We've taken on a new cat - Tigger

I was walking into the bedroom, when Tigger:

"Hey slave. Pick me up."

Yes master, I hear and obey. I picked him up and he got into the baby burp position, where I petted him.

"Ah.. yes. That's what I want."

"Oh.. I changed my mind. I want on your shoulder."

So he walked up to stand on my shoulder. I bent my head down so he'd have a little more room. He must have had a talk with King Arthur (Arthur crossed the Rainbow Bridge in 1979 %^(( but I still think of him now and again) since he lay down across my shoulder. Tigger finally decided to jump to the bed about a minute later.

"I want attention from my primary slave so I got down."

(DW was laughing at my stance BTW)

Thank you for telling me master.

"INTRUDER ALERT"

"INTRUDER ALERT"

Thus spoke Tigger as he ran to the sliding glass door. The neighbors master was looking into the "House of Tigger" (that's what Tigger will call our home if you ask him) and starting a hissing contest between the two.

Tigger ran to the Kitty TV window for a different vantage point and to search for a way to "Get to" the offending cat. No weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth for Tigger. No
.... it was "Action stations / General Quarters / Red Alert / Defense condition 1 / WAR"

"Lemmie at 'em slave. I want to defend MY HOUSE!!! OPEN THE DOOR!"

Sorry Tigger you may not get outside. We will not.........

"AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

and thus Tigger runs to the glass doors, checks for intruder cat, and than BOUNDS to the top of the couch so that he may growl and hiss at the master that is in the mirror.

Poor Tigger. He's upset.


[insert interlude]

I walk by the master watering station and see Charlie looking down at Tigger, who is on the floor. Shadow Ram is sitting on the toilet... er the masters stairway to water I mean, and looking at Charlie. Tigger is looking at Charlie.

"Do you think you're big enough to move me so you can drink water?" Charlie sez

"I am thirsty and since I have a kidney disease you should let me drink." Tigger responds.

"and this affects me how?" Charlie replies.

"I'm going to shrink into the paint on the wall" Shadow Ram remarks.

I reach past Charlie and turn on the water, thereby causing a distraction for all concerned and a means for all of them to return to normal placid relations. Charlie drinks his fill and does not lay down into the sink so as to aggravate anyone.

Shadow Ram lets Tigger to cut in front of him and drink. If Shadow were really thirsty he'd be letting all within earshot that he is parched and almost dead from lack of water. Right now it's just a check to see if the water has changed taste, I would guess. He does that quite alot.

Tigger drinks his fill.

Shadow looks at the water and sniffs.

"Hmmm it has not changed it seems."

"You may now turn off the water slave."

Yes master. (knowing that Tigger will, within moments, ask for water again.

We went through the normal master watering station procedures.

1. Run watering station (expecting slaves to follow)
2. Wait for slave to turn on water
3. Run down hall to get attention of slave
4. Run back to watering station (expecting slave to follow)
5. Wait for slave to turn on water.

You should notice that not one master has ASKED us for water. (Shadow normally does, but he's working on the bed right now)

Tigger gets my attention and runs into the kitchen. This rapid movement to the kitchen or the watering station normally indicates that he is hungry or thirsty, depending which room he runs into.

"I'm hungery slave."

Yes master. I hear and obey. (I get the empty food bowl and place a small handfull in the disk. I place it on the floor.)

Tigger ignores the dish, flicks his tail and walks away.

"This will teach you not to pay attention to me slave."

Tigger turns the corner to go down the hall and starts running. This tells me Tigger is thirsty.

I follow and turn on the water. Tigger looks at the water.

"This water smells bad. You're trying to poison me."

and he leaves. I turn off the water. I start to leave the bathroom, when Charlie runs in. Charlie is thirsty. I turn on the water again.

"Thank you slave."

[fast forward to that evening]

I'm sitting on the bed, watching TV and working on a music project with the laptop. I have the bed warmer on so as to keep my legs from cramping.

Tigger saunters into the bedroom, steps up to the bed and "starts" to go to his primary slave. He steps over me and gets one foot off the heated area of the bed and stops. Tigger looks at his primary slave:

"I'm going to stay here. You're too cold a person right now and this slave has lots of warmth."

DW makes a comment that goes: I've been examined and found wanting. I'm crushed Tigger. I'm appalled.

