie steps up to my shoulder and jumps to my lap. (it was a easy step from the observation station to my back since I'm right beside the observation station facing west. The observation station is facing north)

"I want attention. NOW!"

Yes master. I give attention for several minutes..........................

"That's enough. I want to explore the desk."

and he walks on the keyboard and around and about the desk.

"Nothing new here. Darn... nothing to play with. You're hopeless as a toy bringer slave. I'll have to work on that aspect of your training very soon."

Yes master.

I have been a very bad slave in that I have not kept up with posting the record of Master Tiggers Chronicles. I plead that the press of working nights and suffering from writters block. I just couldn't think..........


"That's right slave. You don't think!" Tigger complains

I do try. Really I do.

"We all know you're trying. Very trying."

Yes master. Are you going to keep being helper kitty?

"I have to observe what you're doing to make sure you don't make a mistake."

Uh.... I don't recall you have installed a under desk computer ketboard tray/drawer before. (I'm laying on my back staring up at the bottom of the desk and Tigger is about 3 feet away - standing on my legs..........moving to another view........back on my legs..........moving to another view)

"I still know things you don't slave. Mr. Wanna Be Cat."

I don't recall having stated that I wanted to be a cat.

"Why are you a cat slave?"

Oh.. you got me there. May I get back to work?

"Yep... I'm going to look out the master front yard survey portal."

That's a fancy word for window isn't it? - - - - I'm ignored. Hmmmm I get up off the floor and notice nothing. It's nighttime.

"You slaves are so limited. You can't see in the dark. You can't walk softly. You can't work silently."

Now is not the time to voice my shortcomings master. I'm ...........(getting back on the floor because I found the screw I was looking for)
uh........ trying to position this screw. I now start making whirring noise with the electric screwdriver. This makes life so much better. I'm glad the space program invented portable electric hand tools.....

"Why are you spewing that history stuff? I'm hungry!"

Yes master. Let me finish and I'll feed you.

Tigger walks away.

I finish up and clean up my mess. Tigger is nowhere to be found. I look in at the work station. Nope. Not there. I continue into the kitchen. Ah.... he's looking at me.

"I want food. NOW!"

Yes master. I get the food and place it down before him.


Off he walks. Just a drill or test it seems.

"I'm not hungry now............

-------------insert several hours----------------

I'm getting out the vacuum. Tigger is very studious. I start the vacuum and Tigger ***** his head to one side.

"Why does that thing make so much noise?"

I am distracted by the dark brown blur of Shadow Ram RUNNING away. Shadow doesn't like this noise.

Tigger hops down to the floor. I'm pushing & pulling getting closer to Master Tigger.
With a slow pace which somewhat reminds me of a saunter..... Tigger walks around the noisy device and sniffs the floor. I must have brought some old memories out.

Tigger looks at me and walks away.

"Nothing new here. Keep moving slave. I'll be in the kitchen.

When I get to the juncture of the hall, kitchen and front hall Tigger becomes interested in the end of the cord. Pounce. Pounce and he walks away.

I guess I'm not interesting............again.

I was busy watching a TV program, when Master Tigger jumped up on the work station. A very long stretch (how does he manage to grow in length to such an extent when he does this? --- we may never know) and proceded to show his many dangerous impliments, one at a time.

"Hey slave. Look at my claws. They are honed and ready to get the attention of any slave I wish."

Yes master. I take your point.

"Now look at my teeth."

Yes master. They are indeed something to be feared. Uh... I think I see the inside of your belly button.

"Yeah.... right."

but master. I do.

"Yeah... right. I'm off............"

Zooooooom and he was gone.

DW remarked that she didn't believe my comments about the belly button either.

Will nobody ever believe me?

Right after I got ready for work this morning, I started to walk down the hall. I had noticed Master Tigger sitting on the bed, taking note of all that I had done. He is sometimes amused....

"Slave... I think what you do in the morning is strange. Changing colors and standing under that water is obscene. How can you stand all that water?"

It falls under the catagory (Master are you really gory and why?) of doing what I have to do to let you sleep ......I mean work indoors and eat. The medicine we have to give you every day takes money that you don't have. (I don't think you have any money)

"hrmmppppppfffffffffff"

and I finished getting ready for work. I started down the hall and turned into the kitchen.

HUH?

Master. How did you get from the bedroom to here so quickly? I didn't see you leave?

"Tsk tsk ... slave. I can bi-locate and walk through walls faster than you can blink your eyes."

Really would you tell me how you do that?

DW remarks: Like he's going to teach you. It's a secret feat that only our masters can perform.

"What she said." Tigger remarks....

