i guess i will have to be the adult...........

No word from my mom in 3 weeks... no applogy! Oh, but my dad called me yesterday and I called him before I went to work. It was no use, it is like talking to a brick wall. He invited me and my husband over for my mother's birthday party on Friday. Of course, I told him I didn't think I could because of what my mom had wrote to me. I can't just go into their house and act as if everything is ok. So, I thought if I told him how I felt it would help, but all he could do was turn it around, or so that is how I feel. And, then he had the nerve to bring my husband into this whole ordeal, by telling me it concerns them that they never see him. Anyways, to make it short, now he "thinks" both of us are coming over on Friday

So, I have decided I am going to go over there not because of my mother, but because I need to resolve this for me. I need to not feel this way anymore. I asked him if he would go with me, and he said no.... which I can completely understand. I believe that it is not right for him to be there, since he is not involved. I just hope this works out... if not, then I know how my parents really are..... If they think that I can just forget about what my mom wrote, they are really wrong.

Just wish me luck.........

I think you should go over and confront them. It might clear the air and then you can decide what you will do after hearing what your Mom has to say about what she wrote. I really hope something good happens as it is bothering you so much. I have such a good relation with my parents and hate to think you are going though this ordeal. Best wishes go with you on your visit.

Hmmm . . .

I have the feeling that it's not a good idea to show up for someone's birthday and read them the riot act. I think it makes you look bad; insensitive or inappropriate somehow. I don't suppose you'd be able to see them today to see if you can get it resolved before her birthday? I wouldn't take this up over the phone, same issue as internet, too much emotional content is omitted by not actually seeing the other person.

Or is it possible to attend the celebration and do only the minimums? Then if they ask why husband is not there or why you are so quiet, you can tell them. If they don't, you can call them in a few days or a week and say, "You know, this is still bothering me".

I have the impression that you are very expressive emotionally, and perhaps your parents don't take that seriously. Even if you are pretty calm now, if you were a dramatic teenager, it can color all their perceptions of you. (Believe me, I know, and I wasn't even such a drama queen.) I have the feeling that it would be better to underplay this, to be very cool about it and let them know by your actions and your mood how you feel. They don't seem to be hearing your words very well, so perhaps a different approach would be better? Sometimes it is not so much what you say, as how you say it.

Not that I know you or your family so well that I can make this assessment, just a feeling I have . . .

Tigger I wish you the biggest bestest luck, and even better than that, I'll pray for you.

I agree with just about everything sunlion has said - especially the part about you parents maybe reading into your reactions feelings that you might have had when you were younger.

The best thing to do might also be the hardest. Just stay calm and polite. It's not false sincerity to be respectful. It IS your mother's birthday, and as frustrated and upset as you are, you do want her to have a lovely day and you do want to give her your best wishes on that day.

If you remain polite and calm, then it's THEIR choice if they want to dig into the problem between you. If that happens, I would try to avoid focussing on how hurtful you found your mother's letter. After all, if you are going to resolve this, it's not about who hurt who, it's about how you can have a relationship with your parents.

Once again, good luck Tigger (((hug)))

Adele

Oh Tigger, good luck.... I agree with sunloin though, don't do anything at your moms party unless they bring it up and then I'd even wait until everyone else is gone to do it. That way they can't throw it in your face later . Poor thing! I will be crossing my fingers for you and thinking about what could be going on while I am at work!!!!!!!Good luck again:angel2:
Try not to fight them though. it sounds like that is what they want you to do. Just state your point of view and don't get with them. your title says it exactly: be the adult!
Hope it goes ok...