"Live with it slave. You're knitting something for your sister and not me. Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Whereupon he circles around to find the best position and goes to work. Hmmm laptop on lap, Tigger between lower legs and heat from below, heat from laptop, heat from legs, down blanket at the base of the feet.

"Ahhhh it doesn't get much better than this - now let me work."

DW and I were stipping and making the bed when Mr. Helper Kitty Tigger decided to assist.

"You slave have no idea how to make this bed, so I'm going to help. Here....let me dive under this wrinkle to see what's under here. "

therefore, Tigger DOVE under the kitty quilt that DW sister made for her (Christmas present - I got one also, but it's on the cutting table in the sewing room used as a resting place for masters; it's COVERED with hair from my masters)

The only part of Master Tigger was his tail. Judging from the movement and tail fwaps, he was doing some serious work in there.

Some time later, Tigger came out looking quite pleased with himself.

"I have run off ALL monsters and those others of that same type ilk. I have protected you once again."

Thank you master. May we now complete making the bed?

"Of course, but you need supervision."

Yes, master - we will follow your directions.

"Good - now let me over there----------->

now over there <------------

maybe here."

Tigger went to all the different places on the bed to inspect, whereupon DW picked him up and took him out to the hall and closed the bedroom door. She explained that she wanted to have him inspect later since he was looking at every nook and cranny and she wanted to get back to work on her sisters shawl/knitting project. We finished making the bed without a masters supervision.

A short while later, Master Tigger and Charlie were waiting for a drink. I turned on the water. Tigger and Charlie looked down at the floor, where Shadow was waiting. BOTH of the looked at Shadow with a curious glint.

"You waiting on me?" Tigger and Charlie said.

"Yes.... and I'm thirsty." said Shadow

"Too bad. We're here. You're there and you have to wait."

Thus the both of them "High FIVED" each other, while laughing - or at least a giggle and they continued to stare.

Shadow paced back and forth.....

and Tigger/Charlie watched his movements, not unlike a tennis match where the crowd turns it's head back and forth to watch the ball/players.

back...... and forth....... back.........and forth.

I picked Shadow up and placed him at the front of the line.

"HEY.... why did you to that slave?" they both inquired.

You're taunting him so I did this to teach you a lesson.

"No we didn't. We were waiting for him to go to the front of the line. That's our story and we're sticking to it. We didn't do that, you didn't see us do it and you most certainly can't prove a thing in cat court."

Uh huh.... and I suppose you're always right.

"Yes" they answered in unison.

In the meantime, Shadow drank his fill and left.

I was ignored from that point on.

"INTRUDER ALERT!!!!"

"INTRUDRER ALERT!!"

and so Tigger ran from the sliding glass door to the Kitty TV ledge. From this vantage point Tigger could keep a jaundiced eye upon the intruder.

"I'm staring at the intruder slave, don't bother me."

Yes master. I was just checking to see who it is you're watching.

"It's that Siamese intruder who doesn't get angry with me and hiss, but I still have to observe his every move. Now stop bothering me."

Yes master.

Siamese intruder will saunter back and forth checking for signs of squizzles, other masters or a good place to sun. Siamese intruder does not get hissy or throw fits when Tigger is spied. Methinks it would be a nice relatiohship of masters if they ever came nose to nose since they don't get cranky.

Finding nothing of interest, Siamese master saunters away out of sight.

"Hmmmm ok. He's gone, but I'll going to stay up here in the sun for awhile."

"Go away slave."

Yes master. I hear and obey.

I was lounging on the bed, watching the evening news, when Tigger was diverted from his work routine. DW got up from the bed and Tigger was placed on her spot. Tigger will normally be a seat thief and work there, hence placement there.

"Hey! I don't to go here silly slave."

I still have to get up master. I must get the house ready for bed." DW said.

"I want a warmer place to put my cold paws."

Yes master, but I'm still getting the house ready for bed.

Whereupon Tigger walks over and places his front paws on my right leg. Rear legs go on my left leg. Both shins start to object.

Uh... master. You're placing a great deal of weight on my ankles.

"and your point is?" Tigger utters.

It's starting to become painful.

"You live with chronic pain so I'm taking your attention away from that pain. It will help you feel better. Just like when I apply feline accupuncture techniques to you. Trust me."

