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We've taken on a new cat - Tigger - Page 16  

post #451 of 539
Thread Starter 
Master Tigger was getting up on the workstation. Use my CPAP machine as first step. Next step is to use the top of my nightstand. Walk across my chest, or on my head (if it happens to be covered by the blanket) or across the top of my pillow if my head is uncovered. This time, the pillow was not pushed up against the headboard and Master Tiggers front right leg slipped.

"I meant to do that slave so don't giggle!" Tigger ordered

Yes, Master.

The next step he slipped again.

"I did that on purpose also. Stop the giggle or I'll have to hurt you."

Yes, master.

and Master Tigger proceeded to step on his primary slaves chest area. DW had the fleece blanket covering most of her head.

{Flashback) All our masters love our fleece blankets, and soft plush ladybug pillows we have. Master Charlie will knead the biggest ladybug pilliow (we call her Annie) to the point where his nose runs/slobbering.

{Return to present)

Master Tigger starts to knead the fleece..... and under his paws is DW ear.

"Why do you giggle, primary slave?"

DW decides not to answer.

"Hmmmm she giggles in her sleep."

I laugh... and Master Tigger is so absorbed with kneading he doesn't hear me. My CPAP machine is drowning out my laughs....


I go back to sleep. (I'm sure Master Tigger will stop soon and he'll get back to work)
post #452 of 539
I love all these updates on Tigger and the rest of the masters. I log in every day just to see if you post what he is up to
post #453 of 539
Thread Starter 
DW and I noticed that Master Tigger was sitting on top of the new masters station. Master Shadow was inside the tube, stretched out as far as he could (working hard it appeared to me) and Master Charlie was laying on the floor, next to the sliding glass door basking in the sun, working and catching some rays.

"Ah.... my domain is quiet and secure." Master Tigger told us. (Tigger would have tried to get out on the deck earlier if he had seen the Master Siamese saunter across the deck, look in the window, and stroll away)

Since it was quiet, DW and I decided to change the sheets on the workstation, and not be helped by any master.

sheets, pillows and blankets were on the floor. We were making good time.

and Master Tigger walked in and jumped to the bed.

"I'm here to help."

So he proceeded to dive under the sheet that was about to be stretched over the bed. Master Tigger pounced on the sheet. Looked under the sheet. Jumped on top and pushed, pulled, pounched, punctured and played ("I am NOT playing silly slave! I'm helping you changed the colors of the workstation!"

Yes, master.

He dove under the sheets, pounced and checked every new item that had to go on the workstation. He demonstrated how he could walk under a sheet. He rolled around under the sheet. He enjoyed the fleece blanket being tossed over him. We could tell he was happy because he was purring very loud.

We finally finished with the top blanket (made from fleece, of which our masters love paw, knead and storke)

"Thank you for making this so smooth. I'm going to leave my paw prints so that ALL may see that I have been here." Master Tigger told us.

Master Tigger walked around and left little dents in the blamket and settled down to work.

"I'm pleased with your work slaves, but I must now go to work." Master Tigger told us.

He placed himself right beside the pillows my DW use, so she could not sit down without moving Master Tigger. Her book reading was going to be delayed.

DW decided that something else needed to be done.

Purr purr purr purr snore snore snore came from the tightly curled form of marmalade master.....

Master Tigger must have told the others that this was his work to by himself since no other master had come to become helper cats.
post #454 of 539
Thread Starter 
DW was sitting on the bed, with her laptop, and a small plate of toasted english muuffin.

"Oh, may I have some of the english muffin. I'm dying of hunger." Tigger said

Uh huh... you were just fed 10 minutes ago.

"That was then, this is now."

Letting him beg must have touched her heart so she gave him a small pience.

" oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh !!!! I LOVE this tasty tidbit. Give me more slave." Tigger exclaimed.

DW had a small piece and held it just out of reach and moved her hand back and forth.
Tigger followed every movement and batted at her hand. DW wanted to confirm his new found taste.

"GIVE ME MORE! " Tigger ordered

Yes, master.

Master Shadow was also wanting a piece, which we already knew he loved english muffin.

Tiggers was satisfied and went back to work.

Hmmmm.... another food that Tigger likes. Interesting, since he's such a snob when it comes to food.
post #455 of 539
Thread Starter 
Once again Master Tigger has demonstrated that he now likes something:

DW was sitting, eating a piece of cheese, when Master Tigger jumped on her lap. He placed his front paws on her shoulders and:

"I really really really want that cheese. I'm famished. I'll die of starvation if you don't give me that cheese." Tigger begged.

He kept his eyes glued on the hand that was being held high so as to not allow him to eat the cheese.

You do NOT get to have cheese Master. It is not good for you. Stop asking.

"Please..... please.... I'll die ...." Master Tigger announced

Master Tigger has not begged for cheese in the recent past that I know of.

DW also had a small dish of tuna and that next became the target of desire.

"Gimmie gimmie.... I WANT THAT TUNA"

DW was laughing.... I was laughing...... Tigger looking back and forth from cheese to tuna.

Such attention giving I've not seen in a couple days.
post #456 of 539
Thread Starter 
DW was eating breakfast, when Master Tigger walked over and jumped onto her lap. Then he noticed that frosted mini-wheat ceral was being eaten.

"Oh..... I want that right now!" Tigger told her.

DW was impressed with his attempt to sit up (like a dog) and beg for the food.

DW set him down on the floor and he sat up again. Begging

DW took one and tried to break off a small piece, but it was difficult to not breakup the entire mini-wheat.

DW crumbled the entire mini-wheat into his bowl

and Master Tigger pounced on the bowl.

"MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmm that was good. I lke that. Remember that slave." Tigger told her

Yes, master. We will save them for you.
post #457 of 539
Thread Starter 
I was in the process of taking off my tuxedo, when Master Tigger came over and looked at me. Tigger looked left & right, directly at the collar points that were sticking out.

Look left. Look right.

"You have what looks like cat ears. How and Why???!!!" Tigger inquired. "White cat ears.... I don't like white cats! Tell me slave."

You have seen me dress up before, master.

"Cat ears. Have you taken the ears off some poor master?"

No, master. I would never hurt a master. I seem to remember that you put me in the hospital for three days when you bite me.

"That was a acident. I was asserting my alpha status. Besides I don't have to explain my actions to a silly slave." Tigger complained

Yes, master.

"Now what did you do with those ears?" Tigger ordered.

I had taken off the shirt and I showed master....

Hmmmm... you were baiting me into thinking you had taken the ears of some poor master! Was this some kind of joke?" Tigger complained

No, master.

"You're not going to mention this conversation to anyone, including my minions." Tigger ordered.

Yes, master.

Whereupon he went to work, holding my shirt down. I attempted to get my shirt, but he did not move.

DW came to the rescue by calling master and he went to her and got attention. I rescued my shirt and put it into the laundry.

DW and Master Tigger ignored me
post #458 of 539
Thread Starter 
Our masters have changed their habit again....

The morning race to the watering station, when they get let up from the basement in the morning (we have to put them down there with our son, since they would eat all of Master Tigger's food we leave on the floor of the kitchen at night - Tigger will only eat when he's hungry and only enough to assuge his hunger)

The race goes like this:

RUN RUN skid to a stop to check the food bowl and RUN RUN RUN to the watering station.

It's a difficult decision.... water or the possible food that's left.....

I've almost been tripped or knocked down by running masters going down the hall.
Only to find that Master Tigger is drinking (although Ihave seen Master Charlie try to push Tigger away in his eagerness..... but Tigger will quickly let him know that he's not in the mood to be pushed out of the way.

and Master Shadow has been a sneak and gotten in some drinking. He'll sit back up.... looking around....

"Who me? I didn't drink any oh might Tigger. I'd never do that to you. I know who's boss."

and Charlie is trying again....
post #459 of 539
Thread Starter 
Master Tigger jumped up on to the workstation, where I just happened to be sleeping.

"I'm getting back at you for waking me up this morning." Tigger told me.

Master Tigger was standing on me. Front legs on the area between my hip and rib cage. Back legs on my thigh.

Tigger was flexing his claws.

Uh... master. I had been sleeping.

"I know. Now you know what I felt like. heheheheheheheh" Tigger giggled

Yes, master, but I didn't apply accupuncture .....

"Just consider this to be helpful to you and your well being." Tigger gloated...

Yes, master. May I go back ....

but Master Tigger launched himself off the workstation.... and out and down the hall.
I could just barely hear his telling of the happenstance that just occured to his minions.

So I went back to sleep.
post #460 of 539
Thread Starter 
"I am going to test one of my secondary slaves reaction time." Tigger told Master Shadow.

"This should be fun." Shadow said.....

I was completely unaware of this conversation, as I was reading some of the labels on the mail that I had just gotten. .... Oh... this is mine, this is for DW...

OH MY GAWD>........ so I stumbled sideways into the wall of the hallway, just getting my feet/legs out of the way so as to not kick, step upon or otherwise injure Master Tigger.

"hahahhahahahahahahah That was funny. Do that again slave!" Tigger and Shadow roared.....

Master Tigger had not moved. Not even his head, although I could see his eyes looking up at me with great mirth.

What was that! DW and son both cried out.....

I explained the "Let's test trip reaction times of slaves" gambit for masters amusement.

Son and DW both got a laugh.... showing no mercy whatsoever.

"Oh... slave. You may continue doing what you wish. I'm going to work." Master Tigger told me

but I could him laughing while he setteled down to work.....

"Good reaction slave." Shadow tossed over his shoulder as he went to the kitchen....

Yes, masters.
post #461 of 539
Thread Starter 
"Hey Slave!" Tigger almost yelled at me.

Yes, Master?

"I've just knocked a bunch of DVD, CD and papers off you desk. I didn't feel like walking around them." Tigger said

Uh..... you're in the bedroom and I just saw Charlie trotting down hte hall.

"He told all about it, so I thought I'd relay the information, in case you would get angry." Tigger said loftly.

Oh.... yes. A master did something so you're not going to tell me who did the deed.

"Oh be quiet and let me go back to work. I was just being nice." Tigger muttered
post #462 of 539
Thread Starter 
I was sitting on the workstation, reading, when I heard a strange noise coming from the computer/office. I have a "pass me down computer" from my son (who bought a new high end machine to play some computer games - I don't play them so I accept the hand me downs) now on the desk. It has a heat exhaust fan on the top, back, front & one side. When I went to investigate the sound, I spied Tigger sitting on top.

"This box is higher than the last and I can survey my domain easier." Master Tigger told me.

Yes, master. I'm glad you like it.'

Master Tigger left. The noise abated. (the noise is from the fan)

[insert 20 minutes]

The noise from the computer was much louder, so I went in the room. Master Charlie was sitting on the top of the computer. (Master Charlie is our biggest master, even with 3 legs)

He was sitting on top of the fan. Hmmmm Master Charlie is warming his sit upon.

"Slave. I like this new perch. Warms me nicely."

He than lay down to warm his tummy.

"ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... I like this." Charlie purred.....

Yes, master.

Such a nice day for masters.... getting warmed by the computer heat, looking out the window for intruder masters and able to look down at me when I'm sitting at the desk....

purr............ purr........
post #463 of 539
Thread Starter 
"I'm thirsty, slave. Turn on the water so that I may drink my fill." Tigger ordered both DW and I.

