Question for those of you who don't have fur-less kids

Originally Posted by fwan

You do know that we sicilians are naturally bad tempered dont you

unfortunately i had to take my dads side with the black hair and brown eyes that turn green on occasions

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Aww Fwan - I know many Italians including 2 sicilians (from Palermo) and they are among the loveliest people I know - they are definitely not bad-tempered and I'm sure you're not really either

Originally Posted by flisssweetpea

Aww Fwan - I know many Italians including 2 sicilians (from Palermo) and they are among the loveliest people I know

- they are definitely not bad-tempered and I'm sure you're not really either

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I would call myself passionate, but not 'bad tempered'
My family is from a town near Palermo

I always thought "Next year would be a good time to have a child" "When I find someone and settle down, I'll have kids" Wel, now I'm on the sunset side of 40 and my SO doesn't want children, and the doctor says my chances of having a child is next to zero. I have poly-cystic ovaries and have had it since I was about 18. I would need major drugs to get pregnant.

Did I want kids? Yes. Do I want them now? Sometimes. When I hold a little one in my arms. When I take my nephews out with me, or they look to me for advice.

I've learned I'm a better aunt than mother. I'm too much of a perfectionist and I have too much going on in my life to need to worry about what is at home. Sounds callus, but with 2 jobs and my volunteer work, I need to be able to leave the house for work and come home at midnight.

Sandy

Originally Posted by KittenKrazy

I've been thinking, was I selfish in not haveing a child, to raise up in my beliefs, to pass my musical talents on to, to be around when I'm leaving this earth, even though I don't particularuly like children?

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KittenKrazy-
I don't think you were selfish at all. I believe that if you didn't want children, it was very unselfish of you to not have them. I think some people who aren't ready for children have them anyway because of pressures from society, and in turn, the children sometimes suffer because of it and it seems a bit selfish in my opinion.
My husband and I have been married for four years, I'm 28, so this year we have started to get that question of if/when we are going to have kids.
We just aren't ready yet, and although we do plan on eventually having children, my mom said to me "what bigger gift is that then to be happy with just each other (my husband and I)" when I was talking about how my husband and I aren't sure exactly when we'll be ready to have kids and that we enjoy being with just eachother and our cats and don't feel the need to have kids anytime soon like lots of people do after they have been married 4 years.
It seems that you are blessed with the gift of you and your husband having a wonderful marriage as well.
Oh, and you are a mom.......to your furbabies!

~Julie

Cindy hon..... I also dont believe you are being selfish ... I am childless at 36 years old . I believe if I had different parents my llfe would've been a lot better with me marrying D/B and having kids. But I am not gonna belittle my life now.. I have with my furkid and my half fur-kid.... And D/B also and I am happy .

was I selfish in not haveing a child, to raise up in my beliefs, to pass my musical talents on to, to be around when I'm leaving this earth

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Cindy,

You don't just have an influence on your direct family members. You can influence everyone you have contact with you. I'm sure your music has influenced others. What I'm trying to say, is that you don't have to have children to pass these things on to - you can influence anyone or teach anyone. I'm childless by choice. It was always a "someday" thing. Someday came and it never felt right. Plus I don't know that my husband was seriously cut out for children. I don't feel that people should have children out of pressure from family/friends

Nope, not selfish at all. Some people are teriffied with cats or birds - I break out in hives around kids. I wouldn't know what to do with one - they say we learn these things from my parents.... well, there are a few lessons I don't want to pass on.

My fur babies and feathered babies are my husband and I's only babies.

I made a LOT of mistake as a young mother and truly believe it you doubt you're ability or whether you want them or not, there is no reason to bring another life into this world.
I had a son at 21, my daughter at 23 and would not trade them for the whole world, but I was very, very immature and despite all my mistakes they have turned into 2 very good-natured, big hearted, caring people.
I had a tubaligation soon after my daughter was born and have sometimes regretted it.
Like now, I am married to the best guy who would make a wonderful, proud father, but I can't give him that anymore.
It's a double edged sword.
I think now I would make a good Mother, and Jeff would be an excellent Daddy. It aches me to think about that, but there's always Grandkids!!
Except for my 5 yr. old Grandson who's Mother is a little spoiled brat who thinks she doesn't want him growing up with us around. We are not poverty level or even close, and even if we were, that should not be a determining factor. We are still his family too! She too is very immature and will learn when it is too late.

We have decided not to have children for a number of reasons - of course, nothing is in stone, but for now we think no kids. A number of reasons for this, i'm 27, he's 34 - I am fairly career orientated, and still intend on doing more study. I may feel ready in 5 years time, but then he's 39+, and IMO that's putting us at the older scale of parents (yes, I know there are older parents out there, but it's not our ideal).

On top of this we still have a fair amount of travel planned for the coming years and alot that we want to achieve as individuals/a couple.

I struggle with this decision at times on a daily basis, but for now, we spoil our cats (our boys) rotten as well as my nieces and nephews and that suits us just fine.

Cindy i knew from being a teenager that i didn't want kids!. It's not that i hate them because i don't, i'll be honest i don't have the patience!, yet give me a cat or two and i have all the time in the world for them even though they've broken many vases etc..but when it comes to other peoples children i do have the patience for the simple reason i give them back at the end of the day.