Yes master.

and I notice all the while that Velcro kitty is watching DW. (she has been distracted by a news story and has thus delayed her departure)

I think I should point out the various monikers that Tigger has assigned:

Mr. Quiver Tail
Mr. Cranky Cat
Velcro Kitty
Mr. Jelly cat (he will temporarly remove all his bones to a different point in space and time so that it appears he has no bones. Normally when his primary slave is giving him attention)
Flaky Kitty
Master Tigger
and other names I can not remember at the present time.

Z O O M - - - - - - - > thata'way

< - - - - - - - Z o o m that way

ZOOM to the Kitty TV station

"What is that intruder cat going to do?"

I don't know master. Siamese master is just going out and about on a stroll it looks like to me.

"I DON'T CARE! This is MY domain!"

You're not getting all ruffled fur though, so Sianese master doesn't upset you.

"Silly slave. You just don't understand. I must keep control in my domain."

Nonetheless dear Tigger, Siamese master doesn't hiss and growl at you like Mattie (the next door neighbor master who visits now and again) does and gets you all upset.

"She wants a fight. I'll give her one. Just let me outside next time she appears!"

Nope. You'll have to turn into a dog before I let you outside.

AAARRRGGGHHHHH you called me a low life dog!"

No. I said that you would have to turn into one.

"You're not going to let me out?"

Look. Siamese person is leaving.

"I still have to stand guard!"

Yes master.

[a while later:]

"Oh Look. It's my favorite quilt. I must dive under and investigate."

Looks more like you're letting your kitten out to play.

"You're wrong, as well as nasty. I don't have a kitten. I'm ALPHA around here. Besides I must check under this nice kitty quilt for nasty bugs and creatures."

Yes master. [observing a disembodied fwapping tail and moving lump under the quilt]

That's what you're doing. Yes sir. Uh huh. Ok I believe.

[there must be hidden magic catnip in that quilt that sister-in-law made because neither DW or I can figure out why our masters must use and check under the quilt. If you have any ideas please don't hesitate to post your them]

It is a sad day around here because Sterling Crossed the Rainbow Bridge last night. I described some of what happened over in the Crossing the Bridge forum but since I've mentioned him time and again here, I thought I should let folks know. He didn't suffer at the end and his pain was of short duration.

Goodbye Dear Sterling.

I modified a poem that I wrote:

Kittens Lost

I see small kittens looking skyward,
gazing at the raining snow
I see them jumping but not reaching far enough
To fall and jumping up to try again
I see innocent souls playing
in the yard joining each other
enjoying the dancing butterfly
perhaps to highlight a rainbow in the distance
searching and running for the elusive
firefly flitting about the darkness
I see pain taking them all away
as the grim reaper has used his scythe
cutting down the lives and inflicting
pain and hurt and tears and anger
and shock and untold questions
that haunt us so that we must find the
different ways to ease the pain;
that we had to put them down

tears enough to fill the river Styx
to help them cross into the realms of death
and over the Rainbow Bridge
as we pray for them while we express our love
for those taken away.... innocent kittens of memory all
sleeping in the hands of God.

Tigger was in a "Keep 'em guessing" mood last night.

1. Run 3 feet
2. S L O W down
3. Run -----> FAST 4 feet
4. Stop
5. Run again

Run and jump up on to the bed. Look quizzically at his slaves and RUN.

"I like this game right now, so don't bother me."

Ok master. We'll ignore you like you ignore everyone.

"Hey... I don't do that. I deign to give attention to you. It makes you feel better."

Yes master. Whatever you say, but we're ignoring you.

"Slaves.... can't live with them and can't live without them. I have to spend more time training you. Yes I do. Let me draw up a schedule."

Yes master, but we're ignoring you just like you asked.

"Aaarrrrrrgggghhhhhh silly slave."

and off he runs.

I came home and noticed she was not home. (.... car gone....son had appointment...must be gone)

I opened the front door - Hi Tigger. Tigger ran up to the door.

"You're not my primary slave! Hrrrmmmmpppppfffffffff" and he walked off.

Sorry Tigger. I'm going to have to do with whatever you wish (within reason)

"Oh... don't bother me. I'm miffed."

Yes master, but I see your food bowl is empty. Are you hungry?

"Well.... maybe a little. Get me some food NOW!"

[that was a quick change of heart] Yes master.

"Oh.. stop talking and feed me. I've been abandoned again and I'm starving. Can't you see the bones sticking out of me? You slaves are cruel."