I was going down the hall (having just gotten off the night shift) and DW was coming out the bedroom.

Yes, master we responded.

DW turned on the water. I looked down at Master Tigger, who was still on the floor.
Are you getting up, or shall I pick you up master?

Master Tigger looked up. I could hear his purr..... but he did not answer.

So I bent down to pick him.....

whereupon Master Tigger climbed up toilet seat and than the sink (oops.... that's master watering station. How Tigger does get upset if I call it a sink)

"That's a master watering station, silly slave. Remember that in the future!" Master Tigger ordered.

Yes, master.

[Water running]

Two slaves standing there waiting.

"Give me attention!" Tigger ordered

So DW and I started petting and giving attention.

Purr purr purr purr....

Knowing that he may have "Masters attention deficit purr" (where masters stop everything when getting attention) I tapped on the sink faucet.

tap tap tap tap

"Ah... he wants my attention. I'll sniff his hand to see if he has food." Tigger murmured

You're supposed to drink, master. You asked for water.

"I'm getting attention, so don't ask." Tigger said loftily

Yes, master.

DW was starting to get miffed with Master Tigger, as he was playing the "Water Me, slave" game. I had to go to sleep and she had to leave soon, so she didn't want to play the game.

I went to the workstation and prepared for bed. DW was still playing the game.

post #464 of 539
Thread Starter 
Master Tigger came running into the bedroom, jumped up to the workstation and made a U-Turn to head back out. He was followed quickly by Master Charlie.

"HA you can't catch me." Tigger was yelling back at Charlie

"I'll catch you and hold you down like a trapped mouse!" Master Charlie after.....

Master Tigger slipped through the opening of the door. It was held open, just enough for master to get through, by a door stop. (We prop the door just enough for masters to get in and out so we can do human things in the morning/ready for bed and have only one masters box in the living room.

I made a mistake.....

Master Charlie was now stuck in the door..... I hadn't made the opening wide enough.

Master Charlie is a very wide body cat. Biggest of all out masters and he was...

"HEY! OPEN THIS DOOR SLAVE!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT OUT!..... NOW!!!!!!! Silly stupid slave doesn't know how to count or take care of masters." Master Charlie complained....

So I opened the door.

and Master Charlie complained as he ran down the hall.

Oh well.... another training needed for slaves methinks....
post #465 of 539
Thread Starter 
"Explain to me, again, why you have to take the space where I want to work?" Master Tigger demanded

This was right after I had crawled into bed, and put my legs under the covers. Master Tigger had jumped up onto the bed, right after I started extending my legs. I provided a very unstable platform for Master Tigger to stand upon.

I'm sorry master, I hve to go to sleep.

"Is that what you call it? You make a tremendous amount of noise. I think you call it snoring. That machine over there and all your moving around. You should stay in one position, like I do. I find that my primary slave trained up nicely." Tigger complained

I'm sorry master. I can't control what happens when I sleep.

"Did you listen?" Tigger asked

Yes, master

"It doesn't sound like it." Tigger muttered

Master Tigger was still standing on my legs, and it was starting to get a bit painful, as he extended his claws to improve his grip.

"Hey SLAVE! "Tigger yelled at his primary slave, who was brushing her teeth.

Mumble, mumble.... machine noise, water running, gargle gargle

"I do NOT understand what you say, silly slave." Tigger almost yelled at her

Master Tigger was still standing on my legs, demonstrating skill and agility that I could not even come close to duplicating.

"Stop all movement, slave." Tigger ordered

"Or I shall make you feel my anger."

Yes, master.

Whereupon, Master Tigger walked up my legs, and stood on my chest. Looking down at me.

and he stood,

and stood,

and stood

and than LAUNCHED himself to the other side of the bed, where primary slave was about to get into bed.

"Stop moving." Tigger ordred primay slave.

I'm getting into bed, so that we may go to work, master.

"Hurry up. I'm anxious to get to work. That slave will never be a suitable work platform, and I've just about given up on his work training." Tigger muttered

HUH? I asked. It's difficult to hear what you say with this noise, master.

"Go to slee.... uh. work. slave. We'll discuss this in the morning." Tigger told me.

Tigger, curled up on his slave and went to work.

------------ insert about 4 hours ----------------

"Wake up slave. I'm thirsty." Tigger ordered....

uh.... what?

"Water? Turn it on so I may drink." Tigger told me again.....

So I got up, turned on the water and let him drink.

I went to sleep.

-------------- insert about an hour -----------------

"Turn on the water, slave."

Master Tigger had once again, awakened me and demanded water. He did not wake his primary slave.

Yes, master.

"hehehe..... I'll make you turn on the water soon. So go back to sleep." Tigger told me

Yes, master. Sleep.....
post #466 of 539
Thread Starter 
Several birds were taunting Master Charlie, as he sat on the sill of the Kitty TV.

"natter natter natter....... I want those birds!" Charlie complained

"Oh shut up Charlie." Tigger ordered.

I was watching the exchange beween two of my masters. Tigger on the seweing table, Charlie on the sill of the Kitty TV.

"Why?" Charlie muttered

"I'm trying to work over here and you're making noise. I'll grant you that you're quick and have the highest score of mice, but " Tigger said....

"I AM TRYING TO WORK!" Tigger complained

"Oh.... I'll go look for those squizzle people that I see out of the workstation window." Charlie muttered

"You do that." Tigger siad loftily to the tail that disappeared around the corner.

----------- insert one night shift -------------

I walked through the door into the workstation and spied my master working on top of DW. DW was sleeping.

I asked Master Tigger if he wanted a drink..... and I saw one eye open.

"You disturbed my work to ask a silly question? No. I don't want water, but you can go standby the watering station and await the time I wish to drink." Tigger said as he closed his eye.