Yes master. Is that also in the purrrview of how you can stretch out to twice your length and flex your claws one at a time while stretching?

"Sometimes you're astute. Sometimes you're not. You decide and tell me later."

and he sauntered over to the junction of the kitchen, foyer and hall.

He sat there and blocked my way as I tried to go out the door....

"Walk around silly slave. I'm being inscrutable."

Yes master.

I was walking into the office, when Master Tigger exclaimed:

"Watch me slave. I will now demonstrate the characteristics of another animal."

Whereupon Tigger sat up. His entire body was now vertical. Front legs held in close to his torso.

"Well ... what do I look like?"

Sure looks like meerkat. Have you been watching that program while we're away?

"Not a bad guess. Try again. (how did he guess right so quickly... he muttered to himself.)"

(I think that's what he said. It was rather softly muttered)

Uh.... hmmmm..... How about a prairie dog?

"You're calling me a dog again! There is no need to be rude to me! I'm leaving (I can't remember what other creature sits up. darn) "

Tigger walked off.

I sat down at the computer when Charlie walked. Stepped up to the observation station and gave a quick glance out to the rest of the world.

"hmmmppppffff. Nothing going on."

He stepped onto my shoulder.

"Whatcha' doing slave. I want attention." and he walked his full body onto mine and put his front paws on my left shoulder.

Yes master. (I quickly put my right arm up so he could put his rear legs in the crook of my arm.

"ahhhh..... that's what I needed. Pet me....scratch me..... ahh....."

-------insert about 3 minutes of petting and attention giving----------

"I'm done. I'm getting down."

and off he went.

Mind you, I don't really know how a master will handle the high heat we've been having of late (it is summer after all) but I should think the masters would shed their excess hair in one spot.

I walked into the kitchen while thinking this... and DW remarked.

Looks like you've been giving Charlie attention. You're covered.

(My black shirt had about 1/5 inch thick layer of Charlie hair going from my right shoulder to my left)

Think the washer can handle this much hair?

Tigger walked up and looked.

"Nice mat of hair ya got there slave. Want more?"

Uh.. no thanks master. It's seems to be enough for now.

"Just thought I'd ask. I'll give you some later. I have to go work awhile."

Yes master

DW and I have remarked such many times.

Master Tigger has, however, been giving "The Great Straw Hunter" lessons to Charlie Cat. DW and I heard the normal yowls, sounds and such that Master Tigger will generate when he is hunting and has captured the elusive straw. It is a sound unlike any other that our master makes. We thought, incorrectly, that Tigger was out. We both realized that Tigger was in his Time Out room, since we give Laptop equal time with us. Tigger will try to disembowl Laptop on sight - we have no idea why.

We spied Charlie Cat attacking, catching and showing the world that he had captured the elusive straw.

DW remarked: It must be a marmalade thing.

I agree.... and Charlie kept attacking the straw. Flaky Fluff (Shadow Ram when he's in flake mode is called Flaky Fluff) is now out and about. Zooooooooooommmm he's off and running the race of a lifetime. Blink and he's gone. We hear him about the house. Zoooooooom and he BOUNDS to the bed. Stops. Looks around:

"What's going on here?" Fluff remarks.

Zoooooooommm he's gone.

Such is life with my masters.

I woke up Saturday morning and got out of bed, to which DW remarked:

Shhhhh Tigger is sleeping and he's under the covers.

WHAT? Under the coveres?

Sure enough. Master Tigger was laying under the covers with only his head sticking out. Like we slave sleep.

I creep quietly and quickly out to get the camera.

I charge the camera flash....out in the kitchen so as not to ruin the picture....

and go back into the bedroom.

Master Tigger is still sleeping. Primary slave is being very still so as to not disturb our master.

I focus and take the picture. In fact I take three of them.

Master Tigger opens one eye and:

"Can't a person [referring to himself] sleep here? Go AWAY! I'm working"

and he goes back to work.

I shall have to ask him why he was under the covers later.

" I was curious why you slaves have to work that way. Always under one of the big flat things. Sometimes the flat thing is thicker and warmer. Sometimes thin. Can't make up your mind."

I noticed that it was a colder night out when you crawled under the covers. Get cold did you?

"WHAT? Hello! I have a fur coat. Hello! Is anyone home in the box of rocks you call a brain?"

I thought maybe you wanted to get warmer.

"Yeah right. I was trying to understand you slaves and how you work. I notice you have thicker flat things than my primary slave. Also you flop around and make a lot of noise."

I have restless legs and I snore. Is that what you're talking about?

"Yeah.... that's what it is. You're a strange breed you slaves. "

We get cold and......

Master Tigger had walked off. I guess the conversations over.