I know I haven't been here since this happened. I just really couldn't get any words together. I am barely able to talk about anything right now.
I do not have too much information as to what happened to
The vet said that she felt that Ani and Trent were born to a litter that had some type of genetic problem(?) I don't know
I don't understand. All I do know is that I love Ani and Trent as much as I ever could love anyone. They are my heart and my soul. They have been with me through so much. They are so much a part of me, and I cannot be more grateful for that.
When I lost
, I took Ani to the vet shortly after to make sure she's okay. Things looked good with her at the time. I believed, without a doubt, that I would have Ani for many, many years. I NEVER, EVER even thought she would get sick, not even a cold. It just couldn't happen after all that went on. After losing Trent, I believed that no one could possibly survive that pain again. I lost Trent in September, and I have lost my Ani, yesterday..just 3 months later.
Some say she held on for me. I try to believe that.
The vet said that without taking her for the other tests, there was no diagnosis. I had planned on taking Ani for her ultrasound as soon as my money came in. I felt it was my fault for waiting. I guess I still do
It would have been today
I watched Ani so closely over the past week. Each day she looked worse and worse. Eventually, in her last 36 hours, she stopped eating completely, stopped grooming, not responding to any of her meds. Sometimes, she was able to take her meds without vomiting immediately. Even then, there was no response. Continuous vomiting while eating nothing. So painful.. unbelievably painful.
I tried to sit with her & pet her, but she would hide underneath the bed in a corner. She would face the wall
. She wanted me to leave her alone. I couldn't, but I tried my best to give her the space she needed. So, I would just sit on the floor next to her, and just be with her.
This is about all I could get out right now.
As each day passes, I believe I will get stronger. I didn't think I would make it through this time. I wanted to go away, and never come back. I wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. I had never felt so completely hopeless in my entire life.
But, I have to move on. No matter how long it may take, I have to keep going. I have a new baby here, who needs my love.
I read all of your posts on my thread and each one touched me so deeply
. The compassion and understanding that comes from the people here is nothing short of a miracle
I send all my love and appreciation to you all..
I will be writing more. I just lose it at a certain point