When i was with my husband a "nosy" neighbour who had two boys asked me one day if i was going to have any children?, when i said "No", the look of horror that was written all over her face!.

She replied with "But thats selfish!, who's going to look after you when your old?"

Not being the sort of person who holds back i said "If thats all you've had your kids for then YOUR the selfish one?!".

Hi there!

I am 26 years old, and still considered "too young to know what I want" (or at least that is what I am told ) But I have NEVER had the desire to have children. I think being a parent is the hardest job in the world, but it is not for me. I have complete respect for those who want to have kids. But like so many have already posted, I just do not have the patience or the desire. I think it would be more selfish to have kids if you really do not want them, but because you felt it was expected of you. (I am not saying this about anyone personally, just in general) I do not think I will ever regret not having kids (in fact, the more I am around them, the more I am concrete in my decision) But my heart does ache for those who want children and are not able to have them.

Originally Posted by Cyclesarah

Hi there!

I am 26 years old, and still considered "too young to know what I want" (or at least that is what I am told

)

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*groan*


don't you HATE people who are so self righteous and make comments like "oh you'll change your mind"

grrrr

Originally Posted by byclops

*groan*

don't you HATE people who are so self righteous and make comments like "oh you'll change your mind"

grrrr

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I get it all the time! I always ask myself...when will I be "old enough" to know what I want, and that I do not want children??

i'm 21 and really dont think i'll have children. my boyfriend and i joke about what or kids will look like but i cant see myself as a mother. to me (and this is just my opinion) being a mother would hold me back career wise as well as not being able to travel and have the things i want.

selfish? maybe, but i've come from a fairly large family where theres never any peace and quiet and nothings my own (my belongings get borrowed, lost or destroyed on a regular basis!) and just dont want to have to live like that forever.

also, i've got as many bad traits as good that i can see clearly down the generations. ok my kids might be good at art but they'll also be bad tempered!

Originally Posted by Cyclesarah

I get it all the time!

I always ask myself...when will I be "old enough" to know what I want, and that I do not want children??

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Tell me about it. A few years back, I told a friend "I'm never going to have any kids," and she got all sympathetic looking and said, "Oh don't say that! Of course you will!" I was like, no, I don't mean I'm never going to meet anyone to have kids WITH, I mean I don't WANT any. I was around 25 or 26 years old I guess and she actually patted my hand and said to me, "Oh, you'll see--in a few years, when you get a little older you'll change your mind." We're not in touch anymore but sometimes I wish I'd run into her so I could say, Hey guess what? I'm 30, and I STILL don't want any! I think having children is really right for some people, but not for everyone.

I do sometimes feel a little bad for my parents. My brother is almost 40 and has never had any kids and probably never will. If I don't have kids, that means my folks won't have any grandkids, and I think they'd like to, although to their credit, they've never pressured me. (Actually, I don't know if it's to their credit--I have a feeling they think I'd be a crummy mom... )

Originally Posted by Pat & Alix

I would call myself passionate, but not 'bad tempered'

My family is from a town near Palermo

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So are we
We are from Alcamo, I love going there in the summer and at the beach. we have a beach house there and dad is buying some land next year to retire there. We are all lovely and cook great foods but im also a mix with scottish.
I havent had a bad temper in a while. i remember that i used to be when i was younger hehe

She replied with "But thats selfish!, who's going to look after you when your old?"

Not being the sort of person who holds back i said "If thats all you've had your kids for then YOUR the selfish one?!".

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I'm sorry I know it's not a funny subject, but that was a great comment. I do get rather sad that I will probably be alone if I live to be old with no family. Having children is no guaranty. They can move across the country and there are some people I know that have children that took the wrong path in life and do not keep in touch with their parents.

Originally Posted by fwan

So are we
We are from Alcamo, I love going there in the summer and at the beach. we have a beach house there and dad is buying some land next year to retire there. We are all lovely and cook great foods

but im also a mix with scottish.
I havent had a bad temper in a while. i remember that i used to be when i was younger hehe

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Both my grandparents were from Bagheira (spelling is maybe off a bit) which is near Palermo. I'd absolutely love to visit there some day, but doubt that will happen. Both emigrated to the US in their teens.

I absolutely adore my daughter and she is now one of my closest friends, but looking back I probably should not have any children. My marriage was going wrong by the time she was born, and I stuck it out so she would have two parents, and finally left when she was fourteen. I am a very independent person and resented it when I couldn't take every assignment I was offered ( I was a journalist) because of her. I have never really liked babies and am quite pleased that she has not yet produced any, as I would be bored to tears if I was asked to look after them. My mother told me when I was in my twenties that I was not cut out for marriage, but I didn't believe her (who would?). I have been at my personal happiest living alone for the last fourteen years - not without relationships but no live-in partners. ANd of course always with my cats. That makes me sound the most selfish person in hte world, but it is realistic, and I am very generous to my friends and to good causes with my time and money - something I could not be if I had other commitments. So only have children if you are really sure you want them for the right reasons - the world has enough people.