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So, any suggestions on what to do?

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
I have bought a christmas gift for Marcela (a girl out of the menu of women I like ) Its gonna be the priciest gift in my entire shopping list (USD $80).

I have plans on taking her out to the movies this saturday... this girl is one of those movie connoseiurs who see virtually every single movie that gets to the movie theater and whose dream job is to be paid a big amount of money to be a movie critic. But at the same time she is.... shy.... incredibly shy. So timid you have a hard time getting a long conversation with her - in fact, I am the only person out of the entire group who has been able to establish some form of friendship with her without making her shut like a clam (and I am envied because of that). Very solitary and hardly speaks with anyone. Not even with other girls. And her tastes are different from those of everyone else (only girl in there who likes videogames). And is the one people know the least about.

Now, I have been moving around her since Andrea snubbed me. But I must confess... that with her being the most unique and strangest of all... fascinates me. Trying to figure out what is behind all that shyness and silence.

I am planning to take her to the movies this Sunday. And there give her the gift she has been dreaming of for christmas for months... Perhaps steal a kiss. And the next night, ask her to be my girlfriend, and hope and pray for the best.

Now... I have two problems:

1: I am nervous as it comes about her answer. Since she isn't exactly a normal person, I can't exactly apply the normal rules of what is she gonna say.

2: All the kids around are badmouthing me behind my back for being "a womanizer" according to them. The truth is that I am the only one who is up to extremely friendly terms with all the girls in town and who is constantly taking them out (in some cases several at a time), buying them stuff, and all of the sudden, in a matter of months, I have become the ladies man. I honestly don't know why are they despiteful of that when in truth I don't know anyone who wouldn't give what he hasn't got to be in such a position. Either way, I am starting to dislike their talking like this behind my back. I was told just a few days ago of this and what bothered me the most was that no one had had the guts to tell me face to face what they thought of me. I somehow feel its out of pure envy, but I don't know how to treat it.

What should I do?
post #2 of 28
Can't help with your second problem, but as for the first, you can actually apply the "normal" to her there. I too was terminally shy as a teen, and though I didn't talk a lot (still don't) especially in public, I had the same wants and dreams as all the other girls, even though I was "different" in my shyness. Good luck!
post #3 of 28
Well good luck with number one, however I think you'll find even us shy girls are pretty normal when it comes to that.

On your problem number two, this may not be the most popular way of deal with it but talk to the people that are saying this about you. If they are your friends, they should be willing to talk about. Just ask them why they are saying that, it may be jealously it may also be them just that they're picking up on something you're not seeing. If it is jealously, it more difficult to treat but working at it never hurts. If it is the second then I would think you'd want to know about it. If there not your friends then who cares what they think.

Edited just to make this a little clearer. When I was in high school, a lot of people thought I was stuck up (Actually is was a meaner word that started with a B). I finally got around to asking my friends about it and they told me that I came off that way a lot because I didn't talk or smile all that much...which wasn't me being stuck up it was me being shy. It was very handy to have it pointed out.
post #4 of 28
she is normal
im extremely shy!! and the thing is each time i want to talk to people or get close to them i really chicken out and get scared!

I would say go for it if you have been able to get close.
Even if she says no and that she needs a friend right now, just be there for her

i cant help you with the second q either hehe
post #5 of 28
Well Casanova... I'm sorry Victor, I couldn't resist. Listen, there's nothing wrong with you going out with different girls, as long as everyone knows what's what. Obviously it would be hurtful if you told a girl she was the only one when you were going out with 3 others. But I don't think that's what you're doing. (And if it is, stop it right now! ) I'm not sure that there's anything you can do to make the people who are badmouthing you see things differently, but if any of them are your close friends, I would sit down with them and just lay it on the line: Tell them you're hurt that they would talk about you like that, and that they would think you are the kind of person who would do something to hurt others. Sorry, but that's the best advice I can offer there. Typically people are going to think whatever they're going to think, but if they are true friends, you can talk to them about it.

As for this girl--who sounds lovely, btw--all I can say is that I also was very shy as a teenager, but if a boy I liked and felt comfortable with asked me to go out with him, I would always manage to say yes.