Yes master. Here's your food.

"Good. Now go away and leave me."

[a short time later I hear Tigger]

"Hey Slave. I'm thirsty now. Come turn on the water!"

I thought you told me not to bother you?

"That was than. This is now. Good..... this is the best water in the house."

Yes master. I understand.

"Hey slave! What part of MEOW don't you understand?"

uh.... did you say something master?

"Do you have a hearing problem? I'm talking to you slave."

Yes master?

"I'm hungry. Feed me."

You ate just 5 minutes ago. I know because I fed you.

"Get the food anyway."

I get the food, proving that it's fresh food by showing Tigger the entire get the food process.

"Ah... it is fresh. Thank you." as he walks away from the food.

That was just a test wasn't it Mr. Quiver Tail? [Tigger ignores me]

Tigger struts down the hall to the master watering station. I follow and turn on the water.

Tigger ignores me.

Was it because I went to a place that had other masters? Are you angry with me? What did I do wrong?

I follow Tigger into the bedroom, whereupon he starts to work on the bed.

"Go away slave. I choose to ignore you right now. But not do go far as I will want you to attend to my needs shortly."

Yes master. I hear and obey.

I come back from outside a short time later and Tigger wants to be picked up. I pick him up and he gets into the baby burp position.

"ah... I like this. Oh... wait. It's my primary slave. HEY SLAVE. Pick me up."

and DW picks him up. Tigger walks up to her shoulder and stands there, doing a survey of his domain.

DW bends down so Tigger can walk down to the a short jump to the floor, but Tigger decides he likes it there. [this has happened to me many a time in the past]

Thus I decide to rescue my wife and I pick Tigger up.

"Hey! I want to go back there."

Sorry Tigger.

"Oh.. I want to go outside. It's a beautiful day out there."

Did you turn into a dog in the last 10 minutes?

"No need to be insulting. Hrmmmpppppfffff I'm going off to contemplate my navel....er work on the bed."

and he walks off.

"Hey slave!"

Yes Tigger?

"Let me outside."

Have you become a dog? You know I'm not going to let you out until you've changed into a dog.

"I don't call you fowl names slave. Why are you?"

I didn't call you a dog. I asked if you had become a dog. There's a difference.

"You're insulting me again."

No... [and I am suddenly talking to a empty space as Tigger has walked away into the kitchen)

Z O O Mmmmmmmmmmm out of the kitchen.

Hard left turn into the hall. I barely catch sight of the tip of his tail as he makes another hard left into the bedroom.

My curious mind has been tweaked... so off I go in search of my master. I enter the bedroom and spy master Tigger working on the bed. Tightly curled up on the side my DW sleeps and watches TV from.

DW calls from the bathroom..... Tigger waited about 20 thousandths of a second before he became a seat thief. It's magic how he suddenly appears on the newly vacated warm spot I was sitting. I laugh and agree.

"Would you two slave please stop talking. I'm trying to work here."

Yes master.

----------insert two hours-------------

DW is about to depart for the yarn store and a knitting group meeting. I'm laying on the bed watching TV when Tigger comes over and starts holding me hostage. (when we have a master upon us while we sit / lay somewhere is what we call being held hostage) Tigger curls up on the back of my legs and starts working. It's warm.... I dare not move....and it's quiet..... all perfect conditions for a master to work it seems.

DW kisses me goodbye and tells me that Tigger didn't wait very long (again)

---------insert about half hour---------

The phone rings....... I chose not to answer because I don't want to disturb my master. (I rather hope that number 1 son will answer, but he doesn't) [ we only have one son but I still call him number 1 son to let him know how I think of him....{his response is "Uh.... huh" } all of the time] so whoever called (most likely MIL) will call again. If it's MIL she'll understand why I didn't answer.

-------insert about an hour----------

I keep trying to get comfortable.....but......

"Will you stop moving! I'm working here ya know."

Yes master. Let me get into a more comfortable position though....

"STOP MOVING.... sheesh... slaves are such a pain at times"

Master. I don't have the years of experience staying in one spot and not moving so as to perfect my hunting technique. I don't hunt.

"Did you understand me when I said not to move? I'm trying to teach you something here."

I'm trying to learn master. Please be patient.

(garage door opening sounds)

"Eh? Is that my primary slave? She can hold still for hours because I've trained her. She's a trainable slave."