No water. Ok...

"What part of of NO don't you understand? I'm not thirsty, nor do I want any attention. No chin scritch.... no petting..... nothing. I WANT TO WORK!" Tigger complained.

Yes, master.

I prepared for bed.

Crawled under the covers.....

"Hey slave." Tigger said

Yes, master?

"I wish to have a drink." Tigger gloated...

Uh... yes, master. So I gotup and turned on the watering station.

Master Tigger drank....

and drank....

and drank

and drank.

"Ah.... that's enough for now slave. I will now go to work."

and I went to sleep.
post #467 of 539
Thread Starter 
I really don't have much to report for the last several days, since my masters have been....

"Wait a minute, silly slave. You err. You forgot. You wish to NOT inform anyone of that which has transpired." Tigger said rather loudly.....

Slinking away.... I listened to what my master had to say.

"I worked HARD. Did you mention that?" Tigger exclaimed

"I had to run from window to window to Kitty TV to window complaining about those squizzles and awful birds!" Tigger told me

"I was frustrated by those invisible barriers between me and those noisome doves" Chalie yelled from down the hall (he was on guard duty at the sliding glass door methinks)

Did you get lonesome while watching and nattering at those doves? I asked.

"I'm going to hurt you when I get down there." Charlie yelled back

"Why did you interrupt me?" Master Tigger yelled at Charlie

In the meantime, Master Shadow, ambled up and told me about his work day and the bother that was created by the squizzles. (he got very close and his breath was almost overpowering, as he had just eaten)

and he turned around. Tail very close to my face.

I don't need to check your tail male, Master Shadow.

"I thought I'd give you the chance." Shadow told me loftily.... as he walked away.

"You better walk you interrupting minion." Tigger called after Shadow....

.... "mmmmmrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmpppppppppffffffffffff" Shadow replied as he jumped up to the workstation and went to work.

"Where was I..... hmmmm Lets see.... intruder, birds, squizzles & teaching recalcitrent slaves." Tigger muttered.

"That's it, slave. Tell them, whille I watch to make sure you get everything." Tigger told me

It was quite the sight. Master Tigger had his back legs on my shoulder. Fronts legs almost on the keyboard. Glancing back and forth from keys to monitor....

"Spell check.... and you may post about my adventures, silly slave." Tigger threw over his shoulder.

and I checked to see if I was bleeding from where he had had his traction control claws deployed.
post #468 of 539
Bahahahaha! Traction control claws, I know how that one feels!
post #469 of 539
Thread Starter 
I was standing in the kitchen, when I looked toward the front door.

[whisper mode on]
"If I slowly raise my head to look around, nobody will see me here." Tigger said softly

I first saw two marmalade ears slowly raise above the level of a medium sized box, partially hidden by the box flaps. Followed by a pair of eyes, looking back and forth.

"Ha.... nobody sees me." Tigger muttered under his breath

His head lowered into the box.

------- repeat all that has occured within the box ----------

------- repeat --------------

Master Charlie performed a low crawl to get beside the box.....

and he tried to get into the box, but the a top flap was in the way. Master Tigger's head was pushing up the top, where three sides of the top were covering the top of the box.

"HEY! You ruined my hidey hole!" Tigger yelled

"I'm going to get in that box to see what you see in it." Charlie said....

Have you ever seen two marmalade cats try to occupy a box that will only hold one, if they are both moving about the box?

One head out... looking around and deciding if it's time to leave.

One LARGE wide bodied three legged master, who would fill most of the box, but leave enough space if Tigger [ "That's MASTER TIGGER, silly slave. Let's get this right!" Tigger ordred] were pressed to the side of the box and not moving about.

One head out. One head in, with wide body and tail moving about

"HEY! Give me room" both yelled to each other.

Master Tigger finaly got out.....

and I was snickering.

"Stop that insulting slave talk right now!" Tigger ordered.

Yes, master. I hear and obey....

and I saw Master Charlie exit the box. (after a couple tries, because the flaps were holding him down. Master Tigger did not experience this as he is much slimmer than Mr. Wide Body)

"I heard that remark." Charlie muttered

Yes, master. It was not a nasty comment.

"Yeah, yeah yeah. I could make remarks about your agility,if I wanted." Charlie said throught a muffled laughter

"Yeah... he is clumsy." Tigger chortled

[both masters were referring to my stumble and hit my leg against the front stoop. I had stumbled over a water hose and they witnessed the event while looking out the front door during a beautiful Colorado day]

Kitty TV and front lawn surveillance for security purposes has increased of late, since it's spring. I have been ordered to make sure I leave enough space on the desktop by the window. Enough for three masters to look about.... and I have done as ordered.

Squizzles, birds and intruders are more frequent. Nattering and yowles are becoming more frequent also....

Spring time in the Rockies...... ahhh
post #470 of 539
Thread Starter 
I was walking down the hall, headed for the junction of the hall, kitchen, foyer, entrance to garage, when I espied my master Charlie.

Looking left and right, he decided:

"I have to get in position to work."

and he decided to just fall sideways. Not unlike a tree that has just been felled by loggers.

T H U M P!

"Are you making disparging remarks on my size?" Tigger enquired rather gruffly

No, master. I was just trying to describe to the readers what you did.

"I didn't hear any laughter, Charlie." Tigger commented from the kitchen. (Grin on his face)

Do you wish me to examine....

"No. I decided on how to get to my workspace. It's a master thing that I've not seen you able to accomplish without hurting yourself." Charlie commented

"LOL..... That's an apt description." Tigger laughed

Are you referring to me or to Master Charlie?

"You. Where it comes to walking and chewing at the same time. You stumble, fall, hurt yourself. All manner of self destructive acts that a master would not do." Tigger remarked.

