Maintain the status quo or say something?

I was offered the principal's (headmistress's) position at school twice, and turned it down, because I simply didn't want to deal with the administrative hassle. Period. This isn't really a "problem", but I'm wondering if I should have a talk with the colleague/superior who eventually took the position. He's terrific at it - a very well-organized "troubleshooter" with lots of energy. The thing is, he's constantly "consulting" me about the decisions he makes, actions he takes, etc., simply because I've got seniority, and he apparently knows that I was offered the job first, although I never mentioned it at school. I really don't mind offering my point of view or suggestions, but I'm afraid he feels obligated to discuss everything with me. I've praised the way he's doing the job several times, and told him that I'm not an "administrative type", but I wonder if I should be a bit blunter, along the lines of "I'm not going to second-guess your decisions; I really didn't think I was the right person for the job, but you are". I don't want him to think that I'm not available to "bounce ideas off", or that I believe he lacks self-confidence. He's very good, but everybody needs feedback. Things kind of came to a head this afternoon when he overheard another colleague telling me about students' complaints about a new teacher. I told the colleague in question to "talk to M.," and his reply was, "You've been here for ages, and M. has only been here for three years." M. is my age, and has lots of business/management experience I lack. Should I just say, "Don't mind the 'oldtimers' using me as a filter?" My husband thinks I shouldn't say anything, but just be as supportive as I can be. However, he doesn't know M..

I would tell her that It's his job to hear that information.. And I'd tell him that he oughtn't worry about your "seniority" because he's doing a bang-up Job, by himself, but if he needs a brain to pick, then you're always available..

All this stuff is just my opinion...feel free to toss it out the window

I think it depends how well you know M. yourself, and how well you feel you can judge his position...how confident are you that he's just asking out of courtesy and not because he's insecure about how he's doing (maybe needing validation)? Also, you say you don't mind, but if you're bringing it up it must be bothering you somewhat...is this interfering with your ability to do YOUR job well? If so, then definitely find a way to explain to M. how you feel. If it is not, you may want to let sleeping dogs lie....as long as you are both comfortable with the arrangement, then it's all good. You can't be sure of how comfortable he is, of course, but you can make your feelings as clear as possible with your actions and manner when he comes to you for advice.
If you decide to talk to him, consider the most appropriate setting. Would he respond better in a more neutral environment? or perhaps somewhere he feels safe (i.e. his office). Make sure you are not coming across as hostile by asking about how he feels and truly listening to his answers.

Personally, if this wasn't REALLY bothering me at work, I would do nothing. I find people can be very unpredictable when their habits are questioned, even with the best of intentions. However, only you can make this call, since you're the one getting consulted all the time.

Best of luck,
Leli.

Tricia, this obviously is bothering you so say something.

I've praised the way he's doing the job several times, and told him that I'm not an "administrative type", but I wonder if I should be a bit blunter, along the lines of "I'm not going to second-guess your decisions; I really didn't think I was the right person for the job, but you are". I don't want him to think that I'm not available to "bounce ideas off", or that I believe he lacks self-confidence

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The statement you made sounds great to me. Make sure you sound supportive and enthused. I've found that if you sound like you have confidence in a situation, others will gain confidence from you.

Things kind of came to a head this afternoon when he overheard another colleague telling me about students' complaints about a new teacher. I told the colleague in question to "talk to M.," and his reply was, "You've been here for ages, and M. has only been here for three years."

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That was your opportunity to throw support behind M and steer your colleague to his office. "M may have only been here for 3 yrs, but I trust his ability to deal with this" is one suggested response.

Sandy

I'm familiar with this from colleagues who have been in a similar position to M before. It could be that being relatively new to the place he respects you and your reputation in the organisation and has found somebody that he trusts. Coming into a place like that can be a lonely and isolating experience - he may have found an ally. If you don't mind - that's fine. If it worries you then there are some good suggestions from others as to how you could let him know that you feel he's doing a fine job.

Originally Posted by Sweets

Tricia, this obviously is bothering you so say something.



The statement you made sounds great to me. Make sure you sound supportive and enthused. I've found that if you sound like you have confidence in a situation, others will gain confidence from you.



That was your opportunity to throw support behind M and steer your colleague to his office. "M may have only been here for 3 yrs, but I trust his ability to deal with this" is one suggested response.

Sandy

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What I did was talk to the colleague M. overheard. He said he'd figured I would have a "harder heart" (was that supposed to be an insult or a compliment?) and check out the kids' complaints before anything was said to M., since he didn't want to get the new teacher into trouble if the complaints were unfounded. Okay, I can understand that, but I can't start an inquisition, so he'll have to go to M. about it, and I'll do a second correction of the tests in question, if necessary.

Maybe your collegues arent so confortable with talking to Mr M?
Im not confortable to talk to all of my teachers i have certain teachers who i can open up to. but once you tell one teacher they go and tell others and then go to the councillor and i dont like that.

That was off topic.
I thik maybe because you have been a teacher there for so many years now they rely on you? or maybe because you always have such wonderful advice thats why they want you to be principal
But i usually go straight to the point when i talk to someone i dont like to turn in the "curves"