I got this in an email and thought i would share...
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and
trouble to send me your chain letters over the past two years .
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern.. I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are
atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because
it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return
on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle
infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing
deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on
a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because
someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since
they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
don't support our American troops. I no longer answer
the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid
number for which I will get the phone bill from hell
with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and
Uzbekistan. I no longer eat pre-packaged foods
because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers. I no longer date the opposite sex because
they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in
a bathtub full of ice. I no longer have any sneakers
-- but that will change once I receive my free
replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry
about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me and St Theresa's novena has granted my
every wish. Thanks to you, I have learned that God
only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven
of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
(Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the
1,387,258th time)
I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and
AOL are sending me for participating in their special
e-mail program. Yes, I want to thank all of you
soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now
return the favor.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200
people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with
diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm this
afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will
infest your armpits. I know this will occur because
it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a
friend.
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and
trouble to send me your chain letters over the past two years .
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern.. I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are
atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because
it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return
on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle
infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing
deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on
a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because
someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since
they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
don't support our American troops. I no longer answer
the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid
number for which I will get the phone bill from hell
with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and
Uzbekistan. I no longer eat pre-packaged foods
because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers. I no longer date the opposite sex because
they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in
a bathtub full of ice. I no longer have any sneakers
-- but that will change once I receive my free
replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry
about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me and St Theresa's novena has granted my
every wish. Thanks to you, I have learned that God
only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven
of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
(Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the
1,387,258th time)
I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and
AOL are sending me for participating in their special
e-mail program. Yes, I want to thank all of you
soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now
return the favor.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200
people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with
diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm this
afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will
infest your armpits. I know this will occur because
it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a
friend.