Yes master... I understand I'm second or maybe third best. Number one son has been trained since childhood by you. I have not.

"oh... be quiet."

yes master.

DW comes into the bedroom and makes the appropriate noise in greeting of Tigger. He purrs....

"purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr.... ah it doesn't get any better than this."

Yes master we both say to him.

DW sits down and starts watching the news with me.

Tigger gets up and walks over to settle down on DW.

Tegger gets up and walks over to settle down on me.

Tigger gets up and walks over to settle down on DW.

Tegger gets up and walks over to settle down on me.

Tigger gets up and walks over to settle down on DW.

Tigger gets up and walks over to settle down on me.

DW tells Tigger that he should make up his mind.

"HEY! You left me and I'm a little angry with you. Besides I'm trying to figure out who is warmer right now."

Yes master.

Tigger finally decides that DW has the warmer lap and settles in.

zzzzzzz.... oh.. I mean that Tigger is working right now. (Sorry Tigger)

-----insert commercial break--------

Zzzzzzooooooooooommmmmmmmm

Tigger is off and out the door without bothering to tell us what's going on or what he wants. We're left to our own devices, without direction from a master, so we continue to watch the news. I get ready for bed since I have to get up at early dark thirty (actually it's early dark forty [5:40am] but easier to say early dark thirty)

Shadow Ram and Three legged Charlie have been on the bed off and on all evening.....

I'm in bed, about to go to sleep when DW gets her side of the bed ready and leaves (kiss goodnight so close your eyes and don't look please)..... there. Kiss complete....

and she closes the door and it's dark.

"Meow.... I want out." Shadow Ram tells me.

Yes master. Why didn't you go out when DW was telling everyone to follow her?

"I don't take orders from a slave."

It was a request, silly master.

"Yeah... right. Like I'm going to believe that."

Ok.. let me get unhooked from this breathing machine.

"NOW! I want out now."

Yes master.

Zoom.... out and down the hall he goes. I call out that somebody left a certain master in to be locked up and to die a certain death from lack of food.

Yeah... right. He could have followed me out.... DW calls back.

Tell him. Not me. I'm going to sleep.

"Good night slave"

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

DW was being held hostage by master Tigger, as I was sprawled across the bottom of the bed. Favorite positions for observing a myriad of actors demonstrating their craft upon the screen or stage. In this case we were watching Becket with Burton / O'Toole [Netflix is a good product] and master Tigger decided I should be checked for body warmth. I was found wanting so back he went to DW.

"You're not hot enough slave. Primary slave will receive my attention. Hey... you have your legs crooked in the up position."

Sorry Tigger. I thought you were going to stay on DH.

"You thought wrong. Put your legs back down."

Master... I must put them into another position for a short while.

"Did you hear what I said?"

Yes.. but I must put them in....

Tigger proceded to get on DW. (He must have thought himself akin to a certain fast food emporium as he is gold in color [he's really orange] so he demonstrated the arch)

Front paws on DW knees. Back on chest

B I G arch of gold

and I think he was trying to force a horizonal set of legs upon which to rest his eyes... err... work. That's what I really meant. Work....

[insert about 45 seconds of time]

"You are trying my patience slave. How long do you think I want to hold this position? I am not a arch in Utah or a golden arch for a fast food eatery."

Yes master. You should try DH for warmth.

"Slave. You can be so difficult. Why do I tolerate you?" [ he adores DW so this must be a rhetorical question ]

"Alright... I'll go to secondary slave. Sheesh... oh... he's warm now. Good... don't move"

Yes master. I liked your impression of a arch. Do you think you'll go on the road with the show?

"oh.. be quiet. I'm trying to work here."

Yes master. I hear and obey.

This will be a report concerning the other Mouse-ka-teers since it was the alternate night where Tigger is sequestered off so that the other masters (primarily Laptop now that Sterling has crossed the Rainbow Bridge) may have time with us slaves... but a short precis [can there be any other type of précis?] concerning Tigger.

I took Sunshine out of her cage and went to the master working station while DW made sure we were alone. We do not wish the hunting instincts to get the better of our masters and thus have them stalk and eat/harm Sunshine the cockatiel. While Sunshine was getting attention and leaving little dots of appreciation on my shoulder (I'm a litter box when she's on my shoulder) Tigger was complaining outside the door.