Yes, master.

I was amazed that you and your horde did not get upset when we came back form the Cat Care Society. We thought you'd get upset.

"Did you go see Master Happy Feet?" Tigger asked about the master who was born without back feet, and had been given to the Cat Care Society.

Yes, we did. We gave attention to all the masters, except those who did not wish attention. We petted and held all those wanting. Especially Maste Happy Feet.

"There you have it. You gave attention to those less fortunate masters. Therefore we did NOT get upset. Kindness, in this case, begets kindness in return." Tigger purred at us.

"Now why are you trying to dance around Master Charlie and thus run the risk of stepping on him?" Tigger asked while I tried to get around Charlie.

"Don't tread on me!" Charlie muttered

Hmmmmm my way blocked into the kitchen by Tigger. Charlie sprawled out in the junction. Master Shadow blocking the way to the garage door/entrance to living room.
A minefield that I needed to step gingerly over, around but not through or on.

"heheh Dance slave.... dance." All three chorused, while soft laugher escaped through their teeth....

Thank you masters....
post #471 of 539
Thread Starter 
"Will anyone tell my why my secondary slave will NOT feed me what I want? I stuck my face within a inch of his eating a cheeseburger. That should tell him that I WANT what he's eating. I purred. I bonked against his face. I listened to primary slave LAUGH about what I was doing and I didn't get angry. I was in a good mood."


"Why do i put up with him...... he has a learning problem methinks."

"More traing will have to be scheduled."

Heavy...... sigh
post #472 of 539
Thread Starter 
"My slaves are making a habit of going to see those poor homeless masters at the Cat Care Society. They also came last night, SMELLING OF FOREIGN MASTERS and A DOG!!!! FOREIGN MASTERS and a DOG! That means they're thinking of replacing me. WORSE is the thought of my having to tolerate some new master OR EVEN A DOG! That means I shall have to assign some of my minions to stand guard in the event they bring it home. I'll even observe from the window, oe even the door as a double check of their attention span." Tigger exclaimed...

"You worry too much, Tigger. Our slaves were just visiting those masters. I'm also sure that they would NOT get one of those bottom feeding, large hairy burdensome slobbering barking beasts." Master Shadow Ram said to Tigger

"Yeah... I smelled that 'no back legged' master they went visit. Can you imagine them bringing home a master who had no back paws? They'd never do that!" Master Charlie said

"Have you noticed that you're missing your left rear leg?"Tigger mentioned over his shoulder

"WHAAT???? I'm MISSING MY LEG? When did that happen?" Master Charlie exclaimed (he was rolling his eyes and almost laughing about he had just said)

"You mean to tell me that you............................." Tigger started to say but caught himself from falling into the trap.

"hehehehehehehehe" Charlie chortled

"You're hopeless. How can you laugh about what happened?" Tiggger muttered

"Look around. Three good slaves. At least 3 meals a day and all the attention and scritches I can get out of them. I knew when I met all three at "Angels with Paws' I'd found a good set of slaves and home to go to." Charlie exclaimed

"Yeah... and we have to put up with your stories now. It's too bad you didn't get them angry at you so as to not bring you home." Tigger muttered again

"How could you say such a thing? They're gullible slaves. They brought Shadow and Laptop home." Charlie said


"Oh spoo..... I just fell in the trap didn't I?" Charlie said sourily.....

"Yes you did. heheheheheh" Tigger chortled for several minutes.

"I'm going to tell EVERYONE you act like a dog." Tigger laughed....

"No need to be insulting!" Charlie said as he noticed Shadow rolling on the floor with laughter

"Oh.... never mind. I'm going back to work." Charlie muttered over his shoulder as he went to work.
post #473 of 539
Thread Starter 
Master Tigger was taking a break, looking like a library lion, observing the whichness of the why while it looked like he was about to go to work. Eyes almost rolling up and a gentle purr......

When Master Charlie came into the bedroom. The door was door stopped and he was entering into the funnel created by the position of the door. I could see his sides being compressed as he came in. (I was in the process of taking work clothes off and showering - hence the closed door)

"Trying to keep me out?" Master Charlie inquired?

Yes, master.

"Ha.... I knew you were trying to keep me out. Now you've admitted to the dirty deed." Master Charlie chortled

No, master. I wasn't trying to keep you out. I set the door stop so you could get it.

"Yeah... yeah.... keeping me out. I like the new mattress... but it's higher up so I have demonstrate my leaping ability. Like you can keep me down and out." Charlie complained/exclaimed

No, master. I mean yes, master. I'm confused again

"This is different how?" Master Charlie asked, with a twinkle in his eyes and a grin.

"Keep this going, minion. He's going to lose it soon. heheheh" Tigger whispered to Charlie.

Master Charlie winked at Master Tigger.....

"I find it difficult to understand why you would want to keep me out. I must always get to the other side of a closed door, so that I may observe what's going on." Master Charlie informed me of a masters behavior.

Yes, master. I've never before in my life seen this type of action by a master. Thank you for teaching me.

"Are you making fun of me, silly slave?" Charlie asked.

No, master. I would never ever do that. I'm a trained slave.

"Yeah... right. If that's the case, why do I have to keep training you?" Charlie muttered

"Keep it up minion. He's about to crack." Tigger muttered to Charlie

During this discussion I was paying proper attention to Master Charlie. Petting and scritching as needed. Master Tigger was observing through almost closed eyes... (to me it looked he was about to go to work.....but I'm just an untrained slave)

and Master Charlie jumped to the floor, as he decided to investigate a noise that came from the kitchen. Hmmmmm it may have been an chance to wheedle some food out of a slave.

and then it happened. Something shifted in the space/time continuum and made the door opening too small for a very wide bodied master to zoom through.


"LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.....ROTFL ROTFL [it should really be rolling on the bed laughing (ROTBL), but most folks know ROTFL]" Tigger howled and almost rolled off the bed to the floor.

"I'm going to make you pay for this slave. I am embarrased and made to look amusing for no apparent reason." Charlie muttered with anger

Stuck in a door is not a good position, unless you were trying to make a point to me in the way of a training exercise, master? (leaving an opening to recover his dignity)

"I'm glad you have had the opportunity to acknowledge this lesson in a positive manner, silly slave." Charlie informed me

and I gently opened the door so as to allow my master to saunter down the hall to the kitchen.

"Yes.... that was excellent training you have just received, silly slave." Tigger said through mirth and tears

"Oh shut up Tigger." Charlie said while headed down the hall.....

"Yep... I'll do that, while I tell my other minions of this lesson." Tigger chortled

so I went to take a shower.
post #474 of 539
Thread Starter 
I have been having discussions with Master Tigger and Master Charlie concerning my use of the term "Wide Body". Master Charlie was concerned that I was letting the world know that I thought he was fat or a "sturdy cat".

"LOL LOL LOL" Master Tigger chortled. He was overseeing the conversation and was almost rolling off the bed in delight.

"I can't forget your "TRAINING" exercise with that silly slave." Master Tigger continued to chortle....

"Oh... shut up. I'm not talking to you." Master Charlie told Tigger rather forcefully

"Let me continue, silly slave." Master Charlie told me.....

"I am not a fat cat. I happen to have a very big body with little or no fat." Master Charlie told me.

Yes, master. I did not tell the world you were of that nature. I explained that you were big. No fat. Big muscles and big body. The muscle beach type. I've told your adoring public many times that you're the middle line backer of our masters. I've never mentioned that you're the kick the sand in the face type, or that you're a bully.

"Are you calling me a bullly?" Master Charlied asked as he glared at me.

Uh oh.... I've told people that.... uh... I'm not telling them you are. It didn't come out the way I wanted it.

"LOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOL" Master Tigger was hanging on to the side of the bed and laughing loudly.

thump..... he demonstrated his agility by landing on his feet, but he promptly fell to the floor and continued to laugh.


"Are you a trained slave?" Charlie asked me.

uh.... I'm in training now, master.

"I'm going to teach you what I want to hear. Not what you want to say. This "I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." nonsense has got to stop. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Master Charlie told me loudly (over the laughing that Master Tigger and Master Shadow Ram were doing - Master Shadow had come down the hall and when he walked into the room, he had fallen over with a thud)

"Oh.. this is too much to handle. STOP. I can't laugh anymore." Shadow howled.....

at this point, Master Charlie stomped off.... but I think I heard him laughing as he went down the hall...... the whole situation was humorus.....
post #475 of 539
Thread Starter 
"What cha' doing, silly slave?" Master Tigger asked

I'm pulling cables and cord from behind the TV and connecting a new cable box the cable company sent me.

"Look fun. Let me help." Tigger said as he walked behind the TV, blocking my view of the interior of the cabinet.

"I'm going to help as well." Master Shadow said as he stood on my shoulder.

Picture, if you will, a slave who is buried up to his waist in the TV cabinet. Dust behind the TV is now up to his nose. A master is walking around and checking out the back. Another master is standing on my shoulder, using his tractions control equipement to stay in place. He had just eaten, so fresh kibble breath it here in my face.

"You should get more light back here to see, since you silly slaves don't see very well in dark.? Master Tigger informed me

Oh... thank you master. If you would move a little, I have a light right here.

"That's not very big." Tigger told me as he sniffed the flashlight

It provides enough for me to see what I'm doing.

"Stop blinding me with that light." Shadow told me as he shifted his traction control (and giving me new holes in my skin

whereupon he jumped down to the shelf of the cabinet and started sniffing the cables, TV and dust. I now had two masters helping.

I'm still reaching around the back, a long reach to pull the power cord for the TV. I'm putting in a surge protector strip to help with the little surges we get during the summer. I'm also rerouting the cables to allow the installation of a new DVD player I'm testing for my in-laws. The new cables will allow me to do a quick check of equipment, without having to run cables in the future.

"Prior planing is now someting normally expected of a slave." Tigger said loftily "Which master told you to do this?" Tigger asked

"Where does this go?" Shadow asked as he demonstrated his ability to squeeze through tight spots and climb down to the next shelf. The next shelf is only 8 inches tall and he must low crawl around.

"This is dusty and dirty behind this black box that makes noise and has pretty lights. (referring to the old DVD machine)

"ah... new smells and new cables." Tigger announched.

"Ah.. he's going to clean up here. I see the dust rag." Shadow told me.

"What'cha doing here, slave?" Master Charlie announched as he bumped into my head.

Three master helping.

"I want to play with this little black cable" Charlie said as he batted the video cable around.

"My turn." Tigger said... as he batted it back.

Two masters playing bat the cable around. One master watching me dust

tail in face......

I don't need to check any tail male, master. I don't go around checking tails or sit upons.

"Let me help you." Shadow said

"eeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww" I'm covered in dust

"Should have let him remove the dust first." Tigger and Charlie said, being distracted from cable playing.

Master Shadow (of the long black/very dark brown hair that picks up dust easily) stompted out from the auxillary equipment shelf.

"I must now bath myself." Shadow announced (he was now blocking my view. Masters Tigger and Charlie got bored and went to the workstation and let their eyes roll up

Are you going to join them working?

"I'll sun myself and bath till I'm satisfied

Yes master.

So I finished up. Called the cable company to activate the new box (upstairs and downstairs)

Long story shorted to:You're telling me I don't need those new boxes. Why did you send them?