And one last thing Victor--it is great to be a generous person, and it sounds like you are, but buying people things isn't the only way to show people you care about them, and it is rarely the best way. Just be who you are, and let people like you for that. After all, we do!
post #6 of 28
Thread Starter 
Whats what? No, I ain't like that. Its essentially that I have made good friendships with all the girls, and put them all in good terms with me, something that I seem to be the only one who has done that, without starting to get shaky and shy before talking to her... and they most of them know I am friendly with all women... and while the buying stuff and such is the most notable thing, I like to care for the details - find her with trouble at something, get in and help her. Talk a lot. Make jokes she likes. It seems at times like the little details (and knowing when to exploit them) work all the difference.

Either way, it isn't that I have got 15 girlfriends, Its that I have made close friends with them all without problems. And the detail is that that is so unique that if you get friendship with a girl everyone starts counting the minutes left to become boyfriends. Essentially, everyone is dreaming still of the day they have a girlfriend, and the closest person of the opposite sex they've had in friendship terms is their sister, and in the meantime my phone number is in the book of all the girls, I am close friends with them all, and I might have a girlfriend in less than a week. Somehow that seems to bother them.
post #7 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacat
Well Casanova... I'm sorry Victor, I couldn't resist.
post #8 of 28
Well, there's certainly nothing wrong with being friends. They're probably jealous of you. Talk to these people. Maybe you can clear the air.
post #9 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by yoviher
I have bought a christmas gift for Marcela (a girl out of the menu of women I like ) Its gonna be the priciest gift in my entire shopping list (USD $80).

I have plans on taking her out to the movies this saturday... this girl is one of those movie connoseiurs who see virtually every single movie that gets to the movie theater and whose dream job is to be paid a big amount of money to be a movie critic. But at the same time she is.... shy.... incredibly shy. So timid you have a hard time getting a long conversation with her - in fact, I am the only person out of the entire group who has been able to establish some form of friendship with her without making her shut like a clam (and I am envied because of that). Very solitary and hardly speaks with anyone. Not even with other girls. And her tastes are different from those of everyone else (only girl in there who likes videogames). And is the one people know the least about.

Now, I have been moving around her since Andrea snubbed me. But I must confess... that with her being the most unique and strangest of all... fascinates me. Trying to figure out what is behind all that shyness and silence.

I am planning to take her to the movies this Sunday. And there give her the gift she has been dreaming of for christmas for months... Perhaps steal a kiss. And the next night, ask her to be my girlfriend, and hope and pray for the best.

Now... I have two problems:

1: I am nervous as it comes about her answer. Since she isn't exactly a normal person, I can't exactly apply the normal rules of what is she gonna say.

2: All the kids around are badmouthing me behind my back for being "a womanizer" according to them. The truth is that I am the only one who is up to extremely friendly terms with all the girls in town and who is constantly taking them out (in some cases several at a time), buying them stuff, and all of the sudden, in a matter of months, I have become the ladies man. I honestly don't know why are they despiteful of that when in truth I don't know anyone who wouldn't give what he hasn't got to be in such a position. Either way, I am starting to dislike their talking like this behind my back. I was told just a few days ago of this and what bothered me the most was that no one had had the guts to tell me face to face what they thought of me. I somehow feel its out of pure envy, but I don't know how to treat it.

What should I do?
Victor, there's something that bothers me here. This girl isn't your girlfriend (yet), but you've spent $80 on a present for her. How does that look to your friends, who probably can't afford to spend that much on a girl they're interested in, but not dating regularly? Perhaps they find that a little out of line? I haven't been a teenaged girl for decades, but I remember feeling very uncomfortable with guys who "smothered" me with flowers, cards and expensive gifts, because I had a suspicion that they were trying to "buy" my affection. If Marcela is such a movie buff, I'd suggest "boning up" on films by visiting relevant Web sites, renting DVDs recommended by movie critics or film fan magzines, finding out who her favorite directors, actors, etc., are, so that you know what you can talk to her about. That would probably mean a lot more to her than an expensive gift that might embarrass her, and lead your friends to question your M.O.. Sorry if my response isn't what you expected, but you did ask for opinions(?)!
post #10 of 28
Jcat makes a good point Victor. Sort of along the lines of what I was trying to say about not having to show people you care by buying them things, but Jcat was much more articulate than me.
post #11 of 28
Hi Victor. I think the fact that you have taken the trouble to get to know her and be her friend is the most valuable gift of all.

