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Question for those of you who don't have fur-less kids - Page 2

post #31 of 48
Hi there!

I am 26 years old, and still considered "too young to know what I want" (or at least that is what I am told ) But I have NEVER had the desire to have children. I think being a parent is the hardest job in the world, but it is not for me. I have complete respect for those who want to have kids. But like so many have already posted, I just do not have the patience or the desire. I think it would be more selfish to have kids if you really do not want them, but because you felt it was expected of you. (I am not saying this about anyone personally, just in general) I do not think I will ever regret not having kids (in fact, the more I am around them, the more I am concrete in my decision) But my heart does ache for those who want children and are not able to have them.
post #32 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyclesarah
Hi there!

I am 26 years old, and still considered "too young to know what I want" (or at least that is what I am told )
*groan*


don't you HATE people who are so self righteous and make comments like "oh you'll change your mind"

grrrr
post #33 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by byclops
*groan*


don't you HATE people who are so self righteous and make comments like "oh you'll change your mind"

grrrr

I get it all the time! I always ask myself...when will I be "old enough" to know what I want, and that I do not want children??
post #34 of 48
i'm 21 and really dont think i'll have children. my boyfriend and i joke about what or kids will look like but i cant see myself as a mother. to me (and this is just my opinion) being a mother would hold me back career wise as well as not being able to travel and have the things i want.

selfish? maybe, but i've come from a fairly large family where theres never any peace and quiet and nothings my own (my belongings get borrowed, lost or destroyed on a regular basis!) and just dont want to have to live like that forever.
post #35 of 48
also, i've got as many bad traits as good that i can see clearly down the generations. ok my kids might be good at art but they'll also be bad tempered!
post #36 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyclesarah
I get it all the time! I always ask myself...when will I be "old enough" to know what I want, and that I do not want children??
Tell me about it. A few years back, I told a friend "I'm never going to have any kids," and she got all sympathetic looking and said, "Oh don't say that! Of course you will!" I was like, no, I don't mean I'm never going to meet anyone to have kids WITH, I mean I don't WANT any. I was around 25 or 26 years old I guess and she actually patted my hand and said to me, "Oh, you'll see--in a few years, when you get a little older you'll change your mind." We're not in touch anymore but sometimes I wish I'd run into her so I could say, Hey guess what? I'm 30, and I STILL don't want any! I think having children is really right for some people, but not for everyone.

I do sometimes feel a little bad for my parents. My brother is almost 40 and has never had any kids and probably never will. If I don't have kids, that means my folks won't have any grandkids, and I think they'd like to, although to their credit, they've never pressured me. (Actually, I don't know if it's to their credit--I have a feeling they think I'd be a crummy mom... )
post #37 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pat & Alix
I would call myself passionate, but not 'bad tempered'
My family is from a town near Palermo
So are we
We are from Alcamo, I love going there in the summer and at the beach. we have a beach house there and dad is buying some land next year to retire there. We are all lovely and cook great foods but im also a mix with scottish.
I havent had a bad temper in a while. i remember that i used to be when i was younger hehe
post #38 of 48
Quote:
She replied with "But thats selfish!, who's going to look after you when your old?"

Not being the sort of person who holds back i said "If thats all you've had your kids for then YOUR the selfish one?!".