I'm sorry, sir. (repeat many times to stave off anger) I'm laughing at the situation

"We could have told you that you didn't need those things." All my masters told me

Yes, master

What did you say sir? (I was still connected to the cable company help line which doesn't help me 99% of the time)

Never mind. I'll box up the new boxes and drop them off


eyes roll up

I'm left alone to reconnect the old equipment and re-arrange cables where I want them. I do not get any assistance from my masters, so it takes only a short time.

"We heard that slave. We decided to see if you could accomplish the restore procedure without any master supervision." Tigger, Charlie and Shadow told me as they supervised from the bed.

I received assistance downstairs from Master Laptop. He enjoyed the process
post #476 of 539
Thread Starter 
Master Tigger and Charlie were perched like Library Lions on the ledge of the Kitty TV screen. Eyes almost closed, waiting for birds or squizzles to make their appearance on the deck.

"You're a very big muscle bound cat." Tigger told Charlie.

"You're a skinny cat." Charlie responded

"You have a massive tail" Tigger informed him

"Your tail is skinny and short." Charlie shot back

"Did the have special classes for you to take at kitten school, since you're a muscle bound, wide body cat?" Tigger retored

"I've never seen you catch any mice, oh old master." Charlie told Tigger

"I conserve my energy and teach you kittens." Tigger snapped

"Oh.. touchy touchy I see. You leave mousing to younger faster "Kittens" do you?"

"How else to see if I taught you well."

"What about that hump on your back?" [referring to the subcutaneous fluids we inject into Master Tigger every other night so he can have enough liquids to keep him alive] "You look like the 'Hunch cat of Notre Dame searching for Esmeralda. Quasimodo was it?"

"I was thinking T-Igor in search of Dr. Frankenstein. Assistant to evil demented Doctor, who searches for bodies and parts of bodies. [hinting at a missing leg?]

"A skinny runt like you? Picking up bodies? You're not evil."

"It's a part. Parts is parts, stupid muscle bound kitten."

"If I'm muscle bound, why am I able to run faster and turn quicker?"

"It's that massive tail. You throw it around like lions and tigers. Helps you balance, which I don't need to do."

"Yeah... like you can walk around desks and such without knocking things over. I've seen and heard your 'Balance'. You slosh when you walk, oh mightyless hunter."

"and I get food ANYTIME I want. I just order a slave around."

"only to whaorf all over the floor."

"You're one to talk. Overgrown muscle bound youngster that you are. I've seen you barf many a time. You eat too fast."

"I was underfed as a kitten. Too many brothers and sisters."

"Late finding a slave, were you?"

"Late finding GOOD SLAVES. I paid a price to get them."

"Ah... your missing leg? It didn't slow you down."


and they both slowed down the insults of friends to contemplate their inner eye lids as they rolled their eyes up. Catching some sun. Working
post #477 of 539
Thread Starter 
Master Tigger has been demonstrating his "Master between the Legs While Walking" Technique attempting to test our agility.

"Feed me!" he called to me while I was walking to the chair with food.

--------- insert stumble-------------

I didn't fall for that master.

"Didn't mean for you to bounce off the floor." Tigger told me with a flip of his tail

"I see you did drop some food for me to taste though." Tigger said with glee

Master Charlie had zoomed in to sniff/taste the sandwich that had fallen.

You won't like that Charlie.... it's hot mustard/hot habenero sauce and cold hamburger.

"Yuck..... even the bread smells funny. How can you eat that stuff. Have you been taking lessons from dogs?" Charlie spoke to me rather tersely.

I picked the sandwich up and placed it on the plate. It looked good.

"Ugh... he's eating that stuff." Tigger muttered.......

all the while, Master Shadow Ram was asking for his share. I let him sniff and he tried to take the bread.....

but I caught him and put him on the floor. You're not allowed to get on the table Master Fluff.

"He's allowed! (pointing at Tigger)" Shadow complained.

Alpha cats are allowed to to almost everything they wish. Didn't you know that?

"mmmmmmmmmmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmfffffffffffffffttttttttt" Shadow complained.

-------------- insert several hours --------------

Master Shadow came upstairs laughing.


"Why are you laughing, oh little and skinny one." Master Charlie said

"I should slap you into next week, you overgrown mutton head." Shadow replied.

"Yeah... you and what pack of dogs." Charlie said laughingly

"and why the laughter?" Charlie asked inquiringly, with a tilted head to the right.

"I was watching Laptop try to beg food from primary slave, while in that noise/heat/wet room. (referring to the laundry room - also the place where we store the masters food because we feed them in the basement)

"He succeeded, but knocked some kibble under the cone of shame."

"Why do they still have that evil thing?" Charlie wondered about the "you can't scratch your head cone called the "cone of shame" device.

"He chased the kibble and got the kibble to eat, but he placed him into shame." Shadow CHORTLED

"Oh... that's too much. hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah" Charlie roared "THE CONE OF SHAME! I love it. He actually put it on. Did he parade around too?" Charlie asked.

"Oh SHUT UP YOU TWO DOGS" Laptop yelled from downstairs

Master Tigger sauntered down the hall..... wondering what was so funny.

and a short time later, he too was rolling on the floor.

Secondary slave came upstairs and told me she had been giving Laptop some special attention, because he was very embarassed. It took several minutes and some kibble to make him feel better DW told me. I see that word has already arrived I see/hear.

Nothing's faster, except for a master trying to no go to see the evil vet, I replied.

Evil vet.... and no a single master was in view. Gone..... like a mouse who sees a master

------------- insert several hours ---------------

DW and I were watching TV, when she decided to get up and get something....

and Master Charlie, who had been RUNNING....... LAUNCHED himself into the air. While in flight he changed direction and landed on the seat, just nanoseconds after DW had stood up.