"HEY!... let me in. I want to be with you. Why is this door closed?"

scratch scratch reach under door to get attention...

Sorry Tigger. We want to spend time with our feathered family member.

"I DON'T CARE!!! I'm Alpha of this domain. Let me IN!"

"NOW!"

Try as he might, Tigger could not convince us to let him in with us, but about a hour later we returned to normal mode.

"Thank you for letting me.... HEY! Where are you taking me?"

We scoop him up, apply thyroid medication and down to his room.

"I don't want to go downstairs!"

----insert many meows of frustration while he is isolated--------

----fast forward to when Shadow, Laptop and Charlie are on masters working station------

I get up and while doing so I disturb Shadow, who is working on Annie. Annie is a LARGE Ladybug plush person. Shadow Ram and Charlie Cat particularly enjoy giving her a back massage, but will rest....er.... uh....... work upon her back. She is quite accommodating in this respect.

A eye pops open.........a crusty look of disgust to indicate that I have disturbed Shadow

"Sigh... you slaves just do not know how to walk with making noise or sending earth tremors out to disturb hard working people.... "

Sorry Shadow. I'll try to not move the earth next I walk or get up.,

"Go away..."

------insert getting ready for bed procedures---------

I get up for a short time, whereupon Charlie Cat walks over and wants attention. I pick him up and settle back with him on my chest so I can scritch and pet my master.

"ah... that's what I want.......but wait..... I want the attention in a different position."

and thus Charlie turns around so that he faces toward my legs.

"Continue the attention slave..."

and he starts to hold me hostage and works commences. I can't tell for sure, but I know eyes close and work .............

Uh......Charlie I have to get up soon so I can get back to laying here. I have to disturb....


"No.. I want to work here slave."

Sorry Charlie......

and I receive another crusty look of indignation. Thus I get ready for bed and so ends another day.

I was sitting in the master observation station (home office/computer room) when Tigger came running in. One leap to the desktop, which I had cleaned off. (did I mention that I used a cleaner/polisher)

Slide...........slide.............slide

"WHY did you polish this slave? I almost fell off and wound up between the desk and the wall! YOU'RE STUPID!"

Oh.. I'm sorry master. I didn't mean to ....

"Be quite. I'm about to pounce on that intruder cat."

Oh.. I didn't open the window.

You're going to let me out someday and I'm going to show that intruder what for."

Not until you've turned into a dog.

"Now your calling me that "D" word. I'm leaving."

Yes master.

Whereupon my master left. I heard his primary slave greet him in the bedroom.

"That uneducated, unwashed ignorant slave called me names."

I heard that. He's rude.

"Now you're talking my language. Let me out onto the deck."

No. Not until you're a dog.

AARRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

"I'm going to work. [and he closed his eyes to start working]

When I came into the bedroom, Master Tigger was working while holding his primary slave. (stretched from lap to ankles)

Whist watching a program, Master Tigger was on his back.... working.... and twitching... looking peaceful and one of the reasons why we slaves have become slaves. Our hearts were melted.

Tigger arose.... a long languid stretch ensued.... and he turned around several times. Glanced my direction......... examined me.... and I was found wanting. Thus ignored he went back to work.

I know deep in my heart that Master Tigger did not know what happened to my shoulder, but somehow he always went a different path to get to the other side of the bed. Normally he bounds up.. using me as a springboard, or a pathway when he climbs up slowly. Walking across my recumbent form, sometimes the head, other times the tummy and the shoulder. He has not done so since I've had surgery.

One of the mysteries of the universe as to how he knows.

Thank you Tigger.

I must have been sprayed by someone who had a cat pheromone sprayer that tells all tomcats: "I am a female and I am in heat" because Tigger and my other masters sniffed me for over an hour. My legs, my shoes, my down vest and various parts of my anatomy that they could reach. They jumped up onto my lap. Climebed to my shoulders. Sniffed my neck, head, shoulders and arms.


sniff...sniff....sniff....sniff....sniff...sniff....sniff....sniff....sniff...sn iff....sniff....sniff....

sniff...sniff....sniff....sniff....sniff...sniff....sniff....sniff....sniff...sn iff....sniff....sniff....

sniff...sniff....sniff....sniff....sniff...sniff....sniff....sniff....sniff...sn iff....sniff....sniff....

sniff...sniff....sniff....sniff....sniff...sniff....sniff....sniff....sniff...sn iff....sniff....sniff....