I'm sorry I know it's not a funny subject, but that was a great comment. I do get rather sad that I will probably be alone if I live to be old with no family. Having children is no guaranty. They can move across the country and there are some people I know that have children that took the wrong path in life and do not keep in touch with their parents.
post #39 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
So are we
We are from Alcamo, I love going there in the summer and at the beach. we have a beach house there and dad is buying some land next year to retire there. We are all lovely and cook great foods but im also a mix with scottish.
I havent had a bad temper in a while. i remember that i used to be when i was younger hehe
Both my grandparents were from Bagheira (spelling is maybe off a bit) which is near Palermo. I'd absolutely love to visit there some day, but doubt that will happen. Both emigrated to the US in their teens.
post #40 of 48
I absolutely adore my daughter and she is now one of my closest friends, but looking back I probably should not have any children. My marriage was going wrong by the time she was born, and I stuck it out so she would have two parents, and finally left when she was fourteen. I am a very independent person and resented it when I couldn't take every assignment I was offered ( I was a journalist) because of her. I have never really liked babies and am quite pleased that she has not yet produced any, as I would be bored to tears if I was asked to look after them. My mother told me when I was in my twenties that I was not cut out for marriage, but I didn't believe her (who would?). I have been at my personal happiest living alone for the last fourteen years - not without relationships but no live-in partners. ANd of course always with my cats. That makes me sound the most selfish person in hte world, but it is realistic, and I am very generous to my friends and to good causes with my time and money - something I could not be if I had other commitments. So only have children if you are really sure you want them for the right reasons - the world has enough people.
post #41 of 48
This is a painful question for me. When we got married, almost 25 years ago, there was no question at all about kids - we wanted 2, being in favor of "zero population growth". Unfortunately, after several miscarriages and hormone therapy, we finally had to recognize the fact that it wasn't meant to be. When I was in my late twenties, this was such a big issue that I even almost avoided friends who were having babies, and came to hate my in-laws, who were putting a tremendous amount of pressure on me to "carry on the family name". My own parents were very supportive, although I'm sure they were disappointed, because my older brother also didn't have kids.
My sister has four kids, and my husband's brother has two. They are very much "our kids", too, and now I think that fate probably meant for us to be there for them. My sister has been through two bad marriages, with little or no financial support from her ex-husbands, and her second husband was/is violent. We've always tried to be there for the kids, so that they have some real stability in their lives, and know that not all relationships are bad, that not all husbands beat their wives and spend their paychecks on themselves, rather than paying off the mortgage. My brother-in-law's wife is schizophrenic, and his kids have needed a "home away from home" for extended periods all their lives. Thus, we've always been sort of "back-up parents", aside from having given numbers of pets a loving home. As a teacher of teenagers since 1980, I've had ample opportunity to be nurturing, stern, encouraging, etc., etc..
We probably haven't missed too many of the joys of parenthood, although we don't have biological children.
post #42 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcat
This is a painful question for me. When we got married, almost 25 years ago, there was no question at all about kids - we wanted 2, being in favor of "zero population growth". Unfortunately, after several miscarriages and hormone therapy, we finally had to recognize the fact that it wasn't meant to be. When I was in my late twenties, this was such a big issue that I even almost avoided friends who were having babies, and came to hate my in-laws, who were putting a tremendous amount of pressure on me to "carry on the family name". My own parents were very supportive, although I'm sure they were disappointed, because my older brother also didn't have kids.
My sister has four kids, and my husband's brother has two. They are very much "our kids", too, and now I think that fate probably meant for us to be there for them. My sister has been through two bad marriages, with little or no financial support from her ex-husbands, and her second husband was/is violent. We've always tried to be there for the kids, so that they have some real stability in their lives, and know that not all relationships are bad, that not all husbands beat their wives and spend their paychecks on themselves, rather than paying off the mortgage. My brother-in-law's wife is schizophrenic, and his kids have needed a "home away from home" for extended periods all their lives. Thus, we've always been sort of "back-up parents", aside from having given numbers of pets a loving home. As a teacher of teenagers since 1980, I've had ample opportunity to be nurturing, stern, encouraging, etc., etc..
We probably haven't missed too many of the joys of parenthood, although we don't have biological children.
awww bless you. It must have been so difficult for you - my aunt and uncle had to face the fact that they couldn't have children also.