If you would like to take your relationship further with her, tell her. As the others have said, just because she is she doesn't mean she doesn't have the same hopes and dreams as everybody else. It just means she doesn't feel confident communicating that to others. Just be yourself and choose your moment carefully - but remember, it's often the most simple, but heartfelt things that mean the most.

I hope things go well for you
post #12 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacat
Jcat makes a good point Victor. Sort of along the lines of what I was trying to say about not having to show people you care by buying them things, but Jcat was much more articulate than me.
Just trying to underline your reservations, Stefanie! You made an excellent point.
post #13 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcat
Just trying to underline your reservations, Stefanie! You made an excellent point.
We're like one big mutual admiration society here, aren't we!
post #14 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcat
Victor, there's something that bothers me here. This girl isn't your girlfriend (yet), but you've spent $80 on a present for her. How does that look to your friends, who probably can't afford to spend that much on a girl they're interested in, but not dating regularly? Perhaps they find that a little out of line? I haven't been a teenaged girl for decades, but I remember feeling very uncomfortable with guys who "smothered" me with flowers, cards and expensive gifts, because I had a suspicion that they were trying to "buy" my affection. If Marcela is such a movie buff, I'd suggest "boning up" on films by visiting relevant Web sites, renting DVDs recommended by movie critics or film fan magzines, finding out who her favorite directors, actors, etc., are, so that you know what you can talk to her about. That would probably mean a lot more to her than an expensive gift that might embarrass her, and lead your friends to question your M.O.. Sorry if my response isn't what you expected, but you did ask for opinions(?)!
Well, the expensive gift didn't come out of the blue... and in fact, I did not buy it, because it was expensive, but because thats what she's been hinting at wanting the most this christmas.

Let me explain: She likes portable videogames. Other words, she plays Game Boy videogames. She's talked to me about that she wants badly to buy the newest addittion from Nintendo which is the Game Boy Advance SP (She has the previous Advance). She has even asked me which video game stores I would suggest her to buy that. I told her either the Electronics Boutique of Las Catalinas Mall, or the Game Stop of Plaza Centro. I was thinking on what to buy her, and knew this was the golden chance, for she had just told me what she would liket to have this christmas. I have moved on from portables into PC games years ago, so I didn't knew how much it would be worth until I asked the cashier for the price (I was guessing something around 40-50 dollars). I just paid out the $80 in cash and bought it. My consideration was more what she would like to have, than how much it was worth (Essentially hit the thing of "All of the sudden get her what she's been dreaming of getting and wanted the most" instead of hitting the "look how much I spend on you!"). But what you say of the not being able to afford that much, yes, I am afraid that such an amount of money on a christmas gift is way out of budget with most of the kids.... I must admit you have me thinking right now of the possibility of what you are saying.

Now... as for the movie thing... you arrived late. I have been lately reading movie reviews and about actors and for the first time in my life I know the synopsis of every single movie in the cinemas today. And this is the first time in my life that my starting to read again Nintendo Power Magazine has helped me (I can talk of the videogames she likes).

She likes a lot to rent movies, particularly those she missed to see in the Cinema or older ones. I have thought before of inviting her to rent a few of our respective favorites and buy some popcorn and watch them all...
post #15 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by yoviher
Now... as for the movie thing... you arrived late. I have been lately reading movie reviews and about actors and for the first time in my life I know the synopsis of every single movie in the cinemas today. And this is the first time in my life that my starting to read again Nintendo Power Magazine has helped me (I can talk of the videogames she likes).

She likes a lot to rent movies, particularly those she missed to see in the Cinema or older ones. I have thought before of inviting her to rent a few of our respective favorites and buy some popcorn and watch them all...
Okay, Don Juan, I shouldn't be helping you (female solidarity - avoid exploitation by those nasty males), but I think you're on the right track here.
post #16 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcat
Okay, Don Juan, I shouldn't be helping you (female solidarity - avoid exploitation by those nasty males), but I think you're on the right track here.