"Where have you been?"" I was asked again and again.

sniff...sniff....sniff....sniff....sniff...sniff....sniff....sniff....sniff...sn iff....sniff....sniff....

sniff...sniff....sniff....sniff....sniff...sniff....sniff....sniff....sniff...sn iff....sniff....sniff....

As far as I know, I only went to work and came home. Nothing that I was aware of had anything to do with any type of master, male or female. So I'm baffled.

"Where did you go? What did you do? What happened? Who was she?" Tigger asked.

"Where did you go? What did you do? What happened? Who was she?" Charlie asked.

"Where did you go? What did you do? What happened? Who was she?" Shadow asked.

I felt like a rock/movie/television star being followed by the paparazzi and that I had done something that caused me to be hounded to death by people asking me what/why/where.

I am clueless. (of course that is my hallmark as a slave)

I was sitting at my desk, checking email on the internet, when Master Tiggers RUNS into the room and makes a mighty bound so as to land atop the credenza in such a fashion as not to use a nice footstool I had placed beside the desk so as to facilitate a more casual saunter and climb to the top of the masters observation station. During the time it took to describe the actions Tigger has done a slide across the credenza, pushing aside some papers that will soon occupy the space between the desk and the wall. This time I’m lucky. Tigger does not push them down into the space. He does, however, use the window to stop his slide. Front paws on the window ledge. Rear legs trying to gain some traction so as to not embarrass himself by falling. It is a really good display of masters legwork while checking the front yard for intruder cat, flying things of a nature so as to attract his attention or looking to see if a sunbeam will grace him with a place to bask. Too soon Tigger. You’ll have to wait awhile to bask.

“Don’t look at me. I’m just checking things out…. Why do you bother me when I’m on guard duty? Oh….never mind.” and he saunters off by way of the printer, over my arms (and on the keyboard) and off the left side of the desk. (I removed the unwanted characters from this missive that Tigger placed here since I don’t think many people uh…. slaves that what we are ...slaves....not many slaves can read what my master has written. I'm not one of them BTW)

Tail high… Tigger walks off. (I am being ignored)

---------insert a short period of time------------

“Pick me up slave.”

Yes master I hear and obey (I’m in the kitchen)

I pick Tigger up and start to give him attention, but this is NOT what he wants.

“Just stand still and let me climb. Silly slave.”

Yes master.

Tigger is now standing on my shoulders. My head is bent to the side to give him more room. His tail is about 2 inches from my nose.

That’s what I wanted to do is smell your tail.

“Oh be quite slave. I’m checking things out.”

DW tells me he is looking to get atop the chill chest but he changes his mind. Tigger turns around and lays down on my shoulders.

Uh… are you planning to stay there long master?

“Did I say you could speak? No I did not. Now be quiet.”

Than Tigger gets down and saunters off as I’m left wondering what that was all about.

I was standing beside the master watering station, allowing our masters to decide IF they wished to partake of cold water refreshment, when DW opens the hall yarn storage closet. (it was originally THE linen closet, but DW and I cannot figure out how three bedrooms worth of sheets, pillow cases etc. could occupy only 5 shelves that are 18 inches deep and about 24 inches wide. Serious design flaw that we corrected in the remodel)

"OH OH OH... a door to a space I can investigate!" Tigger announces and in he goes.

"Ah.... such a nice place. All these soft stringy master toys. Thank you slave."

No Tigger. These are not for you to play with. I'm looking for more yarn for this knitting project.

"Go away. I'm having too much fun here." as he climbs to the second shelf. Burrows back and settles down upon about 4 skeins of yarn.

We're going to close the door.

"Would you let me relax please. I'm about to go to work and I want to enjoy this little period of time holding down these evil skeins of yarn." eyes start to glaze over...

DW closes the door "almost" all the way. Tigger comes out about 20 m,inutes later.

"That was nice. It's time to work eh slave?"

Yes master.

Tigger starts working.

"Ah... a slave that's going to pay attention to me. ahhhh....

HEY! What ARE YOU DOING!!!!!" WHY AM I BEING PUT IN THAT EVIL BOX!"

as primary slave put Master Tigger into his "We're going to the Vet" carrier.

"HEY! I DON'T LIKE THAT BOX!" Laptop screamed.