"Ahhhhh.... a warm place to work." Charlie purred.....

How do you change directions while in mid-air like that I asked?

"Secret of the masters, young slave." Charlie told me

You'll never find out, DH. DW told me.

I was hoping I replied.

Did you see how he did that? DW asked me about the sudden appearance of Charlie.

"Would you two stop asking questions and let us work?" Tigger told us.

------------- insert a days sleep ------------

I have the night shift, so I was sleeping.

Almost awake...... about to go back to sleep.......I faintly heard Master Tigger come running down the hall.

I could tell he was running..... and than heard nothing.

and Master Tigger was standing on my sit-upon (I was laying face down). Traction control being applied. 20 claws (it's actually 16 claws you silly slave, Master Tigger told me while I was tying) applied to stand on me. He decided that his balance was being disturbed, so he departed.

Traction controls placed into sport mode, as he departed so he could take corners at great speed (humming birds are only faster when masters are in sport mode methinks) and appear and reappear in different places without being seen (we call it bi-location instead of teleportation because Tigger wants us to add mystery to his life)

and thus I was awakened for the day, so I could work the night.
post #478 of 539
Thread Starter 
Why, Oh WHY Master Tigger must you climb/jump upon the bed and stand on me, applying traction control, while I'm sleeping? (I asked the question at 3:00am as Master Tigger was standing on my chest)

"I might answer this now. I may not. I'm deciding." Tigger told me loftily (heheheh I'll keep him guessing) "Have you ever decided to practice a task?" Tigger asked with a small grin on his face. Tail High.... whiskers twitching...

Yes, master. I practice my choir music.

"Is that what you call the screeching? Music? I never would have guessed." Tigger replied with a grin

Thank you master. I value your opinion above all others.

"Yeah... right. Does it look like I am a newborn kitten who trusts dogs?" Tigger replied with a snarl (hhehhhhehehe keep him guessing)

Be nice. DW told her primary master, having been awakend by our conversation

"Go back to sleep, slave. I awakened secondary slave so he can be alert before he has to get out of bed." Tigger told DW

He's not going to be able to go back to sleep now. You know that master?

"Let me think upon this, while he goes back to sleep." Master Tigger told DW

----------------- insert 5 hours of sleeplessness --------------------

It's time to get up slave. Have some of that vile hot black liquid and some yummy breakfast treats (shredded wheat) that you may give me, since I desire to eat with you and primary slave.

Yes, master.

whereupon Master Charlie leaped up on the bed. (he didn't quite make it as he did not have a running start and his use of only one leg lowered the bar of his height attainment)

"Drat!" Charlie forcefully uttered.... and grabbed on to my leg with his traction contol.

Good morning master.... I yelped. Do you have any bandaids?

"No. What need have I for such mundane items?" Charlie asked

I'd better not get blood on the bedcover.

and thus my day continued.
post #479 of 539
Thread Starter 
I walked into the kitchen....

"Feed me, slave." Master Tigger told me. (he also winked at me)

So I proceeded to put dry food into his dish. DW told me that Master Tigger had been very trying.... not eating the dry or any type of soft master food.

"Thank you slave." Master told me just before he started eating.

I stood guard so as to protect his food, when he decided to leave. The other masters have a habit of pouncing on any left over food. We have no desire to waster kidney problem food or have the other masters become wide body/plump from overeating.

and Master Tigger walked away while DW called him names for not eating when she had placed food in front of him.

"Slave.... I am thirsty. Come to the watering station." Tigger ordered

So I dis as directed.

-------- insert many masters drinking ------------------

10 minutes later...... after giving attention to all masters who drank. Pet, coax, scritch, pet.......

"Thank you slave." Master Charlie told me..... over his shoulder as he jumped away. ( a rare thank you felt good)

---------------- insert several hours --------------

I was laying on the workstation, eating, when Master Shadow walked up.

"I am hungry. Feed me that seed." Shadow ordered

You won't like pumpkin seed, master.

"Let me be the judge of that, silly slave." Shadow muttered....

whereupone he ate the pumpkin seed.

"Oh... that's good. Let me have more!" Shadow told me.

"You are one sick cat. Eating that trash!" Tigger observed while Shadow gobbled seeds.

"Thank you.' Shadow said....

Tigger bi-located to the just vacated spot DW had been sitting on.....

Seat thief DW told Tigger as she walked away to get some veggie snacks.

"Feed me!" Shadow ordered DW

You won't like. DW remarked ........... (and she almost lost a finger as Shadow gobbled veggies.)

"Sick.... sick..... sick." Tigger muttered as he curled up on DW part of the bed.
post #480 of 539
Thread Starter 
Master Tigger was meatloafed on the sill of Kitty TV. Master Charlie was on top of the Kitty Tree (from all appearances I would have bet that he was going to fall and embarass himself, but he didn't)

"I am not going to fall, silly slave. I'm testing traction control." Charlie told me as he was shaking his head at my stupid assumption.

"What are we going to do with him?" Charlie asked Tigger

"He's not capable of being trained, so I'm giving up. I've tried for 7 years and I've used almost all of my lives doing so. He's hopeless." Master Tigger said regally.

"I've noticed that he's quite like a dog." Charlie said

"Now you're insulting dogs. Not that they don't need it every day." Tigger replied

Hey.... I'm here!

"Your point is?" Master Shadow told me as he trotted by (over his shoulder as he jumped up on top of the DW cutting table)

"The only thing you're good for is that you give us food and drink." They all said in unicon.

Yes, master.

I see that it's your turn today - DW said to me. They put number one son down yesterday, she also informed me.

I'll not offer a lap next time I'm near.

"We heard that, silly slave." All the master said, rather aloofly.

Yes, master.

--------------- insert several hours ---------------------

I was still waiting several hours later
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