Hmm... sorry for the stupid question, but what do you mean by "Don Juan"? I am not familiar with that one.
post #17 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by yoviher


Hmm... sorry for the stupid question, but what do you mean by "Don Juan"? I am not familiar with that one.
"Don Juan" = "Casanova" = the archetypal "Latin lover".
post #18 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcat
"Don Juan" = "Casanova" = the archetypal "Latin lover".
Love it!
post #19 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by yoviher
Love it!
Don't let it go to your head - I'm 3x your age!
post #20 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcat
Don't let it go to your head - I'm 3x your age!
post #21 of 28
I kind of got the same feeling Victor, that maybe you are in a position to have more money to spend and that you (not intentionally I'm sure) make your friends feel inferior which would certainly cause them to become back-biting especially at such a young age when they have not yet matured enough to handle these kind of issues.

I personally question the motives of any guy who overly compliments me or tries to buy me. In my younger days I would always refuse gifts from gentlemen whom I did not know well and especially expensive gifts.

But, that's me and my own personal feelings and opinions.
post #22 of 28
Who's calling you a ladies man, the guys or the girls?
post #23 of 28
tee hee call me evil, but you should let it get around that as you are friends with a lot of super girls, you are in a unique position...you have their ear, you can speak well of the guys you know, or let it be known when you are being treated poorly by one of them.

They should treat you better, and try to learn something from you...envy truly is a green-headed monster.
post #24 of 28
Well I have been with my boyfriend since Feb now Victor and I sure would be embarrased if he brought me some expensive gift and we have been friends (now best!) for over four years - I would be extremely happy with a chocolate bar or a lipbalm or something, although we have agreed not to exchange gifts. Good luck Victor.
post #25 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TTMom
Who's calling you a ladies man, the guys or the girls?
The guys. The girls just say they like me an awful lot.

Samantha, I am sure you don't know this, but... if I was to give a girl lip balm, the question they would make would be "Do I kiss THAT bad?"
post #26 of 28
If it's just the guys, ignore them. They're jealous. And you're right on cosmetic gifts. Girls tend to question them unless they're closely involved with the giver as a friend or lover. 80 bucks is a lot to spend on a gift for someone you're not yet dating, though. I too would question it if that were to happen to me. How about this. Give her a nice romantic card and if she says yes to being your girlfriend you can then give her the gift.
post #27 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by yoviher
The guys. The girls just say they like me an awful lot.

Samantha, I am sure you don't know this, but... if I was to give a girl lip balm, the question they would make would be "Do I kiss THAT bad?"
Hmm I'd appreciate it - but anyways!
post #28 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TTMom
If it's just the guys, ignore them. They're jealous. And you're right on cosmetic gifts. Girls tend to question them unless they're closely involved with the giver as a friend or lover. 80 bucks is a lot to spend on a gift for someone you're not yet dating, though. I too would question it if that were to happen to me. How about this. Give her a nice romantic card and if she says yes to being your girlfriend you can then give her the gift.
Well, honestly I do not dare say I have not been dating her. Nor do I dare say I HAVE been dating her. Its because the main reason I have managed to break somewhat through her shyness is because when I found out she was a movie buff, I just invited her to a movie she had not seen, yet wanted to. And then to another one, and so on. And for the past month or more, we have been sticking around each other going constantly to see some movie. Now, the two movies she wants to see are National Treasure (I have seen it and loved it, but I am telling her I haven't and that sounds interesting so as to go together) and Ocean's Twelve (we both are fans of Ocean's Eleven, including the original one which was done so many years ago). Thats where the friendship started becoming somewhat functional: Because one fine day I told her I was interested in seeing a movie, and then asked her for her phone number to coordinate it.

There is something I have been thinking: How about a poem? You know, just a little romantic poem to give her along with the gift, and that I can somehow link with Christmas... thats something very in vogue around here, to find a poem for the girl. Or... perhaps that could do the romantic card thing you are talking about... I just would need to find a poem.
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