We have to take both of you to the evil vet because you need your thyroid levels checked.

DW put Tigger into the back seat. I put Laptop in the front. Positioned so that neither one could see the other because never the twain shall meet, lest much fur fly and hissing beyond belief an possibily a mauled, bleeding and injured master result. We do not let the two of them together. We love them both and they love us but don't like the sight of each other. Dunna why.....

-------insert trip to evil vet------

"Hey... I don't like this place. They poke and hurt me."

Silly cat. They are here to help you.

"Yeah... like I'm going to believe that." Tigger said.

They took Laptop away and he was gone for quite awhile. (He refused to give blood, but after three tries and two different locations they got enough for the test)

When Laptop was brought back he was in sulk mode. (sigh)

Tigger was not gone as long.

"I'm easy to give blood, but I don't like the process and they hurt me. I'm mad at both of you! Go away and don't look at me!"

Thus Tigger and Laptop spent a unpleasant time at Evil Vet.

Most of the time, when a master is brought home from the evil vet, the smell is still on the master and Tigger will hiss and be nasty to the unfortunate master. I released Laptop at the top of the stairs and he ran down the steps. Master Tigger was released after I closed the door (Shadow came up to see what was going on)

"Hey where ya been. I've been looking for you. Wanna do some.......)

Insert hissing, gnashing of teeth and reaction to evil vet here......

Hey silly Tigger. You're the one who went to the vet. Shadow doesn't smell like anywhere else. He's been home.

Tigger ran off and hid under the desk. He refused to let anyone near because he was in sulk mode.

Silly Tigger it was for your own health we took you.

"Go away. I'm not talking to you."

Yes master.

---------insert about 5 hours-------------

Oh.. Hi Tigger... DW said.

"I'm going to turn my back to you and lay on your legs. Don't look at me."

Yes master.

-----------insert Tigger being taken to time out room---------

Hi Laptop. Want some attention?

"Yes I do. "

I give Laptop attention for about an hour.....

"That's enough slave. Thank you"

and he walks off.

Tigger was working atop DW, and holding her hostage, while we were watching TV. Curled up into a very tight coil with right arm over eyes, looking cute. No lap available for anyone else either. Tigger was being somewhat of a lap hog. Working hard.... at the edge of the lap "almost" falling off would be the appropriate description of his position.

I just happened to be looking in the direction of DW, when Tigger awoke... uh.. I mean that he decided to take a break from his labors. Very diligent he is, but I digress.

A "LARGE" s t r e t c h.... to get kinks and such out. Toes uncurled... and spread wide....

when Master Tigger decided to demonstrate the power of gravity to his attentive slaves.

"This is what happens if you don't watch what you're doing when beside a drop off. Did you understand what I just demonstrated?"

Yes master. We are thankful for your lesson. Very graphic and we're glad you only fell about 3 inches to the bed. Thank you sire.

Charlie was unimpressed as he promptly closed his eyes (I'd almost swear he only opened one eye, but I could be mistaken) and went back to work.

"Silly slaves, why would I want to be interested in "your" lessons. I already know this." Charlie said.

Yes master. We understand.

Tigger gets up and saunters over to me.

"I shall use us as a source of warmth, so don't move."

Yes master. I shall not.

Whereupon Tigger rests his head on my calf and starts working. I am honored, once again.

------------insert about an hours time---------------

I'm sorry Tigger. I have to get up. My legs are complaining and are cold and getting twitchy. That's a precursor of cramping.

"Don't move, silly slave."

Uh.. master. I have to or my leg will cramp. They're cold.

"What is it with you slave. Don't you understand what I said?"

By this time, Tigger has placed his paw on my leg. Hoding me down to accentuate his order, I can almost sense what's coming.

Ah..... little needles to make his point.

Master I must get up. Really I have too....

and Tigger lets his claws continue to make his point.

"Don't move slave."

Yes master, but I'm getting up.

and Tigger continues making his point. This time a little stronger.

and I pull my leg away only to see and feel that Tigger doesn't want me to.

Gently... and I mean gently I remove his claws and get my leg out, just as the cramp hits. I walk off the pain.

"Why didn't you say you were cramping?" Tigger remarked.

I did. I told you.

"No you didn't. You just wanted to upset my work habits so I'm going over to primary slave."

Yes master. I'm sorry I disturbed you