It's lovely that you can provide a caring stable example and environment for your nephews and nieces - what a difference you must have made in their lives.
post #43 of 48
When I left my exhusband I got pregnant from what I thought was a nice guy(bad accident, thought I couldn't get pregnant, ex had a child from a previous girlfriend but I never thankfully had one in the 6 years we were together ), but I had a miscarriage and honestly I guess it was for the best.
I only wanted a child at that point in time because I felt so alone and wanted something I knew would love me and wouldn't leave me.
Now I know that I'm no mom and never will be. I don't like kids. I can't deal with them. It's not a good thing. I don't have the mom gene. Brad says he doesn't want kids now but in the future he might, but he doesn't understand that he is 6 years younger then I am, so when he is ready, I might be to old to have them. His mom always tells us that she wants grandbabies but that we shouldn't have kids because of her. I always tell her good because we aren't having kids unless she is planning on raising them until they are 18.
I have the four cats and I'm happy with them. They are pretty independant. They can pretty much take care of themselves. they don't need to be walked, they just need someone to chekc on them and make sure they are fed, watered and played with if we go out of town.( and of course the litter is changed) but other then that, they are fine the perfect companion for me.
So honestly I don't regret not having kids. I'm upset that I lost the one I had, but I wouldn't have made a good mother so, I guess there was a reason for that.
post #44 of 48
[quote=jugen]When I left my exhusband I got pregnant from what I thought was a nice guy(bad accident, thought I couldn't get pregnant, ex had a child from a previous girlfriend but I never thankfully had one in the 6 years we were together ), but I had a miscarriage and honestly I guess it was for the best.
I only wanted a child at that point in time because I felt so alone and wanted something I knew would love me and wouldn't leave me.

AS I said, it is important to have kids for the right reasons - not fear or peer or family pressure. You must really want them. And you can never be sure your kids will love you or stay with you - there are too many family splits.
post #45 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittylover4ever
Well Cindy, I do know where your coming from. When I was married the first time, oh so many years ago, it just never seemed the right time to have kids for us. I'm glad we didn't, since our marraige didn't work out. Then it took me 13 years to find my Jerry, and by this time I was 37 on our wedding day. Well, as I aged, although I do have the natural maternal instincts, I didn't have the desire to have children. I was set in my ways, wasn't used to being around children, so when I was for extended periods of time, I would want to run and scream! Jerry didnt' want any children either, so it was perfect. We are very happy together, but I sometimes wonder, when my siblings, Mom passes on, who will be my family? Do you know what I mean? I think I would have made a terrific Mom had I ever had children, but now that I"m 41 and am purrfectly content with my furbabies, I think I will leave bringing children into the world for other people. I'm happy to let other people have that job. IMO.
Almost my story also, but first marriage (so long ago) ended after my tubal pregnancy and I remarried 3 years later. When my biological clock went off in my late 30's, it nearly ended our marriage to my current husband. He was sympathetic, and we hung on. Now at 44, I know I made the right choice by not having any kids.

I've lost both of my parents and my siblings (4 of them) and I live in 5 different states. Yes, it's hard to keep up with family, but you develop new "families" in other ways. If you can't see biological family at holidays, you find other folks in your same situation and make new holiday traditions. I do deep-fried turkey for Thanksgiving at Mike's, Christmas with Doug/Nancy and their family, etc.
post #46 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosiemac
When i was with my husband a "nosy" neighbour who had two boys asked me one day if i was going to have any children?, when i said "No", the look of horror that was written all over her face!.

She replied with "But thats selfish!, who's going to look after you when your old?"

Not being the sort of person who holds back i said "If thats all you've had your kids for then YOUR the selfish one?!".
Rosie,
Oh my gosh, that is such a good comeback!


Julie
post #47 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by captiva


I'm sorry I know it's not a funny subject, but that was a great comment. I do get rather sad that I will probably be alone if I live to be old with no family. Having children is no guaranty. They can move across the country and there are some people I know that have children that took the wrong path in life and do not keep in touch with their parents.

Chris, I"ll look after you if you look after me. Maybe we can be like the Golden Girls........I"ll be Blanche!
post #48 of 48
I've never wanted children. I haven't been around kids much, don't have any brothers or sisters, no nieces/nephews. I never found babies cute (I know I'm weird), but I go absolutely crazy over animals and find them sooo much cuter. I have absolutely no regrets. I'm very happy being a mom to Sash and I wouldn't trade that for the world. I also believe I would be a terrible mother to children, I'm a perfectionist and very set in my ways and I like alot of time to myself and I have no patience. I do sometimes worry though about when I do get much older and I have no more family around what will happen to my animals, because I'm sure I will have many more. That's a scary thought, but I try not too think too much into the future. I'm very happy with my life and wouldn't change a thing. The only possible thing I would change is too have more cats, but Sash wouldn't appreciate that too much.
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